LIVE FROM MIAMI, FLORIDA PARTICIPATED ON HMS PINAFORE
XWF FISHING CONTEST 1 RP, 500 word limit
Tell your best, funniest or most bizarre fishing story
Match will take place on the pier before HMS Pinafore sets sail
OPEN: Anyone may RP for this event
Man Overboard Battle Royale
Jim Jimson
- vs -
The Wretched Nobody
- vs -
Isabelle Ravenwolfe
- vs -
Tyler Cross
- vs -
Finn Kuhn Savage Rules
Match takes place on the deck
You are eliminated if you are thrown into the water
Last remaining participant on the yacht receives a Hart or TV title shot of their choosing
OPEN: Anyone may RP for this match
Lux
- vs -
Doctor Louis D'Ville Savage Rules
International Waters Match
Anything goes!
"Notorious" Ned Kaye
- vs -
Noah Jackson Savage Rules Pussy on a Pole
Ned's cat 'Deepthroat' will be hung in a cage from the HMS Pinafore's flag pole
First one to get the cat wins!
Winner also becomes 'Deepthroats' owner
After an hour of fishing and Brian Storm wading the waters the winners emerge.
Brian Storm and Thunder Knuckles come up short but Fuzz reels in a big one.
But BigD reels one even bigger!!
Winner of 50,000 xbux - BIG D!!!
Atticus Black stands on the deck of the HMS Pinafore, a foot on the middle railing as he looks out to see in a captain's hat. He smiles to himself.
ATTICUS BLACK: "I could get used to this."
Vinnie Lane with an extravagant drink, with paper umbrellas, sparklers and even a portable speaker blasting the 'pina colada song' saunters over and places an arm around Atticus and smiles widely.
VINNIE LANE: "DUDE! A boat party!? Totally radical! Didn't know you had it in you."
Atticus kindly smiles moving his body to the side and greeting Vinnie.
ATTICUS BLACK: "I was thinking more champagne and fine seafood."
Lane scoffs but gets way too excited as an idea clicks in his head.
VINNIE LANE: "DUDE! We can do like the old, snobby, rich dude in you and I can be the totally hip college dude that crashes the party and everyone has a great time and I finally earn my dad's respect! And while we're partying hard you say something British like..."
Vinnie looks to Atticus expectantly.
ATTICUS BLACK: "... Well, I never?"
He says with some hesitation and Lane clicks his fingers.
VINNIE LANE: "You got it dude!"
ATTICUS BLACK: "That does sound fun. In a way but we're hosting a wrestling show."
VINNIE LANE: "It'll be cool, we'll just do it by ourselves!"
Atticus ponders this for a moment before he sees the massive crowd beginning to enter the boat. Atticus goes to side to greet them along with Lane.
ATTICUS BLACK: "Ladies and gentleman! Welcome to the first night of RELENTLESS!!!"
The crowd pop.
VINNIE LANE: "We have got one HELL of a show for you all tonight! I'm here so you know it's actually going to be good!"
Black glances to Lane briefly.
ATTICUS BLACK: "And as I'm running the show tonight you will all know it will be the best night by far with my own savage touch."
The pair switch to whispers.
VINNIE LANE: "... So late?"
ATTICUS BLACK: "At least people care when my show is late."
The two slightly elbow each other while faking smiles to the crowd.
ATTICUS BLACK: "Anyway! Welcome aboard, please help yourself to a complimentary drink, please watch the 30-minute safety presentation and you're allowed to use the shuffleboard area whenever you wish but please queue orderly and wait for your turn and lastly-"
VINNIE LANE: "LET'S GET FUCKING WASTED!!!"
The crowd roar as a bottle is smashed and the crowd barge onto the boat.
The scene changes.
The first day of the Relentless Pay Per View is just getting underway on H.M.S PINAFORE off the coast of Miami, Florida.
We see a smaller speed boat trying to catch up to the bigger boat. It's occupants must have been late for the early boarding call that all received. Or intentionally missed it, and planned their entrance that way.
