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Guppy Parsh · (09-16-2014)

~Act V~

Here we are again. It's the same night. It's the same place. It appears as though were trapped in Stevil's eye for art. What do we have here? A silly conflict, check. A pseudo-mystery, check. Homosexual imagery, check. Stevil having more lines than Guppy in the promo, check. I guess it will be a good one. "The Based God of Promo Directing" "Mr. Short Fuse" Stevil you never cease to amuse me. Please Stevil, don't keep me waiting.

“I can make the whining stop, STEVIL,” the voice thought of it as means to an end, “but u have to give me ur soul.”

Stevil wickedly laughed. The voice started laughing too to fit in.

“I have no soul,” quipped Stevil, “I put my soul into the promos I direct and it just sits there and rots away.”

“U have a soul, STEVEN,” the voice was on a first name basis with everyone, “IT’s right NEXT to ur future heart,”

Stevil sickeningly ran his finger of chaos across the sword of purification.

“I have no heart,” laughed Stevil, “I put my heart into the promos I direct and it just sits there and rots away.”

“U have a heart, QUEEFVIL,” the voice could call any bluff, “its nxt 2 ur sole,”

“I don’t think you understand me. I don’t have anything to give you. I put everything into my promos. I am the BASED GOD of promo directing. I had nothing left but my patience and Domino’s Pizza took it away from me. This is all that fucking whore at the xenophobic pizza stand’s fault. After I slice off Guppy’s cock I’m going to kill her, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me, conscience.”

“I’m not ur conscience Stebill,” the voice was much more than the moon and the stars gave him credit for, “I am an ENTITY of evil BROUGHT BY UR sins to FIX THE HUMANITIES of the foreign plague. I’m a bit AHEAD of my time.”

“Oh really? Why does it matter to you if Guppy’s wee wee stays on?”

“If I told u I’d have 2 kill u,” the voice could kill an entire planet.

“Whatever,” Stevil had enough, “Just make it stop.”

“Ok, but I want something in return,” the voice knew exactly how deals worked, “I’ll stop the whining STEVEN, but I WANT 2 see ur face.”

"Steviiiiil, you don't have to do this for meeee. I can pee out of the tube agaaaaain."

"No, it's the only way."

Stevil sadistically pulled his mask of mayhem off of his thick stupid fucking head.

~Act VI~

“Tri Bute responds to claims of sexism” by Sally P – Excerpt from Straw Feminist Weekly

it has been a very hectic week for Tri Bute. Tri Bute may be in the mini-gauntlet on Wednesday Warfare as fodder, however, not in the wrestling world, Tri Bute has faced countless claims of misogyny after the release of his video game 'biography' on the PC. Players press 'w' and walk through a desert while a narrator tells the story of Tri Bute's conquests in the future. Many are saying the game is sexist because it stars cis scum rescuing hyper-sexualized 'future women' from their right to vote for "King of the Universe Warrior Grandslam Mega Murder Mother Flippin' Champion". Tri Bute was asked about this by the face of gaming journalism, Nathan Grayson, to which he responded "Like I care what some dumb cunts think." After his gendered-term tossing tirade everybody who is anybody in the Twitter and Tumblr community now wants Tri Bute's head on a silver platter.
Tri Bute responded to the claims earlier today on his podcast.

Tri Bute: I AM NOT A MISOGYNIST! I have a ton of female friends that I say that word to and they don't care. I can future count them on one future hand. I don't care who I offend in the process of telling my life story and profiting off of it. I'm not sorry. It's my duty to tell the truth. If anyone wants to fight about that, BRING IT ON! Alternatively, you can get over it or SUCK MY FUTURE DICK!

More news later

PS: Now that the objective part of the article is over I just want to give my take on this real quick. I think this is more proof that the ‘gamer’ identity is no longer about playing games and is now about closeted misogyny. A lot more people are buying Tri Bute’s game now that they know they can kill women and do other sexist things in it. I propose Tweeting #Buteisamisogynist or #Killallfuturemen to @shanecarver and Twitter accounts associated to the XWF and maybe we can get him fired so he runs out of money and starves to death.

SOCIAL JUSTICE HO!

PSS: For all of my fellow Gotham residents, there is this really awesome pizza parlor about two miles away from the Domino’s where all those riots happened last month. It’s a really nice place that has been getting bombarded with negative reviews on Yelp. They don’t have any pineapples, but who eats pineapples on a pizza anyway? A lot of the reviewers are misognerds with neckbeards in their parent’s basement who have never eaten at a restaurant before. I want all you guys to eat there and give honest reviews on Yelp to counteract this organized assault on one of the restaurants that defined pizza.

PSSS: For all you supporting me on Patreon, I love you! Soon I'll be making enough money to quit my day job if this keeps up! It's great being e-famous!

Guppy fin.

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