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Captain Future · (04-01-2025)

PREVIOUSLY ON CAPTAIN FUTURE!!

"THERE IS NO PREVIOUSLY ONLY SUBSEQUENTLY!!!!"

"I..."

"CAPTAIN FUTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"IS CURRENTLY AND AT THE SAME TIME ON THE WAY TO YOUR WRECTHED IN-GER-LAND AND WILL BE BUT ALSO ALREADY AM INSIDE THIS LAND OF TRAMPOLINES!"

Captain Future stands heroically in a place that is not filled with trampolines but instead filled with table and chairs! What could this alien place be!?

"I.... CAPTAIN FUTURE!!!! AM INTERESTED IN YOUR HUMAN CUISINE! LAMB CHOPS!?"

"I LAUGH!"

"THE ONLY CHOPS I RECOGNISE ARE THE ONES I SEND INTO THE CHESTS OF MY OPPONENTS!"

"PEAS IN A POD!!?!?!?!?"

"THAT IS WHAT I DO WHEN I RELIEVE MYSELF IN BY REJUVENATION CHAMBER!"

"SPOTTED DICK!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?"

"IMMATURE! WHY WOULD CHARLIE NICKLES FILTHLY PENIS BE SERVED IN SUCH A PLACE!?"

"THE GRILLS OF THIS LOWLY ESTABLISHMENT AREN'T THE ONLY THING BRINGING THE HEAT!!!!"

Captain Future thrusts his intimidating groin in YOUR direction and accidentally sets fire to a busboy.

"I LAY DOWN THE PROVERBIAL AND LITERAL GAUNTLET! ALLOW ME TO BEGIN TRASH TALKING PEONS WHO DARE MAKE GOO-GOO EYES AT MY POTENTIAL PRIZE!"

"CLEARS THROAT!"

"MADISON DYSON!? MORE LIKE MAD-ASS-ON DIE-SON! HA! IN MY HOME LANGUAGE THAT IS A SCATHING BARB! NOT THAT YOU WOULD KNOW AS THE ONLY LANGUAGE YOU SPEAK IS DUMB BITCH!!!!"

"HOW MANY MADISON DYSONS DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A F-JGUHB ON A VROOOLIEN GORFX!? JUST ONE! ONE TO HIRE THE DAY LABORERS AND MAKE A PODCAST ABOUT HOW THEY'RE RUINING HER DOG SHIT COUNTRY!!!!"

"I LAUGH AT YOU!"

"JAKE BORDEN! YOU TRAVEL BACK IN TIME BUT YOU CANNOT SEE THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURREEE!!!!!"

"THIS MAKES YOU INFERIOR TO ME!"

"MAYBE TAKE A JUMP BACK IN TIME AND SEE YOUR GIMMICK HAS ALREADY GOTTEN OLD!"

"YOU MAKE ME SICK!"

"ROGER! YOUR SIMPLE NAME IS ONLY AS SIMPLE AS YOUR PARENTS! WHAT A TERRIBLE NAME! MAYBE TRY EARNING A LAST NAME! YOUR NOT CHER YOU BUFFOON!"

"HOW ABOUT SKIDDING INTO TRAFFIC!?"

"I SPIT ON YOUR TAINT!"

"GORGO! ONLY I CAN PULL OFF FACE PAINT! STOP STEALING MY SHIT!"

"HOW ABOUT YOU GORGO ON MY BALLS SO YOU CAN TASTES THE BALL SWEAT OF YOUR BETTER!? MAYBE IF YOU TRY HARD ENOUGH YOU MIGHT TASTE SOME REAL TALENT INSTEAD OF DUMB LUCK!"

"SCOOPS MCGEE!"

"..."

"ARE YOU TRYING TO BREAK MASTERMIND'S RECORD FOR BIGGEST LOSS RECORD OR ARE YOU CONTINUING WITH TRADITION AND JUST FUCKING UP CONSTANTLY BY ACCIDENT!?"

"DOLLY WATERS! HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU GONNA SWITCH YOUR ENTIRE PERSONA!? M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN CALLED! HE WANTS TO USE ONE OF YOUR TWISTS IN HIS NEXT MOVIE! THINK ITS A SEQUEAL TO GLASS; I BELIEVE IT'S CALLED ASS!"

"I GUFFAW!"

"BOBBY BOURBON PUT THE MASK BACK ON! THUNDER KNUCKLES IS TOO BUSY TELLING EVERYONE ABOUT HIS SOLE CHARACTER TRAIT TO CONTINUE CARRYING YOU!"

"YOU'RE BOTH LIKE THE MOVIE FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS! YOU'RE TWO UNLIKABLE DRUG ADDICTS AND POSSIBLE SEX OFFENDERS WHO ARE LOATHED AND THE AUDIENCE FEARS THAT YOU'LL RUIN ANOTHER CARD!"

"ZING!"

"HEY! SEBASTIAN EVERETT-BRYCE!? YOU DONE SNIFFING YOUR OWN FARTS TO ACTUALLY PAY ATTENTION TO A PROMO THAT ISN'T YOURS YET?"

"DIDN'T THINK SO!"

"JAMES SHARK IS GOING TO BE THE SHORTEST UNIVERSAL CHAMPION IN HISTORY AS HE'S MOST LIKELY PAWNED THE TITLE TO BUY SOME MORE CRACK!"

"STILL SOMEHOW A LONGER REIGN THAN PRINCE ADEYEMI OR WHATEVER THE FUCK HE'S CALLING HIMSELF THIS WEEK!"

"BOOM-SHAKA-LAKA!"

"HEY AURORA! HOW DOES IT FEEL TO WIN SILVER AT EVERY SINGLE EVENT YOU'RE APART OF? THE ONLY NORTHERN LIGHTS YOU'VE BEEN SEEING ARE THE ONE ON THE CEILING OF THE ARENAS!"

"AND CHARLIE NICKLES MIGHT AS WELL GO PRO FOR LAYING PRONE! HOW CAN ONE MAN STEAL EVERY TITLE AND STILL SOMEHOW BE LIGHTYEARS AWAY FROM THE UNI TITLE SCENE HE MAY AS BE WEARING A THRAX MASK AGAIN!"

"GOT 'EM!"

"YOU FOOLS!"

"I SHALL WIN THIS BOUNCE-FEST AND YOU ALL CAN BOUNCE ON DEEZ NUTS!"

"SUCK"

"MY"

"SPACE"

"DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!!!"

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode THE GIFT CARD SHALL BE MINE!!!!
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