Finally it catches up to H.M.S Pinafore, and three people are seen climbing up the rope ladder. Two men and one woman. And one of the two men was Antony the Jerk.
He is seen talking to a crewman, who radios ahead to the management of XWF who is running the first day of the PPV on a boat.
The crew members receives his orders from Atticus Black himself and leads the three people to where they are suppose to be.
Relentless kicks off with host Atticus Black, and then as he leaves to get things started, the X-tron suddenly acted like it was being taken over by outside resources. And then the words flashed:
across the screen. Then from the back walks out Antony The Jerk, the manager of the yet unseen Misfits.
He heads straight to the freshly made ring, and as he climbs inside he is given a microphone. He makes his way to the center and looks out into the crowd.
"Who would have thought that a ship this size can entertain a wrestling event. Not me that's for sure. But good luck to whoever is competiting, rather you than me."
"But that's not why I am here. Like I have stated in my blog over the last few weeks I'm here to introduce the first two active wrestler's of the Misfits. So lets do this so we don't hold up the PPV any further, which I don't care about doing anyway....Introducing first, he will be competing on Wednesday Night Warfare, he was born in Berlin, Germany, but now resides here in Miami,, Florida....... Please make welcome Kris The Hammer Von Bonn."
scrolled across the screen before
Thunderstruck by ACDC started playing.
It wasn't until the actual lyric Thunderstruck hit that Kris The Hammer Von Bonn appeared.
He made his way to the ring, and he was also holding a hammer.
He slowly walks up the steps, and makes his way into the ring. He raises the hammer once he gets inside the ring, and holds his pose for a few seconds before walking over to Antony. He shakes his hand.
"Welcome Kris. How do you feel to finally be apart of the XWF?"
"I'm okay, I guess. It doesn't appeal to me. We're on ship."
"Yes I know, but that's because they wanted to start the Pay Per View off on a ship. You'll find yourself on dry land soon enough. How do you feel about participating on Wednesday Night Warfare?"
"Warfare sounds right," Kris lifts up his hammer.
"I will be ready to go. Ya."
"Man of few words, but that's just Kris The Hammer Von Bonn. His actions speak louder than his words. So Wednesday Night Warfare roster members, your challenger will soon be coming to you. Shall we bring out the next Misfit?"
Kris leans in to Antony and is heard to say: "You sure you want do that Boss? She's weird and unpredictable."
"Which makes all the more sense for her to be here. Ladies and gentlemen please make welcome Melanie Crayzee Childs,"
scrolled across the screen before
Melanie Crayzee Childs steps out onto the ramp, and in time with the music skips to the ring. She jumps up on the ring apron. Turns around and starts laughing. She then makes her way inside the ring, and walks over to both Antony and Kris.
"Hey Dudes,"
"How does it feel to be finally here Melanie?"
"Ummmmmmmm Okay,"
"Tell the audience and especially the XWF Roster what show you are going to be competing on!"
Melanie looks out into the audience and looks at the camera. She thinks for a minute before looking at Antony and shrugs her shoulders.
"I don't know. I forgotten."
She giggles.
"It's Saturday Night....."
"I go out Saturday Nights Antony. I tell you that already."
Kris The Hammer Von Bonn can clearly be seen rolling his eyes.
"Yes I know you do, but Melanie tell us what show you are on before you do go out?"
"Some show that has Savages on it?"
She giggles again.
"Not Savages but Saturday Night Savage."
Melanie nods and continues to nods "Yeah it's that one. I'm going to be on Saturday Night Savage. But no member of Savage will stand a chance with me around."
"And why is that?"
"Why is what?"
Antony just sighs, clearly he has his work cut for him "Why is it that every member of Saturday Night Save will not stand a chance with you around?"
"Because with me around. It's Too Much Too Little.... Too.... Hey Boss man guess who I found out competes here in the XWF?"
