Theo arrived a little late to the office this morning, at least a little later than usual. Lila had spent the night and unfortunately Theo forgot to set his alarm clock. Thankfully he had nothing important on his agenda. Of course you wouldn’t know that by the fact that Erica was waiting in his office as soon as he arrived.


“You’re late.”

“You seem to be having that problem a lot lately.”

“Shut up.”

“Just trying to lighten the mood. You know, I never asked, but how have you been feeling? According to the internet the first trimester can be rather unpleasant. Any issues with morning sickness?”

“Mostly nausea. I have yet to actually get sick.”

“Well that’s very fortunate. From what I read it can really suck.”

“Google or Med MD?”

“Google. Always Google. I have a boat load of stock in Google. So tell me Erica, what brings you to my office first thing in the morning?”

“Well it’s not first thing in the morning, not for most of us.”

“Touche.”

“Well not to drastically change the good vibes going on right now but we have a bit of a situation. And unfortunately it involves your little stay at the county jail in L.A.”

“Of course it does.”

“Well the papers have been calling nonstop, and you may have noticed the multiple news vans parked out front. They have been hounding the staff here nonstop for days. So far everyone has played the good soldier and said nothing.”

“That’s because they know nothing.”

“Perhaps. But it could start effecting business.”

“Lovely. Fucking John Samuels.”

“He was the guy you were arrested with right? They guy you were fighting? I thought you two were friends?”

“We are. But we were both drinking, he said some things, I said some things. One thing led to another and fists and bottles started flying. All because of a stupid match he and I have to have for the crown."

“Wait, this is because of that stupid wrestling company? And I thought you said you didn’t care about the crown, or being the “King” or whatever it is?”

“I don’t. I truly don’t. But I want to give the crown up on my own terms not because some 60 year old with a boa thinks it would be a good idea to pit two friends against each other.”

“So this is about being told what to do? Who knew Theo Pryce had a problem with authority?”

“What do you expect Erica? I’ve been THE guy for as long as I can remember and now some geriatric fuck and his 4 friends show up and suddenly we have to follow his lead? Why? Because 20 years ago they did something special?”

“Am I supposed to know who you are talking about?”

“No I suppose not. Sorry, I am just a bit distracted. I have to prepare for a match against a guy that over the course of the last few weeks had become a pretty close confidant. Some might even say a friend.”

“Some might. Do you?”

“I don’t know. John’s a good guy, even if he is a drunkard from Texas. But what Texan isn’t a drunkard?”

“Be nice Theo. President Bush was very good for business.”

“Not just good Erica. The best. Sometimes, I miss those days. Not the mass paranoia that struck this country post 9-11 but all the money that from Texas who by virtue of his last name brought us during those few glorious years in office.”

“ might be a bit harsh.”

“I don’t think it is harsh enough. The guy was a bonafide . He wasn’t just stupid, the guy was flat out, Corky-esque. If his father wasn’t who he was I am convinced that “W” would have been selling cars at some used car lot that his father gave him for a 25th birthday present.”

“Selling cars? Why selling cars?”

“From all the discussions and dinners and meetings I had with “W” there is one thing that is abundantly clear, “W” is the greatest salesman this world has ever seen. The things he got people to buy into without even giving it a second thought is truly amazing when you think about it.”

“Something you clearly do.”

“Obviously. You know what, all this talk about politicians have given me a fantastic idea. In fact, it might be my best idea yet.”

“And what is that?”

“John Samuels…

For…

PRESIDENT.”

“What?”

“In fact, get legal and HR on the phone, tell them I want to draft a press release “Theo Pryce to fund John Samuels Presidential Bid.”

“Don’t you think you should ask John about this before you assume he wants to run for President?”

“What? No. John would be thrilled. Obviously the guy has higher aspirations in life as evidence by him wanting my crown. I am sure he doesn’t want to be known as just some “Senator” from Texas with a drinking problem. President is a logical next step. Besides, it’s not like the Republicans have anyone worth a shit to tout out there in 2016.”

“Can’t say I really follow what is going on with the GOP.”

“Well you should Erica. Politics are important and voting is even more important. So many people have died for your right to vote. Please don’t tell me you are one of those “my vote doesn’t matter so why bother” folks are you?”

“I haven’t voted in a long time Theo.”

