Weapon:Ashen is seen backstage, yelling out loud as soon as he enters the building.

ASHEN: Attention! Your master has entered the building!

He has his long blonde hair tied up and he's wearing no shirt. His bare chest shows his massive scar from his battle with Ryu. Oh shit, back up, we mean from his battle with Amon Dante. Yeah that's the one!

Weapon:Ashen stomps through the back and finds the office of Miranda Tigris which he kicks in the door of on sight. The pieces of the door fly into the office and, luckily, hit Steve Sayors who just happened to be standing on the other side of the door. Sayors gets a piece of door stuck in his eye and runs away.

Tigris yells at Sayors to make sure he doesn't get any blood on anything. He's bleeding pretty bad from that piece of door. Was that metal? Wood? Glass?

ASHEN: I am here to take control. Get out.

He points his finger right out the door.

Tigris: Actually I think somebody didn't get the memo.

ASHEN: I am Shane . I wrote the memo. Get out, waggle bagga!

Ashen's head twitches and his eye shuts. Miranda can't help but notice the eye but doesn't mention it.

Tigris: I actually checked ahead. Yes it may be Shane 's brain inside that head of yours but Shane the man no longer exists as is evident by your own name being... say it with me... Weapon:Ashen?

ASHEN: Fuck you, whore. You're talking to The Lie!

He grabs her and pulls her in, biting a chunk of her scalp! He's biting into the top of her head and growling like a vicious beast!

His words can sort of be made out but it's not easy when half of a woman's head is in there too!

ASHEN: Filthy ass whore bagged fucked cuntedala salduwel ???___Djwe???baagaagagaladygagawaggle!

Suddenly as he keeps saying those things and trying to suck Miranda down whole, a team of ... of... WAHT THE FKUC? It's a bunch of assholes wearing really nice suits and Charlie Sheen masks over their heads! They're beating the holy hell out of Weapon:Ashen with billy clubs!!! The camera gets a better view of the beat down and on their backs it says... oh my god...

OH MY FUCKING GOD NO! NO!!! IT CAN'T BE!!!!!!!!

The backs of their blazers say:
ADMIN NETWORK SHEENCURITY

Miranday Tigris is tended to by an EMT who rushed in just as Weapon:Ashen had been taken down to the floor and was screaming something about shoving Miranda's entire leg up the anal cavity of the poor potato fucker who dares to hit him next. As Miranda is being tended to, she yells over at Ashen...

Tigris: Take him to the shitty locker room all the way at the end of the last hall... the one where they forgot to install lights! He can stay there and prepare for his match again... well, we'll keep that a surprise. Get ready for action, Ashen!

Blood pours down her face but she seems fine. Ashen is dragged out by Admin Network Sheencurity and taken to his new locker room to prepare for his match.

---

---

---

The arena lights suddenly just shut off consuming the arena into complete darkness. The sudden engulfing of a massive bright spotlight shines down onto the entry area, the fans try looking through it but it is far too bright to see through it with the naked eye. Suddenly, the public address sound system comes on playing "Devour" by Shinedown as the stage is still engulfed in the massive light. After a few seconds, the spotlight begins fading away and the arena lights return to life as there stands Drew Stevenson with his hands on his hips just looking out nodding as these fans boo him, he just begins walking down the aisle sporting his usual attire which consists of dark green Chute Boxe style shorts, dark green knee pads, boots and his hands taped up in dark green tape as well. He begins walking down the aisle until he gets down to the ring, he quickly rolls into the ring from under the bottom rope immediately getting back to his feet just pacing the ring simply awaiting for the bell to ring thus getting this match underway.

"Stop Bullying" by Trey Parker plays over the loudspeaker and Guppy Parsh emerges from the back. He walks over to the ring, but before he gets into it he checks to make sure no one is being bullied. If no one is being bullied he gets into the ring. Peter Gilmour's Racist Remarks follow him like a cloud.

The bell rings, and the match begins!

