(This is a capture the flag match with the Lacklanland and Mini Morbidonia flags in opposite corners)
"Notorious" Ned Kaye
- vs -
Raphael Blackwater
Mastermind
- vs -
Zane Norrison
ANARCHY CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT FINALS
Noah Jackson
- vs -
Ruby
The pyro lights up the arena with pops and hisses from fireworks exploding through the air. Cameras swoop across the packed seats of the Coleman Coliseum showing the sold out crowd in their ROLL TIDE gear as well as various XWF merch.
We see various homemade signs reading things like 5’2” MAFIA REPRESENT or NED MAKE MY VAGINA NOTORIOUS in magic marker, glitter, and puff paints. Eventually the scene settles on “Loverboy” Vinnie Lane sitting behind his ringside announce table, tapping a pen like David Letterman.
Vinnie Lane: “LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! Here we are once again in the MADHOUSE! Welcome to the XWF! Welcome to Tuscaloosa, Alabama! Welcome to… ANARCHY!”
The crowd goes nuts again as the flame cannons shoot off one last blast, and then the focus shifts to the ring where XWF ring announce Tig O’Bitties stands to begin the show.
Vinnie Lane: “Folks we have a debut to start things off, and the guy I think of as the gatekeeper for Anarchy and the XWF as a whole is going to take on the challenge… John Black is up for it!”
John Black
- vs -
Mercury
The deliberate, emotional strums of “Romanza” start, the crowd going silent for the arrival of the elegant Julian Mercury who is now standing with an amused smile at the top of the ramp.
He saunters down the ramp, lightly bounds up onto the apron, and then steps between the top and middle ropes. Upon reaching the middle of the ring, he gives a polite bow to the audience, smug smile stitched to his face as he retreats to a corner of the ring.
Vinnie Lane: “I already don’t like this dude. Who listens to this garbage anyway? Opera? In ALABAMA???”
The lights goes down, and smoke starts to rise out of the entrance way. Then the drum kicks in, and the lights come back on and we see JB walking down the entrance, as he heads to the ramp he talks smack to the camera. He then rolls into the ring, and goes to the middle buckle puts his fist in the air. Then he gets towards the middle of the ring and waits.
Vinnie Lane: “Now that’s more like it! Nothing is more popular in Tuscaloosa than some hardcore gangster rap, am I right my N words?”
Mercury and John Black meet in the center of the ring. Mercury with a clever grin and Black staring him down like he's 'bout to bust a cap in this white boys ass. The ref rings that bell and this fight... begins!
Black is real strong, right off the bat power housing Merc with a few rights and lefts. Backing him up into a corner. John shoves a few knees into Mercury's ribs. Grabs the back of his neck. Headbutts and punches him directly in the cranium. Mercury goes down. Hard. And Black uses those ropes, climbing them with ease. He perches himself atop and then ascends. Like a beautiful black butterfly. He soars into a Moonsault. The crowd gasps. Black throws up the peace sign, midst move and then...
Vinnie Lane: “Oh crap!”
Mercury rolled out of the way!
Mercury pops up and takes the advantage. John Black is down after hitting nothing but canvas. He's rolling about like a fish outta water. Mercury doesn't care, he grabs Black by his hair, pulls him up and tosses him to the corner. After which he storms the embassy and delivers a fatal Spear!. Black slumps forward but thankfully, Mercury is there to catch him. With his knee! He cracks Jon in the skull! With his knee! The crowd cheers and Mercury throws his hands up before climbing the same ropes Black failed to achieve victory from. He ascends them with ease. Sunset Flip! He nailed it! John Black recoils from the injury and Mercury covers!
1!
2!!
Kick out by JB!
Vinnie Lane: “Opening Match John still has some life left in him! Never count this guy out! Unless, like, he’s outside the ring. Then you’d have to.”
John Black doesn't simply kick out he kicks out with intent. Intent to KILL! He pops to his feet and immediately headbutts Mercury. Then throws him off to the ropes. Merc rebounds and comes flying back fast action. Black takes him down with a Clothesline and then he screams. Looking down upon the fallen Mercury he screams again. Saliva dripping all over Merc's face. Black shakes his head like a crazy man and then runs off to the ropes. Climbing them with ease he perches himself atop the top turnbuckle and then he launches himself off into an amazingly well executed Frog Splash!
Once again! Nothing! Black hits the mat and recoils from the injury. Cursing loudly.
Vinnie Lane: “Dang it John! You’ve gotta jump faster!”
Mercury not only rose but he also takes position and the opportunity to deliver - Dream Killer! The tornado kick hits the mark right as Black was attempting to rise.
The man is knocked out cold.
Mercury covers.
1!
2!!
3!!!
Winner by Pinfall - Mercury
Vinnie Lane: “A tough loss for JB but we all know he doesn’t stay down long… and an impressive debut by Mercury! Look out for this kid! Now… let’s see a little backstage action!”
The camera cuts to everyone's favorite dynamic duo: Ashley Ackles and Ruby. The former is ranting at her much smaller co-heroine.
“OK, hold on, I’ve got to face Vita Valenteen for the chance to get a crack at the Internet Championship, but I’ve got that roided up muppet Maxine as the referee and that vanilla midget Kangaroo Bobbi London on commentary?!” Ashley Ackles rambled as the tall, strong bruiser threw a comical tantrum, even stomping her feet and folding her arms with a pout on her face, like a 5 year old kid who wanted an ice cream.
“This is impossible, there’s no way I can win this without, like, some divine intervention and I’m not even religious!” the powerhouse young woman from England rambled as she carried on, her tone getting angrier and more frustrated.
“This is just a conspiracy! We’re trying to make XWF a better place, family-friendly and we get these odds stacked against us, this is bullshit!” Ashley ranted, cursing as Ruby’s eyes went wide, she would NOT tolerate cursing, even from her best friend and fellow superhero.
“Okay missy! That’s it!” Ruby crossed her arms and glared at Ashley through her mask, shaking her head. “I’ve had just about enough of that potty mouth of yours. Do you REALLY want to sound like Noah Jackson? I think we all know the answer to that!”
Ruby looked around and pulled a conveniently placed chalkboard to her side. In a flurry, she drew something up and then retrieved an extendable ruler from her gadget belt. She pulled it out and pointed to a chair, motioning for Ashley to go sit on it and pay attention.
“Now! Let’s take a look.”
She slapped the board with the ruler on the spot of the first line. It was simply the word ‘F’.
