I'm sitting down at my computer, there's an empty litre of Vodka by me, and a half full litre next to me. I'm killing the emptiness in my soul with cheap booze. I feel like a Yank.

Oh, look. I have to fight Ghost Tank again. And this time, I get a shot at fighting for another title if I win. The XWF just loves to give me titles, doesn't it? Or, is it that they love putting these big tough men in the path of Ginger Snaps to see if she can tear them down? Little old Ginger Snaps. Tiny little 130 pound Ginger Snaps has to take down the big men all the damn time. It gets boring, you know? Gets boring being the nice girl that doesn't say anything mean because she has to be pretty and nice. But, it gives me gold, because pretty girls love gold. Right? That's what the XWF management thinks. Give her enough gold, and she'll forget about what happened to her in Africa. That's a brilliant idea. And while we just throw gold at her, we can have her put down some "Monsters".

Which is why I beat Cain, the immortal killing machine who scares literally everyone he pays to be afraid of him. And why I beat Ghost Tank before. The man who can suplex a bear to death, or something, but can't stop a little girl. Ghost Tank, the most useless "Monster" in the federation. Can he ever win a match? Will anyone ever consider him a serious competitor?

Tank also lost his dick. He's now a girl. An ugly one, but a girl none the less.

I chug my vodka. I can feel myself becoming more numb. I'm not sure if I like this or not, but who cares? At least I'm not going to crying about not being taken seriously, like Ghost Tank.

Is that right?

Yep. Move your drunk ass out the way and I'll show you. You smell like a Russian person.

She shoves me to the ground, and I fall in a heap, an adorable heap. I find a mostly empty bottle of Whisky on the ground under a pile of clothes. I grab it and drink it. It tastes terrible, but at this point I don't care. I just want to stop hurting, and this helps.

Get up here. I gotta show you this.

The bottle is empty, I toss it behind me and get to my feet. Tiffany hits play on the segment.

(12-17-2015, 10:24 PM)Miranda Tigris Said:  A loud scream is heard as Morbid Angel crashes through the roof of the cage, landing on both men knocking them down.
 
 Morbid shakes his head and quickly looks around and sees his target...Ghost Tank!
 
 Morbid pulls a knife from his pocket and slashes open GTs spandex pants, exposing the ghost penis...small in size but a trophy for the Demonic Angel-faced man!
 
 Morbid with a flick of the wrist removes the phallus and jams it in his pocket.
 
 Morbid looks around...looking at both Isles and GT on the ground. Figuring he already embarrassed GT enough he'd give him something in return and rolled GT on top of Isles before slashing the ring to escape.

There it is, in plain footage, Ghost Tank loses his penis. No fake penis. No trickery, just a sad excuse for a human being losing his penis.

See, Ghost Tank isn't a man anymore. And from the looks of the prize Morbid Angel got, he never really was much of one to begin with. His poor wife.

Well, that settles it. If Tank couldn't handle me when he was a man, he won't be able to handle me when he's a woman. I'm going to bed, get out.

Tiffany looks at me as I take a massive chug of my Vodka bottle before dropping it on the floor. I'll find it in the morning.

Are you serious? You didn't tell me what happened in Africa yet. We just laughed at Ghost Tank together, and you got pissed.

Yeah, I'm serious right now. I want to sleep and forget today. I wish I was dead, and you wearing your wedding band only shows me something I can't have. Something I was supposed to have.

Tiffany is angry at me, I can feel it. Her hate might hurt, but it takes away the thoughts of watching Johnny lay there. I crawl into my bed and curl up under the blankets. I hear Tiffany start to leave the room, and I get scared. I can't lose her either.

Tiffany, wait.

The steps stop, and there's a sigh.

What? You want to shit on me more? Want to make me feel like a bad friend? Want to keep me in the dark?

She's crying, and that makes me cry.

No. I'm sorry. Come cuddle me. I need it.

Her feet come closer to me, and my bed sags as she climbs in it. Her arms wrap around me and I'm suddenly very warm. I missed her hugs, and peacefully fall asleep.

It's been two days since Johnny's accident, and I haven't really slept or eaten. One of his other scientists comes over and sits by me. I'm holding Johnny's hand, and Garbanzo is laying at my feet.

Are you ok, Ginger? Have you slept or ate anything?

I barely notice him. I'm too concerned with Johnny. No one's told me what happened yet.

Ginger?