Guppy stays in his corner, seemingly oblivious to the match starting, and Stevenson rushes in after the much smaller former doctor with a lariat, planning on pinning Guppy to the turnbuckle, but the smaller man ducks under Stevenson's legs and slides out behind him! Stevenson smashes into the corner, hitting his head on the top of the turnbuckle before stumbling backwards and spinning around in time to get caught with a spear! However, as Stevenson has an over 100 pound weight advantage, the spear doesn't do much but drop Guppy to his knees on impact. Stevenson laughs and gets Guppy trapped in a gutwrench position and lifts him up and drops him with a gutwrench suplex! Peter Gilmour's Racist Remarks explode in anger at the move, calling Stevenson a chickenshit pansy, which serves only to get Guppy a kick to the rips.

The kick is so powerful, that it rolls Guppy from his back onto his stomach! He pushes off the mat, getting back to his feet rather easily, and Stevenson circles around, waiting for his opponent to get back up. Parsh is up and Stevenson tries for a lockup, which allows Guppy to hit a super slick arm drag. Stevenson bounces off the mat and uses that moment to easily hop back up to his feet, dusting himself off and sheepishly yawning at the bit of offense that Guppy got in. Guppy however is on top of the world, managing to take the much bigger man off his feet. Stevenson approaches Guppy, and gives him a stiff open handed slap to the face, seemingly in retaliation for the man's celebration after a rather weak maneuver. The slap spins Guppy all the way around like a cartoon character before Guppy steps forward and hits a strange, albeit effective discus punch to the stomach that knocks the air right out of Drew! Stevenson stumbles back, and Guppy hits a hip toss! Immediately he drops on top of his opponent for the cover!

1.......................

Kickout! With some authority! He sends Parsh up in the air and a few feet backwards before crashing to the canvas. However, he failed to land with any real impact and as such is up to his feet before Stevenson and goes right back on the attack, laying in some stomps on his opponent as he gets back to a vertical base. Stevenson shoves him off comes running in with another lariat, which he connects with this time, sending Guppy almost flipping around and landing flat on his face! Stevenson laughs heartily, before dropping an elbow across Guppy's back and rolling him over for a nonchalant pin!

1...............................







2.............................................

Kickout! Guppy barely powers out of that pin at the last possible second! Stevenson gets up and drops another elbow that Guppy rolls out of the way of! Guppy gets back to his feet and slowly makes his way back to Stevenson, who immediately tries for another lockup! Kick to the shin from Guppy! Drew grabs at his lower leg and hops up and down on the other leg, muttering profanities. Guppy shakes his head and kicks him in the other shin! Stevenson's down on his knees! Guppy backs up and hits a lariat to his kneeling opponent, dropping him back down to the mat. Stevenson rolls out of the ring for a breather, and Guppy lines him up! He hits the ropes, running for the ropes, he dives over the top rope!

But he hasn't been trained to do that, and well, he falls and lands splat against the concrete below! Stevenson, a good few feet away from where his opponent landed shakes his head in disgust before peeling the lifeless body of Guppy off the floor and rolling him back into the ring. Following him in, Stevenson measures the slightly stirring (still breathing at the very least) Guppy Parsh before pouncing on him, going for some vicious punches from the mount position! What is this: wrestling, MMA, or violent gay porn?!

Answer: What's the difference?

Wait! Guppy blocks one of the punches! Headbutt! Drew stumbles off, clutching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger. Guppy gets back to his feet and approaches the doubled over Stevenson. Wait no, Stevenson's got him clutched, he's thinking Final Conflict!

No! Knee to the gut! He doubles over once more...


STRIKEDEATH~

The cover!

1............










2......................................









Three!


Winner: Guppy Parsh

---

---

---

Hank Lane
- vs -
Kristy Jackson
Standard Match

Orion by Metallica begins playing on the Jumbo-Tron as Hank 'Thunder' Lane makes his way towards the ring. He is wearing a long Satin robe with Thunder on the back of it in Diamonds. He slides into the ring and awaits the entrance of his opponent.

Kristy Jackson's theme, Headstrong by Trapt, plays through out the arena and she strolls out with a grin on her face. She raises her arm into the air and sticks her tongue out before skipping down the ring and sliding into the ring.

