Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

JimCaedus · (09-08-2021)

======€@£|)μ$======

CAEDUS TIMELINE REWIND: Last time on Then and Now...Jim, swept up in the idea of being daddy, had purchased a whole lotta baby booty in anticipation of his unborn daughter and had first set up Elora's room, then started her first load of laundry before retiring to the living room for an attack of nostalgia. Missing his brothers in APEX, Jim had called Robert Main with naught but an outgoing voicemail message in response. Catching news of Main teaming with Page in the XWF, Jim again tried calling The Omega, this time to a surprise; Chris Page on the other end. After a brief chat in which Page assured Jim everything was fine and how well Main was doing, Jim noticed Holly still hadn't returned home, so naturally he downed a couple beers before-

Continued directly from "Then and Now p.10" in "Callin' All Cors"
http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=41627

The jangle of keys in pocket.

The click-snap of a locking deadbolt.

The roar of ignition.

Jim backs the '94 Lincoln mark VIII out of the garage and takes off, the automatic door sliding back down securely.

"Then and Now p.11"

---March 2020, Night---

For nearly an hour (far past the buzz, now entering "I need another drink or I need to eat" territory) Jim had driven aimlessly through Long Beach, chain-smoking the whole way, in search of his pregnant baby mama Holly Hudson but there'd been no sign of her or her vehicle. It complicated matters considerably that other than the coke hookup they'd patronized frequently out in Santa Monica back in 2010 before moving to Phelan in 2012, Jim had no idea where else she may be if not in the LB.

Holly had been raised- and spent the majority of her life -in Phelan, CA, a "desert rat" through and through, and she had no contacts Jim knew of "down the hill" (anywhere in So-Cal but the High Desert). Thus, aimlessly is how he searched, pondering whether or not to drive out to Matty in Santa Monica just in case Holly had suddenly and irresponsibly decided she needed an eightball this late into the pregnancy; 6 months in.

Swear to God, if she is-

2Pac's "Ratha Be Ya Nigga" cycles on via his phone's playlist shuffle setting, blasting through the speakers, out the Lincoln's open windows and into the night, instantly steering Jim's invasive thoughts to the track's relevance with his past...

He'd used the song his senior year in high school to hook his first long-time (well, a year plus, which is pretty long for a kid) girlfriend Heather Harris away from her then current boyfriend, ...uh... Whatshisnuts Whogivesafuck.

Now the visions twerking in his mind's eye play out with his already established cheater baby mama having been persuaded-

Fuck I'm thinkin' "persuaded" for? That nympho ho hunts for dick.

-~~having been persuaded~~ having hunted down some dick off Tinder while he was working, then shopping, and was now on the receiving end of some usurper's pregnant slut fetish.

Prob'ly bent over dude's bed or doggy on the floor like I like it, fuckin' bitch...

Jim curls his lip in a snarl, attempting to force the images out of his head as the song plays on ensuring more spring up.

As if in answer to his aggravation, the gentle yellow glow of a liquor store sign in the darkness catches his eye to the left; the neon OPEN sign in the window beckoning him over.

Without signaling or slowing, eliciting enraged and sustained honks from oncoming traffic, Jim flips a bitch and pulls into one of the single row of parking spots. Leaving the vehicle running and music playing, he jumps out and briskly enters the liquor store in sight of a trio of loiterers conversing out front...

...stepping back out a minute later clutching a bottle of high-end tequila by the neck. Sliding back into his ride, _restarting_ the song like an auto-masochist, twisting off the top and taking three shots to the neck before re-capping the bottle and setting it on the front passenger side floor, Jim wipes his mouth and closes the door.

He reverses quickly and pulls back onto the street, accelerating away.

He sneaks another two swigs at a red light, flinching from the burn, then lights a smoke and looks to the rearview mirror. Once more, the 2Pac track's lyrics paint scenes of enthusiastic though "casual" infidelity in his head.

He can see her, with some vague unidentified male. See her movement, how she fucks back.

Why the fuck is this fuckin' with me? Ain't nothin' new.

He can see the two of them amping it up. Getting extra. His heart lurches.

Oh my fuckin' god... Not after everything she's done.

He can see her climax.

I still love this bitch.

He can hear her climax.

_FUCK_.

Jim runs his right hand down his face- as if he can wipe it all from his mind's eye -without regard to the cigarette which pops free of his fingers and drops into his lap.

AW SHIT!!

Lifting his ass from the seat, trying desperately to snatch the burning smoke as he swerves wildly on the road, Jim finally brakes hard, manages to grab it and tosses it out the window in a rage.