Kris can be seen throwing his hands in the air exhasberated and walks over to the ropes and looks out into the crowd. Once again Antonio sighs.
"We don't have time for this Melanie, we have to let the PPV make a start."
Melanie looks around and looks into the camera "Vita....... Vita Valentine is here. She's my idol. I'm her number one fan...."
"Okay Melanie thanks for that. We need to wrap up now."
"Wrap up with what? It's not cold. We're in Miami for fucks sake."
"It's a saying Melanie.
"Can you use your pulling power to get me meetings with Vita boss?"
"How about we discuss it on the way back to the main land."
"That'll be cool. Hey you dummies out there on Savage. With me around it's just Too Much Too Little Too Late."
"Finally.. Thanks Melanie. So there you have it everyone. I'm here to manage Kris The Hammer Von Bonn, and Melanie Crayzee Childs as they appear on Wednesday Night Warfare and Saturday Night Savage respectively Things are going to change around here, and I mean for the better. Let's go guys, back to the Main Land."
Melanie looks back into the camera "Hello Vita. If you're watching. I'm your number one fan. Can we have a meet and greet? Oh my gosh.... oh my gosh...."
"That's enough Melanie, let's go."
Melanie looks away as if she has just been scolded by her parents, but then she starts giggling and follows Antony and Kris out of the ring.
The XWF cameras centered on the gleam of the platinum face of the Internet Championship; a title that had only been in the hands of one owner since it’s inception. The camera pulled back to take in the full glory of its holder, ‘Big Beautiful’ Bobbi London. However, on this night, Bobbi wore a solemn look on her face as she sat alone inside the women’s locker room.
“No bloody raps tonight, so apologies for that. It’s not the best occasion for such things when one ‘as to face off against ‘er best mate for a championship that means the world to ‘er, yah? I’s won this title against the best competition on the XWF roster and I’s kept it all this time and never said no to an opponent, never once taken a backwards step! But tonight…”
She pauses, clearly emotional.
“…tonight I face me best mate in all the world. No, I’s not afraid of Maxey, she knows that…if she walked outta ‘ere with me gold, I’d be plenty pissed, but we’d go get sloshed together right after! That’s not the problem…the problem is what’s inside Maxie’s ‘ead, the problem is WHY she took a bloody cheap shot at me last Anarchy! Did she really think she needed to do that to get the upper hand? What ‘appened to Mad Rhymes being a unit that stands united?”
Bobbi stood up and strapped the belt around her thick waist…with some effort.
“In that ring, I’s gonna put the question to Big Maxie…is we mates or is we over an done! Either way, after she’s answers me…I’s gonna proceed to giving ‘er the same beating that everyone before ‘er as gotten, and everyone after ‘er is gonna receive! I’M THE XWF INTERNET CHAMPION…and nobody is gonna change that…friend or bloody foe!”
Bobbi pushed the camera out of her way as she headed off, ready to face her biggest challenger yet.
The deck of the HMS Pinafore is stacked with fans and crew, and the historic vessel is surrounded by smaller ships and floats holding seating for fans. As the show screams onto the airwaves and pyro rockets into the sky, the air is filled with rapacious applause and cheers. Rick Astley’s timeless classic fades from the sound system as the lighting focuses onto the makeshift entrance from below decks, just in time for…
I WANNA ROCK!!!
The boats start a-rockin’ in the water as XWF’s majority owner and handsome legend “Loverboy” Vinnie Lane struts out onto the upper decks. His red white and blue Zubaz pants ripple in the ocean breeze and he nearly loses his matching bandanna before he can make his way to the ring and wave to the adoring crowd. Eventually the fervor dies down and Vinnie is able to speak.
Vinnie Lane: “WHOA!”
The crowd erupts again, dying down when Vinnie bows to them in the classic “I’m not worthy” fashion.
