[PLAY]

[We see Christopher on his Android phone in the living room of Dustin's house. He looks rather panicked by something he heard someone over the phone tell him. We don't know what it is, but we can assume that it's bad enough to have Chris pace around in a circle for who knows how long. He isn't responding in real words either, just 'uh-huhs' and 'nuh-uhs'. This continues for roughly half a minute before Chris starts to speak in real words.]

Christopher: Do you have any idea where she is now?

[After asking that, we go back to the agreements and disagreements. Chris then begins to scratch his neck either out of stress or just to scratch it. This continues for a few seconds before we go back to real words.]

Christopher: Alright, thank you Mr. Lawrence.... Yeah, I'll take her to a rehabilitation center. Thanks for your help... alright, bye.

[Chris then hangs up and looks somewhere off camera to the east.]

Christopher: Hey Dustin!...Dustin!!

Dustin: WHAT!?

Christopher: Come on, brah, we gotta go!

Dustin: Go!? Where to!?

Christopher: My mom snuck out late last night and now she's trying to rob a liquor store!

Dustin: Are you fucking serious, brah!?

Christopher: Dead serious! Come on, dude, we have ta hurry!

[Dustin hurriedly walks on scene and grabs his jacket. He looks back at his friend, who is also putting on his own jacket.]

Dustin: Did Sal tell you where she was?

Christopher: He doesn't know, brah. He's thinking Chester, so we might as well start there.

Dustin: Got it.

[He grabs his keys off the couch and heads through the front door. Chris grabs the camcorder and places it in his jacket pocket. seemingly cursing himself as he gets ready to drive his mother to Fresno.]

Christopher: I can't fucking take care of her anymore. I'm sorry pops, but I just can't. Not while she's in this much of a wreck.

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[We cut to a liquor store in Chester, where a fat brunette woman in pajamas wielding a knife is seen sleeping in front of the store. Dustin's truck is parked just beside her, as seen by Chris' camcorder being reflected through the front window. Chris is seen walking over to her with a bottle of cold water in his hand. He then squirts some into her face. making her shake it off and take a deep breath in and out. She opens her eyes and notices that she isn't drowning, but instead being woken up by her son, who doesn't look all that happy about her current predicament.]

Christopher: Come on, mom, get your ass up.

[Chris forces his mother to her feet.]

Mom: I ain't goin' nowhere, you can't make me.

Christopher: I can and I will! Now come on, We're taking you to Fresno.

Mom: Why am I going to ride with you, ya fuckin' murderer?

[Chris takes in a deep breath.]

Christopher: 'Cause it's either rehab or jail. I'm making that choice for you.

Mom: I ain't 'fraid of no cops! I'll take 'em all on with my knife.

She pulls out her rather small kitchen knife and shows it off to her son, who flinches a little, but not very much. Dustin then appears on camera and tries to take the knife away from her. Not knowing what he's doing, she tries and slash the both of them. They manage to evade it as she struggles to keep her balance.

Mom: Don't fuckin' rape me, you brats! I'll fuckin' cat yas if ya try anythin' stupid.

[Chris grasps the bridge of his nose with his index finger and his thumb. Clearly frustrated, he seems to find no other way to calm her down than to forcefully remove the knife from her and put her in the truck.]

Christopher: Hey Dustin, try distracting her for a moment or so.

Dustin: Whatcha got in mind?

Christopher: You'll see.

[Dustin, wanting to see what Chris has in mind, begins to walk over to his friend's mom to get her attention. She swings at him with the knife every so often to make him step back. When they've spun around in 180 degrees, Chris grabs his mother's armed hand and tries to take the knife out of it. Much to his misfortune, she isn't letting the damned thing go. Dustin, seeing his friend struggle to get the knife out of his mother's meaty hands, just thought up of a creative solution to help him out.]

Dustin: TACO CRUNCHER!

[With that, Dustin balls up his hand and punches his friend's mother in the vagina. Needless to say, she goes down hard. Chris, apparently amazed, looks over to his friend with his mouth agape.]

Christopher: ...Shit!

Dustin: You're welcome. Now let's help her into the car.

[Chris and Dustin both walk off scene while carrying the former's mother.]

[STOP]

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Christopher: Fancying Limerick now, ey?
I can do this poetry shit all day.
Then again, eloquence doesn't really matter
When I beat your ass and serve it on a platter.
You really think I'll lose to you on Wednesday?

Okay, now that I got the obligatory poetic response out of the way, let's see just what Robbie brought to the table half cooked and possibly rancid.

