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Muddy Waters · (09-27-2016)

Wednesday, May, 27th, 2015
North Tower Detention Facility
Dallas, TX, USA

The scene opens and we find a cleaned up Muddy Waters attending a jailhouse church service inside of the detention center’s recreation room.

Muddy isn’t a religious man by any stretch of the imagination, in fact, he was once arrested for public intoxication and destruction of private property when he climbed a Virgin Mary statue outside of his local Catholic Church so he could feel weather or not the sculptor included her breasts, the statue was accidentally knocked for its stand and shattered into a dozen pieces. The breasts were ample.

Muddy had always viewed those within the religious institution as promoters of hyperbole; while he believed in a God of some form, and believed in the possibilities of divine workings, unknowingly to him he was actually more of a spiritualist as he perceived a higher power’s majesty as being within the workings of nature and human activity.

Going to this service was more of any opportunity for Muddy to stretch his legs, and do something other than chip away at the peeling paint inside of his jail cell and much to Muddy’s surprise, the service wasn’t too bad. They had big ol’ black women singing, and folks were washing the inmates’ feet in bowls of water…

Muddy believed that Christ would approve.

Muddy leans over to a guy sitting next to him,

“They do this here every week?”

“Nah… they have different churches from all over come through here and talk to us.”

Actually one time the jail had unknowingly let in the Texas Church of Scientology, this turned ugly when dozens of inmates died after intentionally going to the hole to attempt the detoxification process so that their spirits could become more in tune with Xenu, the Galactic Confederation and their ancestral volcano brothers.

As the music quiets, in walks a heavy- set, white haired man wearing an expensive looking suit into the room.

“Good evening everyone…”

He has more of an eastern southerner’s accent, rather than a western one,

“I do wanna’ thank yall fer’ being here. Wanna’ thank these fine ladies fer’ singing them beautiful hymns, and wanna’ thank our youth group fer’ cleaning yall feet.

Ya’ know in the book of John, John details that at the Last Super, Jesus the master of his disciples actually washed they feet, rather than the other way around. Now back in them day, that wasn’t a very common thing.

But Jesus wasn’t no common man, now was he? And so it was, in John 13:14-17, Jesus tells his disciples:
‘If I then, your Lord and Teacher have washed your feet, you also ought to wash another’s feet.’”

The Pastor walks directly over to Muddy, removing his shoes, making a face at the stench, and begins washing his feet.

He continues to talk while cleaning Muddy’s feet, and is looking our hero directly in the eyes while doing so,

“For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you. Most assuredly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.”

The Pastor stands, while drying his hands on a towel and smiles at Muddy, he then walks back to the center of the room. Muddy was flabbergasted, but in a good way. For one it felt good as fuck to have someone wash his feet, and for the first time in his life he actually felt intrigued by the word of Jesus.

“My name is Pastor Pappy Grantham and we from the Bald Knob Baptist Church in London, Kentucky. We currently passing through Texas on our way down to the Mexican border where we intended on buildin’ relief centers for those who done traveled so far, with no money, no food or no water just to try and enjoy a betta’ life fer’ they family, and become better servants to God.”

Muddy’s shaking hand spilled his coffee all over the floor; he couldn’t believe that this was a Kentucky church! It was a small world after all! As the service went on, Muddy became heavily entranced by Pastor Grantham’s message of love, acceptance and hope; in fact, Muddy was so overcome by the presence of the Holy Ghost that he even fell out into the floor and began gyrating and speaking in tongues.

That night, while lying in his cell, Muddy couldn’t for one second take his eyes away from the brand new Bible that was given to him from the Church. Legend has it that Muddy sat there and read the entire Bible, cover to cover, before finally falling asleep sometime during the early A.M.

“WATERS!”

Muddy damn near levitates from his bed in some strange and divine manner…

“Yes sir?”

“Get your shit and get out of here… your bond has been posted.”

Muddy gathers his items and heads out into the parking lot, much to his surprise he sees Pastor Grantham outside leaning against a phenomenally expensive looking Cadillac.

“Pastor Grantham? But I don’t understand…”

“Muddy, when I learned you was from Kentucky too, I just knew that the Good Lord had done put us together fer’ a reason. That’s just how God works. He puts people you’ll never expect in yer’ life, so that maybe, just maybe, you’ll make that connection and help to together serve in his name. Are you ready to come serve the Lord, Muddy?”

