It is so common to see burning embers flying around that you become accustomed to them almost immediately. From his knelt position, TK witnesses the falling spirits of the damned. There are some who stand up, while there are others who lie there and become salt pillars. Those who stand, however, begin walking toward the man at the gate with a funny look on his face.

I guess this is the fucking way to go then.

As TK approaches the gate, he cracks his knuckles. In awe of the scenery, he can't help but stare. A howling can be heard from boundless spirits who are being tortured. In addition, packs of hellhounds seemed to be stalking the poor fucks with bodies, jumping on them. Suddenly the voice of the funny-looking man can be heard. As TK gets closer the voice and face become even more clear. It’s Rodney Dangerfield!

What a crowd. What a crowd. I tell you, this weeks been rough. Yeah, this weeks been rough, ya know? I just found out that Corey Smith retained his XWF Universal Championship. Reminds me of the time I found out my inflatable doll wanted to friend-zone me. Last week was rough, I tell ya.

Rodney twitches his head to the side and compulsively adjusts his tie. He notices TK looking like a badass in body armor.

Oh, hey there! You're Thunder Knuckles ain'tcha?

Yeah, holy fuck, dude. What are you doing down here?

Heaven's not nearly as fun. I decided to come down here and check it out, ya know?

TK is tired of Rodney's schtick already and begins mumbling to himself.

Jimmy probably called 911 but still, I have to try to find my way out here.

Little did he know that Mr. Dangerfield has pretty solid hearing.

I asked my Doctor before I died. I looked and him and said, Hey Doc. What's the difference between a rectal thermometer and an oral one? Without flinching he said, The taste

What?

That's just what he said. I don't know. I'm just saying, don't trust doctors is all. You know what I found out down here standing by this gate? Know what I found out?

TK starts to answer but Rodney keeps going.

You have to have a sense of humor, ya know? A lot of people don't have a sense of humor.

I completely fucking agree but-

Especially down here, ya know? Yeah, I found out people don't like dirty jokes anymore.

Fuck'em.

I was telling some jokes as people were going in, ya know? And they said that was disgusting. I was like, in shock, ya know? I said to them, I said, that's not disgusting. No, walking in on your grandparents while they have sex. That's disgusting.

Some random-bodied soul lumbering by, like cattle, says.

That's disgusting!

See!

So, you never actually walked into Hell? You've just been chillin' here by the gate greeting people, and shit?

Something like that. I tell you what though, I tell ya, it's pretty hot. Don't worry about heat stroke though, ya know? Heh, you're dead. Can't die twice, ya know?

There was a sudden flash in TK's brain, like a light bulb going off. His mind wandered to something. It could be possible for him to escape Hell with the help of someone.

Yo, I got an idea!

I tell y-

Will you shut the fuck up?!

Woah, I get no respect. No respect.

Smirking at Rodney, TK has an idea.

So, mother fucker, I will make you a deal of the afterlife. Make it to where I can get back into my goddamn body by showing me around Hell. There's gotta be a way out of here. If we do that together, maybe we can put a little respect on both of our fucking names? Is that shit alright with you?

So, umm, got any plans?

Fucking right I do. So a few years back Miss Fury bit the big one on Halloween. I’m thinking we find her mean ass.

Woah.

What? That’s a compliment. Shit. Anyway, we find her and I’m pretty fucking sure we’ll find a way to get my back to my body.

Alright, but, ya know? Demons aren’t going to let us just pass though. Kind of like the Nazis in Europe, ya know.

Holy shit, Rodney, no wonder you get no respect. Just use rassling moves.

Heh, you know? That reminds me of the time I was with the WW-

I don’t give a fuck, Rodney. Are you in or what?

Even though the demons are going to try and torture us until we succumb… I’m in, reminds me of my first marriage.

Give it a rest, man. Which way should we go?

Well, depends, ya know? I hear everyone’s hell is a little different. I hear there's this laboratory, right? Like we need more-

Cut to the chase.

