[A camera flicks into life and we see Zeebo walking away from it, having pressed the record button. The Ringmaster is stood at one side of a large projector screen. Zeebo walks to the other side. We are in what appears to be a university lecture theatre. Zeebo is wearing a suit and tie, over the usual clown attire, looking frankly ridiculous. He goes behind a plinth and begins to address the camera]


Zeebo : So, Explain why clowns are hot,
Meanwhile, some slut argues they're not,
That's what I need to do.
So I present to you,
My reasons true,
why clowns are fucking stunning.
.

[Zeebo clicks a pointer and a slide comes onto the screen, It has "Exhibit A" written in big lettering.]



Zeebo : Exhibit A. The Red nose. Ladies and Jellyfish of the jury, I present to you a clown's raison d'etre. The shining beacon of what it means to be a clown. A small spherical object that while shrouded in mystery and intrigue is so simple and effective. It can be used to enhance a look. It can solidify a man or woman's look. But equally it can be used to add a bit of sex appeal. I mean, look at this....

[Zeebo starts to stroke his own red nose, almost seductively and sexually]

Zeebo : Hmmmmm.. Who wouldn't want to enjoy rubbing something like this. So soft, so sensual. So close. It truly is beautiful and it's beyond me that anyone could argue otherwise. Women all over the world demand a man of mystery, a man of intrigue, a man that has that certain je ne sais quoi, and what better way to give them that than to have to have a big red thing on the end of your nose. But little do people know, that the strength of a clowns red nose is reflected in his pants. Hell, Peter Gilmour would be delighted to have a big red beacon as prominent as my big top. The clown's red nose is not only an essential part of their costume, but it's also a wonderful indicator of the colossal package that each and every clown has. A big red helmet on your hooter, equals a superb red helmet in your trousers. THAT... That is why Clowns are hot.

But, lets be honest. The red nose isn't always exclusive to a man. Female clowns can wear them too, and holy hell, nothing gets my motor running than a female clown with a red nose on her face. Again, for a clown it's sensual. it's intrigue, and also has that little bit of fun. Oh, and the more you squeeze it on her face, the more practice you get on her fantastic bouncy funbags. Female clowns LOVE some tittytime. A little known fact is that the big top was originally modelled on a set of perfectly formed boobs, by a French crown called "Maria La boobarella". She used her red nose with pride as a topper on her tits, and thus, the big top was born.

THAT is why I present exhibit A of why clowns are fucking hot.

Ringmaster : Zeebo, that... Is the biggest load of...

Zeebo : MOVING ON! Exhibit B! TOYS!

[The screen moves on to show another slide with "Exhibit B and the picture on screen]

[img]https://images.partydelights.co.uk/FAVO/CU/SH/front/v2/pop/2.jpg [/img

Zeebo : Clowns love toys. Clowns love games. What better way than to prove how hot we are than to argue the case with toys. It's not just things like whoopee cushions and enjoyment buzzer, but we love all kind of toys and playthings. Right through to really really special toys.

Ringmaster : Are you sure you want to...

Zeebo : For example. Whips! Chains! Costumes! We love them all. Hell, you'll even see me use them in our acts sometimes. Not only does it result in great fun, but it can be totally fucking hot. Handcuffs, assless chaps, and all manner of other toys all contribute to the fact that clowns are goddamn hot. who wouldn't want someone that can deliver orgasms the size of Nagasaki? Who wouldn't to play some of the most adventurous games, with that little bit of intrigue I spoke about earlier. Who wouldn't want to spread their legs wider than the spread of the coronavirus and let the fun begin? You've not known incredible, mindblowing, baffling and downright confusing sex until you've had clown sex. Thrust-honk-thrust-honk-thrust-honk. It brings a whole new meaning to horny.

We do a great thing where we fuck hard and fast, but, we're attached to a honker. It's funny. It's hot, and every woman knows that when they hear that the clown is getting bizzayyyyyy.

It could also be argued that toys in general are damn hot anyway. Never underestimate the sexual joy of a whoopee cushion. There's many many applications for that beyond making a fake farting sound. For example, have you ever considered sticking...

Ringmaster: [Interrupting] Lets move on to exhibit C!

Zeebo : You're probably right.



Zeebo : Exhibit C. Clowns are just fucking hot. We got abs. we got a skills. What we do is athletic. We are incredibly good at what we do, and we look after ourselves. All the fun chat aside, it can't be denied that we're just fucking hot. We're chiselled. We need to keep ourselves looking good, and that's just what we do. Imagine, running your hand down a fine specimen of a body, but having that little bit of mystery as to what exactly was behind the face paint. It's like the forbidden fruit. Should you really be doing what you're doing or should.

Zeebo : Listen Womyn, or However the hell you want to pronounce it, you’re fucking foul. You’re actually disgusting. You have the aura of that pretty unique smell that you smell in any underground station. Stale smoke, stank pipes, dried on piss. You have no right, no concept of what being “Hot” is all about. You’re a brazen Harpee. Bearded ladies have more wankability than you. I don’t give a damn on if you think I’m Hot or Not, in fact I look forward to seeing what arguments you present, given that I’m fairly positive that you can judge not. You’re utterly foul. You have a face like a partially cooked omelette. Long story short, you are absolutely not hot. And clowns are. And that’s my point to you.

Zeebo: I’m not going to lie though, there’s a couple of odd looking clowns out there. For the most part clowns are hot. We are the definition of sexual. We are the epitome of awesome. We are the living breathing embodiment of everything that a hot man should be. He should be exciting. He should be mysterious. He should be versatile and he should be prepared to give what woman want, and take it too.

Zeebo : another part of what makes clowns hot is colour. We can wear up to 30 different colours in one outfit. Who needs boring. Who needs single colour suits. Multicolour sparkly, oversized outfits are where it’s at. Fuck, Rihanna dreams of threads like this. Ordinary people, the ordinary joes who decry what clowns are about can only dream about pulling off half the shit we wear. We are in fucking credible.

Zeebo : look at me though, I’ve got movie star good looks underneath this facade, and even at that I make it look damn good. Ladies and gentlemen. I’ve got many more arguments for why clowns are damn hot, but just now, I’m going to fuck a Russian acrobat.

El fucko-blin!

[zeebo shuts off the camera]