“Rule number one. What is the ONLY acceptable F-word?” Ruby’s piercing gaze almost went right through Ashley who crossed her arms and legs like all students do when they’re being interrogated by their teachers and are feeling uncomfortable.
Ashley frowned and her lips started to move.
“Fffffffffffff…?”
“Yes?” Ruby said, circling her hands around to get her to advance.
“Fffffffffffffffuuuu…?”
“NO! NO! NO!" Ruby shouted, shaking her head. “Start over!”
“Fffffffffffff…”
“Yeeeees?”
“Fffffffffffffffffllllllll…”
“Keep going!”
“Ffffffffffffffffffllllllllllaccid wanker?”
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Ruby slammed the board like an upset teacher. “Horrible, Ash! Just horrible! Try it again!”
“Good! Now... “ Ruby moved the ruler to the second line. The word C. “What is the only acceptable C-word?”
“Ocean?”
“What?”
“Ocean is a sea word.”
Ruby sighed. “Flippin’ heck, have mercy on my soul, dear Lord.”
Ashley rubbed her belly and looked around. “I’m starting to get hungry, when is class over?”
There was a glint in Ruby’s eye as a proverbial light bulb above her head went off.
“Tell you what, Ash. You tell me what the only acceptable S-word is, I’ll take you to the nearest Subway myself!”
“That’s easy. Subway!”
Ashley had the biggest smile on her face as she looked around and suddenly felt great, she felt amazing, actually. In a way, not swearing was sort of making her feel good. “This is a lot better than I thought it would be. I mean, I thought that swearing would be a great way to let off steam, but I’m realising that I need to let off steam in the ring.”
Ashley then wrapped her muscled arms around Ruby in a big hug, showing that, despite her arrogant and self righteous nature, she still was able to have some friends, just not very many. “You’re the fudging best Ruby.” Ashley smiled genuinely.
“When I win the Internet Championship, I’m going to do it in your name and I’m going to rename in the ‘Parental Protection Championship’ because we all know how the internet is poisoning and corrupting young minds.”
The taller powerhouse of the team looked to the camera and nodded with a big, smug smile on her face that made her come across as so smug and patronising. “To celebrate a new me with no swearing, I’m only going to have 2 footlongs instead of 4” Ashley nodded with glee as she looked to her shorter best friend for approval.
“Ash… I’m proud of you,” Ruby said, holding up her green gloved hand for a high five. “Together, we’ll be unstoppable! Anarchy may not have tag team championships, but if it did then nobody could take them away from us. We’ll just both have to take single’s gold instead. With you as Internet Champ and me as Anarchy Champ, we will rule the brand! What do you think?”
“We can not only rule the XWF, but we can also help bring order to the XWF, a land of edgelords and ‘too cool for school’ fools; but we are of a higher moral standard, we are focusing on what is best for the children that watch these shows.” Ashley gave a firm nod, as she flexed her impressive muscles.
“We are going to do XWF what we will do to the world and that is clean it up, rid it of filth and make XWF and the entire world...green again.” Ashley said as she flashed the peace sign with a big smile on her face.
Vinnie Lane: “Whoa! Those chicks are rad!”
NUMBER ONE CONTENDERSHIP FOR THE INTERNET TITLE
"The Amazing" Ashley Ackles
- vs -
Vita Valenteen
Special Guest Referee - Maxine!
Guest Commentary from Bobbi London!
Vinnie Lane: “Guys this one is gonna be a barn burner! I know Maxine pretty well and I can guarantee she isn’t letting any crap go down in that ring tonight. Also… time to welcome a special guest to the booth!”
“The Sickest C*nt” by Enkay1er begins to play as the lights turn up all through the arena. Bobbi emerges through the crowd, microphone in hand as she sings along with the words to her rather obnoxious and crude theme song. She prompts the fans to sing along with her, to the delight of the young fans and shock and embarrassment of the older people and parents, who attempt to cover their children’s ears. Bobbi heads for the booth, continuing to rap and dance terribly as the fans go wild.
Vinnie Lane: “Bobbi! Great to see you, dude! That belt looks awesome on you… you ready for this match? I bet you’re dying to find out who you’ll face at Leap of Faith as the reigning XWF Internet Champion!”
Bobbi London: “Don’t forget, I’s also the 30 Second Promo World Champ and the uncrowned Nando’s Chicken Eating Champion, thanks to that slag Ashley Ackles! She screwed me outta me rightful win, which seems to be a common theme with ‘er!”
Vinnie Lane: “Well, hopefully that doesn’t happen when you two clash over your XWF Internet Title Dude!”
Bobbi London: “Oh, I’s gonna make it real clear to that stupid drongo!”
Vinnie Lane: “Here comes the stupid dro...errr I mean Ashley Ackles now!”
“Superhero” by Reef plays as “Amazing” Ashley Ackles makes her way down to the ring, slapping hands with the fans. She stopped by the announce table to jaw with Bobbi before rolling into the ring. She turned around and ran right into Bobbi’s partner and the referee for tonight’s match, Maxine. Ashley backed off, eying the musclebound woman through narrowed eyes.
Bobbi London: “Yah! Maxy won’t let ‘er cheat ‘er way outta this bloody match!”
Ashley tests the ropes as she readies herself for her opponent.
The opening riffs of “Highly Strung” begin to play as the crowd jumps to their feet in excitement. VV runs out onto the stage and and postures for the adorning crowd. She makes her way down the ramp, slapping the outreaches hands of her fans along the way. VV the heads up the steps and runs along the outside apron. She grabs the top rope with both hands and springboards into the ring where she tucks and rolls before settling on a couched, almost ninja like pose. VV hops up and celebrates with the fans for a moment, pumping them up for the upcoming match. Finally, she settles into her corner and uses the ropes to loosen up as she waits for the match to begin.
Vinnie Lane: “Bobbi, it’s obvious that you aren’t rooting for Ashley, but you faced VIta last show, what do you think her chances are in this match?”
Bobbi London: “V is an amazing performer and whilst she’s a bit twiggy, she’s bloody quick as a ‘iccup and quite talented, unlike that sot Ackles!”
Vinnie Lane: “Whoa! So rude dude! Well, we are gonna find out if she’s really the #1 contender to your title or not, right now!”
The bell rings and Ashley and VIta start circling one another, looking for an advantage. They go to lock up, but VIta ducks under and executes a textbook go behind, looking for a takedown. Ashley seems to panic at first, then she nails Vita with a sharp back elbow that sends the smaller woman reeling.
