What the commoners are saying:

"This match is beyond a joke...

Peter Gilmour has more interest in chicken parm than he does wrestling and LJ represents the 'rookies'. He is just that though, a rookie.

I suggest we all pay tribute to our king, and the people surrounding the ring do what they can to prevent that crown from being nothing other than a joke.

All hail the king!" - Archibald William Charles Lawson IV reinforcing the king's opinion on the upcoming match.

Our camera crew recharged their recording devices and went back to work filming The Black Circle's post-Madness backstage activities. We return to focus with a shot of the same greenroom as before where each member is packing his suitcase. Shane and Luca are packing their cases on one couch while John Madison packs his on the other. While and Luca stuff their luggage, diligently, John Madison just kind of stares down at his empty suitcase. He realizes that he has nothing to pack! So instead, he tries to look busy by playing around with the zipper as he looks around the room.


"All packed up and ready to go," announces Shane. Luca appears to have finished up with packing as well so Shane turns to John. "Are you all packed up, John?"


"Uhh..."


John looks around but is still unsure what he should do in this awkward moment. He seems to be pretty self-conscious about the whole thing. John looks over at the potted plant that he pissed all over in the previous promo. He grabs it, stuffs it into his suitcase, and zips it shut.


"Alright, I'm ready to travel."


"John, did you just stuff that beautiful plant that you pissed on earlier into your suitcase?"


"I might have to pee later... Look, you used to stuff potatoes in your suitcase so fuck off."


At that moment, Luca Arzegotti runs towards the bathroom with his hand cupped over his mouth. Shane follows closely behind as we hear Luca puking his guts out in the sink. John Madison sits down as he realizes that they will most likely be stuck in the room for another twenty minutes.


"It's been going on like this for close to two hours, but I think we're close to leaving this friggin' arena. Oh well, I guess I'll talk some more about XWF stuff. That sounds fun, right?


Where did I leave off last time I spoke?


Ah yes, I think I had just finished condemning Paul Heyman.


I actually want to take some time to talk about Paul while Luca pukes his guts out. After all, Paul Heyman became a big part of this when he decided to use the match as his personal spunk rag. Of course, Peter Gilmour and LJ Havok see this match as the greatest thing ever since they'd probably swallow anything that leaves Heyman's cock.


I see things differently from the rookie and the though. And before you accuse me of just trying to be different, hear me out first because I am prepared to back up my opinions. So let's talk about Paul Heyman.


First off, I have a very simple question to ask. The question I have, is why do we keep putting Paul Heyman in charge of my king matches? These past few months have been a clear indication that he's under qualified when it comes to putting together my King Matches. I don't think Paul Heyman should even be managing Monday Madness, to be honest. In fact, I think history has shown us that Paul Heyman shouldn't even be managing a broom closet. How much longer will it be before the Madness crew works without being compensated? How much longer before Madness loses its TV deal?


I kind of feel bad for him, actually. He knows that he's inadequate for the position that he's in, but he just kind of shrugs his shoulders and puts forth a half-assed, subpar product. Maybe I shouldn't say 'half-assed;' it could be that Paul Heyman is trying his hardest as a General Manager. Unfortunately, his hardest isn't cutting it.


Deep down Paul Heyman probably wishes that he could better himself as a General Manager, but that will never happen, will it Paul? You'll just keep falling into the same lazy routine that you go through every week in order to get by. In many ways, you're a lot like Peter Gilmour. Okay, maybe not that terrible, but you're pretty close to it.


What happened, Paul? You just don't seem to be yourself lately-- at all.


It's a shame that the Administrator Network hired you as the General Manager for Monday Madness. I think they found you fifteen years too late. They really had no idea what they were getting themselves into, did they? I say this because for some reason, Paul Heyman's intentions are set on removing the 'Xtreme' from Xtreme Wrestling Federation. Why Paul? Is it because you don't have the same passion that you did in 1995 for extreme wrestling or for the hardcore wrestler? I think I understand why you've lost it. You've lost the passion for hardcore wrestling after you failed to promote it properly. The term 'extreme' actually haunts you. Now it is just a catchword that you throw around in order to garner attention for your events. You do whatever you can to sell tickets, right Paul? Of course you do, because you're a dishonest man. That makes sense seeing as how you align yourself with some of the most dishonest people that I've ever met.


I've come to the conclusion that Paul Heyman just doesn't care and possibly doesn't even want to be in the XWF. The man has no passion. If he were as passionate about this place as he claims to be, then he would be making better decisions. He would make decisions that benefit the group rather than just himself and a couple of his friends. He'd be resourceful instead of reckless.


