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Guppy Parsh · (08-17-2017)

~Act VI~

[Friday: Two Days Before Guppy's Second Promo]

The scene opens to a courier opening a door and guiding a woman into his home.

"What is your name? I like to know the names of my slaves."

"It's Betsy."

"That sounds like a cow's name."

"I get that a lot."

"So...in that note that your brother left you, did he tell you what exactly you'd be doing here?"

"No, but I can figure it out. All it said was that you own me now. You're going to rape me, right? Like in Handmaiden's Tale? Trump's America is horrible!"

"No, if I do that then Batman will kill me, like come out of nowhere and kill me. Especially since this is being filmed for one of his promos. That's not the only reason though. I'm one of the few people who believes that rape is bad, so I'd never do that."

"That's great, you're not going to rape me. You're just enslaving me. You're so virtuous."

"What can I say? It takes immense bravery for a man to deny himself a sure thing, even with the tiniest possibility of consequences. A good man rapes only when it's very convenient and easy to get away with. A great man never rapes at all."

"If you're not going to rape me then why am I even here?"

"Women are good for cleaning too."

"Oh okay. So I'm going to just clean your house for you while you're out delivering messages?"

The courier hands her a feather duster and nods.

"Won't I get lonely here all by my lonesome?"

"Right, while I was stalking you and waiting patiently for your brother to die so I could give you that message, I did notice that you enjoy company very much. Well, I can't just let you have random men wandering in and out of my home."

"It's inhumane to just leave me alone. I don't even know what city I'm in."

"That's the way Mayor Drewdolph Barometer likes it. No one knows what city this is."

"Doesn't that make your job harder?"

"Which is good for me, the harder my job is the more I can charge for my services. If the cost of my services are higher, I'll get even more people offering people as payment. It's great to work in this town."

"So I'll just be lonely until you get another slave?"

"What do you want? A dog?"

"Yes! If I had a dog I'd name him Hedwig."

"Like that musical about a tranny? That's a shit name."

"No, like the owl in Harry Potter."

"That's still a shit name. If I'm going to have a dog running around my house and ruining the carpet it shouldn't have a shit name."

"How about-,"

"No, you don't get to name the dog. Your name is a cow name, and the name you came up for the dog was shit. The dog's name will be determined tomorrow once I go to the pound and find a dog. Now listen up Betsy, this dog will be your responsibility. You have to feed it and take it for a walk everyday. If the dog pisses on the carpet you have to lick it up."

"Ew!"

"If you think that's gross, potty training the little

should be a priority for you. This is a very expensive carpet, washing it will ruin it, so unless you want to clean it with your tongue I expect you to take good care of my home and this dog! Does that sound like something you can handle?"

"Sure! I like dogs!"

"Okay, now get cleaning. I have to go deliver a message."

"Bye! Thanks for getting me a dog and not raping me. You're so much better than other owners."

He takes the comment to heart. It seems like his plan of giving her Stockholm syndrome like in Beauty and The Beast is already working, and he didn't even need to save her from a pack of wolves, or have his talking furniture wing-manning for him.

The next day he brings home a little fluffy dog that no rapist would be intimidated by (the only good reason for dogs is to intimidate rapists), "This is Rufus," pathetic name for a pathetic dog.

"Rufus! What a cute name," lies Betsy through her teeth, knowing that when they are alone she'll refer to the dog as Hedwig. "I'll take him for a walk right away!" she says, reaching out for the leash in her master's hands.

"Not so fast!" the master has other plans. He knows this city well, "You may only take him to the waste disposal plant and back. Weave inbetween every single canister. Here's a map."

Betsy looks at the map, and sees that there are stink lines next to her destination. "The waste disposal plant! That place stinks! Even the cartographer thinks so!"

"No one said having a dog would be easy, Betsy. This is a sacrifice you must make. I demand it."

"Okay, I got it. I'll go to the stinky place. It's worth it. It's still much better than not having a dog and being raped."

"That's the spirit."

Betsy leaves with the dog, behind her back the courier smiles and whispers to himself, "If she happens to get buried with shit, there may be a chalice filled with collector coins with my name on it!"

~Act VII~

Well, if you missed it in all the non-linear bullshit going on, Betsy got her ass and her fat ass buried in shit by accident when Batman saved her from being raped. She wandered the streets asking people if she could take a shower, but all of Drewdolph Barometer's citizens had no will to help her, only to reward what was done to her with a crown or a chalice full of collector coins.

Eventually she made it to the next town over and found a bar called the Salty Spittoon, a rough and tough bar full of tough and rough buff dudes, but even they thought she was too stinky to serve her. That was when he ran to her rescue.

"Excuse me, Mr. Bouncer, what seems to be the problem here?"

"We have a smell policy. No stinky people."

"That's why you sniffed me when I came in?"

"Yes," too bad that was off-camera, great promo material.

"What did I hear about chalices and crowns?"

"The people in the town over are all huge Theo Pryce fans. They love that shit."

"Oh, well if you have any friends from there, tell them Theo will either be pinned or stabbed on Saturday, some violent motherfuckers are going to be there and they think crowns are

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[color=#DAA520]
"Drew, what are you doing here?" Ew, that looks too similar to Drew's :(.

Drew gets a good look at her, "Sean's sister that he used to fuck all the time before he died by someone else's hands and definitely not my own? I didn't recognize you covered in shit like that!"

