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(Gravy_Xtreme_5000) · (08-09-2022)

THEN!

Early morning
HOBOtown, USA

Micheal Graves crawled out of a shanty that was primarily constructed out of old cardboard boxes and trash bags. Micheal stood up and stretched his arms into the air as he breathed in the familiar stench of piss and unbathed ass that surrounded him. Foul but familiar, much like him. Micheal snatched a coffee out of the hand of a passerby. The woman yelped and hurried away as Gravy took a sip of his ill gotten brew and placed a call to the XWF's answer to Disco Stu, Vinnie Lane.

Not only does he not answer, but Graves is pretty sure that he hit the F.U. button on the 4th ring.

Oh well, Graves is nothing if not persistent. He speed dials Lane over and over and over again, until finally...

"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane: "Graves! It's SIX AM! WHAAAAAT DOOO YOOOOU WAAAAAAAANT!?!"

Micheal Graves: "I'm ready to work boss. I was thinking that now that Unknown Soldier is the Anarchy Champion, you could finally pull the trigger on that Gravy Soldier match and make it for the title as Lacklan suggested!"

"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane: "Are you @*$%&*% kidding me!? For the LAST TIME, you're staff now! Your in ring career in the XWF is OVER! Do you understand!? OVER! You will NOT challenge for a title. You will NOT wrestle on Anarchy, Madness, Savage, Warfare, or ANY other XWF produced show! You are D.O.N.E. in the XWF! Get it!? GOT IT!?"

Micheal Graves: "Well, actually-"

"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane: "GOOD! Now, STOP CALLING ME!"

*CLICK*

Graves stares at his phone for a moment, unable to believe that Lane just hung up on him like that.

WOW!

Micheal of course had noticed the tensions between him and Lane growing ever since they slept together, but Lane's insistence on keeping Graves regulated to a small time managerial role on an unwatched Z brand's joke division was beginning to frustrate Gravy, and that frustration would manifest itself in an explosive outburst.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!"

The camera spirals into Micheal's eye, exiting the other side as we transition to a cleaned up Gravy sitting comfortably behind the wheel of a red Corvette.

NOW!

Gravy is driving along. No radio, just the sounds of Los Angeles. Distant music from car stereos. A weather report. Old billboards and their sun-drenched sadness. In the reflection of his sunglasses, curiously, a man is sitting in the passenger seat. Flowing, shoulder length hair. Leather jacket over a white t-shirt. Brash and cocky as he lights up a cigarette.

He’s...

Young Micheal Graves!

YOUNG Graves: Damn, man.

Old Gravy takes off his sunglasses and looks over at Young Gravy, who is smoking a cigarette.

Micheal Graves:"Don't give me your shit, man! I don't need it!"

Young Graves: "What!? ME!? Kick a man when he's down? NEVER!"

An awkward silence passes between the two until Young Gravy decides to break it by asking, "So you really think this is the ticket, huh?"

"I do."

"Barney Green and Darren Dangerous though? Come on, man! If I knew how my career was going to turn out, I think I would have just killed myself after the N.W.O. closed it's doors!"

Gravy seems to take offense to his young counterparts take on his career.

"Hey, I can't help it that I'm too XTREME for TV, and Barney is a God damned angel! HE allowed ME to invest everything I had made running that stupid Madness Deathmatch League into Barn Coin, and it's already turning my life around!"

"How?"

The follow up question was not expected, or prepared for.

"Uh... What do you mean HOW!? Look at us!? We're on our way to the Crypto Arena to face Centurion! Team Xtreme have a match on Madness AND Anarchy, with me! A MATCH!!! And on top of that, on Anarchy we're in the fucking Main Event! Before Barn Coin I couldn't pay anyone to book me! I even offered Lane a sloppy blowjob, but he just got pissed and kicked me out of his bed!"

"Didn't we just work The Cannabis Cup?"

"The contracts for that shit were done forever ago, before I was blackballed AGAIN!"

With a HUGE grin, Gravy looks forward; Eyes on the road!

"This is different. This is something bigger. This is my second chance!"

"More like your sixth chance to fuck everything up if history is an indicator!"

Gravy glares at his younger self with the fiery rage of 1000 suns just before he does this!

LATER

A bloodied and battered, but otherwise alive and well Micheal Graves steps off of the public transport bus smelling like ass and gas and looking like something out of a Sam Rami Horror movie, but this IS California, so he isn't paid too much attention. One man does take notice though, a younger man, maybe late 20's or early 30's. As Graves takes the first steps towards his destination, this young man decides to approach him with a smile. Graves ignores him and keeps walking, but the young man follows in tow.

"Micheal, sorry, I don't mean to bother you, man. I just want to tell you that you're fucking awesome!"

Without hesitation or the slightest break in his stride, Gravy fires back. "I know!"

The young man continues to follow behind, desperately pinning for the attention of this old grizzled wrestler he apparently likes from TV.

"For real man! You're feuds are some of the best things in the XWF! You and Sean, Dolly, Caedus, it's just too bad that you never got your chance to put The Omega Robert Main in his place!"

The mere mention of his name stops Gravy in his tracks.