The two competitors look ready to go and the referee looks over at the time keeper and calls for the bell. They lock up and Lane immediately gets the advantage he gets behind Jackson and flips her to the mat then rolls over her and locks her in a headlock. She slowly struggles to her feet then begins to place elbows into the ribs of the number one contender to the United States Championship. He sees what is about to happen and hits her with a knee to the gut. He grabs her arm and pushes her into the ropes then whips her across the ring. He runs into the middle and leaps over her as she ducks. She turns and continues running but he slides under her feet. She continues running again and this time Lane hits her with a spinning elbow taking her down to the mat.

She is fast to her feet but Lane connects with a snap suplex that Hank is famous for! He rolls into the cover.

1...




Kick out!

Fast kick out at one by Jackson.


He picks her up by the hair and goes to slam it into the turnbuckle but she raises her boot up to the top rope and flips over his arm. Lane turns but walks straight into a European uppercut. These two high-flying brawlers are putting on an excellent match for us so far! Jackson ceases the opportunity, she runs off the ropes and leaps up and nails a hurricanrana. The fast action continues as she leaps up to the top turnbuckle. Lane climbs to his feet but a flying clothesline connects from Jackson! What a move! High risk and high impact!

She covers him.

1....





2....



Kick out!

He kicks out at two and Jackson looks distraught, she thought she had him. They get to their feet and Jackson goes to throw Lane out of the ring but instead he spins it and throws her out instead. She holds her head and immediately Lane follows this up by running off the opposite ropes... Suicide Dive!! To the outside and it connects to high impact and the referee begins to count the two of them out.

Lane throws her back into the ring and quickly slides into the cover.

1....




2...





Kick out!



He's now the one in disbelief and he tries to argue with the referee for a moment before shaking his head and continuing his assault. He drops an elbow to the ribs then looks up at the turn buckle. He climbs it but Jackson catches him as he climbs it with a forearm. She flips him over with her feet and he lands on his back. She follows this up with a moonsault from the top turnbuckle!

He roars in pain and she goes for the cover

1...




2....



Kick out!


She begins to get restless and she unloads a flurry of closed fists to his skull and the referee forces her off of him due to the use of closed fists. She nearly pushes him but stops her self then turns but is rolled up by a small package pin by Lane.


1....




2...




Kick out by Jackson this time. The two of them get to their feet and begin to exchange cross body chops and the fans shout “Woooooooo!” In homage to the legendary Ric Flair.

Jackson whips Lane into the turnbuckle and runs at him. She nails him with an enziguri in the corner and follows it up with a running bull dog to high impact. She rolls him over and points to the top turn buckle. She begins to call for the end of the match and points to the sky.

She goes for the suicide attack (swanton bomb) but some how Lane rolls out of the way of it just in time. Lane sees the chance. He runs off the ropes... THUNDER LANE! (Clothesline From Hell)

He damn god nearly took her head off!

He rolls into the cover, that's got to be it!


1.....









2........





Kick out! Kick out!

Some how! Some way! Jackson shows great resilience by kicking out to that devastating attack by Lane. He really cannot believe it. It must have been so close. He grabs her by the legs after a moment of shock, he sling shots her head first into the turnbuckle then rolls her up with a school boy pin attempt.

1....





Kick out!

Lane begins to start to look frustrated. He grabs her by the hair and calls for another Thunder Lane but this time she ducks the clothesline. Lane keeps running and as he turns she catches him with a toe hold that sends him between the middle and top rope

Now she runs off the ropes... hits it! Bloodline! (619) Lane drops to the mat and she leaps up onto the top turn buckle and nails it! Suicide Attack (Swanton Bomb).


The cover!

1.....






2.....




3......




Winner: Kristy Jackson

---

---

---

Weapon:Ashen
- vs -
???
X-treme Rules

Fans rise in anticipation for what will be Weapon:Ashen's first match in "over a billion years" according to his comments just before the match!


"Pleasure Slave" by ManOwaR begins to play as the lights dim to a reddish tint. Weapon:Ashen makes his way out from the back, randomly sticking fans in their faces with snap jabs and super kicks on his way down the aisle. The sounds of woman moaning in orgasmic delight coming from his theme song are appropriate as he assaults the onlookers and takes a moment to taste their blood on his stained knuckles.

ASHEN: Fucking blithering buffoons! You'd think by now the guys down here would... *kicks fan in face* ...understand to STAND BACK when the master is walking through!

He punches an elderly woman right in the nose, causing her false teeth to fall right out into Ashen's waiting hand.