TK is annoyed that this is taking way longer than it should.

Well, some dude made it to make “Super Demons” for Satan.

Perfect, sounds like just the place that we need to start looking. She’s the best candidate for something like that. Now, just point me in the right direction. The thing is you need to stay far enough behind me so you don’t get too fucked up. I’m not trying to lose my goddamn tour guide, ya feel me?











Rodney nods his head, or twitches, either way, TK takes that as a sign that Rodney will be joining him. Rodney points in a direction and the two men begin their trek through Hell. It starts out fine. Rodney's just chirping away like a bird, feeding one-liner after one-liner. Moving with some gusto TK presses forward until they get jumped by a demon. TK makes short work of it, grabbing it by the chin, swiping its back legs, and slamming it to the ground. Once on the ground TK grabs it's right foot and plants the Thunder Strike. Thus the demons explode.





Woah, you got quite the move there, don't ya?

As soon as Rodney finishes his sentence TK's version of hell begins. A giant screen blocks the road.

What the goddamn shit is this?

The screen fires up and starts playing Corey Smith's promo.

Oh, get fucked!

Rodney doesn’t see what TK’s seeing.

What?

This shit!

Looking all kinds of annoyed, TK points to the screen that only he and XWF viewers can see.

Hehey, You got a screw loose or something or are you living your own Hell? It reminds me of the time I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, no, I hate myself now.

Suddenly the sound of growls and four-legged footsteps could be heard.

That fuck is that?

TK quickly looks behind him and sees four hellhounds.

Do you see those?

Oh, heh, yeah they’re real.

Surrounded by the four hellhounds now. TK gets ready for the attack. One bares its long, blood-stained fangs. TK barely dodges the first beat, causing him to fall to the ground. Quickly rolling out of the way of another hound. With a pushup, TK gets to his feet. Only to be knocked down again. Just in time, TK jerks back to elbow the next incoming hound attack. The hound whimpers and steps back. The pack backs off suddenly.

Oh, come on, bitches!

Standing up like a true champion TK stands up and brushes himself off. The biggest of the beasts snarls and slowly backs away.





Woah, that was close. You know what I'm saying? You think they looked bad, you should have seen my wife. Geez, those dogs have prettier faces, let me tell ya.

Corey’s promotional material is constantly playing in the background. TK is starting to crack and can’t help himself.

I’m so sick of hearing this mother fucker. Has anyone ever asked Corey why he talks the way he does? For fucks sake, he sounds like a pompous fuck boy. Don't he? Hell, I barely understand what he's saying half the time. It's goddamn insulting to the average rassling fan. At least I'm entertaining and made for the mass market. And who the fuck educated this shit stick between being a drug-addicted dying kid and being trapped in his own body? The engineer program? Give me a break, the only program Shane produced was the XWF to sucker folks out of their money. That's a goddamn fact.

As TK finishes his sentence one of Hell’s Heavy Weapon Dudes tries to sneak up on TK. With quickness we didn’t know he possessed, Rodney performs an amazing spinning back kick to the chin of the Heavy Weapons Dude. TK sees this transpire.

You have to be fucking kidding me, right?

What?

Did you just hit him with a Face Pain De-Lux?

No… What is that? Heh, I hit him with a Spinning Back Kick, ya know?

It’s the same fucking thing!

Look over there!

Rodney sees the building and points over to it, TK looks relieved.

Thank the Bastardly Father.

Who?

Don’t worry about it. We have to get to that fucking building, and fast!

TK starts running to the building as Rodeny slowly walks. That's when the Hellhounds return out of nowhere. This time three leap at TK, clawing viciously. TK can escape at first and takes a lot of damage. Without warning another of the beasts pounced on TK from behind grabbing his arm, trying hard to rip the flesh from his bone.

Get the fuck off me!

Trying to shake the hound from his arm. He stomps down on one, killing it instantly, as he sees it running for his junk.

