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Shawn Warstein · (07-13-2020)

[Image: louvre-vue-de-la-pyramide-du-louvre.jpg]

The Louvre slowly pans into frame as a taxi pulls up and comes to a stop. A back door opens as Noah and Shawn pop out of the back and stare at the large pyramid as the car drives off.

“I just don’t get it…” Noah points are the structure. “It’s just a giant glass pyramid. How fucking prententious do you have to be?”

“I don’t know, it sticks out at least. Makes it memorable, not to mention its history but I guess that’s just lost on a silly American like myself.” I shrug as we begin to walk towards the entrance.

“So quick question.”

“Sure what’s up?”

“Why are we in Paris? Isn’t the show you’re booked on in Bordeaux?” Noah stops for a moment. “Wait did we come here just so I could run interference to get your shit?”

“Yeah. Plus I knew that she wouldn’t be able to resist coming to France. This is the only time I’ll be able to get to all of this stuff before her.”

“Okay fine, but how would she know where to look? Isn’t everything hidden?”

“Yeah to a normal person, but to her she would be able to spot them right away. For example the box…” I pull it out from the bag. “To you it’s nothing, but to her she’s seen this before.”

“Where? I’ve been through everything in your house and have never seen it.” Noah grabs the box from me and tosses it in his hands a few times.

“Yeah, but not the house in Atlanta.” I tried to grab the box in mid flight, but Noah was able to grab it before I was.

“What’s in the box anyways?” Noah opens the box and stares at the object for a moment. “You’ve got to be kidding me?...”

Well the cats out of the bag now.

“What the fuck is that?” In a huff I grab the box from him and jam it back in my bag.

“Don’t worry about it…”

“Wait….” Noah stops mid sentence and begins to count on his fingers. “That would mean…it’s missing…. oh shit that was from that? You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Yes Noah, but it’s not what you think it is at all. Just drop it. It’s not going to happen anymore anyways, so I’ll just keep it for now.” I walk up to the main door and with a *woosh* the automatic doors open. “Plus once we are done here we have the rest of the time here to just relax before I destroy Mastermind.”

Noah nods as we walk into the Museum. I know what you’re thinking, this again? Great what shenanigans are they going to get into here? Honestly probably nothing that funny, or smart. Of the three spots this one is easily the easiest one.

We approach a service desk and a young woman is standing there smiling.

“How May I help you today?” Have you noticed that everyone here is speaking English? Crazy right? Nah not really. See this is on a tape delay and it’s all dubbed over. Pay closer attention moron. But Shawn, how are you listening and understanding them? Simply put it’s called Google Translate on my phone. Why else is there a few second delay where I can talk to you right now? Noah shrugs as he snaps his fingers in my face.

“Oh sorry. I believe I have an appointment with Mr. Jean-Luc Martinez. It should be under Mr. Warstein.” She checks her computer and picks up the phone. She dials out and as she turns around so do Noah and I.

“So seriously…” Noah points to the bag. “You were really going to give that to her?”

“Yeah I was.” A quick head nod and half shrug.

“But isn’t that like…”

“I know what it is Noah. Like I said, just drop it. It’s not happening now so you don’t have anything to worry about.” I am tapped on the shoulder.

“Mr. Martinez is currently in a meeting, if you are willing to wait for a few minutes he will try to hurry it along.” Noah rolls his eyes as he turns around to address the woman.

“Yeah we will wait… apparently we are on a race against time even if we haven’t seen her even in the city yet, right Cunt?” Noah said as he turned to look at me, but I’m already running towards the offices behind the counter. “Oi Cunt! Get back here!” Noah takes off trying to catch up to me.

“Ohhh no you don’t you stupid fuck!” No…..No…..No this can’t be happening. Not now!

I kick open the door at the end of the long hallway as I rush into the room. There is a man sitting behind a desk, and a woman seated in a chair directly across from him. Noah catches up and smiles as he walks into the room.

“Sorry mate. Pops here has this nasty habit of kicking in doors when he gets upset…. we will just show ourselves out.” Noah grabs me by the arm as I pull it away.