Vinnie Lane: “Thank you so much! And thank you for joining us here tonight for the first part of our three day extravaganza, Relentless! Now… I don’t know about you, but I BLEED red white and blue! I’m a patriot, dude! I love America and am a proud American… so why on Earth we got this imaginary ENGLISH boat to have our show on…”
The crowd boos, because jingoism is a staple among professional wrestling fans. The predictable “USA!” chants flare up, and somewhere in in a Florida hospital bed, a tear comes to “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan’s eye as he offer’s a weakened “hooooo.”
Vinnie Lane: “BUT… for the show opener, pitting a good friend of mine, Maxine, against her own tag team partner and MY RIVAL for the not-exactly-coveted 30 Seconds of Promos Wrestling Championship, Bobbi London, for the XWF ANARCHY Internet Championship… I decided to AMERICA THE HECK OUT OF THIS THING!”
Judd Hoos’ “Say My Name” fires up as audience members notice something approaching in the distance. As the song continues, it becomes apparent that it’s a ship… and not just any ship… but the USS Intrepid! The massive carrier pulls up along the Pinafore, which again, does not actually exist, and a second ring with red, white, and blue ropes is clear on its deck. A helicopter flies over and hovers above the American war vessel, and fans go ballistic when they see Maxine waving from the door! Max rappels down to the Intrepid as her music continues, and the fans are BALLS OUT for this incredible entrance! A true American hero choppering onto the Intrepid to face a sumo-esque champion! Unheard of!
Oops, wrong video.
The crowd goes wild again as Bobbi London’s music hits. She emerges from the bowels of the Pinafore with her gleaming title belt on her shoulder. As she passes by the Pinafore’s ring she gives Vinnie a sneer, gyrating her hips and flipping him off before heading for a lifeboat on the side of the ship. Slowly… very slowly… Bobbi climbs into the lifeboat and is lowered to the sea. She paddles her way towards the Intrepid as her music starts over, eventually getting to he other hull as the track plays for a third time. A few seamen help Bobbi up as she climbs a ladder up the side of the Intrepid, and approximately 20 minutes after her music started she arrives in the ring where her title match is set to take place. Vinnie stays in the Pinafore ring, giving his expert analysis as the match unfolds.
Vinnie Lane: “These chicks are gonna beat the crap out of each other.”
The bell sounds and the two chicks beat the crap out of each other. Maxine eats a series of hard shots from Blobbi (that’s what the jerks in the crowd call her, not me, give me a break) and she’s on her heels early. London keeps the heat on with some serious Ali-esque footwork, rope-a-doping every time Max tries to throw a return punch in her direction. Bobbi looks like the PTA version of Sugar Ray Leonard in there, hitting at will and dancing circles around the slower Maxine. Finally though, Max manages to time her properly and buries a knee lift right into London’s spanx-slimmed torso.
London is slowed, and Max smartly slams a double ax into London’s back as the champ bends over. The blow sends London to her knees, and Maxine hits the near ropes and ricochets off with a close-range boot to the dome. London is down and Maxine leaps on top of her for the cover!
….. !
…. ?
Max is confused, but referee Lawanda Sass reminds her that there can’t be a pinfall in this special 305 Live match without her doing at least ONE flip first. Maxine is annoyed, but she hops to her feet and then hits a crisp cartwheel across the ring! The fans cheer, but the official is confused.
Vinnie Lane: “I’m being told we aren’t really sure if a cartwheel constitutes a flip, folks… we need to call in an expert. Mike, are you there?”
Mike Pereira: “Vinnie the issue comes down to the forward angle of the rotation. The XWF rulebook is pretty clear on this issue, a ‘flip’ as defined by the rules, is either forward or backward, NOT to the side as is the case in a cartwheel. I expect this to be overturned.”
In the ring, the referee steps away from her Microsoft Surface and waves off the cartwheel, explaining to Maxine that it is not, in fact, a flip.
Vinnie Lane: “Wow, that’s some crap. You can bet that’ll be addressed in the offseason. Oh! But look!”