Eat shit!

It's still impossible for him to get the dog off of his arm. At this point, the dog on his arm was to be used as a weapon. He slings out his arm and catches another hound when it rushes in. Mercilessly, TK begins to hammer the dog on the ground with the one hanging from his arm. That is until the dog releases its clutched teeth and falls to the ground. TK then kicks the dog away, sending it flying across the room. He watches as the last Hellhound tries to escape, slowly crawling. TK is already prepared with another stomp. This time the beast's skull, crushing it, he laughs as it stays down. Looking more damaged than before, TK motions Rodney to continue advancing toward the building they believe Miss Fury to be in.





Without stopping or getting into another fight they finally make it to the building. TK tries to open the door but nothing doing. The door won't open.

What now?

Looking fed up, TK looks around and sees a ladder. A smirk forms on TK's face.

Now we show off my breaking and entering skills, mother fucker!

Walking over to the ladder, TK grabs it and puts it in place by what looks like a blown-out window.

See! Not so bad, huh?

TK disappears into the window of the building. Moments later the door opens.

Right this goddamn way Rodney.

As the door shuts behind Rodney, it locks behind him.

Will you turn that shit the fuck off!?

Rodney looks at TK confused. Corey’s promotional material is still consistently playing in the background, you've kind of grown numb to it.

Goddamn, talk about lacking aggression. If this piss-ant keeps sucking my mother fucking dick off, I tell you what.

TK looks over at Rodney realizing some of his mannerisms are rubbing off on him.

I’m going to start thinking that he wants to be my sad ex-boyfriend next.

Shaking his head no, TK continues.

Honestly, though, this isn’t the same fireball that went against Raion. He’s gone soft. Where’s the Corey that wants to beat the life out ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles? Shutting down Coreytopia? I guess, a loss to ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles and a draw with King will do that to a man. Turns out the Universal Champion is nothing more than a paper tiger. Which is funny seeing the only thing he could truly kill was a cardboard lion.

Rubbing his index finger and thumb together, he played the world's smallest violin for Corey.

I should have figured he was scared when he made this match. Hell, we don’t have to get too physical in there, but if relying on dumb fucking luck, instead of skill is what he’s looking for. That’s on him and I’ll have his ass whipped in spades!

Looking around for a second TK scratches his head.

Despite my current situation, I'm a pretty lucky guy. I’m not going to win the Universal Championship-

TK pauses with a smile on his face, just long enough for it to be annoying.

-by trying to lie to the fans like Corey will.

Again shaking his head no.

Nah, such sudden developments are weakness. Oh, and boy, they’re showing. The dude can rassle and I expected he’d fight, but he’d rather climb ladders and run than stand and fight. Fine. I’m not going to sit here and over-explain why *I* am going to win like some fucking bond villain. That’s for chumps who rely on old stereotypes. Nah, I’m going to tell you why Corey is going to lose.

A snarl forms on TK’s face.

What? You don’t think I know about your flippity fucking moves, Corey? I gonna grab you out of the air and slam your ass. I’m not playing with you, Hurricana equal powerbomb. You get the goddamned picture, you're a smart guy. I’m not going to beat you because I picked the right briefcase one time. Hell, no, homie, all I have to do is stop you from winning. I mean, shit, If I have to grab every single one of those briefcases and put myself through…

TK points around him and smirks.

Hell!

Shruging nonchalantly then giving the finger, TK continues.

