CHELSEA LECLAIR PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS:

“A NIGHT AT THE SCIENCE FAIR!”

Chelsea LeClair is dressed to the nines as she stands in front of an audience and by a couple of bulletin boards that feature Mastermind and Gina Van Zyl. Some people are taking notes as the new XWF Anarchy member begins to speak.

“Hi guys! Dr. LeClair here! I’m here to reveal my latest scientific hypothesis to the world…”

“Is it the fact that Sidney Grey is from Wisconsin considering that she ages like molden cheese?” a reporter asks, causing laughter.

“...no…” Chelsea says with a sigh.

“How about the fact that you are far more entertaining than this… CTN thing that she has going on?”

“That has already been proven as true… now enough about GRANDMA, let’s get to my scientific hypothesis about my two opponents and that hypothesis is that they are genetically incapable of winning this match at Anarchy! Let me talk about Mastermind. The guy is your typical mind games kind of guy that likes to put the fear of God into people…”

Chelsea pauses and yawns.

“How is that anything special? Yeah, he was Anarchy champion for a little bit, I get that. But, when I think of monsters in wrestling, or guys that like to fuck with your mind, I think of guys that are six foot six and weigh 300 pounds. By comparison, the guy is a shrimp… especially in his pants, I’m sure. I’ve had my own psychological issues in the past, I will admit that… you know, when I was going through a whole drug phase and all of that, and THAT was scary! But Mastermind? NAH! The only way he stands out is if he’s the new sponsor of Ambien. Me? At least I TRY to be entertaining! I know that being an entertainer doesn’t mean victories, but I know I have so much more heart to offer than he does! I’ve had to deal with my own demons, those that make him pathetic in comparison.

Now… let’s talk about Gina Van Zyl and why SHE can’t win… and it comes down to one simple reason…”

Suddenly, a pair of glam models walk in with a t-shirt with a name tag design that says “HI! I’M GINA! SIDNEY GREY’S BITCH!”

“You can buy this fabulous design only on leclairshopdotcom! But that’s my point! Gina Van Zyl is someone that has potential but completely wastes it. I mean, did you see her appearance on that latest CTN thing with Sidney? Holy crap, talk about accepting one’s place as someone else’s subordinate am I right? In fact, here’s a pop quiz for you guys. When was the last time Gina Van Zyl won a singles match?”

Cue an awkward silence complete with a piped in cricket effect.

“Well… she won an ambulance match with Sidney…” a fan meekly points out.

“On top of the fact that it wasn’t a singles match, it sure as hell looked like they both had some help there too.Really though, can ANYONE name Gina’s last win in XWF without Sidney? No? I don’t blame you! It may not have even been in 2023 for all I know. See, Myra Rivers over on Madness was my mentor a few years back. However, I’m here on Anarchy and you want to know why that is? Because I’m not someone that accepts being in the shadow of someone else, unlike Gina! Really, all Gina is known for is being a hack that can’t be relevant without Sidney.”

“Well so much for ‘that’s enough about Sidney’...” an older woman says from the front.

“Okay, for that wise crack you can get the fuck out…” Chelsea suddenly pauses when she realizes it was her own mother that said those words. “MOM?!?!?! What the fuck are you doing here?”

“We should talk after you finish this… whatever this is…”

Chelsea scoffs, frustrated that she’s broken character at this point. “Whatever.”

Chelsea’s mother waves before she leaves.

“ANYWAY… someone that does not have a mind of her own is very incapable of having success on their own and Gina Van Zyl, in my book, is a sellout that decided that she couldn’t succeed in XWF on her own. But wait, there’s more…

I want to bring to you… THE COMMON FALLACY THEORY!!!!!”

An assistant brings forth pictures of her opponents’ recent losses.

“What do you see here? OOOOOH… BOTH of them losing to the SAME person… TWICE! Mastermind did such a FABULOUS job losing to HGH… and also to Molly Barnes. But the most FANTASTIC loser of the two is YOU, Gina Van Zyl. HGH basically made you his whipping bitch and what the FUCK was that on the last Anarchy when you faced Molly Barnes? A poutine match? And you lost THAT quickly? What the fuck is wrong with you? Holy shit girl, your career is tanking faster than a Jennifer Lopez relationship!

The common fallacy theory is very simple: if they both lost to HGH… and if they both lost to Gina… then common sense would dictate that they are both going to lose to ME with the ONLY difference being that they lost to both of them separately but with me, they are both going to lose at the same time! That, my friends, concludes my thesis on why my two opponents are genetically incapable of winning this match!”

Another assistant walks up to Chelsea and hands her a blue ribbon!

“But really, breaking character here, you two are in for an awakening when you face me. I didn’t come here just to be a pretty face and to talk a bunch of trash. I came here to start new and to prove that I can be just as successful in both television and in professional wrestling! So buckle up bitches… because the pilot just ended… and someday, we’re beating CTN in the RATINGS!

Chelsea winks and then the production ends.