July 6, 2015
Mercedes-Benz Arena
Stuttgart, Germany
Fontanna
- vs -
Tommy Wish
Chain Match
Cain
- vs -
Ethan Bird
Dwarf Lumberjack Match
A hoard of midgets lead by Frodo will surround the ring.
- No Rape Allowed -
OOC - Frodo may assist one of the participants by collaborating in one of their RPs. No other form of collaboration will be allowed in this match.
Bonus of 2,000 X-Bux awarded to the winner |
Monday Madness begins with a live feed from John Madsion's office. It's a typical office with a cup full of pencils sitting on the desk. He pulls one of the pencils and goes over his notes for tonight's show.
Madison: "I'm running shit tonight and so far I'm not happy with what I've walked into. I saw Ethan Bird come in five minutes ago and he looked like the bucket I've been shitting into all night. Who hired that piece of shit? He had body odor, flies swarming around his head, and he smelled like a beer bottle that someone shit into. That's not how a number one contender is supposed to behave. I'm gonna get to the bottom of this... Tara! Hey, Tara!"
A young, female intern comes running up.
Madison: "Tara, I need you to deliver this to Mr. Bird."
Madison hands Tara a basket that contains various packages of deodorant, body soap, shampoo, and razors.
Madison: "We have hygiene standards here in XWF. Not very high ones, but nevertheless, we ask that our wrestlers use at least two of the products found in this basket before they come on our show. I don't need this man spreading fleas or head lice in my locker room. Do you understand, Tara?"
Tara: "Yes, sir. I'll make sure he gets it."
Madison: "Hold on, before you go... Let me get one of them razors."
John takes one of the razors out of the basket.
Madison: "These are some good razors, Tara. I think I'll keep one for myself. Anyway, get the rest of this stuff to Mr. Bird, immediately! I don't need someone in my main event who looks like a shit covered mop."
Tara: "Yes, sir!"
Madison: "That bum is the number one contender for the Hart Title... we'll see if that's still the case after tonight."
John pats on some shaving cream and begins to glide the razor over his neck as we cut to ringside.
duke a piece of shit
Fontanna
- vs -
Tommy Wish
Chain Match |
There's a ten foot chain attached to the wrist of Fontanna and Tommy Wish. The belly rings and they start things off with a tug of war. Fontana proves himself to be the stronger of the two as he jerks Wish into a lariat. Fontana then gives Wish 5 lashing with the chain. Fontana tries to win the match early but only manages to tap the second turnbuckle before Wish comes up and chokes him from behind with the chain. After Fontana breaks free from the choke, the two men exchange punches in the center of the ring. Fontana throws Wish into the ropes and clotheslines him over the top rope. Wish though, is resourceful with the chain, and pulls Fontana out with him. Fontana has a rough landing as Wish begins to go to work on the outside.
Wish goes back to choking Fontana with the chain and rams his head into the steps. Wish keeps the chain wrapped around Fontana's neck and utilizes a neck breaker on the steel ramp. Wish walks back into the ring with Fontana 10 feet behind and touches the turnbuckles. He reaches the third one before Fontana charges into him with a sledge to the back. Fontana gives Wish a short arm DDT and then goes to touch the 4 turnbuckles. Fontana is still only able to come up with 2 as Wish takes him out with a lariat. Wish gives Fontana a Russian leg sweep. After he's got Fontana in the center of the ring, he wraps the chain around his fist and punches him multiple times in the face. Wish makes another attempt to end the match as he works on touching the turnbuckles. He's inches away from hitting the 4th and final turnbuckle when Fontana regains his strength and pulls back on Wish with the chain.
Eventually, Fontana reels Wish in and gives him a powerslam. Fontana works over Wish some more with the chain, using it like a whip over Wish's back region. Fontana goes for the win again and is close the tapping the 4th turnbuckle. His positioning is awful though. The chain is resting between his feet. Wish sees this and pulls the chain up, nailing Fontana in the nuts with it. Wish levels Fontana with a spear. Wish then touches the three turnbuckles... Fontana puts up some resistance on the 4th one... but Wish slaps him across the face with the chain and DDTs Fontana! Wish then wraps the chain around Fontana's neck and drags him around the ring while touching the turnbuckles. Tommy Wish slaps all four pads and the match is over!
Commercial Break
|
"Every Things Falling Apart" by Zebrahead plays as the camera pans to a mysterious man who's lingering backstage.