So be it. When you want to win something this big you have to risk it all. Do you think I'm stopping at Corey? Shit no! Whoever is the best and most dangerous opponents out there those are the people I wanna fight. That's the goddamn truth of it. I swear to Space Jesus I'll get the fight made. I won't even make him lower his standards to fight me either, unlike some people I know. *Cough Cor-ough Cough* The Universal Championship has been stuck in pant-um-mime mode and because of, yours truly, Relentless has a true Hero versus Villain Main Event! That’s right! That’s right! On September twenty fourth a match between two of this sport's baddest men! Making the spotlight burn just that much brighter for this Leap of Faith type match. You're all welcome. Not for the stipulation though, I could have done better, just sayin'. 'Ol Thunder Knuckles can turn any match into a five-star, on the Sayor Scale, match because I'm an un-goddamn-paralleled showman. At the end of the day, I'm just a player in this, not the game. Do you feel me? We're in the business of selling tickets! Oh, and my name on the goddamn billboard sells fucking tickets! With me, you get it all! What do you value more? The skill or the show? Ability or controversy? A slick counter move or a sharp tongue?

Brushing off his shoulder, TK pushes on with his promo.

With this whole Tenth Circle match, I guess, the million xbux question is; what happens when you get one of those briefcases down and it is not the Uni? You reach in and get the little card from inside there and it says; "Staple gun your balls to the canvas". And you do that... Except to your opponent? Is the ref even going to give a shit? That's why Mud Show rassling is my cup-o-fucking-tea boys. Always thinking outside the box. Let's face it, we've all seen shit like this turn into a blood bath. Does it make it a five-star match? Eh, not always but when you put Corey Smith in front of 'Ol Thunder Knuckles for the Universal Championship. That's guaranteed to bring upscale Fourth of goddamn July fireworks. Corey can save his suck-up routine for someone who’ll buy it. Speaking of which, I noticed Thad was back around.

TK looks around and sees Corey’s promo playing on almost every wall.

Not like I could fucking miss it or anything. At least you got him, I guess. Continue to lie to him like you lie to Dolly. Make them believe you're the one true god, the righteous. Only to take it away from them time and time again. Only when things get rough or convenient. I'm sure you'll go out of your way to prove me wrong.

Giving the classic TK fuck you, he makes his jerking-off hand gesture.

But deep down in your programming you know I'm right.

At that moment a flood of demons crashes into the door, cutting TK's air time down. This enrages him and he destroys three-four-five demons at once, mercilessly. He’s become quite good at killing demons.  A pack of them retreats from the room, obviously, because they are desperately trying to escape the power of TK, right? However, TK keeps advancing, his goal is to make it back to his body and he won't stop until he does. Suddenly we find out the real reason why the pack had retreated. Part unfeeling machine, part horned demon comes stomping forward. This nightmare of a creature has a rocket launcher for an arm. It gives out a deathly roar that reminds you of a T-Rex from Jurassic Park.

What’s this now?

It’s a harbinger of doom!

Get fucked, I’m a harbanger of doom. It's a Cyber Demon at best.

This creature doesn’t seem to mind tearing apart its own kind as it approaches. It launches a rocket and misses TK entirely. The explosion takes out ten, maybe even fifteen, smaller demons who weren’t even in the fight. TK looks back to see the explosion.

Did you see that?!

Then back at the truly terrifying Cyber Demon.

Alright, shit stain.

Cracking his neck both ways, TK heads forward to meet the monster's advance. Compared to ten smaller demons combined, the Cyber Demon is far more vicious. Demons are sent flying through the fire-lit sky by the Cyber Demon followed by waves of rockets. Although TK does get close to the Cyber Demon, he is swatted away like a fly. Slung backward TK is bounced off the far wall.

Goddamn, that hurt!

TK’s eyes go wide out of fear.

Oh shit!

Even though he hit the wall hard he has the wherewithal to see an incoming rocket. He gets out of the way. The blast is still too much and sends TK flying again, this time toward the Cyber Demon. This may have been a miss calculation on the monster's part, or a run of bad luck for the beast because TK sees it’s weakness. Despite its size and strength, it’s not ready for TK to use the momentum from the blast to bury his diving elbow into its throat. TK hangs from the beast's throat for a moment. He gives his arm a quick shake, which allows him to free himself from the Cyber Demon's neck. He falls to the ground and lands on his feet.


