The following contest is a Triple Cage match and is for the XWF Hart Championship! In order to win, the competitor must climb and escape the cage and reach the floor below!

"Thunder Rolls" by Overscene beings playing throughout the arena.





Introducing first, the challenger!


The overhead lights in the arena go dim as strobe lights begin to flash in rhythm to the sound of thunder crashing in the distance. The crowd goes wild as the fog rolls thickly from the top of the ramp as Cadryn Tiberius slowly makes his way out of the back. He stands tall in the midst of the fog as a storm rumbles behind him.

From Morgantown, West Virginia, weighing 200 pounds! "The Italian Cowboi"..... Cadryn Tiberius!

Cadryn begins walking down the ramp, slapping the hands of fans on the way down. Cadryn climbs the apron and enters the ring, pausing for a moment in the middle before tossing his white Stetson cowboy hat into the crowd.


And his opponent...


As "Broken Dreams" by Shaman's Harvest begins we watch as Robert "The Omega" Main slowly rises up from the depths of the stage, his back turned to the ring as he rolls his shoulders.





Following Justin's introduction, he turns as the music begins to rise, and after the lyrics "I make them for you" hit the speakers, just as the sting hits, he raises his firearm to the sky, pulls the trigger and unleashes an automatic salvo that has his pockets of fans around the arena cheering enthusiastically. He then hops off the small platform, passes his weapon to a crewman and begins to walk to the ring, avoiding the outstretched hands of the fans in disgust along the way.

From Las Vegas, Nevada, weighing 220 pounds! He is the XWF Hart Champion..... Robert "The Omega" Main!!

Once Robert reaches the apron, he eyes those in the ring, smirks, then ascends the stairs to his corner and steps between the ropes exuding confidence.

This shoud be an excellent and intense match-up folks. Both men, representing their own factions, Cadryn Tiberius with the Kings and the champion, Robert Main, with AX3, meet here today for one prize. The XWF Hart Championship!

AX3 is banned from ringside as well, JR! S'cool, though! Main's been one tough mother fucker since his first match!

Well, the "Italian Cowboy" hasn't been a slouche himself either, Mr. Arzegotti. Following the Kings around has appeared to have done absolute wonders for this man's career.

The official stands in the center of the ring and holds the belt high into the air before handing it over to the time keeper, Nipsey Russel, on the outside. He checks with both men and points over signalling the start of the match and the bell rings!

The two men square off in the middle of the ring. Cadryn reaches in to tie-up, Main ducks and whips around behind Cadryn. He grabs him around the waist then lifts him into the air taking him down to the mat. Cadryn pushes at Main's wrists and presses with his boots in attempts to break the hold. Main keeps his grip as Cadryn manages to work his way back to his feet. Main lifts him back up and attempts to slam him back down like before, but the challenger manages to pull and flip the champ around with mid-air arm drag! Main stumbles and gets tangled in the ropes for a second, before Cadryn bounces off the opposite ropes and rushes across the ring planting a boot in this side of Main's head that smacks off the side of the steel cage! Cadryn looks all the way up to the top of the cage and wipes some imaginary sweat from this brow.

Cadryn's looking to the sky already here!

It's a long, long climb to the top, JR!

Cadryn starts up the side of the cage, but Main isn quick to his feet. After Cadryn only akes it a few feet up, Main grabs him from behind and slams him down on his head with a German suplex! Cadryn rolls backwards across the ring holding where he wraps his arms tightly around where he hit. Main takes a look up the cage himself, but instead of attempting a premature climb like Cadryn, he goes back on the attack. He takes the challenger by the hair and pulls him up to his feet and shoves him into the corner against the turnbuckle. Main takes a step up to the middle turnbuckle and delivers several blows to the face of Cadryn! With every punch the crowd counted along! After four straight to the side of the head, Main winds up and plants one last one on top. He hops off and Cadryn falls like a stiff board, face first onto the mat.

The champion with the advantage now fans!

