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The Engineer · (06-05-2017)

The scene opens on a dartboard in a bar someplace. A printout of the word "cliche" is tacked onto it, and Madison and Engy are throwing darts at it. All of Engy's have missed. Madison is doing reasonably well.

Engy: Stupid fuckin' dartboard keeps moving!

Madison: No dear, that's just all the booze and valium in your system.

Engy: Oh, word? Guess I'll have some more beer.

Engy goes back to their table and picks up a huge mug, proceeding to chug it. Madison turns to the camera.

Madison: You know what Harris and Ultimate, I was really going to put some serious effort into this. I had ideas guys, BIG IDEAS. FUNNY ideas. And then I saw that steaming turd of a promo you assholes plated up and thought, "Why the fuck should I bother?"

So I'm not. I'm saving the good ideas for when it matters. For when we climb to the top of the food chain, currently occupied by a bunch of self absorbed twats oblivious to the nightmare they will have to deal with in a couple months time.

But you? I'm not wasting the good shit on you. That promo you cut? That was just disrespect. I mean, bad promos I could understand. But that was just...absence. Nothingness. Nothing new. Nothing different. Just the briefest most blase bullshit I have ever seen in my life. You should be ashamed of yourself but Dunning-Kruger and all that so you probably don't have the requisite insight to be ashamed.

I can say with 100% completely honesty that I have been dogged and insulted by some of the best in the biz and never have I felt more disrespected than by that promo. Never in my life have I more viscerally felt that a minute of my time has been wasted, a minute closer to death spent on literally fucking nothing.

And now I'm wasting more. Guess you guys got me there. Ya know, originally I was just going to have Engy cut a fart into a microphone because even that would be more entertaining than the bilge you subjected us to...and, fuck it. Why not?

Engy go fart in a microphone.

Engy clasps his hands in glee and unquestioningly goes to the front of the bar. Some hapless soul is butchering some Drake song when Engy snatches the mic, holds it up to his ass and rips a huge air biscuit into it. Engy hands the mic back to the guy, who sniffs it and looks like he's gonna hurl. Engy shoots Madison a thumbs up and she returns it.

Madison: That right there was at least 100 times more entertaining than what you guys just did. I'd give it 200 times if that guy spewed but he didn't so sometimes ya just gotta take what you can get.

Fuck both of you for wasting my time. Sincerely.

Yup, thats it until they get some decent competition.

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