YEAH, BITCH! WHAT’S GOOD WIT’CHA!





After his outbursts of celebration, TK begins to focus on what's important again.

Rodney!

Yeah?

I thought you said Miss Fury would fucking be here.

What can I say? I know the best way to get girls. I mean, I hang out at prisons and wait for parolees, ya know?

What's that got to do with any goddamn thing, Rodney?

Nothing, it's just a good joke. Come on; learn some comedy, kid. Let's just keep going.

Rodney adjusts his tie and twitches and walks in front of TK.

If she’s as mean as you say she is, like my ex-wife, sheesh. She’ll be in the next room ahead.

Rodney hits the keypad to the door then you hear the sound of the door unlocking. Rodney opens it, looks in, and closes it.

Well?

I tell ya, It reminds me of this girl in the summer, ya know. She was no bargain either, let me tell ya. She showed up with pigtails coming out of her shorts. Ugh.

That bad?

It’s pretty bad, ya know? I’m not trying to go in there. There’s a bunch of demons.

TK walks over to the door and peeks in he sees tons of shadowy figures. After slowly closing the door, he puts his head against it.

Well…

TK lifts his head off the door.

I have to find my way out of here and Miss Fury could be through this door.

Taking a deep breath TK slings open the door and rushes through.

GET FUCKED PUSSIES!!!!

TK roars at the shadowy figures standing in front of him in a mass, he leaps straight at them. He begins ripping through hellspawn after hellspawn with his bare hands.  They're surely doing damage to TK, however,  his adrenaline is pumping. Which in turn causes him to feel no pain. The ferocity of his attack disorganizes the mass of shadowy hellspawn. As they become overpowered their numbers become smaller and smaller. Once down to the final hellspawn, TK kicks it in the back of the leg causing it to fall to its knees. Rodney runs up and does a spinning front kick to the hellspawn's face. It roars and lunges at Rodney. However, luckily for Rodney, TK was there to grab the hellspawn from behind by the eye sockets pulling its head backward. It’s bent at an awkward angle as TK grabs its jaw with his other hand and rips it apart. Thus leaving TK the last standing. Victorious, TK looks over at Rodney and says.

I think I need a drink.

Rodney adjusts his suit jacket and twitches.

Oh, hehey, I remember when I solved my drinking problem. I joined Alcoholics Anonymous. I still drink, but I used my name. So, what can ya do, ya know?

TK looks around now since the danger has been cleared out. He sees cages of the most vile humans to ever grace the world. Hitler, Nixon, Pest, Mahatma Gandhi but no Miss Fury.

What the fuck?! Where is she?!

Are you sure she died?

I mean… She did-

Rodney cuts off TK.

Heh, you go to her funeral?

No…

So, she could still be alive then, huh?

TK kicks one of the cages which happens to be housing Marcus Junius Brutus.

Hey, knock it off!

Oh, get bent, fuck stick!

TK sits down Indian style, to regain some of his energy and rest up a bit. He's feeling a little beat up.








Alright, Rodney, I guess we go to plan b.

What do you mean? I’m a bad lover, ya know? I once had a cuck boo me. I mean, what can you do about it, ya know?

Not that Plan B! We need to find Satan! Surely, if I talk to the fucker I can get back to my body.

Rodney fixes his tie and does his compulsive jerk.

Heh, it’s worth a try. I tell ya, follow me.

The two man crew head out of the building the same way they came in with no resistance. Rodney points over to a mountaintop.

Right over there, ya know? At the top of that mountain, I tell ya. Is the throne of Hell. That’s where Satan is. Heh, I wonder if he has any cigars?

I’d kill for a fucking cigar right now.

You’ve been killing this whole time.

Placing his hand on Rodney’s shoulder and a cocky smile, TK resumes with a quip.

Now who doesn’t get comedy, Rodney?

The shot of TK and Rodney gradually decreases in visibility as does the sounds of the nightmares screams in the background your ears have adjusted for.