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Cadryn Tiberius · **02-04-2017, 01:18 AM**

Poetic Justice..

You want to wax poetic, you think that you're slick?
But honestly bud, whens the last time that you saw your dick?
I know that it's cheesy, I know that it's sad.
When it comes to you and Caedus, well, you're just bad.

You see Robbie, rhyming's not all that hard.
It's obvious your talent won't take you that far.
First round of the lottery, and you're out on your feet.
Cereal Killer and Killjoy, son. A guarantee you'll get beat.

CT: Well, Jim, it seems as though fate has brought us together once more.

Fravey: You know, maybe if you'd have actually beaten him the first time, you wouldn't have to see his ugly mug again.

CT: Dude, shut up. You're not even supposed to be talking, you're friggin dead. Like, Graves killed your entire existence. Stop busting my balls. And anyways, regardless whether I won or lost that match, which by the way, I totally won, I have no control over facing him again. This was a random drawing that landed myself and Killjoy together, just as much as it landed Caedus and Bourbon together. Stupid severed head, I wish I'd never have met you.

Fravey: You lie. You enjoy talking to me, otherwise you wouldn't manifest this voice in your head while you wear me like a puppet on your dick.

CT: OKAY, SO THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE MENTIONED. I ONLY WEAR THE SEVERED HEAD ON MY PENIS WHEN I CAN'T FIND MY NINJA TURTLE DOLL. NOPE, WAIT, NOPE. NONE OF THIS SHOULD BE MENTIONED TO ANYONE EVER.

Fravey: I wonder how Graves is going to feel when he finds out you use me like a fleshlight?

CT: WHY ARE YOU TELLING THE WORLD ALL OF THIS? THIS IS PRIVATE, FRAVEY.

Do you ever wonder what it's like to be someone with multiple personalities? Because, I assure you, it isn't pleasant. Take Cadryn for example. He believes that the severed head of “The Franchise” Micheal Graves is actually speaking to him, and carrying on conversations with him on a regular basis. The problem with this logic, is that Cadryn doesn't suffer from multiple personality disorder. In fact, for all that he's been through, aside from the occasional bout of uncontrolled rage, he really has no mental instabilities worth mentioning. You'd think that someone that went through such traumatic events in their childhood would have many more issues that would need to be professionally worked through. But, as it turns out, he's fairly normal..

Fravey: Dude, why are you narrating your life like it's “The Shawshank Redemption”?

CT: What are you talking about?

Fravey: Do you not even realize what you just did? You spoke of yourself in the third person, as if Morgan Freeman was hired to follow you around and narrate your life..

CT: Shut up, you're just trying to freak me out. You're the one doing all the narrating, quit trying to scare me.

Fravey: I haven't said a word, in fact, I'm not even here...

The camera begins to pan outwards, revealing a small quivering body laying in the fetal position. The mood itself feels grim, it's almost like that feeling you get when you think you're being watched, or when you catch a glimpse of something that isn't you in the bathroom mirror. As it stands, we're not exactly sure where the scene is taking place. It's dark, it's gloomy, and it's cold. As the camera pans inward towards the body lying on the ground, a crack of thunder is heard off in the distance.

An oncoming storm, perhaps?

As the camera regains focus, we find ourselves staring into the eyes of the Cereal Killer as he lay there motionless on the ground.

CT: There comes a time in every man's life where he must admit to himself, that he's just not good enough. That for once in his life, he doesn't have the integrity, the talent, or even the energy, to overcome the situation that he finds himself in. And for you Jim Caedus, that time is now.

Cadryn quickly jumps to his feet. He begins walking towards a pile of brush in the woods. The light is very dim, we can't quite make out what Cadryn is doing over there. Oh. Wait. We figured it out.

Suddenly the camera regains it's focus just in time to see Cadryn walking towards the camera, completely nude. And yep, you guessed it. He's definitely wearing Fravey like a dick toboggan. Cadryn grabs the severed head in which he calls Fravey and turns it around, so that when Cadryn looks down, he can lock eyes with the head itself.

CT: You know, I've always wanted a dick puppet.

Cadryn smiles, slightly sadistic, slightly erotic, honestly we have no idea what kind of face that is. Let's just say you'd not be so thrilled if you pulled back the curtain and it was staring at you while you were taking a piss.

CT: Okay, okay, so I lied. Fravey has been here with me the whole time. I just wanted to see if I had what it takes to be the “Serious psychotic” type, and honestly I don't. It's not fun, pretending to be crazy and such, is it Fravey?

Fravey: I'm a dick puppet, why are you talking to me?

CT: Because I can't get a hold of Graves, and you're meant to be the next best thing. So dick in your neck or not, you're going to talk to me. In fact, you're going to play the part of interviewer. I need to get a few things off my chest about my first Lethal Lottery match, and you're the perfect interviewer.

Fravey: I'm a dick puppet, dude. I don't have arms to hold a microphone. The best I can do is hide this sad excuse for a penis you've had the misfortune of being equipped with.

CT: Well, that was uncalled for. Besides, my mom told me it was the perfect size.

Fravey: Ew, dude. Gross.

CT: Yeah, that was kind of disgusting. But, she did say that, so I take it to heart. Anyways, you need to ask me questions regarding my first match in Lethal Lottery, so let's get to it.

Fravey: If I do this, do you promise to never put me on your dick again?

CT: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's not get hasty now, we both know how cold It gets in WV this time of year, you're like a dick mitten.

Fravey: A dick mitten. Classy.

CT: Yeah, yeah. Let's get on with it, shall we?

Fravey: Um, okay. First and foremost, it seems as though you've been paired up with none other than XWF class clown: Killjoy. What are your feelings on Killjoy, and how do you think he will effect the outcome of your first round of Lethal Lottery?