I told you Main is an animal, JR!

He jumps high into the air and drops a knee onto the back of the head of Cadryn.

He's going to make sure that Cadryn is going to stay down, too, before trying to win this one.

A smart strategy, Luca. I think Cadryn jumped the gun a bit starting his climb earlier! I wouldn't count him out though, it's one hell of a climb to the top of these three cages!

Main grabs Cadryn again by the hair and lifts him up, but Cadryn pulls his weight and keeps to one knee, then sweeps Main's legs out from under him! The champ falls to the flat of his back and rolls away from Tiberius.

Cadryn stays on him and lands a kick to the side of the head. Main manages to stay on his hands and knees as Cadryn rushes across the ring and bounces off the ropes. Just as he reaches the center of the ring, Main rises up and throws Cadryn behind him with a hip toss! Cadryn flips in the air and hits the cage.

The challenger is having a tough time gaining any momentum here. Main caught him and Cadryn is down again!

The Omega Mang is relentless, JR!

He reaches down and grabs Cadryn around the hips and lifts him into the air and flips him around.......

Omega Bomb!! Omega Bomb! Bah Gawd, what strength!

Cadryn bounces off the mat hard and Main points to the top of the cage. He climbs the turnbuckle like a ladder and reaches up at the cage. He finds his footing and takes another step up. Cadryn notices and uses all of his strength to crawl towards the side of the ring where the champion is making his first attempt at an escape.

The Italian Cowboy is definitely showing a lot of fight here. Even after taking a that big gut-wrench powerbomb he refuses to give up!

Cadryn reaches for the ropes in the same corner where Main started his ascension up the cage. He pulls himself to his feet and begins climbing the cage right behind the champion. He reaches up and grabs him by the back of the tights, but Main looks down and kicks Cadryn in the face! The Cowboy's grip fails on one hand and he dangles from the cage a few feet above the top rope. Cadryn gets his grip back then reaches up and grabs his Main's ankle. Main tries kicking him off, but Cadryn won't be shaken off! Cadryn pulls himself up next two Main and wraps his arm around his head. Cadryn pushes off and hits an awkward, but effective, Russian leg sweep from the side of the cage nearly ten feet off of the apron!

Oh shit JR!

Cadryn Tiberius just sacrificed his own body to keep Main from climbing further up the cage!

The two men lie motionless next to each other on the mat. After a few moments, Cadryn manages to begin stirring. He rolls onto Main, leans up, and smacks him across the face with a hard fist! Then another! Then another! Another! Another! ANOTHER! He rises up, pulling the champion to his feet with him. Cadryn then Irish whips Main into the ropes and.....

THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED!!!!!!!!!!

The super kick nails Robert Main under the chin and he again falls flat on his back! Cadryn dances around for a moment from the adrenaline and rushes straight over to the side of the cage and begins climbing!

This could be his chance JR! We could have a new champion!

Maybe so, Luca, but it's still a long climb up and down the triple cage!

Cadryn is climbing slow, most likely from the viscious fall he put himself through just a few minutes prior. One step at a time and manages to reach the top of the first cage. Main begins to stir after the previous super kick to the jaw and sees the progress Cadryn made. He pulls himself up and begins to climb himself. The pressure of losing his long hard fought title reign pushes the adrenaline through him to gain a bit more speed than Cadryn, who has yet to see his opposition trailing him. He grabs Cadryn by the ankle, just like Cadryn did before, and manages to pull himself up next to him!

These two are definitely giving their all in this match-up folks!

Main swings with an over head fist onto the back of Cadryn who grips tightly on the side of the cage. He returns the favor with a kick to the side of Main which forces him to lose grip now, but manages to hold on! Cadryn takes advantage and continues to climb! Main regains his full grip and follows closely behind the challenger!

It looks like a race to the top now, JR!

It's STILL a very long climb for both men. They're just past the first cage now!

Both men continue to scale the side of the cage. Slowly but surely, Cadryn finally reaches the very top with Robert Main just a few rungs below him!



