"Tommy Gunn... allow me to introduce myself. The name's Ophelia... Ophelia McVeigh. Now, I know what you must be asking; Who on God's green Earth is 'Ophelia McVeigh'. Is it a he or she or both? Is it a wrestler or the less batshit crazy brother of OKC bomber Timothy? The answer to all of these questions; I'm the man that's going to take that title from around your waist. So yes, yes I'm a wrestler. Which is something I'm not so sure I can say about you... I mean, yes, I'm a rookie, but what does it say about a champion when his championship isn't even listed on the company's official website? You're an also-ran, Tom, and I have but one goal;

"To restore the small fraction of esteem that title once held.

"You're ugly, you're stupid, you're old and you have a fat nose. Now, I could make this entire promo into a cacophany of bullshit, untrue statements such as those, but I'm above 'trash talk'. Let's just face a few facts, shall we? You're not ugly... but neither are you a masterpiece of the human physique such as, say, Fernando or Gilmour. I mean, sure, Gilly used to be so fat and disgusting you could replace him with a beached whale and no one would really be any the wiser... but now? He's slightly more handsome. Plus, he holds a title that's actually on the site, so ya gotta give him props for that. But, well, you know... I digress.

"You're not stupid. You clearly have a working brain, and it's set to on. However, you're not a genius, you're not a Mastermind... which may be a good thing, given the fact that that guy hasn't been seen in ages, and it probably has to do with the fact that HIS promos were abysmal. At least yours are somewhat tolerable. You're no brainiac, you're no rocket scientist or brain surgeon or Proffessor. Of course, Dimmy was, and look at him. ... Ok, that may not be such a hot idea unless you're looking to lose your lunch. He proved that "doctorates" are served out just like priest certificates or venerial diseases in a date with Rebel Star... but again, I digress.

"And of course, you're not old. But you are a young stud who isn't wise enough to know when his number's up. Think about it, you're leaving yourself open to attack, and I'm cashing in. I'm creepin' up on yo' left, straight up funky when I get with ya. Keep it ruthless when I get wet, keep the party packed in my corner... Tough like granite to keep the crowd hype, get up on this just to get right, what you want is what you gonna get, Backstreet's got the special effects like UH! ...yeah, a little bit of the Backstreet Boys to fill up this meaningless rant.

In summation?

Suck my dick. ; )