CT: Truthfully, Fravey, the last I heard he was off making balloon animals after he “beat” Graves on Warfare. I use the term “beat” loosely. The only reason he even stood a chance against our Gravy is because our Gravy forgot all about his match to begin with. But, I digress. I'm actually excited to be teaming with the resident clown of the XWF. I feel as though the two of us are going to make a great comedy duo. I also believe that if him and I can coordinate or talents, and get ourselves in sync, we have a damn good shot at winning the first round of Lethal Lottery.

Fravey: I see. You realize that there is more to winning matches than just being funny. You actually have to display some talent inside the ring, as well.

CT: Of course I know that, you stupid dick puppet.

Fravey: Too mean.

CT: Do you think I became the undeniable TV Champion just because I'm funny? No sir! It's because I went toe to toe with Jim Caedus and I pinned him. 1, 2, 3. Boom, game over, I won.

Fravey: You didn't actually reach the 3 count. The match was a draw, everyone knows that. You're just in denial.

CT: I WON THAT MATCH. 1 SECOND. THAT'S ALL I NEEDED, FRAVEY. 1 SECOND. HAD I HAD 1 SECOND ON THAT CLOCK, THE REFEREE WOULD HAVE HIT THE MAT A THIRD TIME AND I WOULD HAVE WON.

Fravey: But, you didn't. Therefore, you lost. And then, instead of accepting the draw like a gentleman should, you threw a temper tantrum and put on a cardboard belt, which later happened to be torn to shreds by Robbie Bourbon, right before he put you in the hospital. Care to comment on that?

CT: You know, I need not justify my winning of the TV Championship to a dick puppet. That belt was not made of cardboard, it was made of rainbows and unicorn shit. Because that's what all titles are made of.

Fravey: They are generally made of leather and gold, or other precious metals.

CT: LIES. You shall not dissuade me from the truth! I know who the victor was, and to the victor come the spoils. Hence forth, my belt. And for the record, I give Robbie all the credit in the world. Not many people have the strength to tear apart a belt made of rainbows and unicorn shit.

Fravey: You're so delusional it's becoming disturbing.

CT: You're delusional.

Fravey: Incredible.

CT: Your face is incredible.

Fravey: Moving on. Do you actually consider yourself a top competitor in the XWF? Let's say for example, you have a triple threat match with Chris Chaos and Doctor D'ville, where do you see yourself finishing in that match?

CT: I see myself finishing in 1st place, like any champion would.

Fravey: You don't actually believe that do you?

CT: Of course I don't believe that. I said I beat Jim Caedus, I never said anything about those guys. I don't need that kind of negativity in my life. I literally know like 4 wrestling moves. That includes my finisher, 2 Scoops of Cadryn. So no, I don't think I can compete at the highest level. In fact, I'm lucky to be allowed in a ring with anyone. You ever watch MLB and you see the bat boy out there, and you're pretty sure he's autistic? Well, I'm the bat boy and it's definitely autism. Except instead of waving baseball bats around, I wield my dildochucks. Speaking of which, I have a black belt in dildochuckery. I hear it's the same way Bruce Lee started in martial arts.

Fravey: That's a complete fabrication, and you know that as well as I do. There isn't another person in the world that owns a set of “dildochucks”.

CT: Yeah, you're right. That is, until I get a custom made set for Gravy. That way we can double as crime fighting vigilantes on the weekends.

Fravey: I'm sure Daredevil would welcome the help. But probably not. You realize that Bourbon and Caedus both think you're a joke, right?

CT: Of course they think I'm a joke, that's the whole point. They'll let there guard down and BAM. When they least expect it, I go in and bust out my 4 moves and we win the match.

Fravey: Let me be Frank for a moment.

CT: Okay, I'll be Ted.

Fravey: No, you idiot. I mean, let's be frank, as in let's be blunt and straight to the point.

CT: Oh. Can I still be Ted?

Fravey: No.

CT: Awe. Boo.

Fravey: Moron. Anyways, you say you are going to bust out your moves and then win the match. By that do you mean, stand in the corner and burst in to tears the moment KJ tries to tag you in?

CT: Sounds about right.

Fravey: I figured as much.

CT: Okay, I need to be serious for a moment.

Fravey: Can I be Frank?

CT: I see what you did there. Anyways, I need Bourbon and Caedus to understand one thing. Right now, at this very moment, I may be standing in the woods talking to my dick puppet. But come Lethal Lottery, all dick puppets are off, friends. I'm coming hard. And I don't mean like when my mom jerked me off, I mean, like, I'm fittin' to bust that ass.

Fravey: You're not though.

CT: Why do you constantly undermine me? It doesn't do much for my self esteem.

Fravey: You're undermining yourself, dumbass. That says even less for your sanity.

CT: Well Played.

Fravey: Thank you.

CT: Ever wonder how I can keep you mounted on my glorious penis without keeping a constant erection?

Fravey: Not really. I try not to think about the situation I've found myself in.

CT: Velcro. I've literally velcroed your remaining hair and scalp to my pubes. I've found that after the first few times, ripping the Velcro off stops hurting.

Fravey: You're a weird little man, Cadryn.

CT: I know! Anyways, I think it's time to wrap this up. I still need to figure out what happened to Graves and prepare myself to start the vigorous training needed to win against Bourbon and Caedus.

Fravey: I thought you said you had this one in the bag?

CT: I also said I have autism, you can't trust a damn thing I say.

Fravey: Because you're autistic?

CT: NO! ...Ok, maybe a little.

The camera suddenly shuts down, displaying a blank screen for the whole whopping 1 viewer that may have been watching this sad excuse for a promo.

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