ASHEN: How did I know THAT was coming? HA!

He takes the teeth and tries shoving them into his own mouth but... since he has teeth of his own, it really doesn't work out very well. Still though, he's enjoying the fuck out of himself right now it seems. For those who believe he swaps between being Shane , Ashen, and Judas... it seems a lot like this is "The Lie" Judas Iscariot in all his glory. His flamboyant and almost homosexual hand gestures as he makes those false teeth chatter in his mouth are adding to the Judas theory.

ASHEN: (sounding muffled) Where's my opponent? Or should I be saying TARGET???

He spits the false teeth out and shouts!

ASHEN: WHERE IS MY VICTIM!? HA HA HAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!









He waits in the ring and after a few seconds...












It can't be!

No way!

IT'S THAT DIRTY ROTTEN CHEAT! THAT UNDERHANDED, SHADY SCOUNDREL!

LUCENA!

The proud man walk to the ring, delighting his theme song, smiling and pointing to everyone like "hey yo" and the fans point right back! Many of the fans have grown accustom to the ways of "the worst in the world" and he seems to have a growing fanbase. Some of the fans are actually chanting "Cheat! Cheat! Cheat!" as he continues his happy go lucky stroll to the ring, pointing at fans and showing off his pearly whites.

Lucena gets into the ring and sees Weapon:Ashen just leaning up against the corner like a lazy bum, looking half asleep and drooling on himself. Lucena cocks his head a bit and has to wonder the the hell is up with his opponent, but then just goes right back to smiling and pointing out to fans as they cheer him! His music finally stops and Weapon:Ashen wipes drool from his face, flicking it out toward the front row and landing in some fohawk having toolbag's face. GOOD!

Ashen pulls himself to a vertical base and seems like he just woke up... blinking his eyes and looking Lucena up and down like he doesn't believe what he sees.

ASHEN: Are you even cleared to be standing in this ring? Do you know who I am, Cheat? I'm your boss... I'm SHANE .

Lucena looks out to the fans and seems a little confused. He hasn't had all that much experience with Shane in the past so he turns to the fans who are all shaking their heads "no" and saying not to listen.

ASHEN: Oh, I'll tell you right now it doesn't matter WHAT they think. Get down on your knees, Lucena! LAY DOWN FOR ME OR BE RAPED BY THE LIE!

Ashen begins to unbuckle his belt and he pulls it from his belt loops. He cracks the belt in his hand and demands that Lucena lay on his back but Lucena points up to the lights above the ring. Ashen looks up and Lucena kicks Ashen right in the Weapon:Dong! HOLY SHIT!

Ashen hops around the ring holding his nut sack, shrieking like somebody was burning him with hot coals in his asshole or something. Lucena laughs and points while Ashen hops around the ring holding his gonads...

Lucena: Looks like he is in no shape to be doing any raping now huh?

The fans break out in laughter as Lucena grabs Weapon:Ashen's belt and tries yanking it away from his hand but Ashen pulls Lucena into a stiff clothesline. Ashen plucks Lucena right up like a daisy from the canvas, throws him up into a military press and walks to the corner with Lucena held high.

ASHEN: Looks like I'm in great condition for doing this though! HA!

Ashen tosses Lucena forward and he lands stomach first right into the top of the ring post! OUCH!!! Lucena dangles up there, bobbing back and forth like he's been broken in half over the ring post as Weapon:Ashen steps out onto the apron and with a running start boots Lucena clean into the front row barricade and breaking it.

ASHEN: You're the Cheat, right? Well isn't it a good thing this is an x-treme rules match? All that cheating is welcome... but I hope you enjoy taking it as much as dishing it out.

Ashen goes under the ring and finds a large pair of pliers. He walks over to Lucena, pulls him out from the broken barricade and starts to clamp down around Lucena's adam’s apple with those pliers! Lucena is gagging and choking, spitting up white foam and all kinds of disgusting liquids. It splashes up into Ashen's face but he's got his tongue out, wagging it around and licking the air so he can get a taste!