Foot still mashing the brake, adrenaline still coursing through him as he lowers back into his seat, Jim returns his eyes to the road before him...and spies an LBPD black and white at the intersection not far ahead sitting at a green light.

Motherfucker... Not now...please...

Now startled sober, Jim removes his foot from the brake and accelerates slowly, returning to his lane and rolling to a stop as the light turns from now yellow to red.

NWA's "Fuck tha Police" rotates onto the stereo.

Jim quickly lowers the volume, trying desperately not to look over at the black and white.

Flashing his phone a glare. Cocksucker... Returning his eyes to the red light.

....................................................

Of course this motherfucker is taking forever.

But Jim finds it difficult to complain further. Light turns green, that cop is gonna pull a U-ey and stop him for sure. The waiting however...the waiting, the anticipation, is agony. Jim can feel the pig's eyes on him. He flicks his gaze to the black and white-

-yep. Blinking to cover his slowly glancing back away, as casually as possible, Jim's guts twist in fear.

I'm gettin' arrested for sure. Fuckin' D-W-I.

Green.

Jim slowly accelerates through the intersection. The black and white remains stopped.

Jim's Lincoln breaks the crosswalk-

-on cue the black and white accelerates and does in fact U-turn in the intersection.

_FUCK FUCK FUCK_!!

Refusing to accelerate past the posted speed limit, Jim keeps as calm as possible, avoiding any and all body language that might further arouse the cop's interest as he keeps pace two car lengths back.

BVVVVVVVVT

BVVVVVVVVT

BVVVVVVVVT

Jim's eyes dart to his phone as the music goes mute for the incoming call.

----ROBERT MAIN----

Sunuva- Godfuckindammit!!

Jim's eyes shoot to the rearview, back to the phone, to the road, to the rearview, to the phone-

The black and white lights up and accelerates. The call ends.

Jim's heart sinks...

The cop switches lanes and zooms past the Lincoln.

A wave of relief washes over Jim.

Minutes later, he's pulling the car into the garage. Now flush with confidence at having narrowly escaped arrest and incarceration, he parks and takes a few more swigs of tequila before exiting the vehicle.

As he walks into the kitchen- Where've you been?

Startled by Holly's unexpected presence, Jim retorts- JESUS CHRIST!! How the fuck did I miss her car out front? Where've _I_ been!? Where the FUCK have YOU been!?

I was HERE.

What? No you weren't! Holly you left when I was comin' home from work, you fuckin' liar! I SAW you! You've been gone for HOURS, so I say again WHERE the FUCK have you BEEN!?

Don't fucking yell at me!

WHERE WERE YOU!? WHO WERE YOU WITH!?

I wasn't with ANYBODY! I was at the 99cent Store!

Whadjoo get?? Huh?? Where's whatever you bought??

I didn't see anything I wanted JIMMY.

Unbelievable fuckin' liar... You're such a fuckin' coward Holly. You can't just own what you're doin' and you think I don't know by the way??

There's nothing to know! I'm telling you the truth!

Always gotta be suckin' someone else's dick, right? Always gotta be fuckin' somebody else!

K, I'm done. I'm not talking to anyone else, I'm not seeing anyone else, I'm not fucking anyone but YOU. I love you and your dick Jimmy, I don't need anybody else.

Advancing on her like an alpha. Oh you love my dick?

I love your dick babe. Reaches out to illustrate her statement with a handful.

He kisses her- She draws back.

You're drunk.

Laughs. No I'm not.

Yeah you are...and you're gonna have whiskey dick.

Another laugh. No I won't, it's tequila baby. Has the opposite effect on me, I'll just keep goin' forever...

They kiss passionately as her hand unzips his shorts.

To Be Continued...
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

At long last... After the hiccup in War Games, the collapse 'a Corey and the obliteration 'a ~~BoB~~ last Warfare, my first official Xtreme Championship defense has been booked.

I been waitin' for this since relievin' Lycana of the X over a month ago...my time to begin the climb back up to the summit 'a this company. Restorin' APEX and Jim Caedus to the upper echelon, the pinnacle. Earnin' my spot as #6 on the Top 50 OAT list and gunnin' for that number one. Justifyin' the "legend" some apply to my name. Settin' my sights on the Universal Championship and a second run with the most prestigious strap in this business.

It all begins- or ends -with an Xtreme Rules match in Indianapolis against relative newcomer and resident luchadora...

Robyn Gonzalez. Latina Submission Machina.

Es bueno ver más sangre latina en la lista. Bienvenida a la XWF.

K, that's about as civil as I'm gonna get with this...and "if I'm bein' honest"- I do believe that wordin' is appropriate for my opponent -you don't deserve it.