Bobbi London has recovered and smacks Maxine to the mat with a thunderous Vader Clap. With her foe down, Bob lines her up and then drops a heavy senton onto Maxine’s chest. Then, she gets to her hands and knees and rooooooooooooolllllllllls slooooooooooooooooooooooowllllly over in the kind of somersault that a four year old might do after seeing grown ups on TV doing it. Sass points a finger, and we have our first official flip of the match!
London is thrilled, and she bounces the ropes… big leg drop! The Thunder From Down Under!
But Maxine rolled out of the way!
Bobbi lands bum first and she grabs either side of her rear end with a grimace, probably feeling shockwaves up and down her coccyx. Maxine drags London up by the hair, then drops her down emphatically with a huge headbutt. Max follows up with a massive elbow drop right onto Bob’s sternum. Lifting London up again, Max grips her in a claw grip, then moves to lift her into a Claw-slam, but Bobbi knocks her arm away! Bobbi winds up with a lariat that sends Maxine backflipping ass over teakettle… and Sass holds up a finger on her other hand!
Vinnie Lane: “Maxine flipped! Bobbi assisted, but Maxine definitely got a full rotation there, and Lawanda Sass says pinfalls are available to both women now!”
Maxine is up again, but London lands first with a kick to the midsection, slowing the giantess down. London leans into the ropes again but gets caught on the rebound as Maxine struggles to, but eventually does, lift London up into a gorilla press!
Vinnie Lane: “Oh my goodness! Max extended her arms fully and everything! And hit a second rep! Maxine is insanely strong!”
Max drops Bobbi face first to the canvas from the gorilla press, then hits the ropes. She hops over Bobbi once and rebounds again, then comes running back before landing a big splash on Bobbi’s back! Maxine hit her square! She tries to hurry quickly and rolls Bobbi onto her back, then hooks a leg for the cover!
1!
2!!
Bobbi kicks out!
Vinnie Lane: “Maxine looks like she knows she missed an opportunity. If she’d rolled Bob over faster she might have secured the W!”
Maxine stands back up and pulls Bobbi to her feet again by the hair. Bobbi is dazed and staggering in the middle of the ring, and Maxine flies into the ropes once more aiming to come off with a big clothesline of her own to return the favor from earlier in the match… but Bobbi snatches her up in a belly to belly grip! She was playing marsupial! Bobbi heaves and tosses Maxine up and onto her own shoulders, quickly dropping down in a Samoan Drop that shakes the Intrepid! Bye Bye Barbie! Bobbi stays on top with a lateral press!
1!
2!!
3!!!
Winner by Pinfall and STILL XWF Internet Champion - Bobbi London
Vinnie Lane: “Big win for a big girl here tonight! Bobbi London is still your Internet Champion! WOW!”
Man Overboard Battle Royale
Jim Jimson
- vs -
The Wretched Nobody
- vs -
Isabelle Ravenwolfe
- vs -
Tyler Cross
- vs -
Finn Kuhn Savage Rules
Match takes place on the deck
You are eliminated if you are thrown into the water
Last remaining participant on the yacht receives a Hart or TV title shot of their choosing
OPEN: Anyone may RP for this match
All competitors are on the deck.
Isabella Ravenwolf's theme hits and she pushes aside the surrounding hunks at her lounger and runway walks onto the deck. Just the gaze of her makes Finn Kuhn fluster and he does a double backflip off the deck into the water.
Finn Kuhn eliminated!
HHL: The match hasn't even started yet.
PC: Who cares? Fuck Finn.
HHL: Yeah! Fuck Finn!
Even the crowd join in hoping Kuhn hit hid head on the side of the boat as he dove and is now unconscious in the water.
Thunder Knuckles poses like a Greek god as he makes it rain xbux to the camera as he walks out onto the deck. As the camera turns away he collects all his money back. The camera quickly snaps back to him as he clotheslines The Wretched Nobody over the railing and in the water.
The Wretched Nobody eliminated!
HHL: Again. Match hasn't started!