So let's talk about these reckless decision that I'm criticizing Paul Heyman for making. Of course, it's the these same idiotic decisions which directly affect my upcoming King Match... again. Big surprise, right? I guess we should have known that Paul Heyman would go all out to try and fuck with my King Match more than he did the first time around. The scary thing is that more than half of this federation seems to be content with Paul's latest series of stupid decisions. It's possible that this is due to the reputation that follows Paul-- this idea that he's a genius when it comes to this wrestling stuff. Well, if you take a close look at this match that he's put together then you'll see that just isn't the case.

I shouldn't even have to explain why this match is the biggest travesty in the history of our sport. But I guess, since LJ Havok and Peter Gilmour are apparently the cream of the crop around here, I'll have to explain very slowly why this match is so absurd. Right off the bat, you might ask, "John are Paul's decisions more stupid than that time he tried to dictate how you and Luca would wrestle by having Sid Feder and Sebastian Duke as special guest referees?" And the answer to that would be...


'Yes, somehow he's managed to do worse than last time.'


So let's break down Paul Heyman's handiwork, shall we?


First, I just want to start off by saying that Paul Heyman is fat, and that there might be a contributing factor as to why he's being so lazy when it comes to match-making. If he can't make healthy decisions when it comes to his eating habits and lifestlye, then what makes you think he's capable of making healthy business decisions?


Just like your waistline, Paul; your booking is flabby and fucking horrendous. You and Peter Gilmour need to get together and exercise so that I don't have to deal with this bullshit every week. The other day, I saw Luca eating a cupcake and I yelled at him and made him do ten laps around the arena. I feel like this should become part of yours and Peter's daily routine. Paul, every time you make a stupid decision, you run ten laps. Peter, every time you say something stupid, you run ten laps. Just think about how good of shape you would be in, guys! The two of you are bloated and disgusting, and speaking of bloated and disgusting... this match; it's bloated and disgusting.


Paul Heyman you took my match and you bloated it with all these stupid rules and stipulations. You handled my match as if you were some obese child carrying a plate through an all-you-can-eat buffet line. You know, like how you always take one normal size plate and you pile ten plates worth of food on it, Paul? That's what you did to my match. You threw fried chicken, pizza, spaghetti, and cheeseburgers all on one plate, you obese fuck. You piled a bunch of unnecessary BULLSHIT with the hope of slowing me down. How dare you, Paul? How dare you try to turn me into the fat kid, aka Peter Gilmour, when all I've done is work my ass off all year round?


My one year anniversary with this company is coming up and this is the thanks that I get for all the work that I've put in? A flabby match and an even more flabby opponent. I'll get to Peter later, but first let's talk about the excess flab attached to the belly of this match.


Flab like The Brotherhood and Nightmare. Are you shitting me, Paul? This is the most prestigious match in the world and you want to link Nightmare to it? Who gives a shit about Nightmare or whether or not he keeps his Television Title shot? This is about the King championship, you fucking tool, not the TV, US, Tag, or whatever other gold straps we have floating around here. Furthermore, I'm insulted by the notion that Nightmare would even be seen as a viable threat to my King Title. If Nightmare gets involved, then fuck him, I'll flying headbutt him with my ball sack. The same goes for anyone else who wants to try taking me out. I welcome that shit. But no; because Peter Gilmour bitches non-stop and makes excuses every time he loses, Paul Heyman went ahead and tried to soften the match for Peter. Paul doesn't want anyone getting involved even though he went ahead and deliberately got the entire federation involved anyway. More on that in a second...


Paul, why do you have a habit of involving other people in MY matches? You did it in my match against Luca, and now you're doing it in my match on the 19th. You're just adding a bunch of unnecessary drama that shouldn't have anything to do with what's taking place.


This moron goes on a spiel about how he doesn't want anyone outside of the match getting involved (stupid). He even tells certain people that if they interfere that they lose their championships and possibly their job (more stupid, especially with this economy). But that's not the real kicker. The kicker to all of this is that the match...


is...


a LUMBERJACK match!


Holy fucking shit, are you kidding me right now? Paul Heyman, what did I tell you about making stupid decisions? Go take ten laps right now and take Parmesan Pete and his inner demon with you. By the way, tell Peter that the demon inside of him is nothing more than a severe case of constipation. Tell him that he needs more veggies in his diet and more physical activity. Lay off the fucking cheese, Pete!


Anyway, so let me get this straight...


Paul Heyman doesn't want anyone to get involved in the match. He's even taken drastic measures to prevent certain alliances from interfering. But then he lets those same people act as lumberjacks? Christ, Heyman, you're a fucking idiot.