“That makes my heart hurt Erica. It is your god damn civic duty to vote. Damn it Erica. You are the reason that socialist Obama won the last two elections. Never again though.”

“Well yeah, this is his second term so he is out of office soon.”

“And he will be replaced by my hand chosen candidate. It’s so fucking brilliant I can’t believe I didn’t think of it sooner.”

“Once again, do you think you should ask this John Samuels guy first?”

“Not really. After I beat him on Monday he will probably drink himself half to death and he will need an outlet, that’s when I swoop in with my brilliant idea and he will lap it up. John loves a good idea, especially when that idea sees him running the country that he loves the most.”

“So on top of running this company, and being the King of the XWF you now want to be a guy that single handedly puts someone in the White House?”

“Don’t forget the Ruler of the High Council of Ozuul.”

“The Ruler of what? Please don’t tell me you are a Dungeons and Dragons nerd. Please.”

“What? No. Remember Mr. Supernova? The guy who likes to randomly appear at the worst times possible?”

“Lila’s father?”

“Yes.”

“What about him?”

“Well Ozuul is the planet he came from. A few weeks back I went with him to that planet and pretended to be someone else. The end game being to end his exile from that planet. It worked, and now I run the planet. I also got a nifty little ring that lets me travel from to various locations just like Supernova does.”

“Wait, hold on…are you on drugs again?”

“No, I swear to God I’m not. Everything I just told you is 100% legit.”

“So you are the ruler of another planet, is that seriously what you are telling me?”

“Yep.”

“Where are the drugs?”

“What? No, I’m serious. I know, it sounds completely fucking insane but it’s the truth. And for the record I haven’t touched a drug since I got out of New Horizons and you flushed my cocaine buffet down the toilet. That was a sad day by the way. In fact, it was the saddest of days.”

“It had to be done Theo, you know it, and I know it.”

“So you say Erica. You know what, enough about the drugs. Those days are behind me. It’s all about looking ahead. Speaking, did you talk to your boyfriend slash fiancé slash baby daddy about what I proposed to you the other day?”

“The double date?”

“Yep.”

“We talked.”

“And?”

“He was not really in favor of the idea.”

“As I suspected. So you just left it at that? No double date? My heart is breaking Erica.”

“No I didn’t just leave it at that. Believe it or not, Nathaniel does not make unilateral decisions. We do talk things out.”

“Well that’s good. That makes for a strong and healthy relationship. Communication is very important. Lila and I have great communication.”

“That’s wonderful Theo. I am truly happy for you and Lila. Now as it pertains to your request, after some back and forth discussion Nathaniel agreed to a double date. At our house, next Friday. Does that work for you and Lila?”

“Let me check.”



Theo reaches into his desk, grabs a metal ring and places it upon his finger, instantly vanishing. Erica’s eyes light up in amazement as she almost falls out of her chair. Instead she gets up from her chair and starts looking around the office, half hyperventilating.

A moment later Theo reappears exactly where he was when he disappeared.


“Ok, she’s in.”

“What the fuck was that?”

“What was what?”

“You…you...you just vanished.”

“Oh that. That was the ring I told you about, the one that lets me go anywhere. Remember? I told you about how I am now the ruler of Ozuul and I got a fancy ring from Lila’s father? And you didn’t believe me. Well…believe me now?”

“Yeah I guess I do. So you can go anywhere? Anywhere in the world?”

“Yep. So I should be able to save the company a lot of money by not having to use my jet anymore. Though I am probably going to buy a yacht now. So just be on the lookout for that bill.”

“What? You can’t just buy a yacht on the company dime?”

“Sure I can. The company dime is my dime. That’s the beauty of being me.”

“Well the IRS would disagree with you.”

“We shall see. But anyway, Lila said Friday is perfect, is there anything she can bring?”

“No, we will handle everything. Just please Theo, please be on your best behavior.”

“You have nothing to worry about. But you might want to talk to your fiancé, he did drug me not that long ago. Or did you forget about that?”

“I did not. We’ve talked about it. He too will be on his best behavior.”

“Lovely. Now if you don’t mind, I need to head down to the gym.”

“The gym? You just got here 30 minutes ago, you aren’t even going to pretend to do any work are you?”

“Not today.”


Erica picks up her stack of papers off Theo’s desk and heads out of the office, slamming the door behind her. Theo gets up from his desk, walks over to his private bathroom and shuts the door.