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EDWARD THE GREAT · (05-11-2023)

The jungle was alive with the sound of drums as a group of apes gathered in a clearing. They had come together to perform a special ceremony to celebrate their champion, a human wrestler named EDWARD. The apes had never seen anything like EDWARD before, and they were in awe of his strength and power.

As the drums continued to beat, the apes began to sway and dance around a large bonfire that had been built in the center of the clearing. The flames flickered and danced, casting shadows on the faces of the apes as they moved.

In the midst of the dancing, EDWARD appeared. He was dressed in a loincloth and had his face painted with stripes of white and black. He strode confidently into the clearing, his muscles rippling beneath his skin.

"LAST TIME EDWARD WRESTLE FOR SHINY, EDWARD WAS CHAMPION. STRONGEST WARRIOR! STANDING ACROSS FROM EDWARD?"

"STUPID WOMAN!"

"EDWARD HAVE EASY NIGHT, BECAUSE EVERYBODY KNOW GIRL NOT MAKE GOOD WARRIOR!"

"MAN HUNT, WOMAN COOK! MAN FIGHT, WOMAN CLEAN WOUNDS! MAN LOVE, WOMAN FALL ASLEEP!

IN EVERY ASPECT OF LIFE, WOMAN ALWAYS WEAKER THAN MAN."

"THAT WHY WHEN RUBY TAKE SHINY, EDWARD LEAVE IN SHAME.

NO LONGER STRONGEST WARRIOR.

NO LONGER WARRIOR AT ALL.

MODERN WORLD MAKE EDWARD WEAK. EDWARD GROW SOFT AS WOMAN AND THEN LOSE TO ONE.

EDWARD THINK NOW, NO REASON GO ON LIVING.

ALL EDWARD HAVE LEFT IS EDWINA AND JUNIOR THE SECOND, BUT THEY LEAVE TOO.

EDWINA LOSE ALL RESPECT FOR EDWARD. EDWARD LOSE ALL RESPECT FOR SELF."

"THAT IS, UNTIL EDWARD END UP HERE! APES SHOW EDWARD THAT WORLD NOT AS WAS TAUGHT ON ISLAND. APES SHOW EDWARD THAT WOMEN CAN BE JUST AS STRONG OF WARRIOR AS MAN!"

The apes hoot and holler as two of their kind roll in an old CRT monitor connected to an iPad.

LIA THOMAS. CHAMPION SWIMMER. ALSO A WOMAN.

>

CECE TELFER. CHAMPION RUNNER. ALSO A WOMAN.

LAUREL HUBBARD. CHAMPION WEIGHTLIFTER. ALSO A WOMAN.

HGH. CHAMPION WRESTLER. ALSO A WOMAN.

EDWARD LAUGH AT HGH!

HGH THINK HE BIG WARRIOR BECAUSE HE ANARCHY CHAMPION! BUT HGH NO WARRIOR! SHINY NOT MAKE WARRIOR, WARRIOR MAKE SHINY!

HGH NOT HAVE SAME LEVEL OF COMPETITION AS EDWARD WHEN HAVE SHINY!

EDWARD HAVE BATTLE OF MIND WITH THE MASTER. HGH HAVE BATTLE OF GOOP WITH VILLAGE IDIOT.

EDWARD NAVIGATE TROUBLING SEA OF CHALLENGERS TO HOLD SHINY FOR MONTHS.

HGH SWIM IN SEA OF WOMEN AND BARELY KEEP HEAD AFLOAT! RUN AND HIDE WHEN BOURBON-MAN MAKE CHALLENGE FOR STICKY GOOP. EDWARD NOT RUN FROM ANY FIGHT! EDWARD STRONGEST WARRIOR!

EDWARD UNDERSTAND.

SWIMMING IN SEA OF WOMEN IS FUN. EDWARD NEVER HAVE THESE PROBLEMS IN RING. RING MEANT FOR FIGHT. EDWARD FIGHT ANYBODY!

STORY DIFFERENT IN CAVE, BUT THAT ONLY BECAUSE EVERY WOMAN THAT LAY EYES ON EDWARD WANT MATE! EDWARD HAVE STRONGEST PHEROMONES AND LOTS OF ENERGY, BUT SEA RUN VERY DEEP IN EDWARD CAVE. SOMETIME MAKE EDWARD TIRED.

