The woods in Baton Rouge are something else, especially on super muggy days like these.

As NKWC expertly navigated, aided by a crudely-drawn map from EDWARD, his ears perked.

A grunt?

A monstrous roar?

He abandoned the poor excuse for a map, following the noises instead.

Emerging from the trees, he stumbled upon a most invigorating scene! EDWARD was arm-wrestling ‘A Literal Gorilla’!

EDWARD strained and struggled! Veins popped from his forehead as he pushed with all of his might.

It was like watching an over-the-top cartoon battle where you just knew someone was going to go flying any second.

With a fierce yell that scared a few birds away, EDWARD tried his darndest to push ALG's hand down.

NK marveled, enthralled! Could the caveman defeat this creature’s pure strength?!?

But then, with a final, mighty push, ALG claimed the win, sending EDWARD sprawling onto his back.

Walking over, NKWC guffawed performatively. "Dear Comrade Edward." he said, helping EDWARD up. "While your offensive efforts were most-admirable, you were doomed opposing this noble gorilla’s superior strength!"

EDWARD just mumbled, "but… edward… strongest…"

NKWC ignored this, instead admiring ALG… sniffing his own finger.

"Ah, gorillas. Beasts SYNONYMOUS with, not only the STRENGTH of True Korea… but its SPIRIT as well! Gorillas, much like the True Korean people, exude the pure beauty of the collectivist dream!"

EDWARD scratched his head. "COLLECT-WHAT NOW?"

"Collectivism, Comrade EDWARD!" NKWC repeated, shoving a finger dramatically in the air. "The celebration of the individual is the RUIN of western civilization. Note the purity of the animal kingdom! Gorillas collaborate! They share responsibilities! They prioritize no single gorilla’s triumph, but the triumph of the troop! All above one!" NK gets teary-eyed, picturing the Vision of True Korea.

EDWARD flexed his arm, a small grin forming. "EDWARD TRIUMPH BECAUSE STRONG!"

NK laughed, squeezing EDWARD’s mighty bicep. "Haha! You are most strong, Comrade EDWARD, with your admirable biceps and perfectly-toned tuchus!" With a cheeky grin, he gave EDWARD's rear a playful slap. "However, TRUE strength comes from no single entity (or their behind), but by submitting oneself to the collective!"

He gestured toward ALG, now contentedly munching on some leaves.

EDWARD looked at ALG, then back at NK. "SO... EDWARD STRONGER BECAUSE FRIENDS STRONG?"

“You uncover a great truth, Comrade EDWARD! And there is yet more truth to decipher!” NK claps twice! “Come! Let us observe the noble gorilla! You shall discover the TRUEST strength of all first-hand: The COLLECTIVE!”

ALG looked over at NK and EDWARD, at-best 20% aware of everything being discussed, and watched, observing them intently.

Gorillas gonna gorilla, but people do some wacky shit.

Realizing EDWARD and NK had stalled out in exhibiting new behaviors for him to watch, ALG rationalized he may have to stimulate the two complicated primates. ALG gestured towards EDWARD and NK, then pointed away.

"APE WANT SHOW US SOMETHING!"

"Yes! Lead, Comrade GORILLA! Share with us your innate wisdom!"

ALG regarded them blankly, not really sure what the hairless baboons’ mouth sounds even meant, but he turned, confident they'd follow.

ALG led his teammates along a trail through the bayou to a massive tree, so wide it must be centuries old.

ALG pointed to it, then to himself.

He likes the tree and wanted to show it to his new friends.

Both NK and EDWARD pointed towards it in solidarity; monkey see, monkey do.

"APE MAKE PROFOUND STATEMENT!"

"Comrade EDWARD, you have elicited a most exact profundity! Comrade APE reveals, in nature, the entire swamp is a COLLECTIVE! Thusly, through it, all things are possible!"

ALG started rubbing its back across the bark of the tree to scratch an itch.

“HAHA! My primate comrade begins an activity! It would be INDIVIDUAL-SERVING and WESTERN to refrain from joining this ritual!”

NK also grinded against the tree.

The inherent human sense of fear-of-missing-out at play, EDWARD also started to knead the tree with his back.

"APE SHOW US!"

"HAHA! We are ONE! We are UNITED!”

As the trio thrust and lunged against the mighty oak, the tree rocked to-and-fro!

“AH! The message is clear! Comrade GORILLA demonstrates how, through unity of purpose, we may fell this mighty tree! THRUST HARD, Comrade EDWARD! No single force, regardless of height or GIRTH can stand against our collective MIGHT!"