"Fuck that guy!"

"Yeah, I agree! Main suuuuucked!"

Gravy finally lays eyes on this fan while glaring at him similar to how he glared at his younger self earlier.

"Not him you idiot! The fucking clown that ran him out before I had the chance! TK chased my fucking clout and chased it crying into the fucking night! You know he only did that shit because he knew it was MY goal! Fuck that !"

"Oh..." The fan suddenly looks saddened. "You're beefing with TK?"

"When am I not beefing with TK!? Uh, Other than when his partner is giving me oral!"

"...wut..."

"Nothing, nevermind! Just fuck TK and fuck his draw, but it's alright, because I'm going to get my chance at righting that fucking wrong, and it starts with Raggedy Andy's Final Fucking Fantasy! That Fantasy being him thinking that this match is going to be a repeat of the last time we met in the ring! That's right Cent, I know damn well this isn't our first rodeo, but I sure do fucking aim to make it our last! You're taking me light, pal! You made that clear referring to this challenge as a warm up. Alright, be that way. Think I'm a joke. Think I can't beat you. You're just proving that you didn't learn shit when Thebe Nwadike punked your ass last year! Though I do recall you coming out of that match claiming that you'd learnt your lesson and wouldn't be underestimating fuckers moving forward. Guess not, right? Good for me and so very bad for you!"

"...Uh, who are you talking to?"

Gravy seems to be getting more annoyed with his inquisitive fan.

"My fucking opponent for Savage! Who does it look like I'm talking to!?"

The young man is a little started by Graves aggressive outburst and takes a step back.

"It's just... There aren't any cameras..."

"Bullshit!"

Gravy scans the skies until he comes across a small black dot in the sky. Gravy points it out for his fan boy.

"See that!? XWF drone! Records everything I do!"

"Everything?"

Gravy nods. "Yeah kid, everything. Why do you think there's a video of me beating it with spoiled lunch meat floating around the internet!?"

And with that, the young man was a fan no more. As evidenced by his sudden exit from this scene!

Graves flicks his chin at the guy as he scurries away. "Yeah, fuck you too!"

And just like that, Micheal sets back on his path down the street while continuing his conversation with the hovering drone high above.

"Fuck that guy! Fake ass fan! A REAL fan would know that cumming in boloney doesn't even scratch the surface of the sick shit I have, and will do, in, and out of that ring! OH! And what luck! A cage match! Now I ain't gotta worry about keeping the dirty shit out of the ref's line of sight. Centurion signed up for a warm up, but he's about to get a full tilt, all out, XTREME fucking brawl the likes of which he's never seen before! That's right Andy, you think that you've seen everything that this business has to offer, but when it comes to the XTREME, you haven't seen shit yet, and maybe never again once I fuck your face with Matilda!"

Graves digs under his coat to reveal!!!

"I took this fucker from Peter Gi- That old fat shit that DARED to call himself XTREME! I kicked his ass and took his XTREME God Among Men title for myself, along with this HARDCORE dildo that Mia used to pound his ass with. Now it's going in your fucking eye, Andy!"

Graves casually tosses the dildo over his shoulder as he continues down the road.

"Or not! Who knows!? The only thing for sure about Saturday, is that we're going to get SAVAGE and one of us isn't walking out of that ring! Could be you, could be me, but whatever happens, know that I'm fighting until my last fucking breath. You're going to have to kill me to escape that cage because I've literally got nothing, NOTHING left to lose! Do you understand that!? Have you SEEN that before!? If so, you should know just how fucking dangerous that makes me! I don't have friends, I don't have fans, not real ones anyway; and before your smug ass answered MY challenge, it looked like I didn't have a career either, but YOU Cent, you've given me my golden opportunity. I turn heads here, and I'm back baby, because no matter how much management may hate me, there's one thing they love more than that hatred, and it's money! If I prove I can still bring in the cash, then my spot on this roster will be secured once more!"

A sudden and unexpected interruption comes from a homely looking young woman.

"Excuse me, sir. Would you have a couple of dollars that you could spare?" She pleads as she continues walking past, eyes down, only glancing up momentarily to make eye contact.

"Fuck you, get a job!"

"Times are tough, and I have a record!"

Graves stops to look this bitch up and down.

"I..." Does Gravy take pity on this poor soul!? "I might be able to help."

FAST FORWARD!

The scene opens on a gaggle of porta potties.

Groaning and moaning can be heard coming from inside one of the portable shitters. It doesn't last long, and before you know it, Graves kicks his way through the porta john door while still zipping up his pants.

"Best wishes, bitch. I hope life gets better for ya!"

"Wait!" The homeless harlot screams as she comes running out of the porta potty half dressed and dirty. "What about my money!?"

Puzzled is Graves. "What about it?"

"You owe me for the fuck!"

Gravy instantly throws his hands up and steps away from the situation.

"Whoa now, engaging in prostitution would be in violation of my probation or some shit. That was just a friendly CONSENSUAL meeting of two like minded adults, or so I thought!"

"So you thought WRONG!" she yells as she wags her stinky finger in Gravy's face! "You said you wanted to help with my money problems! That's the only reason I ever would have allowed your nasty ass to touch me! Now pay up! $500!!!"