“I mean yeah, but wudda’bout my charges here in Texas? Aint I still gotta’ come to court?”

“Muddy, that’s all done been took care of… let’s just say the Judge is a good a friend of mine, and a good friend of Jesus.”

“Man… this is like a dream. It’s like a miracle!”

“Like I said, the Lord works in mysterious ways.”

The two ride off together as the scene fades out.

Kentucky Public Broadcast Network Special:
The 700 Club Presents:
Bald Knob Baptist Church: In our Prayers Tonight

The grainy black and white television feed pans into a room with some obviously dated furniture sitting on either side of a stone fireplace, and hanging on the wood paneling above the mantel are various gaming trophies, such as a deer and jackrabbit’s head.

We see The Reverend Muddy Waters walk into the picture via stage left, acting unaware of the camera’s while reading his Bible he sits down in a recliner and continues to study his book. Now entering via stage right, is The Reverend’s Holy Ghost christened cohort, Pastor Pappy Grantham.

“Welcome everyone, and thank you fer’ joining us tonight on Kentucky Public Broadcast’s edition of: ‘The 700 Club Presents: In our Prayers Tonight’, featuring myself, Pastor Pappy VanWinkel Grantham, and my colleague, Reverend Muddy Waters from the Bald Knob Baptist Church.”

A curious Muddy looks away from his bible and asks,

“Public Broadcast? Ain’t that meanin’ this on the tax payers dime? I thought there was a separation of church and state.”

Pastor Grantham gets irritated and stamps his feet, turning around to quietly, but forcefully chastise Muddy,

“MUDDY! WE ARE LIVE…”

He turns back to the TV, composing himself while fervently speaking now with his hands,

“Tonight we have a great program lined up fer’ ya’ folks, and to those of you at home who have a land line can call in to our program and have yer’ prayer requests heard.”

Pastor Grantham awkwardly turns to his right as the camera changes angles,

“Now many of you may recognize The Reverend Muddy Waters, as he once lived a televised life of sin, and was featured weekly on the Xtreme Wrestling Federation. Well it took some fightin’, but the Good Lord found it within his ever mercy-filled will to fer’give Muddy fer’ his sins, and has now blessed Muddy with a path that has led him back to the XWF to help clean up that sin infested company.

Now to you at home watching, we know that you know better than to let yer’ eyes become molested by that vile programming, filled with rapist midgets, satanic demons, ladies of the night and godless money men, but we encourage you to follow Reverend Waters’ journey to purge those of that modern day Sodom. In fact, this week you’ll be able to watch the Reverend face off against a vile sinner in the name of Jesus, on Wednesday Warfare. Reverend why don’t you let the viewers at home who aren’t familiar with the XWF know a little bit about your opponent, and a little bit about your game plan.”

“Gladly… Firstly, my opponent, Chris Chaos, is likely a flaming homosexual. Now I’ll be clear, he aint come out yet and admitted it, but here is an image of him, doin’ homosexual-fied thangs… warning folks, this may be disturbing to some so please cover yer’ children’s eyes. Roll the footage.”

[Image: Edge-and-Christian-edge-and-christian-20...80-136.gif]

“Shocked? I can’t say I am… in my short dealings with this ‘man’, I’ve become thoroughly convinced that this ‘man’ has a close, maybe even direct, relationship with the Devil. That must be the reason why he gets handed such worthless opponents that he’s barely skated by against, while racking up an impressive win/loss record, and now he’s in line to be handed a title called the ‘Savage Championship’.

Think about that folks; this man is a Savage, a blood thirsty, American hating, skinny jean wearing savage who adulterates on a daily basis with young transvestite women.

[Image: wwe-edge-unhooks-lita-s-bra-o.gif]

Again folks, I know these images are disturbing, but this is the nature of the beast we’re dealing with here, and The Lord knows, and The Lord commands that we tackle sin head on! We dive in to what’s messy! We get our hands dirty in order to protect the moral fabric of society. I will wield the sword of The Lord!

I also have reason to believe that Chris has converted to Islam, and is plannin’ on beheadin’ ol’ Reverend Waters in the name of Mohammad after the match. Just like Mike Tyson… if it walks, talks and acts like a gay, Caucasian Christian American hating Satanist, then chances are you’ve found yer’ sign."

