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Centurion · (05-02-2019)

(There is a moment in everything where you hit a point of no return. You complete an action that results in you being fully committed to something. At that point, you have to either put your all into it, or you will fail in whatever task you were looking at.

That’s where Centurion is now. What was an understated return to the ring in order to rebuild his legacy and repair his image has turned into a crusade against the evil and corruption that has run rampant in the XWF for the past several years. There’s no going back now.

Following the events of Saturday Night Savage, we open up inside a car in Auburn, Alabama. An unknown man is driving the car, and a gold “Lyft” light is visible on top of the dash. In the backseat sits Centurion. He is staring at his phone, going through the tweets and reactions of his actions on Saturday Night Savage. To Centurion, this Twitter thing was a mistake – it’s nothing but a cesspool of horny 14 year olds and alt-right Nazi wannabes, but with the rest of the industry moving to social media to promote themselves, it was finally time for Centurion to join the 21st century. He things for a second, and finally composes his tweet that perfectly encompasses what he just did on Savage.

Message: delivered
— Centurion (@CenturionReal) April 28, 2019

Centurion sits back with a smug look of satisfaction on his face as he ponders what he just accomplished. He feels no regret for doing what he did – if anything, he feels regret that he didn’t stand for something sooner.)

Driver: How was the show?

(Centurion’s inner reflection is broken by the voice of the unknown driver. Centurion looks up from his phone to the stranger.)

Centurion: What’s that?

Driver: I picked you up from the stadium. How was the show? Was it a concert?

Centurion: Oh…no, it was a pro wrestling show.

Driver: Ah. How was it?

(Centurion realizes very quickly that this driver has no idea who he is. It’s depression, but also refreshing in a way. Centurion used to either having his ass kissed or being spit on. Complete apathy is a new emotion for him.)

Centurion: It was alright. Nothing really exciting happened.

Driver: I gotchu. Nothing exciting has happened around here since the NCAA tournament. We’re all counting down the days to football season ‘round here.

(SEC country. It’s a whole different world for Centurion. The people down here worship college sports as if it were God. The only thing they love more than football is…well, God, actually.)

Driver: War Eagle gonna be good this year. Hopefully we don’t have to watch that damn Sabin hold another trophy. Every time I see that I hear my grandpappy rolling in his grave.

(This guy is still talking, for some reason. Centurion is now actively ignoring the man while scrolling through his phone. His phone starts blowing up with texts as word of his actions has reached the movers and shakers within the XWF.)

Quote:Jimmy Ravin:
You ok bud?

Quote:Vincent Lane (boss?):
We need to talk

Quote:Roxanne Novanne:
Fuckin sick move, bro!

(The last one makes Centurion smile. Roxy is a straight shooter, but loyal as hell. Despite her perhaps harsh words a few days ago, Centurion knows that Roxy is going to do what she can help, even if it means busting his balls.)

Driver: We’ve got one hell of a quarterback, I’ll tell you what.

(This mother fucker is still talking.)

Centurion: Can’t say I watch a lot of college football these days.

Driver: That’s because you yankees have nothing to root for! College football begins and ends in Alabama, my friend.

Centurion: Or it could be that I don’t like watching kids give each other concussions and permanent injuries all for the sake of allowing their schools and the NCAA to profit off of their pain while they get nothing in return.

(That shut him up. Not that Centurion really cares about the ins and outs of the NCAA and who profits off of what, but he also knows that these sports worshippers hate it when you say the thing they like is actually not that good.

Centurion looks down at travel bag, which looks tiny compared to how stuffed it was when he first arrived in town. The XWF confiscated his Dolly Waters shirt and his Michael Graves mask, both of which he threw at Destiny Graves. He has a pack of Djarum Blacks – cloves cigarettes, perfect for the emo high schooler, hipster art school student, and men in their 40’s who think smoking cloves won’t completely fuck up your lungs. He also has a cell phone charger, a bag of Middlesworth Potato Chips, half eaten, and a bottle of Vanilla Coke, likely bought out of the vending machine at the airport. He did not plan on staying long, and now that his job is over, he’s off to his next location.)

