Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

Prof. Bobby Bourbon · (09-22-2016)

Mr. Frank, if tackiness were a punishable offense, I feel a great many manufacturers and businesses in our country would go under. Fake vomit, microwaveable pizza, people who put Calvin and Hobbes decals of Calvin pissing on something, people who have the silly Darwin version of the Jesus fish, guys who only ever want to talk about anime in public and look at you like you're under-educated for not watching Japanese cartoons, cashiers at gas stations who don't know how to give you your energy drinks at the two for four dollars rate even though the signage is everywhere denoting said two for four dollars rate, people who hang kitschy banners bought at Michael's or Pier One Imports outside their front door, guys with facial tattoos, the concept of calling people who dye their hair vibrant colors 'mermaids and mermen', the XBox Kinnect, the fact the Cleveland Browns look like a giant Wonka bar every October when supporting breast cancer research, also ugly ass throwback uniforms like the Broncos and Steelers wear occasionally, and Joe Buck. Well, I take that back, Joe Buck, FOX sportscaster, will be immediately shipped to Guantanamo and asked to talk about a team without referring to the team as 'these'.

Thank you.

Mr. Smackins, I can not oblige as I have yet to get incontrovertible evidence showing that Joy Payne would in fact have anything up her vagina. Her income tax returns always list a full palette of tampons yearly, which leads me to believe she actually has a tampon up there occasionally, which leaves little room for a bomb or other weapon of terror. I do, however, have it on strong authority that something is up Amy Schumer's craw, and you are authorized to use whatever means necessary to find out what is going on inside her vagina. I suggest a nice candlelit dinner and some charm, maybe laugh at her jokes, though I feel she'd be pretty quiet on a date and you'd have to make her swoon.

Thank you.

Mr. Jimmy, I feel that for far too long, marijuana has been a resource our country could have utilized to full benefit. I will indeed work towards decriminalizing cannabis, allowing yourself and other Stoner-Americans the right to grow and consume it. Right now, cannabis is perhaps the greatest non-taxed revenue source in our great nation, and the act of taking it off the list of banned substances will not only lessen the time our law enforcement officers across the country have to spend on it, allowing them to collect violent criminals and deal with more severe issues in this country while lowering the expenses for detaining those who would be convicted, but it will also allow your locality and state to tax it appropriately and earn more revenue, swinging our economy into an upward trend.

Furthermore, I will be initiating a retrial for Mumia Abu Jamal.

Excellent question, thank you.

Now, while I am sure I will face many critics and opponents in my term, such as Mr. Z, the disregarded reject from Juggalo Championshit Wrestling and possible bath salts enthusiast, I will still move steadfastly onward and upward.

Next question?

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode On the Trail, '16
Author	Message