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Centurion · **Yesterday, 08:06 AM**

“Well…isn’t this just precious.”

The familiar voice of the XWF legend Centurion can be heard as a wood match is struck. The faint silhouette of the retired wrestler can be seen holding the match in front of him, which lights an oil lantern. The room brightens up, Centurion shakes the match to extinguish the flame.

“For years, the “cool folks” at the XWF tried to get me out of that place, saying that I’ve overstayed my welcome.” Centurion says with a slight smirk on his face. “So I retire, just like they wanted. I get some long needed repairs done to my body, I settle into my new life, and the MOMENT my daughter tells people that I’m still alive, I get added to an Anarchy card as a ‘special enforcer’. Wow. You sure do miss me, don’t you?”

Centurion grabs the lantern off of whatever mantle it was sitting on and begins to walk with it. The lantern gives enough visibility to show Centurion and his surroundings, but the background of the room is still pitch black. “They say the absence makes the heart grow fonder. I say ‘you don’t know what you’ve got until it's gone.’ I was the perfect base. The one wrestler you knew you could count on to not go absolutely fucking insane. Everyone else is out there trying to be the edgiest edgelord on the planet, and bickering with each other on Twitter over who hates their mom the most. Meanwhile, I’m just doing my job, wrestling some matches, signing some autographs, spending most of my time resting at home, but NOOO, that was too lame for you assholes, wasn’t it?!”

A visibly angry Centurion turns the knob on the lantern, making the fire inside grow and adding more light to the room. “And so you book me to be ringside for this absurd match, and the funny thing is, you don’t even ask me? You don’t call me? Who runs this God damn company now a days anyway?! You did this thinking one of two things:” Centurion lifts his hand and uses his fingers to count as he mentions his points. “One, you just ASSUMED I’d look on your web site and see that I was included in your little card, or two, you were hoping I WOULDN’T see so you can do some kind of side show where you bring out a clown dressed as me, or a cardboard cut out of me, or just have the announcer say ‘Centurion couldn’t make it because he’s a bitch.’ Well, if it’s number one, congratulations! It worked. If it’s number two…well, I have some bad news for you.”

Centurion walks further into the room. “Not only am I going to be there…but I figured I’d come prepared.” Centurion stops and hangs the lantern up on something. As he turns the knob a little bit more, we see an old wrestling ring get illuminated by the flame. Centurion smiles as he brushes some dust off the ring apron. “See, I fully intend on staying retired, but if I’m showing up to a wrestling show, I REFUSE to be some fragile old man that can be easily pushed around. No, I’m going to be there ready for a fight, especially after seeing who is in this match.”

Centurion walks over to a nearby wall and flips up a switch, illuminating the entire gym. He walks back over to the ring and blows out the lantern before taking it off the ring post and placing it back onto the floor. “Let’s start with Dolly Waters, the fucking UNIVERSAL CHAMPION! What the hell world are we living in! See, when I first came back six years ago, I told people Dolly would be a Universal Champion one day. She had the skills and the attitude to make it as the leader of this company. Then, she retired. Or quit. Or…something, I don’t know, but she did it numerous times, to the point where I was starting to look like a fool. She’d have a great month or two long run, then vanish just as quickly as she came. So then I retire from the business and she WINS the God damn thing?! I’ve been gone for a year, but it feels like it’s been a decade. I don’t know if I’m supposed to feel good for her - sometimes Dolly and I were chill, and sometimes she was a total bitch, and since I haven’t been paying attention lately, I don’t know which version we’re seeing right now.”

“Of course, I like her a HELL of a lot more than I like her opponent, and the more things change in this company, the more things stay the same.” Centurion sighs and shakes his head. “Michael Graves. Or maybe Michael Graves, who the fuck knows. Michael Graves has been all over the place - he’s been in multiple bodies, he was a woman, he was a robot, I think he was an alien at one point, the dude has been so insane that it’s impossible to keep up with whatever he has going on with him, but there is one thing I know.

…he’s an asshole. Always has been an asshole, always will be an asshole. He has no respect for others, and deserves no respect in return. He’s a ‘constant presence’ in the same way radiation is a constant presence in Pripyat. He is less than human, and doesn’t deserve the right to vote, much less compete for wrestling titles. Which is why I say this…”

Centurion hops up onto the ring apron. “Try me, Graves. Please, just give me a reason. I promise to not get involved unless provoked, but for the love of GOD to I want to be provoked, because nothing would bring more joy to these old bones than once again making you meet your…

FINAL FANTASY!!!

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