Robbie Bourbon is, surprisingly, working a case in the District of Columbia alongside the Secret Service, tracking down suspected terrorists performing in the name of making a name that Robbie Bourbon would remember.

Three down, two to go, plus whomever organized all of this...

A PLOT TWIST

We open in the National Zoo. The place is barren, not a body in sight, save a bevy of dead animals in exhibits. A lion lays, sprawled, bullet wounds pock marking it's corpse as flies circle it. The bird sanctuary is dead silent, a tangled mess of blood and feathers in the canopy surrounding it. A deceased elephant lies, it's eyes wide open and haunting, blood trickling from it's massive ear, several bullet holes making a disgusting mark on it's forehead. Then there's Robbie Bourbon.

Robbie slides his phone out of his pocket. He presses the screen a few times and holds the device up, scanning the area.

"This footage has to happen. I need to document this, for court, I think." Robbie presses his screen again and slides his phone back into his pocket. "Fuck me, this is depressing. I know I ate an orangutan's brains, shit, that was gross. This is a whole 'nother level of fucked up, though. Why kill all these animals? To see which one's brain I wanted to eat?" Robbie makes a grossed out face. "I'll settle on a hot dog. Lips, heart, kidneys, jowels, and spices in some weird plastic wrapping on a bun is good enough for me. Even if it is made out of elephant." Robbie glances back at the dead elephant. "It would be a waste, you know, just to let it rot. Maybe I can call Pig up, ask him how to field dress and elephant. Nah. They are endangered, though, it would be a shame and disgraceful to dishonor the elephant by not allowing it to sustain me." Robbie glances around to see if anyone is looking. "Okay, I gotta make this quick." Robbie pulls a butterfly knife out and climbs over the massive fence into the elephant's pen. A mound of feces sits behind the dead elephant. "Fuck, this smells worse than Chris Chaos after fifteen days on the road and he hadn't taken a fucking shower the entire time. Seriously, that filthy prick never bathed once. Kept muttering shit about 'personal excellence' whenever someone brought up his stink." Robbie steps towards the elephant. "Chaos has been on my mind, but not in my head, at least. This Marco character is in my head, and on my mind too. Elephant steak will be a decent distraction, if only for a minute. Plus I haven't eaten since breakfast."

Robbie pulls his hand back to plunge his blade into the fallen pachyderm, but stops dead when we leave his head and the cries of a very living baby elephant are heard from within the attatched enclosure. Robbie drops the knife, quickly startled by the sound. He turns and looks at the baby elephant, trails of tears having traveled down it's long gray face. Robbie walks towards it.

Hey there, big guy.

Robbie turns and looks at the dead elephant, then rolls his eyes.

Look, I didn't know, it's just where I come from, eating the dead is more sacred than just outright killing for no reason. Circle of life, if you were an omnivore you'd get it.

The baby elephant walks up and butts Robbie with it's head, sending him back a few steps. Robbie's eyes go wide.

I know, I'm sorry, come here.

Robbie walks slowly towards the baby elephant and wraps his arm around it's head. The beast makes a soft sound, and sits, leaning into the massive Robbie.

Look, what's your name?

The elephant makes a sound.

Elroy?

The elephant makes a softer sound and nods.

I like that name, Elroy. Look, I want you to come stay with me for a while, okay? Maybe your mom can get better, I think I know a way or two.

Robbie pulls his phone out with his left hand, his right arm supporting a four hundred pound creature in lament. He moves the digits on his left hand like a wizard casting a spell, then puts the device to his head.

Yo.

You still got the Frankenstein kit ready to roll?

Get a couple dozen more prepped.

Oh, and on one, up the dosage.

Fifteen times.

You heard me. This is a big one. Bring it down to the National Zoo.

An elephant.

Don't ask, just bring it!

Robbie pulls the phone from his head and swipes. He turns to Elroy.

Look, buddy, my friend is on his way, we have a way to get this set right.

"Busting into the morgue to grab those bodies from earlier will be a shit show, who the fuck knows how the religious folks are going to take it." Robbie rolls his eyes. "Cloning was wiggy enough to be banned in the continent, but human reanimation? I did it before, although we just turned his head backwards for comedic effect, but maybe I can bring back those kids, maybe I can bring back everybody who got killed so far because of this." Robbie looks over at Elroy, who has calmed since cuddling the massive Bourbon.

You know what, bud, I like you. You give me good ideas.

Elroy slumps away to a pool of brown water. He takes some in and turns, gunning Bourbon down with the substance.