Ashley is quick to press the advantage, shoving her opponent into the turnbuckle hard. She hazards a moment to point at her bicep and wink at Bobbi before charging in with a big splash.
Vinnie Lane: “AWE DUDE!”
Vita rolls out of the way and Ashley smashes the buckles hard and staggers back. Vita is quick to turn and hit Ashley in the back with a drop kick that sends her back into the buckles and draped over the corner.
Vita backs away, measuring her target and she executes a flipping handspring, zeroing in on Ashley. The fans cheer her athleticism, but it’s short lived as Ashley spins out of the corner and clobbers Vita with a stiff lariat.
Vinnie Lane: “WOW! Nearly knocked Vita outta her boots! Do you think you could take one of those shots dude?”
Bobbi London: “I’s not some little twiggy bitch mate! If Ashley tried to do that to me, I’s would tear off that bloody arm and beat ‘er with the bloody stump!”
Vinnie Lane: “GROSS DUDE!”
Ashley dropped down into the cover, arrogantly glaring at Bobbi as Maxine got down to count.
1!
2!!
Vita kicks out!
Vinnie Lane: “That was so close!”
Ashley glares at Maxine and tells her that it was “three!” Maxine shakes her head and holds up two fingers. Ashley screams at her and demands that it was “THREE!” Maxine pounds the match twice and stops to let her know it was only two.
Ashley dropped down, pressing her forearm roughly across Vita’s face to hold her down as Maxine counted again.
1!
2!!
Vinnie Lane: REVERSAL DUDE!!
Vita catches Ashley off guard as she manages to bridge up, dumping Ashley onto her back as Maxine counted.
1!
2!!
Bobbi London: “THREE! THAT’S IT!!!”
Vinnie Lane: “Wait Dude! Maxine says it was only two!”
Bobbi London: “BLOODY ‘ELL!!”
Ashley scrambles to her feet as Vita does the same. Ashley tried to rush in, but she eats a drop kick to the face. Ashley rolls to her feet and she take another drop kick to the face that sends her reeling.
Vita lines her up perfectly and lands an Asai Moonsault...or she tries to.
Bobbi London: “AWE CHEATING CUNT!”
Ashley catches Vita and power slams her to the mat, falling into the cover as Maxine is quick to count.
1!
2!!
Vita gets a shoulder up!
Vinnie Lane: “WHOA! She’s tough!”
Ackles glares at Maxine in anger, pulling Vita up again and planning her next move. Ackles looks to end it as she lifts Vita with ease, positioning her for the “Ashes to Ackles” jackknife powerbomb, but Vita wiggles free and flips down her back, looking to take her over.
Vinnie Lane: “OH DUDE!!”
Ashley just plops down her Vitas chest with a Bonsai style drop, crushing the smaller woman’s chest. Maxine is there to count, but this time Ashley grabs the ropes to maintain the pin.
Vinnie Lane: “SHE GOT IT! DUDE! SHE REALLY GOT IT!”
Bobbi London: “SHE BLOODY CHEATED AGAIN!”
Bobbi tosses off her headset and charges the ring to tell her tag team partner what happened. Maxine listens as Ashley protests against demon kind. Whatever Bobbi said struck a nerve with Maxine and she went to time keeper to inform them that the match would continue...apparently.
Of course, Maxine never speaks, so she just stands there weirdly as the Time Keeper has no idea what’s going on.
Vinnie Lane: “Rude dude! Why doesn’t she know sign language?!”
Ashley laughs as she escapes the ring, gesturing at Bobbi and laughing. The two nearly come to blows, but security is there to stop them.
Vinnie Lane: “Looks like Bobbi is being escorted out of here, so guess she won’t be back! Ashley Ackles is the winner here tonight and she cemented her claim as #1 contender to Bobbi’s title! I can’t wait dude! Let's hit a word from our sponsors... we'll be right back!”
Mini Morbid
- vs -
Sarah Lacklan Flag Match!
(This is a capture the flag match with the Lacklanland and Mini Morbidonia flags in opposite corners)
Ring crewmen are seen setting up flags in the respective corners - the large black flag with a purple fist which is NOT a sex toy hangs in the Lacklan corner while what appears to be a fitted bedsheet with a yellow cat or something spray painted onto it hangs opposite.
Vinnie Lane: “Kinda starting to wonder about the validity of Mini Morbidonia, but who am I to judge? I love the little guy!”
The lights go out…the crowd screams with anticipation for who is to enter! The rhythmic drumming sounding like a battle march gets louder. The lights slowly come on turning the arena red.
Double bass starts drilling as Aeon’s - God Gives Head in Heaven roars over the loud speakers!
Mini Morbid Angel storms from the backstage area and flexes his massive arms for the crowd who screams with excitement!
Mini Morbid stomps down to the ring and steps over to the top rope and walks to the center of the ring and flexes again!
Vinnie Lane: “Look at him standing there just like Rory Calhoun. Awww. He thinks he’s people. Oh! Here comes Sarah!”
The lights go out in the arena and a spotlight shines on the entrance. Two men in marching band uniforms brandishing herald trumpets stand tall. After a few moments, they bring their horns to their lips and play a rousing fanfare.
As they end, God Save the Queen plays across the P.A. as the lights come on and four large men walk out from behind the curtain, a massive palanquin on their shoulders. Sarah Lacklan sits on the dais of red pillows and drapes, waving to the crowd and brandishing her Billion $$$ smile as they make their way down the ramp.
Upon reaching the ring, she takes a microphone from freakin' Kyle, the WORST XWF employee ever, and graces the audience with "Oh! And ANOTHER thing!" before here match begins.
Vinnie Lane: “LOOK OUT SAR! Mini just leaped onto the back of her head before the bell! He looks like a reverse face hugger!”
Mini Morbid latches onto the back of Sarah’s head and starts pummeling her occipital lobe with hard punches. Sarah flails, but she can’t get him off of her and she’s forced to just cover her face as best she can.
Finally, Sarah ducks down and charges head first into a corner, causing Mini to collide with the corner post even though it made herself crash into the buckle pads as well. Mini is much the worse for wear, it looks like he may even have a dent in his otherwise perfectly ovular head. Sarah attempts to get moving toward the Morbidonia “flag,” but seems hamstrung by a sudden limp that keeps her off balance and stymies her effort. She seems shocked by it.
Vinnie Lane: “It’s that newly bedazzled knee brace! It looks like on impact it got a little bent out of whack there and Sarah’s having trouble figuring it out!”