You deserve the ~~shit eating grin~~ mierda comiendo sonrisa you've been hidin' behind that mask (despite the failures you've accrued) knocked right the fuck off- along WITH the mask -so the people 'a 2021, this Cancel Culture we live in, can see you for who y'really are.

For starters- as an appetizer -as básico una puta with the chica trash talk as it gets:

"And no, Arcana, before you even ask- rolling around with Jim Caedus beneath the sheets does NOT prepare you for the machina roll! Even if they both only last about three seconds, that doesn’t make them interchangeable! Ahahahaha."

You pullin' from personal experience with that "haymaker" or legit every American sitcom from the past 40 years? Old hat don't start to describe how generic and overused the 3 second man bit is. You should be embarrassed to the point 'a hanging yourself over that.

I like how you punctuated your awesome jab there with the "Ahahahaha" also. More on that later... Anyway-

Normally such a clumsily carried out and cliché line wouldn't dignify a response but considerin' who it is you're crackin' on- I mean, seriously? Me? You're as aware 'a the backstage rumor grapevine as anyone else -it makes a ~~mountain out of a molehill~~ big-ass botch outta basic boilerplate. Legit I don't even need to argue, walk your Green Ranger culo around and ask from among a number 'a names on the roster. You can hate the answer all y'want but you ain't droppin' a credible diss goin' there with me. Jésus hangin' cock Christo, I REALLY hope that's where you take it durin' this hype cycle. Show the people how vanilla Latina Submission Machina truly is...

Also how little you pay attention if you make a mistake like this again, muchacha:

"I wonder what Jimmy told Arcana to get her in bed."

Again, cliché, weak (take longer than five minutes brainstormin' your material ~~Anne~~ Bland Rice) e specially with that asinine "get her a match" theory that followed, and in most cases not worth a response...I mean unless the answer to the question you asked- tongue in cheek or not -existed (and still exists) in it's entirety in XWF footage and had you done the slightest bit 'a research (this shit happened recently,

) y'prob'ly wouldn't 'a said it. What did I have to say to get Arcana into bed?

(07-20-2021, 09:25 PM)JimCaedus Said: Well, well, well...if it isn't "Tatty Curvy", new arrival to the XWF roster Arcana and begrudging associate to LYcana.

YOU!

A nervous giggle. They call me Arcana...but you can call me Kaiya Fox. It's a pleasure to meet you Jimmy.

She holds out her hand. Jim takes it...

...and holds it. Arcana doesn't pull back. The two simply stare into eachother's eyes.

After what seems forever... It's a pleasure to meet you too, my bad. ................ Would you uh, like to maybe-

Yes.

What'd I hafta say?

Not much, ~~Thunder~~ Blunder Rosa.

Mind games and deal makin' ain't how it works with Jimmy Caedus but apparently that's your experience when it comes to crushin':

Gettin' played out with deceit.

_Deceit_ playin' very heavily into every. Last. Thing. You've. Done. Since signin' on...

As far as Arcana goes (she's not a werewolf F-T-R, that ain't a secret, ya stupid bitch), and the justification behind respondin' to that botch at all, it wasn't what I said but what I did that won her over. I saved a life at risk, the adult toddler Reika's life to be specific (funny, you call Arcana a side character but somehow missed that much more prevalent "side" member 'a the 'Cana clan) endangerin' my own life to do it.

Y'know, hero shit you fuckin' idiot.

Gee, I'm glad I ain't someone who believes Latina Submission Machina torches and dissects her opponents in shoots 'cause I'd feel like an utter ignorant fucktard right about now with all the evidence to the contrary and probably seek to pull my pinhead outta my tight ass asap.

LSM has done nothin' to warrant anything approachin' admiration or reward and if you don't believe me, stick around for the remainder 'a THIS shoot.

"Robyn Gonzalez", everything about you is ~~shrouded~~ caked in HORSESHIT; it's no wonder your presumptions 'bout others are so warped. It must get difficult to _not_ see people and events as anything other than said mierda de caballo, amirite?

I mean, let's take that whole fiasco with your tag match on Anarchy for example, you and HGH versus Edward Jr. and Elijah Martin. You recall right? You were so disappointed your mother wasn't able to watch it, hell, ya even broadcast the closing moments 'a the match in your promo with Dolly last Warfare hype cycle:

Quote:LSM rounds that third corner and immediately knocks Elijah Martin unconscious with a savage kick to the back of his unsuspecting skull! The force of the boot forces Elijah’s skull forward where it slams against Edward’s forehead! Junior immediately collapses to the mat from the skull-on-skull impact!

“¡YO SOY EL MALDITO ANILLO!”