GOOD FOR EDWARD.

BUILD ENDURANCE.

THAT WHY EDWARD ABLE TO FIGHT FOR VERY LONG TIME WITHOUT STOP. HGH RUN OUT OF AIR HALFWAY THROUGH PROMO MOST TIME! EDWARD FOCUS ON DEFEATING OPPONENT AND TAKING SHINY. HGH FOCUS ON NOT PASSING OUT! PRETTY MUSCLES JUST THAT. EDWARD MUSCLES TRAINED TO BE STRONGEST!

HGH ALWAYS SAY HE STRONGER THAN 'YOU'.

BUT EDWARD KNOW HGH NOT STRONGER THAN EDWARD!

HGH ONLY STRONGER WHEN OPPONENT LOOK LIKE THIS!

Cue that Monkey Pad with another image, this time of HGH's last opponent, Aphriya Adler!

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HGH THINK HE KING OF ANARCHY, BUT HGH JUST PRETTY FACE WITH FAKE MUSCLES! HGH WEAK! EDWARD STRONG! AND SOON, EDWARD BE ANARCHY CHAMPION, AND HGH BE FORGOTTEN, LIKE DINOSAURS!

ON ISLAND, EDWARD KILL MANY CREATURES FOR FOOD.

EDWARD KILL BIG WOOLLY MAMMOTH, KILL TERRIBLE T-REX, KILL FEROCIOUS SABRETOOTH TIGER.

WHAT HGH DO? HGH ORDER FOOD TO HOTEL FROM HAND COMPUTER LIKE WEAKLING.

HGH NOT BRAVE ENOUGH TO FIGHT BOURBON-MAN. HGH ONLY WANT FIGHT WOMEN ON ANARCHY. EVERYTHING ABOUT HGH FAKE. HGH TAN FAKE. MUSCLES FAKE. CHAMPION STATUS FAKE TOO. HGH NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO WIN TITLE ON OWN. NEED HELP FROM HOODED FIGURE. THAT EVEN AFTER WOMAN ALREADY HAVE MATCH. WOMAN TIRED AND HGH STILL NEED HELP WIN. HGH MAKE BAD CHAMPION. HGH MAKE ENTIRE BRAND LOOK WEAK!

EDWARD NEED NO HELP. EDWARD STRONGEST WARRIOR. EDWARD SOON ANARCHY CHAMPION. EDWARD MAKE ANARCHY STRONGEST BRAND AGAIN! HGH BETTER WATCH OUT. EDWARD COMING FOR HIM. EDWARD HUNGRY FOR FIGHT. EDWARD HUNGRY FOR FINGERS. EDWARD HUNGRY FOR TITLE. HGH, CAN FIGHT, BUT EDWARD STRONGER! HGH CAN RUN, BUT EDWARD FASTER! ONLY OUT FOR HGH IS JOKE!

JOKE IS THIS: WHAT RED WHITE AND BLUE ALL OVER? HGH'S FACE AFTER EDWARD TURNS HIM INTO A RED SPOT ON THE MAT AND TAKES HIS SHINY TITLE! HAHAHA!

The apes cheered and whooped and EDWARD bowed graciously in response. He knew how important this ceremony was to the apes, and he wanted to show them how much he appreciated their support.

As the drumming reached a crescendo, the apes formed a circle around Edward and he felt a surge of energy flow through him. He closed his eyes and allowed the sound of their chanting to wash over him.

Suddenly, one of the apes stepped forward. He was an older, wiser ape, and he carried a bundle of leaves in his hand. He approached Edward and offered the leaves to him.

Edward accepted the leaves, knowing that they were a symbol of the apes' trust and respect. He ate them slowly, savoring their bitter taste.

With the leaves consumed, the apes began to move again. They danced and swayed around Edward. The drums continued to beat, and the fire blazed brightly, illuminating the jungle with its warm glow.

Edward felt a sense of gratitude and respect for the apes. He knew that without their support, he would never have been able to rekindle his confidence as a wrestler. With a deep bow, he turned and climbed atop a small raft.

It was time to return to Anarchy.

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