WILL HE TAP… WILL HE TAP!!?!?!?!

…

NO! NKWC stomps Sweet Benny in the throat causing him to roll off hissing in pain.

Then, he slips his emaciated arm out of Jerkbeast’s fat clumsy fingers.

“Wrong about everything.”

“Except when I've been right.”

“You know, most of this fight.”

“The part where I called you out for missing my first match."

"Forgetting I had beaten the Universal Championship #1 contender.”

“Or where I called you out for stealing my ‘END-THIS-GM’ trademark closer.”

“You haven’t done it since then, which feels like an admission of guilt, asshole.”

“Or where you said I didn’t know anything about religion and I proved you wrong immediately.”

“Or when you literally interpreted a generalization and I had to teach you 3rd grade English.”

“Or when I had to point out to you a representative of the nation attempting to bring about the apocalypse...

"Was a bigger interest generator than a fucking local Seattle celebrity from 2002."

“Or that time you had a stroke and kept trying to trash talk through it.”

Quote:A DAY CARE OPERATOR IS GOING TO MAKE YOU NEED TO PICK GLASS OUT OF YER FUCKIN' BACK!

“Or all those times I made a comment that hit."

"I knew they hit since you’d call me and say only an idiot would mention that afterwards so I’d get off that point."

"Like when I hit on your speech impediment or your repetitive speech patterns or your obsession with dick-sucking.”

“I have no problem with dick jokes.”

“I love dick jokes.”

“I hate one-note performers. I hate one-trick ponies.”

“And like I’ve been saying since the beginning, your trash talk, your public access show, your personality.

"It’s all thoroughly underwhelming how one-dimensional and limited it is in scope.”

“Meanwhile, I’m trying to evoke a… a sort-of mural.”

“A diorama of the failure that is your life and aspirations."

"Crafted and forged it with a myriad of concepts."

“Illiteracy.”

“Your stupid speech patterns."

“Your unimpressive genitalia.”

"Your patheticly small number of romantic conquests."

"Your brownie mix origin."

“Your random Mad-Lib-generated ‘wacky' jokes."

“Your pathetic excuse of a career.”

“Your film where even the producers themselves advertise their documentary as covering ‘the worst rock band ever’."

"Those were people looking to profit off your story. THEY think you suck."

"Just like the people giving you your show back think you suck."

"They just know they can make money filming failure. And that’s what you bring to the table."

"Constant, ironically funny failure.”





“All these facts unite into an amalgamation of mediocrity and disappointment that is irreconcilably tragic & uniquely you.”

“But no. Keep sitting there and doing your one thing: Providing minor fact-checks and pretending it’s leading to victory.”

“I’ll just keep working on my in-progress verbal masterpiece: Portrait of Jerkbeast as an Underachieving Loser."

NKWC crane kicks Jerkbeast in the fucking throat, caving in his clavicle.

Jerkbeast slowly chokes to death on his own throat.

He collapses to the ground clawing at his breathing tube until he passes out.

NKWC takes a seat on the ground and waits for him to inevitably get back up and do more.

He glances at his watch and shakes his head.

He pulls out a sheet of notebook and draws 4 intersecting lines and doodles an X on the middle square.

The paper drops onto Jerkbeast's unconscious body.

"If we're waiting on a GM to end this, we're gonna be here a while."