As the two opps go flailing to the ground LSM continues to sprint around the ringside apron until she’s back to her proper tag position! As LSM is sprinting back to her corner HGH is slowly crawling her way. It takes him a good few seconds to drag himself across the ring, but eventually…..

HGH makes the hot tag! LSM jumps over the top rope and into the ring! She charges straight towards Edward Junior who is now pulling himself to his feet. As Junior steps forward he is immediately caught in LSM’s finishing maneuver- THE MACHINA ROLL!

That was some seriously excitin' shit right there, why the FUCK didn't they air that? Why, that footage serves a perfect purpose as proof that you ain't the near complete loser you've appeared to be otherwise, like, how Jessica Tremor- and not you -won the debut Four Way, or, Flynn and NKDubC feedin' you- yep, YOU -the fuckin' pin in your tag with Dolly, or, how you- ola, YOU again -not only no-showed the Anarchy hype cycle but couldn't even manage to professional-up enough to have the actual match with Borden. THAT match you unveiled to the world however, now THAT was sum'in special. Not only did you neutralize Elijah Martin with a "savage kick" on the outside while runnin' laps 'round the ring like an Olympian but you managed to return to your corner for the hot tag from HGH and capitalize on Eddie Jr.- everyone's FAVORITE Encino Man FYI you piece 'a shit. I LOVE YOU EDDIE JR.!!! -takin' a hit from Elijah stumblin' into 'im and droppin' like a domino for you to roll up.

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

Hooooly SHIT. Robyn Gonzalez is a goddamn Gal Gadot with the wondrous woman warfare! WHY OH WHY didn't they air that match for godssak-

Oh, right...'cause it never fuckin' happened, that's why. What DID happen in your match with HGH against Elijah and Edward? I know Eddie Jr. knows, he replayed the match yesterday in his promo. I know my..."brother" knows...he mentioned it before the last Anarchy. Hm, let's see...

Quote:[bwo]RESULT:

Edward Jr. and Elijah Martin are not on the page throughout the match - eventually, Martin blasts his partner in the back of the skull from the apron with his Death By Forearm finisher!

HGH and the Latina Submission Machina don't realize what's happened, and LSM snares Edward Jr. in her Machina Roll for the pinfall victory!

[/bwo]

Heeeeeeey, tf was that?? Everyone else see that shit? ELIJAH hit his forearm finisher on Edward Jr. and LSM (apparently fuckin' off and not payin' attention, let alone runnin' laps around the ring and knockin' dudes out in pairs) stumbled into a stumblin' caveman and was basically handed the win.

Why the blatant lie, Latina?

-You lied to the people. Anyone who watches Anarchy saw the match.

-You lied to your opponents, with the evidence of your lie readily available. You're a terrible tactician and an incompetent twat. It's why you rarely win and how you managed to luck into the REAL victory in that match.

-Most of all, you lied to your mother. That sick 'n dyin' highly decorated former "luchadora" who gave birth to you ya ungrateful shoulda-been-aborted beeeetch.

And y'know...the logic follows that if you'd lie to your own mother- fuck I'm talkin' 'bout, you lied to everyone ELSE too -about somethin' so unnecessary, you'd lie to anyone about anything.

...Anything.

Sé que no eres lo que dices ser...

I'll give you a moment to plug that line of audio in, Robyn...because it's clear you ain't no latina nor fluent in spanish. And now, we come to the truly damning part 'a this promo...

"Personaje Racista"

Trigger Warning

Allow me to apologize to everyone who actually sat through that music video but it serves the purpose 'a spotlightin' how offensive shit can get when racism is involved. Even when perpetuated more or less on the down-low as with LSM here.

😮 Did I just say that? Did I, a white guy, just have the balls to lay the word "racist" on someone who appears to be a person 'a color?

Why... _yes_ I did. It's all good though 'cause Miss "Robyn Gonzalez" ain't a person 'a color any more than Rachel Dolezal is (and if you don't know who that is, that's the white chick who altered her appearance to infiltrate the NAACP, look it up).

But wait Jimmy, if you've ever hit the subtitles on a LSM promo you'll clearly see Robyn Gonzalez programmed laughter as "jajajajajajajaja"! Surely that means she's legitimate because who other than an asshole attemptin' to spoof and lampoon Latino/Latinas writes out the Spanish form of "hahahahaha" in subtitle?