“No Noah you don’t get it. Mr. Martinez was given very specific instructions upon my arrival in Paris. Weren’t you?” I take a few steps towards the desk and look over at the woman sitting in the chair. I give her a quick smile. “I’m sorry but your services will no longer be needed anymore. You can keep the deposit. Have a wonderful day.” A visibly confused Noah comes to stand at my side as the woman begins to gather her things.

“Uhhh what’s going on cunt?”

“You see Noah, I had made a very sizable donation to this fine establishment sometime in the past few years and continue to do so regularly. Anytime they needed a wing updated, Mr. Martinez would give me a call. Isn’t that right?” He nods and smiles. He extends a hand for us to sit down. Noah immediately sits down. “Don’t bother we aren’t going to be here for very long are we?”

“How should I know cunt? I just want to sit. We’ve been on our feet all day, and I don’t need to tell you that it’s been a pretty fucked day.” He’s right. Just let him sit for a minute. I sigh and shake my head.

“Whatever. It’s not like we are going to be here long. Just give me what I want and we will be out of your hair, and you’ll probably never see either one of us again.”

Mr. Martinez begins to shuffle some papers and pulls out a red envelope with a wax stamp holding it closed. To those of you with good eyesight you can tell that that is the Themis family crest. I grab the envelope from him and place it in my bag.

“Thanks, and you can cancel the rest of the plan. Check is in the mail.” Noah huffs as he stands up. We begin to walk out and head down the hallway.

“We came all the way here for a fucking envelope? Why did you even need me to come?” There are a few security guards heading our way as we both stop in the middle of the hallway.

“Yup, but it’s not just that.” As the guards approach us I reach into the bag and grab my wallet. I begin thumbing through searching for something. Where is it…. where is it?... How did a Taco Bell gift card get here?.... Ahh there it is. “Noah, just follow my lead.”

We begin walking towards the guards, they raise their batons as we get closer. Once they are right on top of us I hold up a small card.

“We were just leaving.”

One of the guards grabs the card from me and looks it over. As he hands the card back to me, he instructs the others to let us pass. We rush towards the front doors of the building.

“So what’s that all about? What is that card?” Noah asked as I was hailing a taxi.

“It says that I’m a United States Senator. They don’t need to know that it’s not true…”

“Any other tricks up your sleeve?” A taxi pulls up as we both jump into the back seat.

“Yeah Noah. I’ve got plenty, just don’t need to use all of them at once.” The taxi begins to drive off as we both watch as the museum slowly fades into the horizon.

“Ok so what with the letter?”

“The letter was half of the equation. The other half was paying to get the place to close down early so it would be just the two of us in there without any distractions.”

“Sounds expensive.” Noah looks shocked and begins to stare out of the window.

“Oh it was, but that’s why I’ve been paying for it for years. It’s like a free cash-in. Basically anytime I want, I can have that place shut down for the night.I jumped the gun with Atty, and said the next time the XWF comes anywhere near there that the plan was a-go.”

“So this all wasn’t even FOR her?” Noah whips his head around in pure disbelief.

“Well it was, hence the envelope. I guess I’m just a romantic at heart Noah and figured eventually someone would appreciate the sentiment.” I pull out the envelope and smack it against my palm a few times when the taxi pulls up to the hotel and we both get out. As we walk in Noah’s phone chimes and he checks it.

“Hey Dad….” Noah looks at his phone and then back to me. “So…. I think I’m going to hang out with Atty tonight. That cool? If you don’t want….” I cut him off before he could finish.

“Noah….” I crack a half smile. “ Why on earth would it not be cool? You two are friends and I’m not going to stop either one of you from being that. Go have fun. I’m just going to stay in tonight anyways. I do have a hard match on Wednesday to worry abo…..” Noah and I begin to laugh as we approach the elevator. It stops on Noah’s floor first. A quick secret Sick Cunt handshake. “Thanks again Noah.” He smiles and nods and disappears behind the closing elevator door. A quick ride up and I’m shortly in my room.

I set the bag down on the table in the living area and grab another bottle of bourbon.

“Are you still there?”

The camera nods ‘Yes’.

“Good. Let’s get started.”

