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NorthKoreanWarCriminal · **03-07-2016, 04:11 PM**

"Tommy Gunn.

Ever since my sharp, True Korean ears heard you were Federweight champion, one question has permeated through my mind...

One ponderance... keeping me awake every night...

A ceaseless thought, interrupting every avenue of cranial production...

...

Did your mother or your father decide to name you 'Tommy Gunn'?

Follow-up question, why didn't they love you?

Could they not afford an abortion and just hoped you'd get beaten to death in childhood?

Is it even bullying when the child's name is Tommy Gunn or is it the start of after-birth miscarriage?

How can anyone have faith in Dishonorable American Child Protective Services when the parents that named you Tommy Gunn weren't stripped of custody? A jury at least half-paying attention might have elected to keep you in a Foster home, while your parents think of a name that wasn't ripped from a Coward American Sylvester Stallone movie.

Did they think naming you 'Mistake' wasn't clever or punny enough?

When you're inevitably beaten to death after literally everyone at your failing, lackluster American elementary school punches you in the stomach, does the Medical Examiner write under cause of death 'The Cruel Mechanics of An Uncaring Universe', 'Darwinism' or 'LOL THIS STUPID KID'S NAME IS TOMMY GUNN'?

I prepared for this battle.

Because your reign as Federweight champion has been truly historical; it warranted the highest level of preparation. Ten whole minutes.

How many Federweight champions could possibly have defeated Tommy Wish in mental combat?

I assume that number can be found by counting the total number of Federweight champions.

The most linguistically complicated phrase I've heard Tommy Wish say is 'Registered Sex Offender', preceded by 'Legally Obligated to Inform You That I'm'. And even though he was speaking aloud, at the time, he somehow mispelled all of those words.

Out-trashtalking Tommy Wish is like beating an armless man at a push-up contest. It's a great afternoon activity, but have the decency to do it in the privacy of your home.

Of course, you also prevented Ophelia McVeigh from taking your championship. I hadn't seen anything like the war of words you two waged since I went to a dreadful American zoo and saw two Cowardly Chinese pandas fall asleep on-top of each other amidst sexual congress.

If pandas were True Korean, not only would there be an overabundance of pandas, but your cowardly North American grizzly would create entire News Networks dedicated to the infinitely superior goings-on in The Bear-People's Republic of True Korea.

...

I deviated from point. Apologies.

You are a champion because, as you noted yourself, your competition is the laziest American garbage. You are King of Garbage.

It is time for change.

It is time to install a CHAIRMAN of Garbage.

It is time for True Korea to shine, to lead the way to a brighter future. Through example, leadership and quiet execution of dissenters.

Glory to True Korea."

NKWC hits Gunn with a Hero's Honorable, Virtuous Brass-Knuckles Punch to the face.

A PIN!

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