Frodo is out shopping in San Ignacio, Belize. He is outside walking around in an open air marketplace looking at all the things the local peasant life is selling. One gentleman has set up a booth selling replica watches. The man had a nice selection of Movados, Breitlings, Cartiers, of course Rolexes abound, and even a Audemars Piquet. Frodo stopped and examined them before picking up the Audemars and looking it over. Suddenly the back popped open and springs went flying through the air. The seller looked at Frodo.
"Hey! You break, you buy!"
"Je ne parle pas Anglais. Voulez-vous un beignet?"[lightblue]
"Je parle le français. Vous cassez, vous achetez.
[lightblue]"Suce ma bite. flocon de neige"
Frodo then turns drops the watch, turns around and runs away. The seller begins chasing after him unleashing a slew of insults and threats at the Hobbit. The Real Frodo, ignored that shit and kept running, fuck the shit that Belizian guy was trying to do. Who the fuck stops for people from Belize? Probably someone who would believe that Vinnie Lane is a serious competitor, and should be taken as such. You know, the usual crowd of paint sniffers. Speaking of sniffing paint, Frodo had to keep running hoping this Rice Monkey wouldn't catch up to him, eventually leading him inside of a jewelry shop. Inside he begins to peruse the merchandise. They have these nifty little necklaces with people's names on them. Sifting through them he notices one says Sarah, and one says Katie, both of which he grabs. And while searching some more, he sees one that says Mandii. Of course he has to buy it. He'll send it back to her on the DL. Sarah cannot know about this, or she will go all Lorena Bobbet on our dear Hobbit. Haha! I made a funny, and it rhymed.
Our intrepid hero purchased his necklaces, and sneaked off to the post office to package and send his merchandise off to his beloved Mandii. He rushes in, and finds an envelope that fits the necklace properly and starts backing it in. He's about to seal the envelope when in walks the sexiest girl in all of Belize.
Mrs. Sarah Smackins, the Queen of the Dwarfs. So, she sees her majestic Hobbit Husband standing there with a look on his face like he just got caught fucking the neighbor's dog. Again. This would be the third time this week. It's not Frodo's fault, the dog is sexy as fuck. If you saw it, your dick would get hard in an instant. If not, get your eyes checked and look at it again. Anyway, Sarah decides to pop on up and check to see what her beloved husband is shipping off. Better not be a necklace for some other ho. Unless the ho is Katie, in which case, send that shit. Send it hard. Hard like Frodo fucked Sarah last night.
"Hey, Husband O'Mine. Whatchu sending off? Better not be a necklace for some other ho. Unless that other ho is Katie, in which case, send that shit. Send it hard. hard like you fucked me last night. Ooh, my ass still feels like the inside of Bouillon Cube."
"Heh. What does that even mean?"
"I dunno. It sounded cute. But lemme see that package."
She grabs it from Frodo and reads the name. Silently, then slowly aloud.
"Mandii Rider? MAN DEE RYE DER?! You're sending shit to her, on our Honeymoon. You're buying presents for other women? Seriously? Fuck you, Fred Ward."
"No, listen. It's not like that. I'm not buying it for her. Look, Mandii's baby daddy. Is Charles. Her kid is my niece. I'm sending a present to my niece."
Sarah doesn't appear to be buying this. Since she thought Swagmire was a virgin. So, she opens the envelope and sees the necklace. She pulls it out, reads it, and throws it back in Frodo's face.
"FUCK YOU, FRED WARD!"
Sarah turns and storms out of the post office and back to her hotel room, dropping her phone in the process. It starts to ring, and Katie's name and number flash across the screen.
"Hey, girl. What's up?"
"Daddy. You need to come back now."
"Why?"
"Simon is bragging about being better than you?"
"Yeah, Sarah and I are having a fight. Don't care about that stupid clone."
"I'm pregnant?"
"As long as it's not Joey's, I'm good."
"I'm not pregnant. I thought it'd help. Fuck, did you know Mandii is back?"
"Yeah, fighting with Sarah. Mandii's back, think there's a coincidence?"
