“Why do I bother? What is the point of wrestling again? Is it the money? Sure. Is it passion? Ehh, Maybe? Is it my fans, the Hooters? Ha. Nice try. I’m not sure what it is exactly. But here I am again going on one more ride. This time in Xtreme Wrestling Federation.”


“Can I do it? I *think* I can. No. Correct that. Confidence is key in this business. So what I mean is… I REALLY *think* I can do it. Did my past success soften me? Did fame and fortune ruin my edge?”


“If I am going to do this. I need to do it right. Do it the way I earned my popularity. The way I got to the top of the mountain. I need the Knight Rider.”

~A shot of a motorhome pulling up is shown. We see the back of a woman wearing a blue and white checkered dress. It is revealed to be none other than wrestling legend, Alice Knight. Just as you think Alice is going to be run over by the motorhome. The vehicle stops and the driver slams it brakes inches away from Alice’s body.”

“Nice. The Knight Rider looks better than I expected...”

“It’s a new model, Alice.”

~Alice’s freeloading homeless friend Ferguson says as he jumps out of the driver's seat.~

“Awe, what happened to the original Knight Rider had to be destroyed for the sake of humanity. Well… that’s what the mechanic said. It had a significant amount of ‘owl’ poop and reeked of mustard for any human or living thing to breathe.”

Alice shrugs while nodding.

“... there was a lot of owl poop in there. But everything smells like mustard in 2023. From our kitchens to our vehicles to our clothing. 24/7.  I don’t get what the big deal is.”

Ferguson shrugs as Alice enters the motorhome.

“This looks cozy, Fergie. Where is Owlie?”

“Owlie is in the bathroom shower tub…”

Alice looks worried.

“You didn’t drown another owl did you Ferguson?”

Ferguson laughs.

“Nahhh. I mean… I don’t think so…”

Alice and Ferguson share a look and rush to the motorhome's bathroom. Inside is Owlie, Alice’s pet owl, calmly sitting in its cage in the shower.

“That was close. I didn’t want to have to buy another owl. This one is trained and everything. I know how her mind works. Watch. See Owlie is super calm right now?”

“Yeah…?”

Alice begins roughly shaking the cage as Owlie begins frantically flapping it’s wings.

“See… now it’s all paranoid and acting like a crazy bird.”

“Isn’t that like… torture?”

“Define torture… you know what. Tell me later. I’m digging this motorhome. Very fancy.”

Alice and Ferguson leave Owlie flipping out in her cage. They walk around the RV.

“I dig it. But I have a question?

“No! For the last time I didn’t run over that litter of golden retriever puppies back in 2014. And you can tell Detective Josephine Weathers that. Her and that nosey family… Does that answer your QUESTIONNAIRE, Ferguson?  “

“No. I mean. Why get an RV? You can afford to travel anyway you want…”

Alice chuckles.

“Think about it. I got famous for doing things the roughway. I let my success of being a wrestler get to me. My fame of being the HOOT Queen. My fortune for creating the first and only CHUNKY Mustard. Now available in Europe.”

“...ok?”

“What I am saying is. All that success got to my head. Which is why I haven’t had a great final run in years. But it’s 2023. And if I want to relive the highs and most likely lows of this business… I need to go back to the basics. I.E. I need the motorhome. I need to struggle again. I need to be like the best that XWF has to offer. Do you think Brotherhood of Bast- um - Bros take airplanes and spend ‘money’ that they earned? Of course not. Or do champions like the great Mark Flynn and the icon Raion Kido live, eat and smell like champions? They reek like mustard like the rest of us. And does a great like Dolly Waters ‘shave her legs’ when she can just throw on a pair of tights to hide the hair, cellulite and that scar she got from that rusty mustard jar she fell on that one time at the factory? OF COURSE SHE DOESN’T!”

Farguson nods looking at Alice’s legs.

“... do you still have that scar? That was a pretty gross accident. I still remember all that blood. But you kept making the mustard. Respect.”

“We’re talking about XWF stars, Fergie. Not me. But the fact I am getting at is that I need to go down to their level. Willing to do anything to make it to the top of XWF. To be Alice Knight again. The O.G. Alice Knight.”

“Well… I’m certain B.O.B. do take airplanes. Flynn and Kido don’t always smell like mustard. And i’m sure Dolly maintains her physical appearance and doesn’t have a scar from a rusty mustard jar on her leg…”

“... you don’t know that for sure. It doesn’t matter. This is my plan… Now the question is... Are you willing to take this ride with me, Fergie? Ready to go town to town. Country to country. To the moon and back… literally. As ii kick ass in and out of the ring… Are you willing to throw your life away. Just me, you and Owlie on the road for the next year?”

Alice holds out her hand.

“Um… no.”

“Huh?”

“I don’t want to do any of that…”

Alice pouts again.

“Too bad!”

She then slaps Ferguson across the face and pushes him in the motorhome's couch. She rushes to the driver's seat, locks all the doors and speeds off causing Owlie and her cage to flip upside down.


To Be Contin-HOOT