Sarah trips and falls, then resorts to climbing on her hands and knees toward the flag. Mini regains his senses and climbs to the top turnbuckle, leaping off with a huge double stomp to the back of Sarah’s head, driving her face first into the mat. Mini then bounces off the bottom rope and jaw jacks Sarah with a huge punt kick to the face. He then gyrates his hips and points repeatedly at his admittedly disproportionately swollen crotchal area.
Vinnie Lane: “Keep your eyes on the prize, Mini Morbid! Sarah isn’t going to stay down too long!”
Indeed, Mini finally turns to head for the Lacklan flag only to be stopped when Sarah reaches out a hand and grabs him by the waistband above his rear end. He tries to run, stretching his tights to the max limit and exposing his itsy bitsy booty. Then, Sarah lets go. The effect is a slingshot that sends Mini flying into Sarah’s corner and crashing face first into the buckles. Also, a Cinnabon pops out of the front of Mini’s tights.
Vinnie Lane: “No WONDER his unit looked so big!”
Sarah watches in disbelief as the Cinnabon rolls lazily toward the edge of the ring, and then she pops up and boots it out into the crowd. Everyone cheers because they love Cinnabons but they also dry heave because well you know why.
Sarah’s brace then locks up again, leaving her leg fully extended and stiff. She begins hobbling toward the Mini Morbid corner, but then thinks better of it considering her hampered speed and how close Mini is to her own flag. She turns just in time to see Mini pushing himself up off the canvas and looking around desperately for his crotch Cinnabon. Sarah hops over like an angry pogo stick and clocks her malfunctioning leg brace into the back of Mini Morbid’s head with a modified shining wizard!
Vinnie Lane: “Did you all hear that impact? I mean, it sounded really weird right?”
Sarah Lacklan flips Mini onto his back and straddles him, driving a series of vicious punches into his head. As each one lands, the distinctly recognizable sound of a dog’s squeaky toy sounds out. It’s more like the steak shaped kind, TBH.
Vinnie Lane: “I knew it! That’s what I heard when Sarah hit that kick! Mini Morbid is made of chew toy!”
Sarah just keeps laying in the lumber, and the crowd winces with each big impact.
SQUEE!
SQUEE!
SQUEE!
SQUEE!
Finally satisfied, Sarah decides to try something her diminutive stature rarely gives her the ability to do: she locks Mini’s stubby legs under her arms and rotates on her heels with a big giant swing!
Sarah spins and spins, Mini Morbid merely a rag doll in her grasp as his little arms wave in the breeze. Finally she lets him go and he flies like David’s slung stone toward the gigantic Goliath of a Morbidonia flag. He gets tangled in the low thread count fabric and is cocooned within it, helpless.
Vinnie Lane: “All that’s left is for Sarah to snatch the flag from its pole there in the corner! She’s already made her way to it!”
Sarah slowly scales the corner pads, her brace still malfunctioning a bit, and gets to a position where she can reach the flag just as Mini Morbid sticks his little head from inside the chrysalis of his homeland’s flag.
“SCREW YOU PUTA!”
Mini Morbid starts gnawing on Sarah’s arm! He broke the skin!
Vinnie Lane: “Ohhhhhhhhhh she’s definitely going to need to get a shot.”
Sarah wriggles her arm free and looks at the wound in her skin, then trembles with rage. She grabs Mini by the mask and spins it around so it faces backwards, blinding him. She then starts heaving her forehead into Mini’s covered face with sickening headbutts. The squeaky toy sound is slowly changed to something more like dropping a bag full of mashed potatoes. Finally, Mini’s limp arm falls out of the flag and Sarah realizes he’s completely KO’d. She grabs the bed sheet and tears at the masking tape keeping it attached to its billiard cue pole. Ripping it free, she tosses the wrapped u papoose of Mini Morbid over her shoulder and hops down from the corner as the bell sounds to declare her victory.
Winner by Flag Capture - Sarah Lacklan
Vinnie Lane: “I think that was more of a challenge than Sarah expected! Mini Morbid is a wily competitor and just like she noted… he’s strong! And bad! Anyway, anyone got that Cinnabon?”
Just then…
Danza Kudaro echo's throughout the Coleman Coliseum as the crowd roars. Both Sarah and Morbid look towards the ramp way, where Hanari Carnes steps out onto the entrance ramp.
Vinnie Lane: “What the hell is he doing in Alabama?! Its not safe for his kind in this state!”
Hanari is in a dress shirt and dress pants, fancy designer shoes and has a scarf over his shoulder that is Dominican Colors. His hair is slicked back and the top two buttons on his dress shirt are open, exposing a little chest skin.
Vinnie Lane: “Hanari Carnes faces off against Sarah Lacklan in just a few days on Savage! And it appears he is coming out here to scout his competition!”
Hanari walks to the side of the ring and pulls out a chair, sitting beside Vinnie at the commentary table.
Hanari: “Hey there maricón. You don’t mind that I come to have a closer look, no?”
Vinnie Lane: “Hey Henry, man look, the match is finished, no need to…”
Hanari: “Good! Then I can say hello.”
Hanari takes the headset off and walks to the ring apron. Sarah notices this. Hanari gets up on the apron....Sarah turns to confront him, Hanari waves and blows a kiss. As she goes to punch him off the apron, he ducks and jumps down. Smiling.
Hanari backs up the ramp as Sarah points at him....he seems to be pleased.
Vinnie Lane: “Hanari trying to get into his opponents head before Savage......not sure if it worked.....I am not even sure Sarah knows what’s going on in her own head!”
Vinnie Lane: “Well, that was weird…”
"Notorious" Ned Kaye
- vs -
Raphael Blackwater
Vinnie Lane: “Wow, we have a real treat right now as the Warfare announce team has stopped by for our next match! Pip, Heather, what brings you to Alabama?”
PIP: “No idea, actually.”
HEATHER: “Yeah we didn’t expect to be here, but, then we were. This is a wild job.”
PIP: “Very much so. Is that a Cinnabon?”
Vinnie Lane: “Yeah dude, help yourself… well, whatever got you here I hope you enjoy the show! I’ve got to run to the little boys’ room, so you two handle this one okay? Cool.”
Vinnie pops up and races down to the backstage area while Pip chows down on the somewhat soggy looking Cinnabon.
