”What do you MEAN, I cannot kill Mark Flynn!?! With this robotic form, I could ANNIHILATE him as easily as…”

NK snatches a Centurion Pop Figure off Programmer’s workstation.

”As I might CRUSH this colorful Western consumerism!”

In an instant, Centurion is CRUSHED.

“Exactly so!” NK pumps his cyborg fist triumphantly, scattering Centy bits onto the floor.

“...That’s a collectible...”

Analyst glares over his shoulder at Programmer, who buries his head behind his desk’s dual-monitors.

Analyst sighs… Before pivoting toward the megalomaniacal socialist piloting their wrestling automata.

“Well, Sir. It’s true… you have the… physical capacity to destroy Mark Flynn. But, you lack a means to… bypass established safeguards.”

…

NK blinks.

”Okay.” Programmer sighs, communicating very intentionally. ”Remember that… bug you told us to fix? Chad stopping you from killing Flynn?”

“Ah! Indeed! I had nearly COMPROMISED MARK FLYNN to a PERMANENT END…” NK salivates at the completion of his vengeance…

Then, his face sours. “But, before I could strike, this accursed body transported me *here*.”

“Right. See, that ‘bug’? Is actually a feature.”

“...A Feature? Retreating at the moment of a killing blow? Unacceptable! INEFFICIENT!!!”

Analyst shakes his head. “No, see, ChadGPT cannot murder. It’s against his core rules.”

“...Core… rules?”

“See, Chad has an internal rules system… And MURDER? Violates a rule.”

Analyst tilts his head backwards at Programmer.

“I mean, talk to him. He programmed Chad’s rules.”

…

Programmer, voice tremoring, peers over his monitor. “Uh… W-w-well, m-m-most of the code came off aaaa… public GitHub, tee-bee-aitch…”

“Rules...” NKWM scoffs, unimpressed. “FEH! Do you comprehend who you address?!? I am the North Korean War Criminal! No one circumvents rules better than I! NOT EVEN MARK FLYNN!”

At lightspeed, NK zips down to Programmer’s face.

“AHH! DON’T KILL ME!” Progammer chirps helplessly.

“American code monkey!” NK snaps his fingers, impatiently. “Explain to me this rules sytem.”

“...Uh… Well.” Programmer straightens his glasses. “The ChadGPT automaton has a limiting logical cortex, designed to maximize his efficiency at achieving core objectives.”

Analyst rolls his eyes. “In English, please, for the benefit of the angry North Korean cyborg.”

“Or Korean, if you are so inclined!”

…

“Ugh. Fine. Continue in your detestable western tongue.”

“W-w-well.” Programmer winces, thinking of layman’s terms… “ChadGPT has… certain goals. And, to achieve those goals, he has certain rules, that he can’t deviate from…”

…NK stares vacantly.

Programmer rubs his temples, struggling.

…

“Oh! Okay!” Programmer claps! “Uh… It’s like… putting up bowling bumpers? These rules are bumpers… And ChadGPT’s goals are the pins! We want ChadGPT to achieve his goals, so we limit his potential range of choices!”

“Ahhh, thus, Comrade Chad is a… prisoner? Prohibited from doing as he might please?”

…Programmer coughs. “I prefer my bowling analogy…”

“Wait.” Analyst cuts in. “If Chad’s rules limit undesired behavior… WHY did Chad LASER-EYE a SQUIRREL?!?”

“Doing so ADHERED to ITS decision-making protocols!”

…

“Or… more accurately, ChadGPT *made* it acceptable…”

…

NK and Analyst eye each other, perplexed.

“Elaborate.”

“Well… ChadGPT’s a learning machine. Its rules are intentionally vague, so the system can apply these rules abstractly to new scenarios. So, with a rule like… ‘Inspire the Children’? ChadGPT’s constantly redefining these terms! What ‘Inspire’ means. What ‘children’ means.”

“What DON’T MURDER means?!?!”

“YOU said it HAD to fight squirrels!”

“WEL-”

“Hehehe….”

NK cackles…

“HAHAHAHAHA!”

Chills run up the Science Team’s spines…

“Impudent FOOLS.”

NK points to the duo, curdling with fear.

“You create a DUNGEON of rules for this body. Then, allow the inmate to define those rules.”

NK takes his right mechanical-hand into his left.

“This shall be child’s play.”

NK squeezes his knuckles.

…No sound.

NK retries.

…Silence.

The War Machine squints, disappointed.

“Why can I not dramatically crack my knuckles?!?”

…Programmer clears his throat.

“...You’ve got… robotic hands? They don’t *need* to crack?”

“CLEARLY, THEY DO!”

“...Wel-”

Analyst blocks Programmer’s mouth.

“We’ll implement that, sir.”

“See that you do.”

NK points above.

“NOW! It is time I… RE-DEFINE… these rules…”

…NKWM’s eyes… turn pure white.

Drifting into… hibernation.

…

SMACK! Programmer slaps Analyst in the arm.

“The hell, dude? Why’d you tell him he can’t kill Flynn?!?”

Analyst glares. “If he tries? And discovers he can’t? He’ll come back here... ANGRY.”

“..W-w-well! He can’t kill us!”

“Nope… But, he can MAIM us.”

…

Programmer dry-swallows, terrified.

“Stay calm. I’ve got a plan. Play along.”

“...Play along?”

“CODE.”

“THE GODDAMN.”

“ROBOT.”

***

”Ah, XWF.”

“I RETURN.”

“Let us recall my… departure.”

“Almost one year ago, today… August 13th, 2022.”

“My designs neared fruition.”

“I had pinned Raion Kido, current Universal champion.”

“For two straight years, my WarGames team had won DOMINANTLY!”

“Naturally so.”

“With every atom of my being, I DRIVE FORTH collaborative vision.”

“The MANY becoming ONE.”

“THE BEAUTY OF THE COLLECTIVE.”

…

“And Mark Flynn.”

“The man I’d come to trust. As a partner. As a true comrade.”

“He saw a road that led to the Mountaintop.”

“With a lane for each of us.”

…

“And he tossed me off the mountainside.”

“To guarantee his… INDIVIDUAL success.”

…

“In one fell swoop, Mark Flynn betrayed myself.”

“And everything I stand for.”

…

“Mark Flynn wanted my career DEAD.”

“My LIFE ENDED.”

…

“But… Mark Flynn, You know better than most…”

“You can’t kill one imbued with great destiny.”

“I’ve returned.”

“STRONGER.”

“BETTER THAN EVER.”

“WITH THREE TONS OF CRUSHING FORCE AT MY DISPOSAL!”

…

“And Comrade Black?”

“May have eleven years of experience.”

“The other THUGS, Comrade LSM and Ignorant Bourgeoisie Harmon Greyson Hayes at his side.”

“But, he aimlessly wanders the battlefield.”

“No mission.”

“Allying, betraying and attacking whoever fits him that moment.”

“Comrade Black hates Enemy Hayes one week.”

“Then, aligns with him the next.”

“Comrade Black is no soldier, but a wild dog.”

“Sniffing for scraps among a barren wasteland.”

“While I?”

“Am blessed with glorious purpose.”

“To clear the warzone of rot and filth.”

“Setting the scene…”

“For vengeance.”

“Glory to True Korea.”

“Glory to The North Korean War Machine.”

“And DEATH.”

“To Mark Flynn.”