The most fitting song to this event plays as Jim Jimson rides a gnarly wave and slides his tubular surfboard onto the deck, he proceeds to fold his arms and never take off his sunglasses. The wave rocks the boat and Tyler Cross is carried away. Never to be seen again.
Tyler Cross eliminated!
PC: Jim Jimson is awesome.
Big D's theme hits and the Xtreme Champion walks in with a six pack of Miller lite whilst smoking a joint. His Hawaiian shirt fully open exposing his rippling abs and the title around his waist.
PC: So if Big D loses he loses the title too, yeah?
HHL: No.
PC: ... But he lost!
HHL: Pins and submissions, Pip. Pins and submissions.
Barney Green arrives in a tube ring down a makeshift slip n' slide from the top of the ship. He slides down with raised hands and spins slowly in the center of the deck.
PC: WOO! Go Barney!
HHL: Looks like we actually have a match on our hands now, can't wait to see how this thing turns out!
The ship sounds the foghorn to begin the match.
PC: SHIT! That was loud!
Green snaps to his feet wielding the tube like some kind of ancient weapon, rolling it over his body as he stands in the middle. Thunder Knuckles runs in and gets a bop on the head for his troubles ruining his hair and possibly his day! Knuckles stumbles back and throws a hard right hook with his ringed fingers against Green but Barney puts the inflatable up in defence and knocks the blow aside.
Isabella rushes in with a running knee but Barney places the hole up and Ravenwolf traps her leg in the ring, Barney pulls back and knocks the dangerous lady to her back. Barney retrieves his inflatable weapon with a flourish and leg drops with all his weight down onto Ravenwolf's throat!
Barney rolls to his feet and BigD enters the fray, Green throws the inner tube down onto BigD but the champ simply raises his joint and the hot end pops the tube with a loud BANG!
Ears are fucked!
Fun is ruined!
BigD slams the six pack of beer against Barney's temples and the can fizz and pop on impact, knocking Barney aside.Big D tosses the joint and cracks open a cold one for the boys, he goes to take a sip until an ashtray is frisbeed into the back of his neck and smashes to pieces.
Big D snaps his head around and sees Jim Jimson going from table to table launching ashtrays and drinks at his opponents. BigD goes to launch himself at Jim but is grabbed in a full nelson by Green. Like that episode of Dragonball Z where Goku holds Raditz so Piccolo can charge his special beam cannon. Green holds D in place as Jim Jimson launches a full pot of boiling fondue from the buffet table at Big D!
But the champ has the wherewithal to attempt a sitout jawbreaker to break the hold!
Green stands up straight with a snap as the fondue sails through the air right into Green!!
PC: GREEN GOT BURNED! OH GOD NO!
Green screams in agony as the molten hot cheese boils his skin!
Thunder Knuckles takes advantage grabbing the wheel of cheese that is now Green and hurls him over the railing with a mighty German Suplex!!!
Barney Green eliminated!
HHL: Well at least now he's cooled down.
PC: I was gonna say a one-liner but I think it was too cheesy.
The drummer of the ship band gives a supportive 'ba-dum-tsh' and Pip smiles to himself.
Isabella is back to her feet; Jim Jimson dives indoors to look for more weapons. Big D locks up with Thunder Knuckles close to the railing; Knuckles almost takes control but Big D quickly smashes Thunder's head against the steel and whips him down the side corridor.
Due to the lack of ropes Knuckles just keeps running and running until he is out of sight, sprinting around the corner.
BigD shields his eyes from the sun as he watches but is blindsided by Ravenwolf! Isabella grabs BigD's arm and spins the champ around.
HHL: DRAGON'S BLOOD!!!
The 'Eat Defeat' connects and Big D flops to the ground.
Isabella begins to lift Big D's weight up with some trouble and sets him over the rail but she's distracted when the crowd pops huge. She turns to see Jim Jimson with a mop raised above his head. The crowd chant.
MOP! MOP! MOP! MOP!