Allah Akbar Said:"Jesus, the son of this invisible man, is the most quoted prophet in the Qur'an."

You just proved my point Chris, why on Earth would Jesus be the most quoted man in the Qur'an? Because the doctors of that there scripture even know that Jesus is the true almighty. Yet you still fail to accept his grace.

Chris’ is a soul that obviously cannot be reached, he has blocked the love of the Lord from his heart, and now he must pay the price. He’s a pansy assed, self-entitled little wimp who wanna’ run around cryin’ bout how his Mommy never did love him and how his Daddy only touched his sister, not him, when they was little.

A scourge such as Chris don’t belong in this world, fer’ he has a first class ticket on a flaming Hindenburg full of flamers, in a seat right next to Bruce Jenner that’s headin’ straight fer’ Hades, where he will spend an eternity getting back all them anal poundings he delivered, from the great sodomizer himself, Satan.

“Great stuff Reverend… how about we open the phone lines now for some comments and prayer requests? Our first caller is Eugene from Boyle County. Hello Eugene, yer’ on with Pappy and the Reverend.”

“Uh ye-ah, uh this question here fer’ Muddy Waters, uh, when you get in the ring with that boy, ain’t u a scared of maybe catchin’ his AIDS germ?”

“That’s a great question Eugene. Reverend Waters, would you like to answer?”

“Eugene, in the line of work I do, you gotta’ always be weary of them types of circumstances. While we don’t know fer’ certain if Chris has AIDS, it would seem most likely… Reverend Waters is gunna’ have to take extra special precautionary measures against him because I am gunna’ beat his face in so bad that blood will be flyin all over the place. So I’ll appreciate yer’ thoughts and prayers.”

“Next caller is Brenda from Franklin Kentucky. Berenda, how are you tonight?”

“Guuuuuud, thank yas fer askin. Reverend I’mma’ callin fer’ a prayer fer’ my gay daughter Becca, she needs the Lord to put her a good man in her lfe so she aint wanna’ be such a sinning little whore with her tattoos, piercings and all the meth smoking.”

“We will say a prayer for you and Becca.”

“Also I just wanted to ask, when you was out in the world of sin, what type of women did you adulterate with, and in what types of ways was you adulteratin? Sometimes I get ta’ seein you Reverend on that wrestling show and I just get these feelings down in around my thighs…”

“I’m sorry we lost the call. Next caller is Pat in Lebanon. Pat you’re on!”

“Yea… uh Reverend, see the other day I was out huntin' pheasant when a damned ol' demon possessed boar come up and bit me right in the rear, givin' me these stantic feelin's that I had to go home and take out on ma' misses.

"I think we all been there."

"Are you worried at all that the Devil might try and seep outta’ Chris’ pours and infest yer’ soul?”

“I aint worried a bit. The Good Lord gunna’ protect me, and with yer’ prayers I will be even more strengthened to wage war with that sinner in the name of Jesus. Chris Chaos, much like the Devil is a pansy-fied coward. A scared little boy who longs to live inside of a woman's flesh.

This match is gunna' be not just a revival fer' Chris Chaos, but an exorcism of the demons in his heart."

"That's all the time we have fer' calls. Reverend would you like to close the show with some closing remarks and a closing prayer?"

Chris Chaos, let’s get one thing straight you little turd burglar, you aint got a wifflefart’s prayer in the world of beating me come Wednesday. Because come Wednesday I’mma’ expose you fer’ the little lather lipped, Bruce Jenner lovin’, wrist cuttin’, bunghole stuffin’, scrotum clutchin’, paint huffin’, pecker muddin’ pansy assed pot licker you truly are.

Let us pray: Dear Lord, in yer’ ever mighty omnipotence we ask that you be with us all come Wednsday night, as I look to do yer’ work fer’ the sake of all that is good and holy in this world. My opponent, Chris Chaos, is a man who has blasphemed and challenged yer’ will. We ask that you give me the strength to smite him in yer’ name, that he fer’ever rest in bowls of hell right next to Hitler and Ghandi with the Devil’s dildo eternally lodged in his wart worn rectum.
Chris sucks, and we know you made him suck fer’ a reason. Lord Jesus it’s in yer’ name we pray.

Amen."

The scene fades.

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