Ashen pulls Lucena up and grabs him by the hair with two handfuls, and just whips him around and right over the barricade! Lucena goes slamming into the faces of a bunch of people and a lot of the fans fall back out of their chairs. Ashen has one eyebrow raised, his tongue half out, and is running his finger up along the scar on his muscular chest. He looks like he's ready to rape. The Judas Iscariot within him must be a little more of a homosexual than when we last saw him years ago... Maybe from Vanessa Veigns being gone too long?

ASHEN: And now we end this dance with a kiss! HAHAHAHA!

Ashen shoves injured fans out of the way and even takes the time to bite the bridge of one fan's nose because he was too fat to be pushed away!

Ashen grabs Lucena and puts his hands around his throat, tossing him toward the ring and causing Lucena's back to smash into the ring apron. Ashen kicks a few fans away from him and jabs a few in their faces as XWF security tries to gain control. Ashen steps back out of the fray and toward Lucena who has somehow managed to climb into the ring!

Ashen gets in the ring and pulls Lucena up to his feet. Blood is smeared across Lucena's mouth and cheeks. His neck is badly bruised.

ASHEN: Any last words, Lucy?

Lucena looks like he's... he's laughing?

ASHEN: Yeah, it is pretty funny isn't it? The thought of you in a ring with me is hilarious in itsel...

...but suddenly Lucena pokes Ashen in the eyes and follows it up with a classic roll up pin! That's THE SPANISH ROGUE! And he's got the pin locked in tight! He even looks like he's grabbing a handful of tight... or pants! What a cheater!


The ref begins the count...







...1













... "Kickout!"





...
















...2



















..... "I SAID KICKOUT!!!!!"















...



























...THREE!!!!!!!!!

The fans hit the roof! What the hell did we just see?!?!?!?!?

Lucena springs off of Weapon:Ashen after the three count and the bell rings. Ashen just kept yelling kickout! That idiot yelled it instead of DOING IT!!!!

Lucena's music plays as he quickly makes his way around ringside and up toward the back, holding his throat and trying to raise his hand in victory. Meanwhile in the ring, Weapon:Ashen just lays there on his back and stares up at the lights while laughing uncontrollably.

ASHEN: HAHAHAHAHAHA HA HA HA HA! AAAAHHHHHHhhhhhh, incredible... You fucking ignoramus; you heard me yelling kickout AND YOU DID NOTHING!

ASHEN: I'm not the one that would have needed to do that, Judas... I'm the brains! NOT the brawn!

ASHEN: And now you both start to realize who's really in power here.

Weapon:Ashen's demeanor instantly changes to become very expressionless and robotic like. He slowly rises to his feet and holds his head high with his shoulders back... very different from his posture before now. His eyes scan the arena before an abrupt shouting of "WHORE!" exits his lips.

---

---

---

Die Unklonbare and Enigma meet center of the squared circle as the bell chimes and this fight begins! Unklonbare catching Enigma with several right and left hooks, followed by some brutal chest chops and a few knees to the midsection. An act that doubles Enigma over only to be greeted with a Double Axehandle to the back!

Enigma slams to the canvas as Unklonbare sends a boot to his back causing Enigma to surge in agony!. Unklonbare then reaches down and grabs Enigma by the back of his head before he wrenches Enigma from the canvas. Striking Enigma with a quick backhand and promptly sending him off to the corner with a Hip Toss!

Enigma flies towards the corner but before he crashed into the turnbuckle, he leaps, raising both feet up and turning midair as he does, Enigma then plants his feet onto the turnbuckle, using it as a point of launch to send himself soaring back at Unklonbare!

Colliding with Unklonbare, like a missile and causing them both to crash to the canvas!

Once there, Enigma starts dishing out some Mounted Punches. A rapid succession delivered onto Unklonbare until blood is spilling from his nose and busted lip. At which point Unklonbare ends the onslaught with a Low Blow to Engima.

Engima falls off to the side and Unklonbare slowly rises. Spitting a mouthful of blood out into the ring as he does. His eyes locked onto Enigma as they narrow in anger. Trickles of blood spilling down as Unklonbare's features become distorted with rage. A fury that fuels Unklonbare as he comes in with a couple of kicks to Enigma's ribs!

Kicks that send Enigma rolling towards the ropes. Ropes that Unklonbare now uses as leverage as he plants several heavy footed stomps right down into Enigma's stomach, ribs and chest!