-------Otome Na Megitsune------

You know, I thought I was done with Tom. I said quite a bit about him last week, and I felt like all I needed to say was out in the open. He wasn’t going to do anything of note in one week’s time, so it would be time to sit back, relax, and wait for Tom to say whatever dumb thing he’s going to say about me.

That was before this past weekend. That was before the War Games draft. Now? Oh, now I have a ton to say.

See, Tom decided he wanted to take part in the annual War Games festivities, where he gets to put his name in for consideration, and if a captain likes him well enough, he can be drafted to a team. I never competed in the XWF’s War Games matches, so it’s not like I’m an expert, but the concept seems really simple – four random captains, and those captains choose their team, and the winners get like a title shot or some shit, I don’t know. Tom put his name in for consideration, and how did that turn out? Well…

Quote:Team Big D
Big D - Captain
Lacklan
Bearded War Pig
Peter Gilmour
Rain

…yikes

I know what Tom’s strategy was here. He was going to put his name in for consideration, hope he gets drafted to a good team, and then ride that wave to a decent showing at the pay per view. Happens all the time – a person who’s skills are less than par finds there way onto a team or in a scenario where their flaws can be hidden.

Instead, Tom, who loses more than he wins, is walking into War Games, realizing he’s the second best wrestler on his team, with the best being a girl who speaks in nothing but memes and has essentially been on vacation for the past month.

I’m not going to lie – this made me giggle. It made me giggle harder than an anime girl. Just the idea of Tom having to walk to that ring with Sarah Lacklan complaining about everything in the world that exists, Peter Gilmour talking menicingly about his dick, Rain being a fucking weirdo, and Big D stretching his arms behind his back, thinking he assembled the greatest team in the world…it’s just a thought that keeps me going.

Of course, Tom isn’t going to say he’s disappointed. He’s going to put on a brave face, stick his chest out like a manly man, and say he’s going to carry his team to victory, be named the MVP, and become the next Universal Champion. Deep down, though, even he knows it’s bullshit.

The biggest problem Tom is going to have, though, is the fact that he’s wrestling me only a few weeks before the pay per view. No, this isn’t some “I’m going to beat him so bad he will be in the hospital” situation. That’s dumb, and it never happens. The problem he’s going to have is the fact that he’s going to be exposed. His weaknesses will be on display for all to see. He, a consummate loser, gets another loss under his belt before walking into the biggest match of his career, where he will have to stand side by side with a who’s who of annoying misfits. Not ideal.

He has one chance to turn around the perception of his team. If he doesn’t want Big D’s team to look like a group of complete losers, he will have to complete one simple task – defeat an XWF Legend on an episode of Warfare. If Tom can somehow beat me, he will give Big D’s team a moral boost, and turn around the perception that they’re nothing more than bodies inside a cage.

How confident are you that you can pull that off, Tom? Do you think you have any chance of accomplishing that goal, or is it just like your dream of winning the Universal Title – technically possible, but you know you don’t have the talent to do it?

Hey, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe Big D’s team has a stunning performance at the pay per view, taking down the three other teams. Maybe Tom goes on a tear of a lifetime, eliminating 9 wrestlers and looking like an absolute stud. Maybe Tom is named the MVP, and he goes on to beat Robert Main in an absolute classic, finally climbing the ladder of the XWF and winning the Universal Title…

…only to drop it to me a week later.

I’ve suddenly talked myself into becoming a huge fan of Tom’s. Go, you tubby ball of bearded man meat! Chase your dreams! Do the unthinkable and win that title!

I’ll be waiting for you when you do, to make sure I finally win that belt, and so you, for the second time, meet your…

FINAL FANTASY!

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