The trio’s combined efforts rustled the tree quite a bit, causing a snake to fall out of it. This completely startled ALG, NK, and EDWARD.

"SNAKE!"

"Gasp!” NK points, mesmerized! “The gorilla’s metaphor takes new depth… A serpent revealed! its venom would poison the COLLECTIVE! Symbolic of dissent!"

ALG scampered off back down the path away from the snake.

"APE TEST US! APE TEST TO SEE HOW US HANDLE SNAKE!"

"Such is obvious, wise Comrade EDWARD! Comrade APE knows we can accomplish anything together, even overcoming poisonous vipers! By remaining united, we shall quell the individualist doubters that would oppose us! FOOLS like Comrade Machina, Bourgeoisie Hayes and the mindless THUGS shall be CRUSHED as easily as these cobras!”

Meanwhile, back at the tree stump…

ALG put on a fedora and a trench coat, classic disguise for Ninja Turtles and multiple children alike to fit in with grown up human society.

Considering he'd be teaming up with two humans, he thought it best to fit in.

Soon after, he returned to the tree where EDWARD and NKWC continued to discuss how they'd fight a horde of snakes.

Both men paused and looked up at ALG, in disguise.

"YOU, FELLOW HUMAN, WE MUST KILL SNAKES!"

"Comrade man-I-have-never-met, my caveman revolutionary speaks truth! We humans MUST join together in the name of True Korea! That we might rid the world of snakes FOREVER!"

ALG thumbed himself.

"Ook ook."

"AH! Comrade EDWARD! Do you not see our new members offering? This humble Louisiana swamp man, clearly of the laborer class, wants to prepare us JAM-BA-LA-YA! His thick creole accent betrays his culinary expertise!"

"EDWARD NO LIKE SPICY! WHY EAT FOOD THAT HURT?"

ALG has no comprehension of what EDWARD and NK are saying.

He once again points to himself.

"Ook ook."

"Ah! Even MORE generosity! Comrade EDWARD, our bayou-bred brother claims his noble wife is a Belgian diamond trader! From Belgium! He proudly informs us the secret ingredient of his cajun cooking: Diamonds! Dug from the Earth by his own sweat!"

"EDWARD EAT DIAMOND, EDWARD BE HARDEST MAN!"

NK and EDWARD both nod to each other, agreeing to consume this meal of spice and earth metal…

But the moment they turn back, ALG has already taken off the fedora and trench coat.

“GASP! Our gorilla guru has returned!”

"WHERE MAN GO!?"

…NK pondered the disappearance of their Creole ally… And the reappearance of their primate pedagogue.

"AH!” NK sticks a finger in the air! “The meaning is clear! Our Comrade APE killed the cajun swamp man! OBVIOUSLY, he aspired to poison us! A snake sympathizer!"

NK shook his head. “To me, his ruse was OBVIOUS from the beginning! What member of the collectivist proletariat would subsist on DIAMONDS! FEH! An ELITIST gumbo ingredient if I’ve ever heard one!”

"Ook ook."

NK laughed delightedly. "Hah! You mock his creole accent! Comrade EDWARD, the Gorilla is a master impressionist of every man he kills!"

“NO MOCK, THAT GORILLA! NOT HUMAN! NOT SWAMP MAN! APE! HOW YOU NOT SEE!?”

NK first peered skeptically.

…Then, he squinted… and gasped! The deception is made clear!

“Comrade EDWARD, correct again!” NK marvels, in sheer awe! “Our ape comrade is clearly a master of disguise that rivals even that of the best Soviet spies.”

EDWARD scratched his head.

“EDWARD NOT UNDERSTAND WHY APE DRESS LIKE MAN?”

ALG, frustrated with the ongoing confusion, began to dance around waving his fedora.

NKWC clapped! “Ah, EDWARD! Clearly, Comrade Gorilla wishes us to choreograph our very own revolutionary tango, marking the day we became ONE COLLECTIVE!”

EDWARD, wasn’t convinced..

“OR… APE TRY TO SAY… NEED TO MOVE?”

“Ook ook!” ALG nodded in agreement while waving them forward.

“HA! See!” NK smiles knowingly! “He agrees with my meaning!”

Regardless, it was too late to retreat! Hundreds of snakes suddenly slithered out of the bush, surrounding them!

NKWC’s eyes went wide with alarm. “By the missiles of Pyongyang! A reptilian uprising!”

“EDWARD READY FOR SNAKE!”

ALG dropped his fedora, quickly shimmying up a tree. “Eek eek eek” he cried, terrified of the slithering mass.

