We open to see crowded and panicked streets in Washington D.C. People frantically honk horns while sitting in gridlocked traffic as pedestrians all move in a terrified herd. In the distance, a loud boom is heard, and the echoing screams of the masses overwhelm the microphone for a minute as the camera itself shakes.

The contradiction, as usual, to the panic is none other than Robbie Bourbon, walking calmly towards the cause of the calamity, people running past him in swaths. Like a salmon going upstream, Robbie continues to have passersby run into him and keep running as he placidly walks towards some destination.

As Robbie rounds a corner, we see a police blockade. Past it are the Tribune, a glee club/superhero trio all standing in front of news cameras. Behind them are a few other people in bright spandex suits and otherwise garish outfits. Robbie is stopped at the blockade by a police officer.

Woah, woah, you need to evacuate.

No, I'm Robbie Bourbon, I'm here because of...

Robbie looks around.

Well, because shit's going down.

Bourbon?

The officer turns and speaks into his radio. In a moment he hears some chatter over the lines and turns to Robbie.

They said you weren't affiliated.

Affiliated? C'mon man, there's some crazy shit and...

The cop rolls his eyes and opens the barricade.

Look, it's your funeral. I guess you just hopped the rail.

Robbie pats the cop on the shoulder, who nods silently back at him. Robbie approaches the group. As he does, the Tribune turns to him and all three sing in unison.

Stand back, citizen, we have it all under control.

Uh, I'm here to help.

Your heart is noted, but this is too dangerous! Let us real heroes handle it.

Wait, who are you guys?

We are the Tribune! We're here with the Head of MENSA...

A lady with a huge light bulb atop her head waves.

Rear Admiral Ass Kicker...

A man in regal Naval attire with cutoff sleeves waves.

...And Doctor Leonardo.

A man in rennaissance era clothes and a head mirror waves.

We are the District Defenders! Follow us on Twitter! Now get to a safe distance so we can deal with this monster.

What monster?

As Robbie asks, a sedan slams the ground around them on it's top, and the group jumps in excitement as Robbie looks at the car. Robbie looks up in astonishment. Beyond the buildings in front of him a growl is heard.

Citizen, you need to get out of here now!

Meh. You guys wait here, I'll be right back.

Robbie trucks down the block and rounds it, to see the monster. Standing some fourty feet high, green, scaly, with distinct reptilian features but humanoid, standing on hind legs, holding a D.C. street vendor stand in one mitt, looking in it with a human face from the nose up, a jagged, pointy-toothed maw open and gnawing at the truck, both it's normal foods and the entrails leftover of the proprietor, whose torso dangles from the edge of the truck by an outstretched arm, a last gasp of survival from the doomed, screaming vendor.

Woah, fuck!

The thing stops and glares at Bourbon, snorting. Robbie sees the wreckage in front of him, and sprints towards a bare wheel well from some SUV that was laying in scraps, on the street and also strewn willy nilly in parts of the neighboring buildings. Robbie hurls the wheel at the face of the monster, hitting it directly in the right eye! It recoils, dropping the food truck to the ground.

Oh you son of a bitch.

Robbie picks up a fallen street sign. He charges the creature, and slams the sign's edge down on it's foot. The sign penetrates, deep, and the beast howls again. It falls to a knee and swipes at it's foot in rage. Robbie runs through it's legs and behind it, where he finds a freezer which had fallen from the street vendor's vehicle! Robbie picks it up, bridged across his chest, and hammers it down across the ankle of the monster, still on bended knee! It screams and falls over!

I don't give a fuck if I'm broke, I don't give a fuck if I'm busted, I don't give a fuck if I got the respect, I don't give a damn about my bad reputation. I don't care if you have a case, no case, are a basket case, or whatever the case, I don't even care if you think you're the biggest, baddest, thing on the streets, high and mighty, low and dirty, king, queen, Imperial, or kaiser.

Robbie rushes to the head of the beast. He cocks an arm back en route, and plows through with a straight right directly into the eye socket of the monster. It swipes and grabs Robbie, setting in a squeeze, as Robbie roots around in the skull of the monster with his huge fists and burly arms. Slowly but surely, the grip loosens as blood pours out of the nose and mouth of the freshly, and fatally, lobotomized creature. Robbie pulls his arm out, and with a swipe of the air half of the gore splatters to the pavement. Robbie turns and walks to the fallen street vendor.

Hey buddy, hang in there.

Okay.

The street vendor smiles back at Robbie. Robbie stops, seeing as the man is ripped in half and only here from the navel up, a look of curiousity on his brow.

Wow, you're, uh, pretty poised there guy, all things considering, do you want me to get you to a hospital or....

The street vendor gives Robbie a thumbs up. He lifts up his shirt.

It's okay, man. I, uh...

The man's flesh begins to hew itself back together, also while extending new legs onto new hip bones.

Oh, cool, sweet. That's awesome.

No, you're awesome.

Right on, regenerating street vendor. See you 'round.

Robbie rounds the corner, where the Tribune, the head of MENSA, Rear Admiral Ass Kicker, and Doctor Leonardo are still standing around doing nothing.

Oh, we thought you...

Eh, fuck what you think. Lemme know when you guys get a plan together. If shit gets out of hand, the Universal Champ is here.

Robbie continues to march back toward the police barricade and he raises the Universal Title Belt with his left hand as he does. The cop opens the barricade, extends his right hand to meet Robbie's right for a solid no-look high five, and then closes it again as Robbie starts to walk back home.