The camera theoretically zooms in on my face as I take a big swig of the bourbon.

“To answer the rhetorical question you asked. Who is the ignoramus now?”

“Still you. Well by the end of this, I think I’ll make myself perfectly clear.”

“I mean here I am talking to myself, but you are still somehow the biggest fucking moron in the entire federation and that’s saying something...Jimson is still around. Why do you ask?”

The camera somehow conveys a shrug.

“Somehow you completely missed the point of that. But go ahead and use that as all the fuel you need. If that’s what it takes for you to finally step up, then god dammit man do it! I want you to give your all then by all means….”

“Oh shit he fucked up again. With that pathetic attempt as showing something other than the blandest promo on the planet”

“It was obviously a pathetic attempt to make himself look like he ACTUALLY knows what is going on. Here man let me tell you the real truth.”

“It’s one thing to read all the articles and watch from the outside all the things that are happening. It’s something completely different when you take the throwaway line and completely distort it to make yourself feel better. It’s something different when you mistake the point of it and come back shouting ‘Look at what I have to deal with!’ And ‘Look it’s basically the same!’, newsflash…. they aren’t the same.”

“Yet that’s getting too deep into politics isn’t it? Why would someone be so driven to do an entire promo about politics? That’s right because they ran out of material and have to use a crutch to make any sense of the words that are coming out of their pea sized brain.”

“Listen Mastermind I’m going to say this nice and slowly for you, so that even you can understand.”

“If you think you’re going to take this title from me, you are sadly mistaken.”

“I mean for real, you actually think I don’t know where the show is? That I don’t care enough to actually be there? What the fuck else am I going to do for two weeks before a show? Head to the venue and hope there’s a Wiggles concert in town? No I’m out and about in France, you know the same country as Bordeaux. I’m lit here enjoying the city and people, you on the other hand seem to have hit the vineyards a little too early. Almost as a premature celebration.”

“I wonder what you’re celebrating tho?”

“It sure as fuck isn’t beating me. We all know that isn’t happening. It can’t possibly be graduating high school. We all know that hasn’t happened. Ahhhh I get it…. you’re not celebrating anything at all. Nah you’re just an alcoholic who has manic episodes. One who reads too deeply into things and can’t seem to get out of his own way.”

“It’s almost as if you can’t hear the words that I say. Understandable yes, but smart? Hey Mastermind let me ask you a quick question that I’m sure you’re going to overlook because it doesn’t fit your, ‘I’m coming to take your title Hahahahaha’ Motif.”

“What happened to the person that ran their mouth about Noah to me? What happened the last time someone said something about Atty? Or even Vita to an extent? Can’t remember? Yeah I thought so. Well when you finally remember, you let me know. Hint… it was an UPGRADE. Attacking my family and friends is t the route to go, and if you think it is… then you must be stupid.”

“Now I’m not going to sit here and tell you that I am the smartest man alive. I’m not, but compared to you I might as well be Albert Fucking Einstein. I watch your promos and cringe. Sure I may be, as you say it, bland and stale, but I’m not THAT. I’m not the garbage you are spewing. You for some reason have this self aggrandizing version of yourself where you’re the badass. Where you think you can topple the current regime, but all I see is someone tripping over themselves. The lights are the brightest and you’re doing it again. You’re being completely ignorant to what is actually happening.”

“Did you see what I did there?”

The camera shakes ‘No’.

“Of course you don’t Mastermind.”

“Rewind, and take a good hard look.”

“Blind, Deaf, Dumb and Ignorant….”

“Told you.”

The camera zooms in on my face as I smile.

“It was always you to begin with.”

I set the bottle of bourbon down. I open the bag and begin to pull everything out. I set the box down, then the brick and place the envelope on top of the brick.

“Hmm that wasn’t so hard.”

The sun is just setting and after a trying day filled with shenanigans I begin to slowly close my eyes, and fall asleep on the couch.

———Several Hours Later————

*Buzz*

*Buzz*

*Buzz*

*Buzz*

I was awoken by the sound of my phone vibrating on the table. I haphazardly search for it and finally reach it, but before I look at it I take a deep breath and place it back down without a second thought.

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