He must notice that I wasn't paying attention, because a hand falls on my shoulder. It's friendly, the first friendly contact I've really felt since I saw Johnny. My heart sags lower. Would Johnny want me being here with him, or would he want me somewhere else?

Is this my fault?

What? No. This happened because he went into the field.

His words don't register, this is my fault. It has to be. Whatever happened.

Would he have gone to the field if it wasn't for me?

Yes. This is what he was here to do. What he'll do when he recovers. If he still wants to.

I wish I understood his work, and his devotion. If I was a Smarter Ginger I would continue his work for him, so he didn't have to. If I was a stronger Ginger, I'd have made sure he never felt like he needed to go to Africa to prove he mattered. I'd have made him see he mattered. If I was a better Ginger, I'd have told him I loved him when I first saw him, and we would be married with a kid by now. If, Ginger, if. The Ifs won't leave my mind, and I want them all to be replaced with the feeling of Johnny's arms holding me. The feeling of knowing he's ok.

What happened to him, exactly? No one told me. I don't even know if he can hear me or not.

He answers my questions, but I really don't hear him. It all sounds like water burbling to me. Maybe because I'm not a Smart Ginger. Not a Ginger strong enough to be Johnny's girl. Not the girl he deserves. I'm just a shell of the Ginger he needs. The Ginger he needs would save him by using her smarts to heal his wound or something. He needs a good ginger. Not me, I'm not nearly the person to save him. I can just sit here, not understanding what's happening. Whatever. I'll stay and help him however I can.

The next 2 weeks are a blur, every day I sit by Johnny and hold his hand, talk to him and tell him about Garbanzo and about the house. Everything I feel like he would care about. I never caught whether or he could hear me or not, but I don't care because talking to him makes me feel like I'm helping. They tested our blood, and I'm a match, so I keep giving him all of the blood I can. Sometimes more than they think I should, but I need him to wake up and talk to me. It's hell, it really is, watching as the man I love is laying there, unable to move or talk or breath, and all I can do is to give him blood. But, it's something I need to do. The only think I can think of to do, or at least the only thing they tell me I can do. I trust them because I'm not as smart as they are. There's a permanent pool of salty water under the chair I sit in. My tears have fallen so much that they won't evaporate.

One day, while sitting there and telling Johnny about the shrew that Garbanzo caught in the yard today I hear a chuckle.

Johnny?

I hear a wheeze and look over. His eyes are open and it looks like he's trying to talk, but the tube is in his mouth.

SOMEONE GET IN HERE!! JOHNNY WOKE UP!!!

The friend from earlier came running in. I found out he was Johnny's doctor here.

Jonathon? You're awake.

A nod leads him to pull the tube out of Johnny's throat. I rush over and try and kiss my Jonny, but the doctor pushes me back gently.

Please, let me check him real quick.

Let wheeze. her wheeze. come wheeze. here wheeze.

I push passed the doctor and go to my Johnny. I hug him, careful to avoid his stitches, and I kiss him on the lips. His breath tastes like rubber and plastic. I'm sure mine tastes like blood and sorrow. We don't care. We have each other back. The doctor finally leaves and lets us talk alone. Johnny catches his breath, and starts talking slightly normally.

Ginger. What day it?

It's Wednesday. 11/26. You've been out for two weeks.

That long? How Garbanzo?

He's so big, and sad. He'll be so happy to know Daddy's awake. Oh, babe. How is your side?

Hurts. Ginger, I love...

His voice falls short. I can't hear the last word. What does Johnny love? Does he love me? Does he love Africa? I start screaming and crying loudly. Johnny's fallen back on himself and is wheezing badly. Then it stops. The doctor comes in and begins to listen for things, I don't understand! The machines are going crazy, and then they stop. Everything falls silent. My heart sinks lower than it's ever sank before. I know what happened. I know exactly what just happened, but I can't process it.

Ginger...

His voice is broken and shaky. I can feel the fear more than I can feel the sorrow.

Mine is cold and angry. He better not say it.

Don't you say it. Do not fucking tell me Johnny is gone. You bring him back right now.

There's nothing we can do. His heart couldn't handle the medication he was on. At least you got to talk to him.

I collapse, I can't fix it. Johnny is gone, he's not coming back, and I didn't even tell him I love him. This hurts more than anything. His funeral happens in a blur for me, and then before they finish packing his things, I leave. I can't be there for it, but I left my address for them to send our things to. I need Tiffany.

I walk through the front door of my house, the house is empty, the furniture is gone, and I'm miserable.

<3 Gator <3