A cruel laugh escapes Unklonbare as he towers over Enigma. One that continues to expel from Unklonbare as he reaches down and yanks Enigma to his feet. An action that is swiftly followed by a Michinoku Driver!

Unklonbare goes for the pin!

Foot on the rope!

That pin was broken up before it had a chance to begin!

Unklonbare climbs to his feet in a huff as Enigma rises to his. Unklonbare immediately catching Enigma with a couple left hooks and a knee to the gut. To which Enigma fires back with some chops to Unklonbare's chest and a Headbutt, that sends Unklonbare stumbling back! However, Unklonbare shakes off the blow and then comes in with a right hook before sending another knee into Enigma's midsection!

Enigma doubles over on contact to the knee, but manages to charge forward. Colliding his shoulder with Unklonbare's midsection as he careens forward, slamming Unklonbare right into the turnbuckle across the ring!

Unklonbare falls forward, right into an awaiting Uppercut from Enigma followed by a Swinging Neckbreaker! Enigma then pulls Unklonbare up to his feet by a tuft of his sweaty and matted hair, planting a backhand across his face before hitting Unklonbare with a Tilt-a-whirl Backbreaker!

From there Enigma executes - The Great Mystery! That Boston Crab being rendered in absolute perfection while Enigma kneels firmly right on Unklonbare's neck!

The move is brutal and Unklonbare looks to be in terrible pain! Writing with an expression to match! Not to mention, Enigma refuses to let up! It's clear, Enigma craves this victory! A factor both men desire but appears to be even more so for Enigma as we witness him pulling the hold as tight as he can, while he releases a fury filled roar!

Unklonbare's eye bulge!

He can't take much more!

Unklonbare taps!

He taps and yet, Enigma refuses to release the hold!

Instead he manages to pull the submission move, even tighter still! Wrenching it until Unklonbare passes out from the pain and the ref is actually physically yanking Enigma off of him!

Winner: Enigma

OCC: It was a good match Hank.

I have never been so disrespected as when that flea bitten feline, Miranda Tigris of the gaping skull wound, sent me to that LITERALLY shitty locker room so I wouldn't be prepared for my match against a KNOWN CHEAT. Why was there actual SHIT smeared on the walls of that locker room, Miss Kitty? Was that yours? It tasted like it came from an asshole that's had many-a-dick inside of it. MANY-A-DICK!

Blaarrgggghhaa! Waggle bagga! I am the owner! I run this place! Somebody's going to get their potato mashed!

And when that doesn't work, Greggo and I will take care of these sex crazed whores in our own way... ...and it will be Weapon:Ashen whose boot presses the head of every Admin Network supporter deep into the ground so that new life may sprout from their dismemberment. Target:XWF is now official.

And Lucena? Oh Luceeeena! Don't think you've escaped the wrath of my freshly shaven loins. You will be my personal Vanessa and these onlookers will smile with envy as I bleed into you. You'll NEVER cheat on me... again. HA HA HAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

Shane goes right, Judas goes left, and Weapon:Ashen turns away. Not the most graceful exit.

Call me by my rightful title... WEAPON:ASHEN. You'll know if I take exception to it the same way Target:Tigris noticed but I'll gladly be the one to point out your error in claiming anything is up to... up to US THREE? You've a lot to learn about this vessel and its CAPTAIN; it will be I who decides what to do with your sexual attraction, and don't you DARE try to say it's anything other than THAT! I felt your eyes on me during my match, Supernova. I know what you were thinking about when Cheat Lucena's hand touched my groin.

Ehhrgh, ugh... dammit, Nova! Do not interact with me in this form, for Shane knows not what his weapon will do. A part of me senses concern for your well being in Shane's mind... heh, an easily dealt with obstacle. Stay awaayyyyyyyyes! YES! Fuck me, whore man! Satisfy my 90 trillion year old appetite for raw, unrivaled, bloody passion! I've got my wad of hundreds, got my magnum condoms; I'M READY TO PLOW. I am the Mantis!



Greggo runs in with a visible erection, looking around frantically while sweat glistens all over his naked body.

Howdeh... (breathing heavily... has to pause to catch his breath... ...) ...did somebodeh say something about candle wax?