"Please call me Betsy," that'll do :), "I'm still grieving Sean, even if he thought sending me one last letter was important enough to sell me into slavery, so I'd rather not hear his name every time I'm being referred to."

"Right, Betsy, holy cow. How'd you end up in London?"

"This is London? I guess that explains why everyone's teeth is shit."

"You know your shit, don't ya?" says the bouncer while he holds his nose.

"Good one."

"Well, it was nice to see you, Betsy. A hug or something won't be necessary."

"Wait! Are you staying in a hotel somewhere? I really need a shower. You'd be my favorite friend of my dead brother if you let me take one. Please! I'm having such a bad day; I got raped and my dog died."

"I don't know. You'll be in there a long time washing shit off of you. I mean there's so much of it. If you're going to be showering all night it'll be awkward to bring...um a bird up there."

"I promise that won't be a problem. I was a slave, but I wasn't a sex slave. I'm hard up for some cock."

"Like brother like sister." Drew laughs, "Sure, let's get that weak shit out of here."

Drew's hotel is not very far away at all from the Salty Spittoon. Only about two hundred people were disgusted on the the way over by the sight of the shit covered woman; the rest were XWF fans in town for the week, so they were used to that kind of thing, most of them were aroused.

"Here we are. Try not to touch anything." Drew opens the bathroom door, turns on the light, and starts the shower. Betsy steps inside.

"Drew, there was something I wanted to ask you about my brother."

"What?"

"How did he die?"

It flashes before his eyes.

Quote: Sean cries out in horror, as Drew looms over him.

"Did you honestly think I wouldn't find out, Sean? Only men and women think dudes are hot. die in my world! Keep screaming! Keep dying, !"

"It wasn't awesome at all."

"What do you mean? I didn't ask if it was awesome did I? I didn't think I added that out loud, my bad if I did."

"It sucked to watch the life drain out of his eyes, and it definitely didn't feel like the beginning of brand new world being created. Nope, it was very sad. Did you know he was murdered?"

"Who killed him?"

"Batman. It definitely wasn't me. I'd never kill him."

"Even if it turned out that sometimes he likes dick?"

"Oh come on, just because I make secular arguments against gay marriage I have to be the kind of guy who kills

? You know my argument didn't go, 'get the government out of marriage all together, and then round up all the fags and drag them behind our cars.', right?"

"In that note Sean left me; he said you kill

and that includes gay people."

"I think Sean was doing a CNN impression. I was memeing pretty hard one day. It probably sucks to get inside jokes you aren't apart of thrown in your face all the time."

"Do you know the name of the Batman promo he died in?"

"No, and after tonight I won't ever even want to know. Only virgins watch wrestling promos."

"That's true...bu-"

"But what? I mean that's the end of it. Once you put your dick in another person that stuff stops mattering. You become wiser too. And science fiction? Pfft, I'll never buy another Padme Amidala action figure again."

"Or so you've been told."

"Right, that's what I've been told. Like come on, of course I'll stop being a virgin when I lose my virginity, right?"

"That's up to you, isn't it?"

Drew just shakes his head and smirks, proud that he was able to change the subject from the details of a murder he committed to his insecurities. "Are you all situated in there? Do you need my help with anything?"

"I'm fine."

"Then I'm going to leave you to your shower and eat some fruit or something."

"One more thing, Drew, why should I trust what you say about you over what my brother said about you?"

"Because Sean, your brother, loved me and I loved him."

"Alright," says Betsy, keeping to herself what she'll do with him if it turns out he's lying. "What about Batman then, are you planning something or do I have to take him alone?"

"He made it personal, so yes; I'm trying to do something about him."

"How can I help?"

"We already assigned jobs,

is supervising, Charles is kidnapping, Ted and Dave are making sure the show goes on, and I'm laying out a trail of candy leading to a fire for Scully and buying a gun to kill Guppy. Are you good at things that aren't woman things? Do you have any useful skills besides cooking, handjobs, and dish washing?"

"Not really...I've seen a few make-up tutorials."

"That's no help. Oh! You can be plan B! If Scully isn't

you should try to seduce him and slit his throat," Drew hands her a dagger.

"I don't need that right now. I'm still showering; leave it on the counter."

"Right," Drew sets the dagger down. "I don't want crap on my dagger anyway, just blood. So you're in for Plan B? I'll have to get you a ticket to Miami then."

"I'm looking forward to it."

A few hours later Drew puts his penis inside her and moves. Betsy pretends to like it then she makes an excuse to leave and finds someone who knows what they are doing.

Drew is taken over by his new-found wisdom. He opens his laptop and starts scrolling through Brooke Baldwin's Twitter. His eyes drift from boring quote to boring quote. News that didn't interest him at all floods his brain and turns to dust. He knew every answer now. The burden of virginity flew away like a raven in the night. His eyes locked with hers. If the sun was out it would have shattered.

"We could have been very happy together. If only you didn't stay on that sinking sloping ship. Now we'll only be very happy together for as long as I last. After that only I'll be happy, Brooke, and you won't. You were a woman who loved to feel, but very soon you will be a lifeless husk.

when they take my breath away."

"The Ultimate Non-Virgin" Drew presses his fingers against the screen and lightly strokes the pixels that make up her fake blonde hair.

Guppy fin.

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