Cadryn straddles the top of the cage and takes a breather. Main is well on his way as well, just a couple feet away now. As Cadryn tries to swing his leg around to the other side, Main reaches up and prevents it! Cadryn shakes vigerously trying to break the hold, but cannot! Main manages to use Cadryn and the cage to reach the top as well!

Cadryn reaches out with quick punch combo and lands each one across Omega's face! He takes it like the champ that he is and exchanges those for some of his own. He keeps his balance by quickly reaching down onto the top of the cage as he reaches his feet. Main swings again, but Cadryn quickly ducks it and reaches his feet! He jumps up in the air and wraps his legs around Main's head and goes for a hurrcanrana off the cage into the ring!

Cadryn swings his body down, but Main wraps his foot around one of the top rungs to prevent falling to his demise all of those feet up in the air! He pulls Cadryn back up and slams him down hard with a powerbomb on the small catwalk they were standing on! He bounces off hard and rolls off the side.......

To the outside!!!!


Cadryn falls from the triple cage, like it was in slow motion..... He falls.... Falls.... Falls...... Until his body smacks hard on the outside of the ring!

The bell rings as Cadryn lies motionless on the bottom. Main still stands on top of the cage looking down with a satisfied look, even after costing himself the match!!

The bell rings several times over and over as EMT's make their way down the ramp with a gurney.

Buh Gawd! No! Buh Gawd! Cadryn just shattered into a thousand pieces!

The EMT's all gather around Cadryn, who is bruised and battered, his arm twisted and mangled grossly around his back. They slowly load him up and exit him up the ramp and backstage.


The winner of this match...


















...AND NEWWWWWWWWWW XWF HART CHAMPIOONNNN... CADRYYYYYN TIIIIIBERRRRRIUUUUUS!

---

The camera fades to Paul Heyman's luxury box where Paul is stuffing his face with nacho's and cheese while talking to a doctor on the phone about Cadryn.


Just put it on.... John Madison's bill..... yeah.

Um, Paul? Tommy tries to interrupt as he watches XWF footage on his iPad.

Right.... yeah.... Is it broken?

Paulie you need to look at this.

Okay, well yeah, just bill it to John Madison.... Yeah no.. like I said, he offered to cover their Jester's™ expenses.

Paul, seriously. Hang up the phone and get the fuck over here.

Paul finally realizes Tommy's trying to get his attention.

I'm on the phone...

...Yeah, that's right. Alright, call me after you find out.

Heyman hangs up his phone.

What the fuck do you want?

Gunn slams the iPad in Paul's lap and hits play. On the screen, is apparently footage from last night at a wedding chapel. There's two people with the camera at their backs. One is obviously Paul Heyman. The other.... is.... anyone's guess.

You guys aren't drunk are you? Not high?


Uhhhhhhhhhhh.... Luca says at ringside.


Would that stop you from proceeding? Heyman asks in the video.

Nevada state law requires that married persons must be...

No, we're fine. Continue.


Wait a minute! JR shouts from the announce table.

Oh my God! Paul says as he stairs at the footage.

The camera pans around to face the happy couple to reveal Paul Heyman's spouse.

I now pronounce you, husband and... well...




...husband?

Heyman gulps as the revelation of who he married hits him.

Holy shit! I married Luca Arzegotti!


The camera fades quickly back to ringside.


Well, I guess congratulations are in order!

I uhhhh....

...

See, um...

Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in his adult life, Luca Arzegotti is speechless.


The cameras again, fade backstage.


We cut backstage and see Danny Sex bound to a chair. Beside him, we see Bearded War Pig, along with the assembled Bourbon Men. Cyberjaw, the man with the cybernetic jaw, Diamondback, the man who can blend into any crowd, Ash, Robbie Bourbon's personal stylist, Joe Biden, Vice-King of the Jobbers, and Blue, Robbie Bourbon's girlfriend and personal handler. Blue backhands Mr. Sex.