The entire stadium goes black as the song begins. Slowly, the X-Tron begins to show scarce, glowing embers, the light of each one illuminating smoke growing at the entrance of the ramp. As the song continues, more embers are seen until a large fire is displayed on the screen. The ramp then glows Ned's famous blue, revealing a silhouette in the smoke. Slowly stepping from the fog is none other then Notorious Ned Kaye. He stops for a moment, calming himself in front of the clamoring crowd. He lifts an arm, eyeing the stands to watch the many audience members who follow suit. With a single smile, he drops his arm and rushes towards the ring, slipping in from under the bottom rope, picking himself up immediately.
PIP: “I like this Ned Kaye. Nothing but grit and determination from this one!”
HEATHER: “Big rematch here tonight, Pip. These two met in round one of the Anarchy Title Tournament, with Ned picking up the W.”
PIP: “Now they’re both on the outside looking in but they have a chance to establish who might be in the mix after Leap of Faith.”
HEATHER: “Looks like we are ready to go!”
All three brothers emerge, with whomever is fighting at the time, in the lead. Pausing briefly, the brothers look around at the exuberant crowd, with immense entertainment. Sharing an amused glance to one another as the fans scream. From there they walk in unison to the ring, occasionally separating to approach a random fan that's losing their mind. Clearly, enjoying the effect they have on the crowd, the Brothers Blackwater continue onward. Once they reach the ring, two of the brothers hold up the bottom rope, as the intended participant for the fight slides into the ring. That brother then takes his place in the squared circle and awaits his opponent, while basking in the cheers from the audience.
The bell rings and the match is underway.
Notorious Ned Kaye stands his ground as Raphael Blackwater walks up to him and starts trash talking. Ned just stands there, and then suddenly he lets rip with a right hook, that sends Raphael stumbling backwards.
PIP: "And here I thought Raphael was going to be the one who starts with a sneak attack!"
HEATHER: "Same, So Ned decided to get in first."
Ned follows up with a knee to the gut pf Raphael, and he sets him up for a LEG SWEEP, but somehow Raphael blocks it, and follows that up with a STOMP on Ned's foot which forces him to release the hold, and then Raphael hits Ned with a HEADBUTT. Ned stumbles backwards.
PIP: Ned held that hold for a bit too enabling Raphael to block the move and allowed him to follow with his own move.
HEATHER: "Surely that'll give Ned a headache,"
Ned stumbles backwards into the ropes, Raphael quickly follows up with a clothes line that sends Ned flying out of the ring to the floor below.
Raphael looks down and starts laughing at the site of Ned as the referee starts the 10 count.....
1.....
PIP: "What a move by Raphael to get Ned out of the ring,"
HEATHER: "It's Raphael in control now,"
As Notorious Ned Kaye starts moving on the floor, he looks up yo see Raphael beaming down at him.
2.....
3.....
Ned slowly gets to his feet, suddenly he looks up to see Raphael climbing to the top of the corner post. He leaps off and tries to bonb Ned, but Ned is already alerted to the move, and as Raphael flies down at him, Ned uses all if his energy to send Raphael into the railings. The referee restarts the 10 count.
1.....
PIP: "What great awareness by Notorious Ned Kaye,"
HEATHER: "It looks like he's just turned the tide of this short match so far,"
2....
3.....
Notorious Ned Kaye follows this up with not 1 KNEE DROP but 3 KNEE DROPS to help keep Raphael from striking back.
4......
5.....
He then grabs Raphael by the hair and pulls him to his feet and sends Raphael back into the ring. He quickly follows, gets up and runs to the other side of the ring, rebounds off of the ropes, comes running back and hits Raphael with a BICYCLE KICK......
Raphael hits hard and Ned dives on top of him, pinning Blackwater’s legs back over his head.
1!
2!!
3!!!
PIP: “Heather I’m not sure what just happened but Raphael definitely had his hand on the bottom rope!”
HEATHER: “You’re right Pip! This match should still be going on but referee John Bihl totally missed it. Blackwater is griping, rightly so, but this match is over prematurely and Ned Kaye is your winner!”
Winner by Questionable Pinfall - Ned Kaye
Vinnie Lane: “Hey guys! Did I miss anything cool?”
PIP: “This Cinnabon tasted funny.”
Vinnie Lane: “Yeah it was definitely in a midget’s underpants.”
Sarah Lachlan is returning to her locker room after her match against Mini Morbid. She turns the corner and approaches her locker room door, when she notices smoke coming from underneath the bottom of the door.
She quickly opens it to see the room on fire, everything is on fire including her clothes. She notices that the back of the door has writing on it. The words written in blood. They say:
'You moan that most people
don't look into your past.
It's obvious now someone has
What does the fire mean to you?'
Sarah has no choice but to call for help.
Vinnie Lane: “Creepy! And most importantly it gave us time to get Pip out of here before he asked too many questions. Looks like we are all set for our next matchup…”
Mastermind
- vs -
Zane Norrison
The lights go out, and when they come back on, Mastermind is seen on top of the top right hand corner of the ring, and acknowledges the crowd before climbing back down.
Vinnie Lane: “Mastermind isn’t really a flashy guy. He could have at least gotten, like, ONE pyro by now though.”
Zane Norrison is now also in the ring.
Vinnie Lane: “Wow. Zane was somehow LESS interesting than Mastermind. Is this one of those prank shows? Hey, you guys in the truck, can you shoot off a few fireworks or something?”
A production assistant shows up on the entrance ramps with two hands full of sparklers, waving them around.
Vinnie Lane: “Really need to up the Anarchy budget...”
The bell sounds and right off the bat Zane Norrison is using his agility to play keepaway from the more methodical and cerebral Mastermind. Mastermind himself seems a bit worse for wear from the last few weeks of matches, most notably his injurious affair with Ned Kaye on the previous edition of Anarchy which saw MM’s knee nearly wrenched past its breaking point.
Vinnie Lane: “Norrison did his homework, he’s already got Mastermind off his game.”
Zane gets a little too cocky pawing at Mastermind and ‘Mind grabs him by the wrist, pulling him in quickly for a short arm clothesline. Norrison hits the mat with a thud and Mastermind is on him in a flash. Mastermind drops a heavy knee onto Zane’s chest and then rams his head down onto the canvas for good measure before dragging him up and onto his shoulders and then dumping him down in a Samoan drop. Mastermind goes for a quick finish with a hook of the leg.
1!
2!!
Norrison kicks out!
Vinnie Lane: “Zane almost got caught there! Mastermind really flipped a switch and turned up the heat on him!”
