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Barney Green · (02-04-2023)

May not have walked out of Snow Job tag champions with Micheal Graves but that's alright. The battle is far from over. We will get another shot. Pass me another White Claw! I'm walking into Warfare for the first time in almost a year. I'm coming into March Madness. 38 going on 39 in less than a month. Warfare is 8 days before my birthday.

Funny how things work out. Now, I gotta come harder than I have ever came before. Age might be catching up to me but I can still keep the pace going like i'm Jaromir Jagr. 50 years old and still playing hockey. Let me introduce myself to you, Dionysus.

I'm the Daddy Of Violence. Luckily for you, Weapons aren't allowed. I am the last of a dying breed in an era where technical skills and flips are needed to get noticed. I got noticed the old fashioned american way. Straight up violence with a fifth of jack thrown in.

You see, I love to drink. Fitting I'd be facing a guy named after the Greek God of wine. I was never a grape loving guy. I prefer the stuff that is gritty and gives your liver a true punch. I got this in the bag when it comes to you.

You are merely just another speed bump along the way. I walk into Houston, Texas. Been there. Done that. Gonna be coming at you like a boomerang. You might think I am full of feces but you are sadly mistaken. Fighting my way back to the top of the mountain.

My goal is to win March Madness. Taking this as serious as I took trying to become Tag Champion. Maybe if I actually win a singles match on my own, People will see who I am. What I am about. That old school style of pro wrestling. Last of a dying breed. Ring the bell and I will keep going.

I've worked as a Garbage Man before. I am used to taking the trash out which is what will happen to you. Nailing this like the last tgirl i slept with. Quick and easy. Almost pain-free even. Let's see if I still got it, Dionysus. Battle of two bearded motherfuckers. I'm gonna hit you with an Intelligent Diversion. Then I am gonna nail you with the Green Awakening. Then the bell will ring after the three count.

I am gonna hurt you, badly. No need to break out the weapons even though I wanna do it so badly. A small concession on my part. The name's Barney Green. Born and raised in Boston, MA. The home of the tea party. In my case, It will be a beer party.

Walked out of Snow Job with nothing. But the one positive I can say is I didn't take the fall. Didn't sleep before the bout because fuck it, Who really needs sleep? I sure as hell don't. Even in my advancing age, I can still function on very little sleep. As long as Mr. Happy still works, I am good to go.

I drive to every single one of my bookings. Nothing like hearing heavy metal and hitting the next bar along the way. Getting drunk and then getting behind the wheel. Daddy is ready to unleash some violence.

Get ready, Dionysus. It will be...Unlucky....For....You...

The camera turns on as we see Barney Green, wearing his trademark black shirt with a lime green stripe down the sides of it and black pants with that same stripe and black shoes, driving a car. He eventually pulls over to a bar. He exits his car and walks into the bar. We see him pull up to the bar and we see walk into the bar.

Barney: "Time to have a few shots before I get back on the road on my journey."

The camera zooms in and we see Barney go to sit down at the bar. The barkeep approaches him and goes to speak.

Barkeep: "What can i get for you, sir?"

Barney: "Get me a shot of jack."

The camera zooms out on Barney. We then see him get his shot of Jack and he takes a swig.

Barney: "Gotta stay levelheaded at the moment. That stuff doesn't affect me."

The camera shows past footage of Barney Green getting drunk and seeing tons of random fights spliced in as random music plays in the background.

Barney: "Okay. It's not as bad as it used to be. I try to avoid confrontations unless I have no other choice."

Barney continues drinking and then goes to speak again.

Barney: "Its great that you people have wanted to see what I have been up to since I technically vanished from the world. I am still alive and kicking. Just need a break sometimes. I am getting old. Not the same guy I used to be. Can I still fight? Sure. But is it always worth it? Possibly."

Barney downs the drink and then throws some money down. He walks towards the dance floor of this bar.

Barney: "Maybe I will score in Tennessee. Gonna dance the night away!"

We see Barney Green attempt to dance and somehow fall through a table causing a guy to confront him.

Guy: "What happened to you, man? I remember watching you on television back on the day. Now, You are just some drunkard."

Barney gets up and just shrugs it off. Barney goes to speak.

Barney: "Never meet your heroes, kid. There are a lot worse people you could meet besides me getting a bit tipsy and a table appearing out of nowhere. Accidents happen."

Guy: "Right but I was trying to have a decent meal. How about a selfie and we call it even."

Barney thinks about for a minute and goes to speak.

Barney: "Sure. Anything for a fan."

The camera shows a pic of Barney and this random guy. We then cut to a shot of Green in front of a background showing the state of Tennessee.

Barney: "No need to fight a person who just wants a picture. Besides, What would I have truly gained from beating up some random person? Not worth it all the time."

The camera cuts back to the bar where we see Barney Green sitting back at the bar. He takes another swig of jack. Barney goes to speak.

Barney: "I got my peace in life and wouldn't change anything in the world. Can't believe I still got all this driving to do but that's the life of a pro wrestler."

Barney finishes the shot and throws down some more money. Barney goes to speak.

Barney: "Guess I ain't getting lucky tonight but that's alright. I gotta head back to the car after I take a piss!"

Barney quickly runs to the bathroom as the camera fades to another scene of him talking over some footage of him in the bathroom.

Barney: "Why we are even showing this is beyond me. Everyone has to piss every now and then. It's just worse when you are drunk and having trouble getting your pants unzipped."

Barney trips and bangs his head on the urinal. He gets back up and pisses in the corner of the room instead. He then kicks the urinal and shatters it. Water starts flooding the bathroom. The camera cuts out to a scene of Barney talking to the police.

Barney: "I don't know how that urinal got broken. It was something else. The urinal just exploded off the wall while I was taking leak in the stall."

The camera shows his mugshot for disorderly conduct. Then we see him talking in front of a background which shows the state of Tennessee.

Barney: "Not my proudest moment but it is what it is. Urinal got broken and I had to pay that bar a few thousand to replace it. Unbelievable. Who hasn't wanted to destroy a urinal before? I mean, It attacked me first."

The camera zooms in on Barney as he goes to speak again.

Barney: "Until the next episode, I am Barney Green and this is my life on the road."

The camera fades to black as credits start appearing.

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