The fire crackled. The smell of pot infiltrated the pine scented, cool night air. It was a normal night at Camp Crystal Lake. The blonde laid on her back as her boyfriend mounted her, humping softly as the made out. In the tent, the sound of skin slapping skin could be heard. A brunette and a jock. Use your imagination, folks. Another couple is passing a bong back and forth. The lighter sparks in the darkness, the marijuana turning red in the bowl. Our pov is that of a stalker though. A stone cold killer. A monster.

(Ki-ki-ki-ki-ha-ha-ha-ha)

This writer is like "What the fuck?" Meanwhile, in the tent, the jock reaches the finish line. He stands up and turns around, a shot of his ass being seen. The brunette frowns.

Brunette: Awwww, where are you going baby? I wasn't done!

Mister Two Second Dash just waved at the girl.

Jock: Dude. I gotta piss! Fucking does that to me!

Brunette: Well, bring your ass back quick!

The jock stepped out into the night air to witness a scene of pure horror. For while he was busy for those ten minutes, someone had ripped his friends into shreds. Literally. An arm up in a tree. A head impaled on a tent spike. A head roasting on a spit. As a matter of fact, some...

Jock: What the fuck? Asshole!

Yes...ahem...some asshole, who was sitting on the log literally roasting a testicle had smoked all the pot. He had drank every drop of beer. Killed everyone outside of the tent. Cain looks at the camera. At us.

"What? You were expecting someone else?"

Jock: Dude...what the fuck did you do?

Cain is still addressing us, the audience.

"This dumbass wants to know what I did. You guys wanna tell him?"

You all no doubt just screamed out "he killed them", but I am just guessing that. After all...hey...what the hell is that sound?

(Ki-ki-ki-ki-ha-ha-ha-ha)

"...sigh."

By now, the naked jock has pissed himself. Cain bit into the testicle like it was nothing for him to do, leading the jock to say...

Jock: Dude, that's fucking sick.

Which lead Cain to sing a Christmas song. Chestnuts roasting on an open fire. It was then, however, that Cain stood and began moging toward the naked jock. I don't have to tell you that the sexual thrill was gone. The poor boy was flacid. Of course, when his hot, big titted brunette girlfriend peeked her head out of the tent, he got "stupid brave". He stormed up to Cain and shoved him.

Jock: You wanna go, brah!? Let's go! Come on! I'll kick your fucking ass like I did Jimmy last summer! Mother fucker, I can box! I ca-

THE MARK OF CAIN!(WMD Renamed)

"And it's outta there! Bam!"

Our slutty brunette friend stood there, slack jawed, holding the head of her boyfriend. She was in shock for the most part. Cain sighed.

"Okay...I'm bored now." he motioned over toward the shadows. "Come on out, ya hockey masked wearin' . You can havethe bitch."

Boom. Boom. Boom.

Those were HIS footsteps. Who, you might ask?


"Fuck yes! A guest st-"

(Ki-ki-ki-ki-ha-ha-ha-ha-)

"Whoa whoa whoa..." said Cain, as he stormed up to the monsterous Voorhees. "...don't fuckin' interrupt me. This is MY shit. You understand, water head?"

Poor brunette. She watched on as the two monsters had their stand off, Cain staring up into the eyes of Voorhees. For once though, the girl does something intelligent. She whistles and slowly steps off screen. Meanwhile Cain continues to berate Jason.

"You're on MY dime, . This is MY show. I'M the RTX Champion..." he poked Jason in the chest with his finger repeatedly. "Do. You. Understand. M-"

Swoosh! Crack!

Blood and grey matter splattered as Cain's forehead split open. Voorhees had done it. He'd killed the first murderer.

(Ki-ki-ki-ki-ha-ha-ha-ha)

"F....fuck...you..."

Voorhees looked down and was actually suprised as Cain pulled the machete from his skull. His brain healed. His skull mended. He stood up, face becoming demonic...muscles buldging. Bad mother fucker mode...and the music played...


Ohhhhh....he was pissed. Jason raised his machete into the air and struck downward, but this time...Cain slapped his hands down onto the blade, holding in place. Yes. He's no selling Jason Voorhees. As the music plays, he grins evilly and swings Voorhees off toward the campfire. Those with the "Eye" can see a red aura and rocks rising around Cain. The ground cracking beneath him as he walked.

"Understand one thing as you burn, Jason. Cain...well..I am a bad mother fucker. I am not an inbred chainsaw swinging mother fucker, nor am I a pussy..."He slammed the heel of his boot into the back of Voorhees, forcing him to roast in the campfire. "...who kills his prey in their sleep! I am mother fucking Cain, and you are one dead son of a bitch!"

And with those words, Cain plunged his fist into the back of the now weakened Voorhees. He rooted around inside his chest cavity, eyes going wide as he found his prize.

"Ahh! Dinner!"

The black heart beat slowly in the hand of the Last Son of Eden. He let off of Jason who rolled over and tried to stand...once.....twice...

He fell, with the image of his heart being eaten burned into his mind. Cain chowed down on the black heart of Voorhees and yawned. He made his way into the now vacant tent.

"Gah...I'm sleepy. It's time for a nap!"

Hrrrrm...

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