Graves eyes bulge out of his head at the figure!

"$500 for that unwashed tuna!? Goddamn Biden! Get that inflation under control already!"

Suddenly a can of organic corn bounces off of the back of Gravy's head! With a snort, he turns to see some libtard.

[Image: angry-man-shouting-and-pointing-to-camer...o-shot.jpg]

"Don't bad mouth our president you heathen!"

"I didn't say shit about Trump!"

"Donald Trump is a lunatic! You should be happy that Biden won the election! Just imagine how bad things would be with the bloated orange madman in charge! We'd all be dead from Covid before Russia could even invade!"

Gravy just stands there with his Rock eyebrow raised high.

"Nice dystopian future. Do you write for the XWF?"

"It's not a joke! The Trump administration wasn't even taking steps to bring the plague under control! He was more concerned about who had the bigger Nuke button between himself and Kim Jong-il!

"Let me guess, Centurion is your favorite wrestler?"

"Uh? No! Centurion is alright, but Ruby is my favorite!"

"Oh, right... Woke culture, men can't be the hero. They need a strong woman!"

"Nobody's saying that!"

Gravy scoffs! "Bullshit! Dr. Strange? Not the hero, it's a woman!"

"Well, that's just one-"

Gravy ain't got time for that!

"Hawkeye? Not the hero! It's a woman! Hulk? WRECKED by a car wreck! Human bitch has to save him and HE infects her with his blood! INFECTS!"

This dude is just straight confused now and wondering why they are even arguing over Marvel movies.

"Uh, what's your point?"

"My point!? MY POINT!? My point is this! Centurion CAN'T be the hero of this story because he's got a dick, and if you can believe this shit, he doesn't suck dick himself!"

Gravy takes pause!

"Well, he does, but not in a way that makes him anything other than the enemy to the same people that he preaches for! Sure, he can suck up and try to woo them with all that fancy talk, but even then he's STILL him! Still a rich, white, entitled, old, FUCK!"

"Okay, even if that's true; what does any of that have to do with Joe Biden and your blasphemous words?!"

"I DON'T KNOW! Nobody does! But you've gotta admit, there's a whole lot of fishy shit going down! For instance, did you know that Superman is slated to be replaced by Supergirl in the DCU!? It's NOT EVEN the Supergirl that you know, but one that exists in a world where Zod killed the most OP hero ever, and this other NOT KARA Superbitch had to rise up and do what that silly man couldn't!? DID YOU KNOW THAT!?!"

"I... I can't say that I did, no..."

"Well it happens! I saw that shit at a test screening"

In disbelief he asks, "Someone invited YOU to a test screening?"

There's an intense stare down before Graves shoots off at the mouth!

"Okay fine! I heard about it in a YouTube review of reports from test screeners. THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT ANY LESS IMPACTFUL!!!"

"I still don't even know what we're actually talking about."

"WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THE FACT THAT CENTURION CAN'T BEAT ME BECAUSE HE'S A WHITE MAN! The best he can hope for is to bumble around the ring and NOT lose ALL credibility like Thor when he plays second fiddle to Jane Foster. JANE FOSTER!!!"

"But you're also a white man. By your logic, you can't win either!"

"INCORRECT! See, I'm not a hero, son! I'm a walking talking masochistic piece of shit, and that means the left hate me, and make me their ultimate villain!"

"So what?"

Graves seems to be getting frustrated that this dude isn't getting his point!

"So what!? What a fucking idiot! When I'm beaten, it'll be by a strong independent woman, likely coming to the aid of a weak, whinny, and completely in over his head Centurion! So when Ruby steps up to the plate and accepts a challenge from me, maybe I'll worry, but come Savage, the only result possible is a bloody and utterly beaten Centurion laying on his back looking like "The Nature Boy" at minute 38 brother, as Gravy climbs over the cage walls to the promised land! XWF PAY PER VIEW MONEY!!! WOOOOOOO!!!"

"I'm so lost! Weren't we talking about politics?"

"Yeah, you were trying to tell me how much worse things could be, but personally, I can't see shit being much worse than being expected to pay 5 Benji's for soiled street poon that you have to eat out of a Porta John, but to each his own!"

Micheal laughs this clown off and is once again on his way.

Until that homeless whore jumps in front of him and blocks his path!

"You still haven't paid me!"

With an epic eyeroll to prelude, Gravy SNAPS and screams in her face!

"AND I'M NOT GONNA!"

He then shoves her to the ground "When I offered my help, I was just offering a good time you dirty rat!" and stomps past her before abruptly stopping and raising his right index finger to the sky.

"I swear to God, Earl; If another can hits me, you're going to be eating that fucking corn through your asshole!"

Gravy never looks back, so he doesn't see the guy that he named Earl hesitate his throw before lowering the can and minding his own fucking business.

Yet somehow, he knows. "Good fucking choice!"

Around the corner we go, away from the Porta Potties and to the front of the building to Graves destination!

"Invest in BarnCoin!"

"Bet on Gravy!"

"Fuck Centurion!"

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