"...impressive attack."

"If only you'd remembered to pin me. Or even thought to put out that fire, you fucking buffoon."

NKWC watches the puppet's parts melt and liquefy in the crackling flames.

The metal heats, the papier-mâché and styrofoam twists and blackens, black smoke circles into the air.

From his coat pocket, NKWC retrieves a tiny scroll. He unrolls it and begins reading.

"I came not to bury my dear friend, Jerkbeast. I came to roast him."

"What can you say about Jerkbeast that couldn't be said about herpes simplex A."

"They're both red..."

"Tiny..."

"And mildly irritating but ultimately harmless."

"Jerkbeast was an artist in this game of violence we all play."

"But not a good artist."

"Like a day-care operator's artist. When she walks into a room and one kid spilled glitter on a paper plate, and another kid ripped their plate in half and a third kid is choking on a bottle of Elmer's glue."

"And she looks at this discordant chaos and parrots 'MY MY, A CLASS FULL OF ARTISTS.'"

"That's the caliber of technical mastery Jerkbeast brought to the XWF."

"All true artists are stricken with a curse. Beethoven was deaf. Roman Polanski was so clumsy, he fell into a 12 year old girl's vagina penis-first."

"Jerkbeast's art was wrestling. And his curse was being terrible at wrestling."

"Jerkbeast was his actual name."

"'Jerkbeast' sounds like an idea for a superhero a developmentally-challenged 3rd-grader would say 'needs fleshing out'."

"Jerkbeast is to failing at professional wrestling as Eric Clapton's son was to falling from a window."

"Sure, both were tragedies in the moment. But I'm sure in time, just like the latter, the former will become hilarious in retrospect."

"Unlike Eric Clapton's son though, Jerkbeast's failure at life will never actually be funny."

"More like Jerkbeast funny."

"That sad 'wow-you're-trying-so-hard-this-is-sad' kind of funny Jerkbeast will be remembered for perfecting."

"Jerkbeast was a simple brownie-mix creature. But he always stuck to his guns."

"Just like he stuck to his classic mainstays of 'SUCK MY DICK' and 'YOU SUCK DICK'."

"If Jerkbeast could be here, at his own Viking funeral, all of us that knew him know he'd say 'THIS SUCKS DICK.'"

"Jerkbeast would act like his opponent was an idiot was targeting things like his appearance, behavior, intelligence, wrestling ability, the way he talked and the fact that he was a poor speaker."

"Because true trash talkers only accuse their opponents of homosexuality... and nothing else."

"He'd then obsessively describe all the different ways his adversary has performed oral sex. Without irony."

"Truly an innovator in the game of trash talk, he not only pioneered brave new ways to say one thing over and over, he found a fresh, new way to do even that."

"By never saying anything of substance or even merit."

"Rest in Peace, Jerkbeast. Born on a day I didn't look up. Died the day he decided to cross someone better than him."

"Good night, stupid prince. And a flock of angels take thee back to the Hell from whence you came. This time, certainly dead."

NKWC rolls up the scroll again and flings it into the growing fire.

A single tear rolls down his eye.