Now see, that's where we're at...Latina Submission Machina is nothin' more than a racist caricature. If she wasn't, why would the subtitles of her debut promo show her laughin' as referenced earlier, with the "ahahahaha"? Her own mother (more than likely the shamelessly traitorous Stepin Fetchit 'a the latina actress community) was subtitled "jajajajaja" in the same video. Subsequent material released by LSM has HER then subtitled with the "jajajajaja" as shown here:

“Jajajajajajaja! Well well well, my old foe, all your friends have lef-” LSM in Billion Dollar Bounty

http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=41730&highlight=jajajajajajaja

"No, it isn't. And no, you couldn't.

JAJAJAJAJAJAAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA!" - LSM in The Official AMENDED BDC Rules

http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=41741&highlight=jajajajajajaja

Now you, the viewer, can go ahead and give gullibility a whirl and excuse this as a simple mistake...but if LSM is bein' honest- I mean, with all the periodic lines dropped in spanish -then how is it she fucked up so hardcore with the reference to Tremors while insulting Jessica Tremor? LSM claimed the name Tremor sounded so familiar and then EPIPHANY, si si si, it's because her mother was a big fan of the film Tremors. Keep in mind, Robyn Gonzalez claims to be from Ciudad Juarez, Mexico peppers her promos with Spanish lines, laughs in subtitle with "jajajajajaja" and everything else she's set up to show her to be a non-American born immigrant.

And if she really WAS, she would know that in Mexico the film Tremors was released under the title "Terror bajo la tierra" and on the DVD release in 1998 as "Terror en lo profundo". In fact, "temblores" is the spanish word for tremors and ain't in ANY 'a the material released down there so...what the fuck kinda bullshit you feedin' us here "Robyn Gonzalez"? As well, for someone actin' like Tremors is one 'a her MOTHER'S favorite movies, a movie LSM had to think hard about to recall, why is it that no less than 20 seconds later Latina Submission Machina is givin' us all an accurate rundown 'a the plot in context with trashin' Jessica Tremor?

Simple.

Latina Submission Machina is, as I said, a spoof. I'm sure Talia Areano caught it already. LSM is a fake. And a racist.

A racist who called Jessica Tremor "podunk white trash" more than once. So why would it be outta the realm of ABSOLUTE that LSM is a burnin' ball 'a racism in other ways like, pretendin' to be a latina luchadora?

A racist makin' a statement sayin' that Latinos/Latinas are dumbshits who think Rice Krispies of all products is "a sugary breakfast cereal".

Oh what, is all that not enough? Shit, Flynn and NK seem to have spotted it with their "google translate" line at "Latina".

Fine.

Let's move on to the name.

Latina.

Submission.

Machina.

Accordin' to LSM, the reasoning behind that name is that the XWF brass- the same who set forth the new rules AGAINST racism -are horrifically bigoted enough to tell a latina that she'll sell more T shirts if her name isn't in Spanish. Let's ignore the fact this was a convenient lie meant to cover up a 🤦 when "Robyn Gonzalez" realized in hindsight the mistake she'd made with the word Machina, obviously intended to rhyme with Latina.

In Spanish, "machina" means crane. As in the heavy equipment. You tellin' me a latina fluent in spanish, proud enough of her heritage to compete in "her national colors" and subtitle laughter as "jajajajajaja", isn't gonna point that out and insist on the actual spanish word for machine:

Maquina?

Latina Submission Maquina rhymes just as well as Machina but the truth of the matter is, "Robyn Gonzalez" pulled the trigger too soon on her giddy racist creation to think that picking Maquina would allow 'er to appear more so the proud latina she's pretendin' to be. Instead, like all racists who don't have the balls to be blatant 'bout it, she tried to weasel 'er way around a simple fuck up by callin' the XWF brass racist.

The jig is up "Robyn".

Here's what's gonna happen now; whomever you really are- why do I feel so strongly you're whiter than my ass cheeks in winter? ....yeah, I sunbathe butt naked. Blow me -and whatever your real name is, your time in the XWF is at an end. I'll be takin' the Xtreme Rules in our match as an opportunity to cripple you and put you outta this business for good. Kick my X defenses off on a positive note. You're a disgrace and an embarrassment, I won't have you tarnishin' the reputation 'a my home just so you can make a laughin' stock out of an entire race and amuse yourself and every other hateful fuck like you in the process.

To hell with the colorful cuts, I ain't findin' this funny.

Estas jodidamente muerta.

Don't bother lookin' it up. I said you're fuckin' dead.

Do anything other than take this and the beating quietly, LSM, tryta debate and deny...I'll break your back durin' the match, drag you out to the snack vendors, dunk your head in the churro ho's deep fryer 'til your legs quit kickin' and update your acronym to DOA.

XXXIXMXAXXXXKXIXLXLXXXYXOXUXXX

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Soft Deadline DOA
Author	Message