The Eater of Small Children Said:As you can see, these are the Bourbon Men. Same men and women who were with me on June 8th. I guess you had off that night.

Christopher: You mean they weren't some douchebags that were in it for the money?

Dustin: I honestly thought they were some sort of boy band that Robbie set up to block whoever had the decency to shut his fat ass up.

Christopher: Well I was wrong. You have students that appeared on TV. And from what I've seen on that program, you've taught them the art of keeping their arms crossed. That must have taken them years to learn it. Oh wait, your students aren't from the special education class. What exactly are you teaching them, anyways? How to look like a wrestler and nothing else? Well you're surely leading them on the right path if that's the case.

The Giant Teddy Bear Said:But after hearing about your mom and your's strained relationship, I really had to look at what a wonderful gift it is to have such a strong, caring woman in my life, especially what she had to deal with after dad died.

Christopher: Slip of the tongue aside, my dad's dead too. I hate to think that we have a lot in common, but that's just how it is with humankind, I guess.

Dustin: He said that your mom's gonna visit you in the hospital after he beats ya like it's his job.

Christopher: I view wrestling as a career, myself. Job just makes it sound like you have to get through it because you have to get that paycheck. Do you not enjoy wrestling, brah? 'Cause politics is always available. Hell, you don't have to do this, there are plenty of opportunities outside the wrestling industry. Go read a newspaper and find out for yourself. Won't kill ya to read something once in a while.

The Man who Suffers from Bloating 24/7 Said:Now, no need to get all finicky because you are among the legions who have not pinned me nor gotten me to tap out.

Christopher: Still doesn't make you unbeatable. As I said before, pins and submissions don't matter in a no disqualification ma-

Ill Let Ya Finish Said:I know you might feel a little jilted by the fact you won't get the chance this Wednesday, but there's no need for that; you never had a chance anyway.

Christopher:-Don't fucking interrupt me. I don't care about not getting the chance to pin a fat man, I only care about beating the self proclaimed Alpha and moving one step closer to a title shot. If you think there's more to it than that, tough. I just want to beat you and never think about the name 'Robbie Bourbon'.

Dustin: I should just skip the bit where he insults people from California for no reason.

Christopher: To him, California being torn apart by the San Andreas fault couldn't happen soon enough. Fucking asshole.

Bourbon on the Rocks Said:However, you were very, VERY wrong about one thing, and that's the idea that we're of the same species. We aren't.

Christopher: So you're not a human? Okay brah, what are you then? Are you a dolphin? No, you'd be living underwater if that was the case. Are you a kangaroo? No, you aren't jumping around all the damn time. Are you fucking high? Yeah, I'm willing to bet he pulls out his bong before watching one of our promos.

Dustin: How much?

Christopher: Zero dollars and zero cents. Besides, his orangutan is doing it, so he must've learned it from somewhere. Let me give you some advice from men who smoke the joints and pipes. Marijuana can delay and sometimes help people suffering from bone and joint cancer. At least in moderation. Don't go bullshitting to everyone that weed is bad and it gives you lung cancer like they're cigarettes. I'll be more than happy to pull up sources on how wrong you are.

Douchebag Buchanan Said:Shit, your parents are the first people you learn to lie to, but that's everybody! What is this guy, five years old and afraid my pants are literally going to catch fire?

Christopher: No, I'm just calling you out on how low that shit is. Besides, you also lied to your fans, if you had any to begin with. How's that selective hearing disorder of yours coming along? Good?

Dustin: Maybe his mother is his only fan, ever thought about that?

Christopher: No because Caliornia, herp fucking derp. I'm still not over that.

Agustus Said:Chris Isles is a damned hypocrite if he's going to call someone out for lying, but he's not doing it to be a hypocrite, he's doing it because he's a naive little snot who thinks he's got nothing to learn. That type of behavior is often self-fulfilling.

Christopher: Oh am I? Am I goody two shoes all of a sudden because I have the balls to go after you where it hurts? How about that undefeated streak that you keep trying to push even though we saw you fail in that ring? How about that Alpha claim that doesn't fucking work anymore because Hastur made you his bitch and your dumbass went after the wrong guy? How about that army of henchmen that only know how to pose because you haven't taught them a fucking thing about wrestling?

Robbie, you're poking the wrong man with that stick, dude. Keep it up and it's going through your mouth and out your anus. Face the music on Wednesday, brah. You won't like it when Power Metal takes on your mellow piano concerto.

Dustin: No end poem?

Christopher: That poem shit is getting old anyways. If anyone's going to stop it, it's going to be me in that ring on Wednesday.

[We then cut to black.]