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Guppy Parsh · (12-01-2016)

~Act IV~

[Monday, November 28th, 2016]

Alfred is alone in the BatCave watching women's wrestling and masturbating since Guppy's tease of a wife totally gave him blue balls.

"If only Guppy divorced her...then he'd probably replace her with someone less capable of defending herself and she'd be easier to rape," wonders Alfred aloud. Then he remembers how stupid Guppy is and determines that it would probably be really easy to make up a bunch of stuff about her and sell him on it. Alfred cracks his knuckles, then he taps his ear piece to give Guppy a call.

"Hey Guppy......,"

"What?"

"I'm really worried about you."

"Why?"

"You're out there with animals, criminals, and monsters. I told Stevella that this was a blue city, you know, on the electoral vote map and that means the crime rate is way higher here than in the real American cities where the winners live. I was straight out with her about it, you know about how much danger you're in."

"That's cool I guess."

"Here's the thing though, she didn't seem to give the slightest fuck about whether or not you turned up dead. I could tell that I love you more than her even though we just met the other day. I think she has someone else lined up for when you die and she'll hop onto that dick the day after your funeral."

Guppy doesn't say anything. All Alfred can hear is a chainsaw running and someone screaming in agony.

"GUPPY! ARE YOU THERE? DID YOU DIE BEFORE WRITING ME INTO YOUR WILL? ALL MY HARD WORK WASTED!"

"I'm here."

"Oh thank God! You didn't hear any of that did you?"

"Did you make me that coconut milk for me yet?"

"No, I couldn't find a coconut in the kitchen. Just your unfaithful wife washing dishes while thinking about John Black's cock. She's seems like she's into older guys even though you're younger than her. She was asking me questions about what my previous jobs were; I think it was to gauge if I was rich or not. Are you sure she loves you for you? Is there anything in this world that proves it?"

"You mean besides our wedding vows and our daughter?"

"She's a liar. I've seen the promos for your last match. Her word doesn't mean shit. I don't exactly remember what she lied about, but the fact that she lied at all makes her no better than Hillary Clinton, doesn't it?"

"I forgave her for lying. She was really sorry."

"I guess she has that over Hillary then. That cunt never apologized for anything. She just 'regrets saying that'. That's just a fancy way of saying, 'It was an awful tactical decision but I meant everything I said'. Anyway what I'm trying to say is, Hillary is a bottom-tier bitch, you could be doing a lot better than someone who is in only one aspect a better person than her."

"You've never kissed Stevella before though. She's really good at kissing."

"I mean, not yet I haven't, you're right, but she's a whore; if you keep leaving her alone to kill rapists, or whatever you do, she'll be doing a whole lot more than kissing me by the end of this year. I guarantee it, but I guess that's what you signed up for when you married that kind of woman."

"Hey Alfred, no offense, and I'm sure you mean well, but I hired you to make island drinks, do my chores, tuck in my daughter for me, read me bedtime stories, and bounce around ideas with me when I'm trying to solve mysteries. I didn't hire you to annoy my wife and then say mean things about her." Guppy looks at the camera. "Stop it."

"Well, I'm sorry. There isn't exactly a HR department I can report my grievances to. If I can't talk to my own boss about being sexually harassed while I was trying to do my job then how am I supposed to feel safe at work."

"I'm sure you'll find a way somehow. Look, if my wife really sexually harassed you then it's probably in the last promo I did. I'll watch that promo and then I'll have a conversation with her about what she said and how you interpreted it. We will work it out."

Alfred freezes up while recalling the events of the last promo. The cameras were rolling when he rubbed his hands together menacingly and when he grabbed Stevella by the pussy. Even if the camera did catch Stevella giving her consent retroactively he still might face some consequences for doing it, like getting fired. In such a competitive job market he can't afford that fate, not after what Obama did to this country. Guppy can not see that promo.

"You don't need to watch the promo."

"I don't?"

"No, Stevella and I are adults and you seem like you're okay with her seeing other people since you're not the slightest bit worried about my concerns with her loyalty, so we'll just fuck the sexual tension away. Then I'll cum in her and you can pretend whatever comes out is your kid too. You're a cuck, right?"

"A what?"

"Cucks are

liberals who let anyone fuck their wife, especially black men. Some of them even eat the sperm, very gross. Does that sound like you and Stevella's relationship?"

"No."

"So she's cheating then; that's even worse. I'm surprised you're not more worried about this..."

"There's a reason for that."

"Really, what makes you so sure a liar like Stevella isn't a cheater too?"

"I'm Batman, 'The World's Greatest Detective', if she was cheating I would have known about it already. Like you said, you're not a detective."

"What if I had proof?"

"You have proof?"

"No, but what if I did?"

"I guess that would be a different story."

"I'll prove she's fucking other dudes then with my superior detective skills. I'll find what even Batman couldn't."

"Good luck!"

I won't need luck.

"Have fun with the rapists, Guppy."

"Do you have any suggestions for where I could find some more? There isn't a Muslim neighborhood here."

Alfred ejaculates when Charlotte submits to the Bank Statement.

"Is there a Christmas concert going on anywhere? They might sing Baby It's Cold Outside then somebody in the audience might misunderstand the context of the song and decide to rape a chick. I know I've been there."

"You have?"

"Yeah, I'm autistic."

Batman and Alfred share a hearty laugh as the scene fades to black.

Guppy fin.

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