Fade in:

We're at a Burger King drive through window with John Madison at the wheel and Luca Arzegotti in the passenger seat. We notice that the headlight of the old ass Trans-Am that they're driving is pushed up against the wall of the B.K. John's speech is also slurred. Also, there's a bottle of whiskey wedged between his legs. Yes, our king is driving under the influence of alcohol. That is unacceptable behavior-- unacceptable behavior on Luca Arzegotti's part as someone riding shotgun, and as a fellow licensed motorist. Luca should be holding the whiskey bottle up to John's lips so he can grip the wheel properly. People die every day from improper hand placement on the steering wheel. What is Luca thinking putting his own needs ahead of other motorists?


Regardless of that, John has managed to park the vehicle into the wall of the restaurant and is ready to speak to the eager employee who comes to the window. The employee is a young brunette with her hair pulled back and a friendly demeanor on her face. She also has big titties, just for the record.


The young woman goes to deliver the greeting that she's been waiting all week to say, but John interrupts her.


"I'll take an order of big titties, bitch!"


"Excuse me?"


John realizes that he might have acted out inappropriately and decides to correct himself.


"Hey sexy, give me a second to look over the menu, okay?"


"Umm. Okay, sir. Let me know when you're ready to order!"


John turns to face his other guests who are crammed into the backseat of the Trans-Am. It's our good friends Mr. Supernova and NAZI! Neither one of them seem to be comfortable in that tight space as they sit knee to knee.


"What do you fuckers want to eat?" shouts Madison with his whiskey breath.


"I'm not hungry," NAZI says to John."But can you turn on the A/C, please?"


"Are you sure? I can ask them to put sour kraut on it," shouts John. "Oh, and the A/C is broken."


"No thanks and 'shit.'"


"Whatever, fuck you. Hey, Nova! Do you want any food?"


"Actually," Supernova says to John. "I am starving since you refused to feed me anything but bird seed over the past two days. Just get me a-"


John interrupts Supernova before he can finish his sentence. For whatever reason, John has convinced himself that Supernova has the digestive system of a parakeet since Nova is an extraterrestrial life form.


"Alright I got it- I'll just ask for sesame seeds so you can nourish your delicate, non-human digestive system."


"No, I was going to say that I could actually use some-"


"Alright Nova, just shut up! I need to take Luca's order now..."


John turns back around to face Luca Arzegotti in the front seat. Luca has his head hanging out of his window with some douchebag Aviator style sunglasses covering his eyes.


"LUCA! What do you want to eat?!"


Luca shrugs his shoulder and continues to sit there, careless of what's going on around him.


"What the fuck, people? I'll order for you too then!"


John punches the drive through window and the attendant returns to take his order.


"Did you guys decide what you wan-"


John interrupts...


"Yeah, I want one Whopper with kraut for my Nazi friend. And just give me some sesame seeds for my alien friend. (Nova sighs) And I guess, if you have some, sprinkle some cocaine on a Whopper for my friend Luca here. For me, just give me a traditional Whopper since I'm not an alien, a Nazi, or a coke fiend."


"Umm... Hehe! Okay, I'll see what I can do!"


NAZI: "I don't eat sour kraut, John."


Supernova: "And I don't eat sesame seeds..."


Luca: "I... I do eat cocaine... Thanks John!"


Two minutes later, the young lady comes back with two paper bags full of crack and kraut laced Whoppers. Oh-- and a bag full of seeds. John reaches into his pocket to retrieve his wallet, but instead he pulls out a loaded Glock! Holy shit! Holy shit! He points the pistol out of his car window and into the face of the drive through attendant!


"AHH!" shrieks the young lady with big tits (just for the record). "Don't hurt me, sir!"


"Holy shit, babe. Are you not armed?"


"N-No sir."


"Why the fuck not?!"


"I- I don't like guns."


Luca lets out a sigh as he knows what's coming up next. He decides to go ahead and lay out his meal since they're probably gonna be stuck there for a while.


"Oh shit, here we go..."


"How can you not like guns? This is America, how do you expect to go through life without bearing arms? You are an American citizen! This isn't Canada! Or England!"


"I-- I don't know. I'm just scared of them. They're very dangerous!"


"John," NAZI butts in. "Can we just leave? It's hot and cramped back here. I'm about to pass out..."


"That's good, you now have a very small taste of what those poor Jews felt, you filthy Nazi. Now shut up and let me educate this young, vulnerable American woman... with big titties."


John turns back to the cashier with the big titties.


"There's no need to be scared of guns, young lady." John explains like a thoughtful parent. "Owning a gun is your constitutional right. Just think, this asshole that I have in the backseat probably wouldn't be called a Nazi if the people of Europe had armed themselves up in 1940 or whatever. What are you gonna do when the government kicks down the door to your house and tries to rape you? You just saw how easy I could have done it. What's to stop a group of people with money, power, and billions of dollars worth of military equipment?"


"I guess nothing..."


"That's right-- nothing. Jesus, your father should be ashamed for not teaching you all about gun ownership. But fuck it, now is the time for you to take a stand,"


John squints his eyes at the cashier's name tag as he attempts to call her out by name.


"Kristy."


"What do you want me to do, sir?"


"Here, take this Glock."


John releases the handle of the pistol and holds it by its retractable slide as he hands it off to the cashier in the drive through window.


"You are now a gun owner and a serving member of my militia."


"Oh, wow!"


"Remember, handle that Glock with care. I only allow responsible gun owners into my militia."


Cashier Kristy bounces the pistol in her hand like its a new toy.


"Hey, Kristy. Why don't you test it out? Point that shit up at the ceiling and do a test fire. That way your boss and your fellow employees will see that you are serious about exercising your right to bear arms."


Without hesitating, the big breasted, twenty-something year old woman extends her arm over her head and squeezes the trigger. The gun goes off as we hear the employees and customers inside scramble for cover.


"Damn! She handles that weapon better than you ever could, Luca."


John begins to drive off as he leaves without paying for his meal.


"I can't believe you gave her your Glock. Is that your thing now-- you're just gonna go around arming up American citizens?"


A light bulb goes off in John's head as he slams on the breaks causing Mr. Supernova to spill thousands of sesame seeds all over the floor.


"Yes, Luca. Actually-- yes. But first, I wanna show off my new King of the XWF crown."


John looks down into the Burger King paper bag with a smile on his face. He then takes one final swig out of his whiskey bottle before continuing to drive off.