"ladies and gentlemen for far too long i have had the displeasure of seeing the actions of all the men in xwf, well now im here, im here and its time for things to change and believe me change is coming....BE SCARED"
The mysterious man walks away as the camera sees the back of his shirt it says "Fatal Flight."
duke a piece of shit
Cain
- vs -
Ethan Bird
Dwarf Lumberjack Match
A hoard of midgets lead by Frodo will surround the ring.
- No Rape Allowed -
OOC - Frodo may assist one of the participants by collaborating in one of their RPs. No other form of collaboration will be allowed in this match.
Bonus of 2,000 X-Bux awarded to the winner |
Frodo Smackins leads his family of dwarves to the ring who will act as lumberjacks for the match. Each dwarf is equipped with a little wooden mallet and shield. There's also a sign at ringside that has the word "rape" crossed out.
With Cain and Bird ready to go in the ring, the bell sounds, and the match is underway. Bird is on the attack as he runs towards Cain, but Cain ducks and sends Bird flying over the top rope with a back body drop. Bird crashes on the outside where the dwarves run up and start beating him with their mallets. One mallet shot probably doesn't hurt much, but having 12 of them hammer you at once is a different thing. Bird eventually makes it back to safety where Cain is waiting for him. Cain runs into him with some stomps. Cain drops Bird with a sidewalk slam which gets him a near fall. Cain leaps off the second turnbuckle and hits Bird with a headbutt followed by another pin attempt which Bird also kicks out of. Cain picks Ethan up by his throat and gives him three rib breakers without letting go. He pins Ethan with one foot but breaks the pin himself. He must want to inflict more pain before he ends Ethan. Cain puts Ethan in the End of the Line (Tazmission) and drags him to the middle of the ring. Ethan can only withstand a few seconds before tapping out and screaming "i quit!" The referee calls for the bell Cain has squashed Ethan tonight without much trouble.
After the match, a man in KKK Robes walks down to the ring, silently carrying the KKK Flag. He walks into the ring to the sounds of boos from the crowd. The man stops the match, and plants the flag in the corner turnbuckle. He pulls out a metal pipe and holds it in his gloved hand.
The man walks over to Ethan Bird and begins to beat him senseless with the baton He takes a swing at Ethan's kneecaps. Ethan goes down, and the masked man brings his baton down upon the fighter's head. Ethan hits the mat hard, and the masked man begins to bring his baton down across Ethan's head. Blood begins to pour out of Ethan's skull as the man begins to laugh. With Ethan down, the hooded man turns and leaves the ring.
duke a piece of shit
Commercial Break
|
We go backstage where ANOTHER man in a KKK outfit is beating up Ethan Bird. Bird is trying to get away but the Klansman stays on his tail, punching him every chance he gets. The special guest GM and XWF co-owner, John Madison, is following closely behind with the basket of hygiene products that he gifted to Ethan earlier. It was found in the trashcan next to Ethan's dressing room.
Madison: "So you thought that you can just ignore my orders and throw away my gift?! I told you to clean yourself up! Then you go out there and lose like THAT? You're pathetic!"
The KKK member powerbombs Ethan Bird through a door, busting it wide open. The door leads into the ladies locker room where Shane Anonistrator is showering his body with a bar of horse shit. He runs out of the shower screaming, scared, trying to cover up his shit covered body with a towel. Madison smacks Shane on the ass as he runs by. Meanwhile, The KKK member rams Ethan into the shower stall and kicks him several times in the chest.
Madison: "This is for your own good, Ethan!"
Madison and the KKK member take bottles of liquid soap and shampoo in each hand and begin pouring it all over Ethan. Once they've emptied all of the bottles, Madison takes a bar of soap and forces it into Ethan's mouth. John empties a can of shaving cream onto Ethan's face and sweeps a razor back and forth over Ethan's face. John then holds up a small chunk of Ethan's beard like it's a trophy. The KKK member kicks Ethan in he jaw, causing him to chomp down on the soap.
Madison: "Now you look like a number one contender! However, since you lost to Cain tonight, you're gonna have to share that spot with him now. Shane doesn't like when we have two number one contenders. All you had to do was win, damn it! Now look at what I have to do, I have to punish you... Kinda defeats the purpose of cleaning you up but oh well."
Madison grabs a bucket that contains a liquid mixture of Shane 
's feces and semen and dumps it over Ethan Bird's head.
Madison: "Try not to be such a shit head next time we have to see you in action! I've got a flight to catch..."
Barney Green wanders into the shower, naked, and spits tobacco juice on Ethan's head. He then showers with Ethan still knocked out below him.
duke a piece of shit
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