Mastermind attempts to keep the pressure on but Zane twists his body and catches the Kiwi in a cross arm breaker. Mastermind struggles to break the hold but the leverage is against him. He squirms and flips onto his front to relieve some of the pressure and makes his way to the ropes for a break. Norrison reluctantly releases the move from Mastermind’s appendage and MM shakes some feeling back into his arm. As he gets to his feet though, Zane catches him with a dropkick to the grill that drops him.
Mastermind struggles to his feet and eats another kick to the stomach… but Mastermind catches it! ENZUIGIRI FROM ZANE NORRISON! Mastermind falls back like a felled tree and Zane leaps on him with a lateral press!
1!
2!!
Mastermind rolls his shoulder up!
Vinnie Lane: “Close call for Mastermind! His hurt leg really didn’t let him kick out of that properly!”
The two men lock up but not for long as Mastermind tosses his hands up in the air, spreading Zane’s apart. Mastermind then throws a hard headbutt into Zane’s face that catches him right in the teeth. Zane staggers and Mastermind leans in, driving a hard palm strike into Norrison’s temple. He follows up with a punch to the midsection and then a swift right cross across the face. Zane bounces backward against the ropes, nearly out on his feet, and throws a desperation kick towards Mastermind’s stomach… and once again Mastermind catches the boot in midair. Zane follows through with another enzuigiri but MM has it scouted now and ducks, keeping his grip on Zane’s leg as he flops face down to the mat… Mastermind locks on his Boston Crab!
Vinnie Lane: “The Mind Controller! Mastermind has it sunk in! All it took was one mistake from Zane and now he’s in deep, deep trouble!”
Mastermind leans back and Zane is in sheer agony. Apparently his undead nerves are alive and well and in a world of hurt at the moment. He inches closer to the ropes but Mastermind drags him back away. Mastermind wrenches the hold in tighter, bending Zane nearly in half, reminiscent of the way Ned finished Mastermind a couple weeks back. Mastermind steps his footbackward to gain more leverage, which gives Zane something to latch onto… and sink his teeth in!
Vinnie Lane: “Crap! He bit him! The ref is scolding him but he definitely saved himself right there!”
Mastermind limps to his feet, and throws a lazy lariat at Zane but misses high. Zane runs the ropes and comes back with a high knee, but Mastermind side steps. He grabs a handful of Zane’s hair and pulls him backward into his arms… locking on the Mind Sleeper!
Vinnie Lane: “This is it! Zane’s got nowhere to go! WAIT… ZANE WENT UP AND OVER!”
Zane flips backward and drills Mastermind down with In The Wake Of Death, his trademark skywalker maneuver. Mastermind is stunned, and Zane rolls him over for a cover.
1!
2!!
Mastermind kicks out!!!
Zane can’t believe it, he thought he had the Master of Minds down for the count. He stands and pulls at his hair, then waits while Mastermind slowly drags himself back to a vertical base. Mastermind looks like he’s got nothing left, but he’s a game fighter and he lunges at Zane with his fists up… and Zane catches him in a pop up powerbomb!
Vinnie Lane: “Doomed Nation! That’s got to be it!”
Zane looks both perplexed and impressed by the fight Mastermind brought to him, then collapses onto the battered New Zealander.
1!
2!!
3!!!
Winner by Pinfall - Zane Norrison
Vinnie Lane: “What a match from these two! Let’s get our last commercial out of the way and come back for the main event of the evening!”
ANARCHY CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT FINALS
Noah Jackson
- vs -
Ruby
Vinnie Lane: “Dude! It’s MAIN EVENT time! We’re here! This match is the FINAL of the tournament to determine who faces Sarah Grey-Lacklan for the Anarchy Championship at Leap of Faith! Check it out!”
Some lame-as-FLAME pussy guitar plays across the P.A. as the lights go dark in Tuscaloosa (mo’ like TuscaLOSER, amIright?!) and the Vinniefred EVEYLN Lane Tron flairs to life. And, because ROLLTIDE, the crowd sings along as green and yellow strobe lights fly all around, looking for the Hero of the People, as words appear on the Tron
Crowd full of hicks: DA-DAT DAHHHHH! DA-DAT DAHHHHHHH!
The lights continue to search for the goodie-two-shoes as the song kicks into gear until...in a crescendo of lame...the Kaisers get to the money shot:
“Ruby Ruby Ruby Ruby!!”
In an explosion of light, your favorite mixture of banana and lime froyo BURSTS from the stage and high into the air, propelled from a springboard that features her smiling masked mug, before landing in a 3-point stance which makes every Avenger jelly. She stands up, her arms at her waist and hands curled into fists, her chin JUST above the horizon, as the fans throw yellow and green streamers at her in a cascade of color.
Vinnie Lane: “Who’s that jumpin’ out tha sky? RU-BE-WHY O’DEARE-IO!”
The Tron switches to Ruby’s Go Pro view as she spins in the tornado of streamers, ending in her whirlwind of good guyery. The Tron switches back to the camera as she gently (and politely!) hands all of the streamers to a stagehand before making her way down the aisle, taking forEVER, as per usual, due to her insistence in stopping to give a high-five to EVERY kid who wants one. Which IS every kid. Good LORD this is taking forever. Finally in the ring, she reaches into her Rubility Belt and pulls out her...fuck I hate writing this...superhero goggles...and zooms in on members of the crowd.
Vinnie Lane: “Dude! What an entrance! It gets me EVERY time!”
I DID A BAD THING
AND NOW I’M GONNA GO BACK
A REALLY shitty song hits the P.A. as Noah BURSTS onto the ramp from the stage.
I DID A BAD THING
AND NOW I’M GONNA GO BACK
Noah takes a moment to sneer at the crowd of hicks...but then changes the entire world. You ready for this? Here we go:
Noah lowers his hands to his waist
He pauses
He winks at some decently hot chick in the crowd
And then throws his hands up into the air, fingers pointed skyward
Noah: CUNT!
He lowers his hands to his side, pauses, and then throws them into the air again, index fingers pointing up to Big G.
Noah: CUNT!
He skips to the side, down the ramp, and repeats the arm movements
Noah: CUNT!
Halfway down the ramp now with the repeated movement and declaration
Noah: CUNT! CUNT! CUNT! CUNT!
Fans around him boo like this is 1980’s wrastlin, with missing teeth and dirty fingers either giving him a thumbs down or middle finger up.
Noah: CUNT! CUNT! CUNT! CUNT!
Finally at the ring apron, he smiles at the crowd, his mouth a disgusted sneer, and slides into the ring.
Vinnie Lane: “Well dudes, we might get kicked off the air for THAT entrance. But we’re live right now! It’s-”
BAHHHHHH!
