There have been scattered reports generating almost entirely from the internet, that a large collective of Table fans have banded together to form an official fan club to the suddenly animate inanimate object. When asked about the organization, the Table, also known as Woody, has the following to say.

"I'm incredibly honored that people out there have taken their time to dedicate something like that to me! It doesn't matter if there's two or two hundred people in the club, it's the thought that counts!"

The polite table was then cut off by his psychotic alter ego, who threatened to rip my face off and feed it to a hungry woodchipper. Seriously, something's wrong with that table.

This has been Rey Porter of XWF News, signing off.

Who wouldn't want a ghost prostitute? - Mr. Satellite

Being offended is no reason to cheat - Archie Lawson