"Fine, you fucked up there. Did you know Uncle Swag is taking care of Gary?"
He stops what he's doing, and drops Mandii's necklace on the floor.
"What?"[lightblue]
"Yeah, Giovanni Ferrari, and Archie Lawson left..."
[lightblue]"Don't care. GARY! NOW! TELL ME!"
"Yeah, so Uncle Swag somehow got ownership of Gary, and dude's all on the couch and shit. He's like a real person. Odd."
"I'll be back tomorrow morning. Fuck that Wallaby."
Frodo hung up the phone and ran back to the hotel where he found Sarah sitting on the bed crying. She was looking at their wedding photo. Everything was in chaos, but Frodo was happy as hell to have her as his wife. And she was happy to be his wife. But now, she feels like she's only his second choice. He stopped in the door way, and just stared at her. Though she looked gorgeous, it broke his heart to see her cry like that.
"Sarah, baby. I love you."
She sniffled. Even her sniffles are cute.
"Then why did you buy her the necklace, and lie to me about it?"
He sighed.
"Because, a part of me still has feelings for her. Yes, I admit it. But that doesn't mean I'm going to act on them. Baby girl, you got my heart. You are the one I love, and the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. Not her. She'd just be a quick fuck."
"Well, it hurts. Fred. It really doe. I told you I wanted more monogamy."
"And you're getting it. I'm not cheating, I'm not trying to have threesomes, or fourseomes. Hell, I don't even jerk off without you. Baby, I am one hundred percent committed to you. I didn't even last this long with Gwen before I was in some strange. Wedding night, I was in the desk clerk at our hotel. Not with you, though."
"Then why did you lie, and sneak around?"
"Because I'm a dumbass. Call me Vinnie Lane, because I'm just that fucking . I'm sorry, baby. But we've gotta get back home. Katie called. There's chaos."
"Yeah, I know fake Frodo, all that. What's the big deal?"
"Swagmire has Gary. Gary is on the couch!"
"You want me to fly back home for a stupid Wallaby on the couch?"
"Yes"
"Why should I go back for the stupid Wallaby?"
"He's on the couch. How can you abide by that? The Wallaby thinks it's a person."
"And?"
"It's the bane of my existence?"
"The bane of your existence is a Wallaby?"
"Yes."
"Goddammit. Fine. Only because I love you. Fuck, I hate you."
"Well, we do have some time before we have to go."
"So?"
He pulls a bottle of lube out of his pocket, shakes it and looks at her with a grin. She rolls her eyes, and begins taking her top off.
"Sup, Pestie. Guess we get to have one more go around in the ring. Fun times. This time I'm not going to lose, you saw what I did at War Games. While you did what, exactly? Nothing. I'm the mother fucking badass who won that shit. And I'm going to win this shit. You keep up with your crucifixion and all that jazz. It'll be fun for me if you to beat you. I bet it'll be the best day ever. Hell, I'd bet money on it. You fucking piece of child molesting shit. You're like Hank Lane, only worse. At least Hank Lane had the courtesy to leave, not you, though. You linger around as if you're actually wanted. Who the fuck would want you?
No fucking one. That's who. I'm going to murder you, and then allow Shane to fist you so hard you couch up his wrist watch. I hear he likes Invictas. Nice and big. Anyway, cockstain. Here's how it's gonna go down in the ring. Bell rings, Shayouken! Demi Lovato looks good in Jeans, tap, I win. Drop pants, ass rape. Fuck yeah. Simon Frodo is the winner. Everyone celebrates. I party with Tank in his hotel place. And we fuck a fuckton of girls. You go shit your guts out. Fuck you. I'm tired. I'll see you tomorrow."
![[Image: a27845c7f37c499d6c26da6fc89b84c4.jpg]](http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/236x/a2/78/45/a27845c7f37c499d6c26da6fc89b84c4.jpg)
. I'm sorry, baby. But we've gotta get back home. Katie called. There's chaos."![[Image: ZXX7HJw.png?1]](http://i.imgur.com/ZXX7HJw.png?1)
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