BA BA BA BAH BAHHHHHH!!!
BA BA BA BA BA! BA BA BA BA!
BA BA BA BAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Herald trumpet players at the entrance ramp cut the boss off with a flourishing fanfare that ends on WAY too many high notes. The curtain is pulled back and Sarah Grey-Lacklan walks out onto the ramp in full “Queen of Anarchy” regalia of her Queen of the Ring crowd, red velvet cape, and her broken scepter.
Vinnie Lane: “Dudes! Again?! It looks like Sarah wants to be the center of attention...again...and be ringside to see who her opponent will be at Leap of Faith for the Anarchy Championship. And JEEZ she’s taking forever to get down here. Like, this is longer than both Ruby AND Noah’s entrances combined. FINALLY she’s here and we can start-”
Papa-paparazzi
Baby there's no other superstar
You know that I'll be
Your papa-paparazzi
To a MASSIVE applause, Roxy “It’s impossible for me to drown because of these flotation devices, bb” Cotton walks out onto the stage with a microphone in hand. She lowers her sunglasses as she comes to a stop and looks at Sarah down at ringside.
Roxy: Hey, bb? I got bad news.
Sarah looks up at her with confusion on her impossibly pretty face.
Roxy: Due to the super awesome sacrifice when you lept off the ladder to save Kenzi at Wrestlestock...in that match I won, by the way...AND your GRUELING match with Mini Morbid ealier tonight...
Sarah immediately screams about that match having NOT been grueling, as everyone in the crowd knows.
Roxy: The XWF doctors want to put you through concussion protocol. We wouldn’t want such an...important...or something...employee to get hurt before Leap of Faith!
Sarah starts screaming again but her voice is too high pitched right now for anything not canine to understand her.
Roxy: In other words...for your own good, bb...you are BANNED from ringside tonight!
If you thought Sarah was screaming before, now it looks like she’s ready to explode. But random officials come out from the back to escort her away and toward the doctor “for her own good.”
Crowd: NA NA NA NA! HEY HEY HEY! GOOOOOOD BYEEEEEE!
Vinnie Lane: “Dudes! My BANGING fiance just stopped ANOTHER Anarchy tournament match from being about Sarah! Great job, babe! Now lets REALLY get this thing going!”
DING! DING! DING!
The crowd roars as the referee does all those silly motions to start the match. Ruby immediately walks to the center of the ring and thrust out her hand for a handshake with a loud “Put ‘er there, my guy!” Noah stares at her in disbelief. The crowd cheers him on. He looks at THEM in disbelief. Ruby looks at them and smiles. She takes her hand back and THRUSTS it forward even HARDER this time. The room is SHAKING from the noise of the crowd. Is he going to do it? Is he going to shake Ruby’s hand?
Noah puts his hand forward
Slowly
He looks around
It’s SO close
Its right NEXT to hers
Vinnie is weeping from this beautiful show of sportsmans-
MY GOD! Right a the LAST SECOND, Noah pulled his hand back, angled his arm, and put his head into the crux of his elbow.
THE DAB!
HE DABBED HER HANDSHAKE
What a dick.
Noah laughs as Ruby scowls underneath her mask. She then leaps forward and him and the Cuntiferous One follows suit, the two tying up with such verbosity that it looks like they are trying to separate some vertebrae. Noah quickly gains the upper hand due to his significant height advantage at literally a full foot, and presses downward, forcing Ruby’s back to arch backward. And since Rubes is likely still carrying her V-Card and this is the first time she’s been bent over backwards like this, she doesn’t seem to know how to counter the move. Before too long, Noah is able to force her all the way back and down onto her back, her shoulders flat against the mat, with his weight down upon her.
1!
Her shoulder pops up in response to the sneaky pin attempt and she grits her teeth. Noah might as well have been trying to win the Heavymetalweight title with that pin out of nowhere! He pressed down again but Ruby is able to wring her right shoulder around in a pretty gross way that allows her to worm out of the bad position and get to her side. Before Noah realizes what is going on, Ruby is able to do some of her flippy crap and then BLAM! She’s on her feet and Noah is in a standing arm bar! Ruby nods to the crowd as she pushes Noah’s arm up and then SNAPS it down, jolting the Melbourne Badboy’s shoulder and making him cry out in pain. He reaches up to blatantly grab a handful of hair, but the OG of PG is too quick for him and dives forward into a roll, twisting his arm the entire way, and taking him down to the ground as she herself gets to her feet. Another spin and suddenly Ruby is dropping her leg onto Noah’s arm and the crowd applauds all the flippy-floppy aggression!
Noah gets back to his feet and holds onto his shoulder, trying to do that old school “rubbing my arm and making the pain go away” thing. The two circle one another and again rush forward for a tie up, though this time Ruby drops to a knee while on the move and swings around to take Noah’s back with a waistlock, looking to gain control. But Noah is not about that whole “girl behind me” thing, no matter WHAT Kuda has said on the subject, and quickly shoots an elbow into Ruby’s face. The height difference gives him a great angle and the elbow connects solidly, the impact forcing Ruby to release the hold and instinctually grab at her face. Noah then turns, grabs Ruby by her hair, and slams to her to the mat and onto her back.
Noah ignores the referee’s admonishment of the questionable tactics as Ruby’s hands go to the back of her head from the impact. He places his foot on Ruby’s mask and then, with a snap of his boot, brings his heel into Ruby’s eyehole. Ruby screams and pushes the foot away before rolling to the side of the ring. Again, the ref is there to be a bother, but Noah ignores it. He instead takes the time to point at a kid in the crowd with one of those cheap $5 Ruby masks from the concessions and laugh at them. What a douche canoe. After getting his cuckles in, he turns around and
KAPOW!
His face smooshes in slow motion, spittle flying into the front row, as Ruby’s SUPER foot comes crashing in. The ropes still shake from Ruby using them as a springboard for this dropkick and the impact as they hit the mat shakes the ring. Ruby is on her feet before Noah can even shake away the cobwebs from the surprise strike and she’s hitting the ropes as he just barely sits up.
BLAM!
She comes crashing in with a low crossbody that drives him back down into the mat. She stays on for the lateral press but is rolled off the Aussie’s body before the ref even hits their knees. Ruby keeps the momentum going by getting to her feet and running the ropes, running back towards Noah with ever-increasing speed. Noah is still dazed from the double boots to the face, though on his feet, and he lunges an arn towards Ruby with the hopes of leaving her out to dry. With a clothesline. Get it? But she ducks! She’s too fast and she’s already hitting the opposite side of the ropes before Noah has turned around. Now running so fast that she’s almost gone to plaid, she leaps into the air, feet first, and latches her legs around Noah’s head. Noah has the wherewithal to engage his core and try to stop her momentum, but there is just too much speed. Around and around they go and Ruby sends him ass over end with a hurricanrana that sends him rolling all the way out of the ring!