Blue: You fucking asshole! I don't know what happened to you, but how could you? How could you hurt me like that?

Mr. Sex: Look, lady, I don't know what's going on here, but if you want to get it on we can, you are one smoking hot babe.

Blue backhands Danny Sex again, tears streaming down her face. Blue looks at Bearded War Pig.

Blue: Thank you, but I don't know if this is going to be quick, or easy. Do you have any suggestions to get Robbie back out of him?

"Get out. Get out. Get out. Let me free, let me accept her anger and rage, let me take all of it. You fucked this up, I need to fix it."

Mr. Sex: Shut up! First this conflagrating voice, now you weird people kidnap me? You, Bearded War Person, what is the meaning of all of this? Can't a guy go get laid?

Blue smacks Mr. Sex again.

Blue: Look, he, ugh, I don't know what happened to him. He lost it, talk some sense into him, would you? Remind him of what he really is.

Bearded War Pig removes a Hogs Leg (term to describe a very fat Marijuna cigarette) from in between his lips. Walking slowly through the gathered and worried Bourbon men, like a lone silverback in a Lion pride. THC filled smoke slowly exiting his mouth crop dusting Dunkin Donuts number one fans entourage. His feet stop moving once he gets about one foot inbetween his person and Danny Sex who is still delusional about what is really going down. Believing he is tied up for some kinky fun stuff, little does he know B.W.P was one of the best interrorigation specialist Uncle Sam has ever owned.

Bearded War Pig: "What in the Red, White, and Blue fuck do we have here? Come on seriously Robbie, a fucking sex addict! Not even the cool kind that actually pulls all the ass a Saudi prince purchases through a lifetime. No, your just a weird lonely and pathetic turd who is letting down his people, the American people!"

Bearded War Pig takes another drag on his Hogs Leg and steps a half of foot in closer blowing the inhaled smome right into Danny Sex's face who just smiles and looks as if he is day dreaming about frollecking through a field of daisies and ripe pulsating pussy. Realizing this maybe one of the toughest reverts of the human mind he will ever conduct, two completely different minds in one body. Pig looks to Blue with worry and concern etched in his facial skin.

Bearded War Pig: "This whole process may take awhile and could get a little messy, his Danny Sex alternative is deeply rooted. We are probably going to need an American ton of hotdogs and of course some Dunkin coffee. Oh and most likely a tarp, for an easier clean up. Just roll it all together, soak in diesel fuel, and ignite with a match or whatever. Will you be okay if things have to get a little violent?"

Mr. Sex: No, it will not be okay.

The rest of the Bourbon Men give a resounding thumbs up as Blue smacks Mr. Sex again.

Bearded War Pig: "Okay buddy hopefully you won't remember any of this. If you do, hope you can forgive me. Not that I am a man against sex, in fact I'm borderline addicted myself. I'm just not as blunt, in your face, and I still can function decently in society. Now again in advance, I'm sorry..."

After apologizing to Danny Sex, Pig closes his right fist, quenching hard enough to cause knuckles to crack. With a slight smile of enjoyment B.W.P feeds Danny Sex with a hard knuckle sandwichSent on:TueFrom:Bearded Poon PigStraight to the sweet spot on the front of Danny's chin. Torquing his ankle and hips Pig drives the energy from his lower body to really get some umph on it.

Bearded War Pig: "Now buddy, who the fuck are you?"

Mr. Sex: I'm heteronormative.

Mr. Sex spits some blood out onto the concrete floor. Blue slaps him again. Cyberjaw pulls out what looks like an old Sega Gamegear with a slew of additional mechanisms on top of it. He turns it on and starts swiping it past Mr. Sex. It beeps profoundly near his navel.

Cyberjaw: Yo, I got something here.

The Bourbon Men and B.W.P. all gather around and look into the screen. Diamondback tries to reach for B.W.P.'s Hogs Leg, but has his hand swatted away by B.W.P.

Ash: So, what the hell does that mean?