What was the point of you putting all these heavy restrictions in place to stop twelve or so assholes from getting involved, but then you put those same twelve assholes at ringside? All I have to do is throw Peter Gilmour out of the ring and then my Black Circle will jump on his ass. Is that not the same thing? We already established at last week's Rumble in Brooklyn that LJ Havok is capable of throwing Peter out of the ring. I've proven in the past that I am a master at throwing people out as well when I won the prestigious rookie battle royal of 2012. So again, I ask, what's stopping Peter Gilmour from getting kicked out of the ring and torn apart by outsiders while me and LJ Havok put on a stellar match?


To make matters worse, Paul Heyman has sucked out the 'X-Treme' aspect of the match by attaching these stipulations. What if I decide that I want to drop Peter Gilmour's fat head through the announce table? Oh wait, it's a lumber jack match so in theory I shouldn't be allowed to take my match out of the ring. I also can't smash Peter's head between a slab on concrete and a steel chair because fucking Duke will be there to get in my way. This is bullshit. All this is, is Paul Heyman trying to stop me from being the Xtremist that I truly am.


You all can cast me as the villain all you want, but Paul Heyman is the one who's robbing us of our right to be Xtreme!


Why are we even wrestling? I bet Paul Heyman would rather hold a contest to see who can bake him the best loaf of Challah.


This match is a fucking joke with a bunch of stipulations that contradict and add nothing to the final product. I could put together a better match in my sleep.


Like say... John Madison vs. Peter Gilmour vs. LJ Havok in an ANYTHING FUCKING GOES match.


Do you know what an "Anything Fucking Goes Match" is, Paul?


It's a match where ANYTHING goes. Remember those?


It's a match where I can shove a cattle prod so far down Peter Gilmour's throat that it comes out of his asshole and allows me to still zap Nightmare in the heart. A match where anyone is allowed to step through the ropes and get their ass handed to them by John Madison...


You don't want that though, do you Paul?


You don't want hardcore. You don't even want madness even though the name of the show is Monday MADNESS. Instead of a ring, you want a bouncy castle. Instead of weapons, you want pillows. I could go on, but you get the idea.


You took a big Hebrew shit all over my match with your stupid decisions, Paul. Before you came along and shat on it, the match had an aura surrounding it that made it unique. LJ Havok had his band of rookies ready to fight for their right to be clueless. Peter Gilmour probably had the anorexic zombie and the Feders ready. And as always, I had The Black Circle locked and loaded. I even came in contact with N.A.Z.I. and asked him if he'd be interested in exterminating some motherfuckers for old time's sake. There was going to be a big battle to settle the score, and you fucked it. You fucked it all up, Paul Heyman, you bald fucking Hebrew cunt. You don't care about your ratings or your fans, do you Paul? The only thing you care about is yourself! You're desperate for people to see that Paul Heyman calls the shots on Monday nights so you jerk off on everything that you come in contact with. You just cannot allow anything to be on the card that doesn't have your stains all over it.


You're a disgrace to hardcore, Paul. You should know that regardless of what goes down in that ring, that the right man always wins. The fact that anything could happen in the ring was part of what made ECW special. It was unpredictable and exciting. Kind of like what this King match could have been; exciting and unpredictable.


Who knows? Maybe it could have been a repeat of Gauntlet City when Sid Feder, Mr. Mystery, Unknown Soldier, and Flo Feder held me down with branding irons so that Peter Gilmour could pin me. But now you went ahead and took away Peter's one and only hope of winning. At the same time, you've taken away my one and only form of challenge because I was looking forward to carving a path through some rookies and some Feders in order to pin one of these dolts. Now I'm forced to walk all over Peter Gilmour and LJ Havok like it's nothing.


Do you understand why I did what I did, Paul?


When I came out here and announced that I'm having Luca Arzegotti interfere, that was an open invitation for everyone else to jump in to try and take me out. It was certainly not an invitation for you to start altering shit to your liking. I said those things for Peter Gilmour and LJ Havok because I know they're gonna need all the help they can get. But now you took all of that away from them.


Notice how I only asked for Luca to interfere? That means Peter could have brought the Feders AND The Brotherhood and they would have outnumbered me and Luca seven to two. The same goes for LJ Havok; just look at how many rookies we have running around here. Sure, these rookies are nothing more than a bunch of tiny ants, but having a bunch of pissed off ants crawl up your leg is bound to affect your performance in some way.


I tried, Peter and LJ. I really tried. I tried to get you guys an upperhand so that maybe you two had a shot at winning on Monday. I was willing to send me and Luca in there all alone to defend against you and your super-groups for the sake of competition. Plus, I would love to give Luca the opportunity to get even against Peter after what took place on Madness. Peter Gilmour- the guy who comes out here and calls me a coward even though I put him in the match myself. More on him later..."