The crowd applauds as Ruby stands in the center of the ring, her hands on her hips. But she doesn’t waste time! This is important! Out of the ring she goes...in the opposite direction of Noah? While her opponent is still down and reeling on the outside from all the high-flying action, Ruby calmly walks to the aisle...and finds the kid Noah laughed at! She reaches into her Rubility Belt and pulls out a sample-sized package of Ruby Ohs! She hands them to the kid and EVERYONE is happy! After a few words about “Now don’t spoil your dinner, my flippy!” Ruby turns and heads off towards Noah, who is resting against a guardrail and catching his breath.
Ruby runs in a burst of speed, steps up onto the steel ring steps, and flies at Noah! The Shrimp on the Barbie’s eyes go wide and he dives out of the way of the maniac. As Ruby lands, she turns and leaps at Noah again, who AGAIN dives out of the way. A third attack from the relentless Ruby catches Noah with a shoulder into his chest, bumping him against the ring apron, and Ruby takes the chance to take a step back and run at him. Looking for some kind of no doubt super crazy double Candaian Destroyer onto the ring apron or something that all the new kids are doing even in front of 15 people at the local YMCA, Ruby leaps forward. But Noah ducks and sends her up and over with a back body drop! Ruby flies back INTO the ring through the top and middle ropes and crashes down on the mat, momentarily stunned. Noah shakes his head, clearing the cobwebs again, and slides into the ring.
And then immediately exits them again.
So that he can take that sample bag of Ruby Ohs and throw it to the ground.
And stomp on it.
And laugh in the face of the kid who is now crying.
Jesus, Noah. C’mon, dude.
Back into the ring as Ruby gets to her feet, Noah runs forward and launches himself as he spins, connecting with a heel kick to Ruby’s face and sending her right back down to the mat. A confident smirk on his face, Noah slowly climbs the turnbuckle, keeping his back towards Ruby, and stands at the top once there. He looks through the crowd for a moment before spotting that same kid, points at said kid, and gives the kid a thumbs down. He then sets his feet and flings himself backward.
The form of this moonsault? Perfection. His arms are out from his body, his legs are beautiful lines, his eyes make contact with Ruby’s body as soon as his head is vertical. And as he comes crashing down, he axly connects with Ruby’s torso.
Noah’s eyes go wide as he hits the World’s Greatest Moonsault.
Frankly, I’m as shocked as he is.
But he’s SO shocked that his body stays up off of Ruby, with his weight on his knees, and fails to go for the follow-up cover. Ruby takes the momentary slip to roll away from him and onto her stomach, keeping her shoulders off the man in a wise tactical move. Noah curses at himself for not following through and believing in himself, and gets to his feet. He reaches down and grabs Ruby by the hair, pulling her up to him. Once standing, he releases her and goes running, hitting the ropes and leaping into the air as he comes back. His foot comes in, looking to Crack the Shits, as it were, but Ruby drops to the ground, flat on her face! Noah flies through the air and gets tangled up in the ropes! Ruby is on her feet, her breath coming in ragged gulps, as she runs against the ropes and comes back at the stuck Noah. She flings out her body and SPEAR! Spear right through the ropes and Noah falls to the floor below!
Ruby is on her feet and is jumping up and down, trying to get both herself and the crowd back into this! She starts spinning in a circle as Noah slowly gets to his feet, and she gets faster and faster. She needs the momentum and the crowd responds for her:
Crowd: NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA-!
She hits the far ropes at a run, rebounds with insane speed, and leaps up and over the top rope! Hands free, she comes CRASHING down on top of Noah with the Tope con Hero! She’s back to her feet in an instant and high-fiving fans, the momentum building for the Banana-Lime Girl! She runs around the ring and finds the same kid, who MUST be someone’s kid on the roster with all this exposure, and gives them a hug! Now away from the fans, Ruby picks up Noah by the hair and rolls him back into the ring. She follows suit, climbing up the steps and onto the turnbuckle from the outside. It’s Ruby in the Rough time!
But before she goes for the double footstomp that has taken down previous men and women in this tournament, she turns around on the turnbuckle and looks at the crowd. She once again reaches into her Rubility Belt and pulls out her superhero goggles. She dons them and looks out over the crowd, soaking in the cheers. And there’s the kid! The kid is all smiles! The kid-
Pulls out a travel sized box of Cunt-Ohs?
Ruby looks on in horror as the kid opens the box, takes out a handful, and shoves them into his mouth. His face LIGHTS UP at the edible flavor and gives them a thumbs up! Ruby, her face full of confusion, suddenly yelps as she is struck from behind! A single leg dropkick from Noah catches her in the back of the knee and she falls face first onto the turnbuckle! Dazed and facing away from the center of the ring, she never sees Noah run into the opposite corner and come back at her, leaping into the air, and driving his fist into the back of her head! She crumples to the ground after the King Hit lands and THIS time Noah doesn’t hesitate! He pulls her away from the corner...but not TOO far away...and as he makes a lateral press, he angles himself so that the referee can’t see BOTH of his feet on the ropes as he slaps the mat!
1!
2!!
3!!!
Winner by Pinfall- Noah Jackson
The crowd breaks out into a chorus of boos as the series of cheap and blatantly cheating maneuvers. Noah immediately rolls out of the ring before anyone can try to reverse any kind of decision...and then heads straight for the kid. As Ruby sits up, her eyes full of fog from the punch, she sees Noah grab the kid and pull him up and over the barrier. And THIS is when we get a REALLY good look at the kid and see that he’s got 5 o’clock shadow.
Wait!
He’s not a kid!
He’s a little person!
Noah and his plant lower their arms and then hoist them upward, fingers pointed to the sky, and cry out together:
Noah and the midget dude: CUNT! CUNT! CUNT! CUNT!
Vinnie Lane: “This is NOT the chant I wanted to go off the air with... but the man has earned it! He's headed to Leap of Faith! And so are we! No Anarchy until August dudes, we'll see you on PAY PER VIEW!"
Anarchy fades out to black.
Special Thanks To:
Sarah Lacklan
Zane Norrison
Bobbi London
Jenny Myst (LOL JK)
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