“GASP!” NK declares, instead of just gasping. He spins toward his cavebuddy. “Comrade EDWARD, we must protect Comrade Gorilla! He fears these creatures!”

NK emits a loud, high-pitched squeal that disoriented the snakes!

“Quickly, Comrade EDWARD! We must utilize this momentary offensive opening! There’s no time to mince words! Doing so would waste this brief opp-”

Saying no more, EDWARD sprang to action with a fallen branch, swinging it like a bat, swatting the snakes away!

“Ah! Exactly so! Tis time to act!”

Finally shutting up, NKWC grabbed a branch of his own, joining EDWARD in defending their position.

Together, they drove the snakes back, ensuring ALG’s safety from his perch above.

“Stronger together, always!” NKWC exclaimed as EDWARD gave him a nod of respect.

“Ook Ook!”

---

”Observe our adversaries, collective-mates! While we operate as a united front, poised to attack in flawless synchronization…”

“OPPONENTS ALL OVER PLACE!”

“Ook ook.”

“Haha, exactly so, dear comrades! Witness our foes’ meandering, moaning manifesto last Anarchy! Hardly earth-shattering to hear a band of career underachievers whine and whinge about how they have been ignored! Foolish foes! Do you not realize the reason you have been ignored is that you’re NOT WORTH PAYING ATTENTION TO!”

“FAKE MUSCLE CLAIM EDWARD STEAL SHINY. EDWARD TAKE SHINY WITH REAL MUSCLE.”

“Agreed! Might makes right! And Comrade EDWARD, your MIGHT took the ‘shiny’ RIGHT away! Haha!”

“WAR THIEF, SAY MUCH, BUT WORDS TRUE. FAKE MUSCLE COULD MAKE REAL MUSCLE. BUT NO DO.”

“Indeed! Bourgeois Hayes would rather lodge formal complaints from atop his highchair of gold! Crying like the spoiled toddler he is!”

“Ook ook.”

“Well-said, Comrade Gorilla! Speaking of so-called warriors who would rather chatter all-day than backup their banal blither with battle, what of Comrade Machina?”

“PAINTED WOMAN NOT FACE TRUTH. THINK IS STRONG. STRONG NOT LOSE SENSE WHEN FAIL. STRONG NOT RUN AWAY FROM CHALLENGE BECAUSE ALREADY KNOW WEAK! WOMAN DO ALL THAT!”

“A most vicious barb, Comrade EDWARD! When the going gets tough, LSM… vanishes for six months.”

“Ook ook.” ALG walks away.

“HAHA! Observe, Comrade EDWARD! Comrade Gorilla *is* a master impressionist!!”

“PAINTED WOMAN DREAM BIG. WANT SHINY. WANT EDWARD SHINY. WANT ALL SHINY (EVEN THOUGH LESS SHINY THAN EDWARD SHINY).”

“And she’ll harass, harangue and hector! Whatever it takes to bully TRUE champions into giving her title opportunities.”

“THEN LOSE! THEN LEAVE!”

“And the cycle continues. All we can say, Comrade Machina… We three eagerly await humiliating you into your *next* extended vacation! HAHA!”

ALG wanders back into frame.

“Ook.”

“True! We must still address Comrade Black.”

“BLACK MAN JOIN GROUP?”

“Precisely, Comrade EDWARD! John Black’s trying a new gimmick. Must be a day ending in ‘Y’! Comrade Black has disbanded the THUGS, reformed the THUGS, worn a mask, removed the mask, re-worn a mask… Promising fans again-and-again a reign of dominance! THIS time, John Black will rule the XWF!”

“WORDS NOT STRENGTH. ACTIONS STRENGTH.”

“Perfectly stated! While Comrade Black expertly wastes precious words… While Comrade Machina masterfully whines about how deserving she is… While Bourgeois Hayes adeptly declares a new regime will rule Anarchy!”

“We three! Know exactly what their words are worth…”

NK grins mischievously.

“Ape shit.” “APE SHIT!” “Ook Ook!”

---

Suddenly, an alligator sprang at EDWARD.

ALG quickly halted it, wagging a finger in its face before tossing it FAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar into the brush.

"APE AFRAID OF SNAKE BUT NOT GATOR?"

NK, placed a hand on EDWARD’s shoulder. “Comrade EDWARD, Comrade GORILLA has his fears and strengths, just as we all do. United, we bolster each other, but answer this; what is our collective’s true aim?”

EDWARD lit up. “TO BE STRONGEST WARRIORS!”

“Exactly!” Nk grinned, and ALG cheered.

End.