Cyberjaw: Diamondback, turn on the shop vac.

Joe Biden: So, we're just going to do the same thing as in the Matrix?

Cyberjaw: Well, yeah, unless you have any better ideas.

Blue: Quit fucking around. Do it.

Diamondback turns the powerful vacuum and places it directly on Mr. Sex's navel.

*THUNK*

The sound of something hitting the inside of the shop vac is heard, and Mr. Sex passes out. A small, bright blue trickle is seen coming from his belly button. The rest of the Bourbon Men open the shop vac as B.W.P. takes a massive hit of his hogs leg, possibly the only thing keeping him sane during this weird time. B.W.P. swats Diamondback's hand away a second time.

Diamondback: Man, forget this.

Cyberjaw removes the lid of the vacuum and inside is a bright blue cockroach with a derby and a plaid blazer.

Ash: Is that..

Joe Biden: Could it be...

Cyberjaw: A parasite.

The cockroach hops out of the shop vac.

Mr. Sex: That's right! I'm Mr. Sex! I'm heteronormative! I had the perfect host for a body, too. Nigh indestructible, endurance for days, and dashing baby blue eyes. I had all the pussy in the world at my fingertips, even more than those silly Saudi princes! I had it all, and I'll have it back!

Joe Biden: Woah, woah, woah. Let's talk here for a minute. You took over Robbie Bourbon's body?

Mr. Sex: I did! I was going to have all the sex, you hear me! That big galoot was wasting his time on stupid stuff, like, like, uh, not sex!

Ash: How did you do it?

Mr. Sex: It was after Lethal Lottery. This big ape slipped in his own poop and bonked his head. That's when I set my plan to task. I had him put into a medically induced coma, then I used a very intricate solution to harness his nervous system. After a few days, it was complete, and all I had to do was go out there and get some muff. You'll see, though, you'll all see, it's just a matter of time before I take that body back and go out and get with all those hot babes! Even the hot babes in this room will know the powers of my...

*CRUNCH*

Mr. Sex, the parasitic cockroach, has his diatribe cut short by the falling of a large wrestling boot on top of him. The camera pans up to show the body he was controlling is now very much up, very much moving, and very much sliding his trusty mask over his face once again.

Ladies and gentlemen, Robbie Bourbon is standing backstage.

Robbie stretches his jaw against the fabric of his mask. He claps B.W.P. on the shoulder.

Robbie Bourbon: Thank you. Good man, I owe you a couple now, don't I?

Blue brushes past every other person in the room and heads straight up to Robbie.

Blue: You, you...

Robbie Bourbon: I owe you dinner.

Blue: You owe me more than dinner!

Robbie Bourbon: I owe you the world. First things first, though. Aces, kings, jacks, queens, tens, all the cards are on the table now. Time for the wild card to go out and wreck his way through a god damned battle royale for the people here in Vegas.

Bearded War Pig: "Fucking Bourbon is back baby! Now again sorry about that hook to the jaw. I'm no doctor just plenty of combat trauma care knowledge and experience. If your pals didn't come up with the vaccum idea next I was going to try changing your socks, make you take a Motrin, and drink some fucken H20! Bahahaha, good thing their idea worked. By the way you have some weird ass friends, but I like em. Didn't know if any of them should smoke this good shit though, might make them overly weird. Oh and you're all good bro us Patriots have to stick together, you don't owe me a damn thing!"

Pig extends his hand for a hand shake. Robbie obligues and grasps B.W.P's hand like a gentleman. Almost as soon as his hand is fully ahold of War Pig's, Robbie is pulled in for a half hug. While chest to chest.

Bearded War Pig: "You should know I plan to leave it all out there in the rumble as well. I'll stay out of your way, you stay out of mine unless we are in different rings. Then we will see each other one on one. Either way what I am getting at is good luck and I'll have your back up to the end."

B.W.P pulls away and takes another drag on his Hog's leg while spinning around and heading for the door.