No fair! I don't have any water balloons!

The elephant reloads and blasts Robbie. As it does, a raspy voice breaks the air.

There you are!

A man in a pink tuxedo, carrying a belt-fed SAW machine gun, walks into view, outside of the elephant fence. Robbie stops as Elroy charges past him back into the shack.

Who are you?

I'm a huge fan!

Robbie looks at the figure in pink, half of his face just gone. The deformity looks beyond anything done by birth, as though a part of his face had been removed, or blown off. The scar tissue blends into his lips, up through half a nose, and past a smooth plane where an eye socket used to be.

Are you Tex or Bill?

Bill! Wild Bill! I'ma be your best Motherfucker. I don't fart around with the bullshit, I got my machine gun here and we get results!

Let me see your metro pass.

Why?

Well, that's part of the plan, right? Give me your metro pass after you finish your mission, then we start the Motherfucker process, right?

Well shit! Okay!

Bill slides his metro pass through the wide bars of the fence. Robbie pockets it.

Now the next part is you gotta tell me about Marco.

I'm not spilling the beans!

"Why the fuck do they keep saying that?" Robbie smiles at Wild Bill, the mad gunman. "What happened to you guys."

Okay, Bill, what are you on right now?

Oh, that'd be acid. Marco gave us all we'd ever need ever again this morning.

"Fuck me." Robbie fakes a laugh. "I didn't turn my back on men in the dojo, I turned my back on a drug, fucking dangerous. They all must've been given massive doses. Almost like brainwashing at this point."

Okay, well, the next part is you're going to give me that machine gun, then get naked and wait for some guys to pick you up in a fancy limousine.

Well, I'm not giving up my machine gun.

Why not? You're on the path to being a Motherfucker.

I know! And I love my machine gun! Wild Bill and his machine gun are going to be one of the coolest Motherfuckers in the XWF! Plus it'll get me back in the game!

What game, Bill?

The killing bad guys game! Didn't you know?

No, I didn't.

Well, Uncle Sam wanted all of us out of the game, you see? Too fucked up to fuck people up anymore. Well, Marco thought that was bullshit, five of America's best left to rot in the VA clinic, so he said he'd help us get back in the game! He'd get us in with a black ops group. The Motherfuckers!

"Keep spilling them beans, Bill." Robbie feigns a pleasant look. "Give me more information that I need."

Well, yeah, that makes perfect sense, Bill. You're right. But, right now, we need to get rid of your ammo.

Oh, well, I'm all out of ammo.

"Fuck, you slaughtered an entire zoo didn't you?" Robbie bites his lip as his nostrils flare. "You fuck! And Marco, that fuck!"

With that, we hear a crash come from the side of the elephant enclosure, and Elroy the baby bull elephant charges Wild Bill. Bill is nailed, and flies several feet through the air, crashing into a bench.

Woah!

Robbie hops and vaults the tall fence with shocking grace considering his size, then lands with a thump next to Elroy. Bill is bent backwards, his spine shifted and distorted, his body looking limp and broken, a grin on his face. Elroy turns and looks at Robbie. Robbie looks at him, gently pets his face like one would a big pooch, and smiles.

Good boy, Elroy.

With that, a helicopter is heard overhead, and a set of ropes drop followed by heavily armed and armored men. They encircle Wild Bill. Robbie pulls his phone out of his pocket.

Yeah, we got him down.

Don't fuck with the elephant. I'm serious.

My people are coming in after, also, let them look at some of the bodies before autopsies can happen.

Robbie winks at Elroy.

They were all given ridiculous amounts of LSD, they were behaving in some kind of mental state alright.

They got the last one? Tex?

He blew himself up making a bomb in the woods?

Well, shit, what now?

Robbie pulls the phone away from his head as Elroy, the elephant, tries to listen in. Robbie sets the call to speaker as the words "NEW BOURBON MAN ALERT: IT'S AN ELEPHANT THIS TIME!" scroll across the bottom of the screen. The disembodied voice from the other side is heard.

Well, we stopped all five of them. Apparently, they were all at the McGuire VA hospital in Charlottesville.

Huh, any word on anybody at that facility who could have doped them up and gotten them the tuxedoes and gear?

Well, we have a lead.

Then it sounds like I'm about to go to Charlottesville and wrap this up.

Well, Robbie, about that...

What about it?

Well, while you've been busy, I don't know if you've heard about what's happening in Charlottesville...

...and if you don't know, watch some news.