Big D shakes the cobwebs and awakens to the sound of the crowd chanting and angrily throws an elbow into Isabella! The two separate as Jim begins to whirl the mop like it was a helicopter blade and menacingly walks to Big D and Ravenwolf. The two quickly turn to one another and in a moment of desperation throws there shoulders into Jim and hurl him over the rails!!!
Jim Jimson eliminated!
Jim falls to Davy Jones' locker still spinning the mop and he takes off like a jet ski when he hits the water.
Isabella and Big D look to one another and Big D throws a heavy right hook into her temple. Isabella retaliates with a strong jab to the jaw and both knock one another aside with a heavy forearm the two standoff for a moment waiting to strike when a loud war cry is heard.
And Thunder Knuckles sprints around from the other side of the boat and nails Isabella Ravenwolf with a hellacious clothesline!!!
HHL: The power behind that hit!!!
PC: He ran all around the deck! He was building up too much energy!
Isabella is sent spinning violently over the railing and into the murky depths below!
Isabella Ravenwolf eliminated!
The crowd cheer loudly as the final two standoff.
HHL: This is it! We have the Xtreme champion versus the newcomer! Who will come out on top?
Thunder Knuckles, still pumped up, strikes Big D with a headbutt and goes in close, wrenching D's arm and spinning under and throwing a heel kick into Big D's mush. D goes down and Knuckles hops onto the railing before moonsaulting off! But D rolls out the way and Knuckles' hits the wooden deck hard!
BigD throws a foot down onto Thunder's head and lifts him to his feet and sets him up!
HHL: THE DAN SLAM!!!
PC: COUNTERED!
Thunder Knuckles slips out of the hold and gets to Big D's back and gives a mighty shove!
Big D is hurled over the railing but just hangs on out of desperation!
His fingertips barely clinging!
Thunder Knuckles then bites at D's fingers!!!
Big D tries to fight back!
He throws a punch!
But can't hit!
His grasp is pried off the railing!
And like Mufasa he falls!
Big D eliminated!
Winner - THUNDER KNUCKLES!!!
Thunder Knuckles' theme hits and he parties into the night!
HHL: He did it! And on his debut no less!
PC: Barely. And now the big idiot's got a big pay day and a title shot!
Lux
- vs -
Doctor Louis D'Ville Savage Rules
International Waters Match
Anything goes!
The sun itself blacks out, swallowing the entire ship and ring in darkness for several seconds. The ship's speakers bring us a familiar entrance theme...
Eventually, an unknown source of illumination provides us with an eerie red glow. Smoke rises from the entrance stairwell and a few moments later, the one and only Doctor Louis D'Ville emerges from it to a resounding ovation. He stands at the mouth of the stairwell and looks out among the mix of extreme wrestling fans, sideshow freaks, pirates, charlatans and whores that have come to witness what may be one of the most epic and foreboding matches in XWF history. The good Doctor slowly begins walking towards the ring as the mass of humanity parts for him like the Red Sea.
Sun still blackened and the mysterious red hue our only light, the Doctor climbs the ring steps and into the ring, where he stands on the second turnbuckle and holds his arms into the air as the sun itself responds by slowly bleeding through the cracking blackness like rays of forged hope through an abyss of abandonment and despair.
The "Light in the Darkness" Doctor Louis D'Ville has again proven to be just that as the masses chant his name in anticipation of what is to come.
All the screens on the ship become a wall of green code. As the opening scream of “We Appreciate Power” is heard, the code starts to slowly twist and bend into the outline of a woman's face, interspersed with shots of Lux in action ruining people's shit with brutal kicks and strikes.
After several more seconds, Lux emerges at the top of the stairwell. The sea of humanity on board is giving a wide mix of reactions as some of them scream and try to reach out to Lux, but Lux remains looking determined while ignoring the crowd.
The masses part as she runs toward the ring, sliding under the bottom rope and rolling to her feet like a little goddamn ninja which many of the fans pop for!
The screens return to normal and the ship's lights focus on the ring as Lux is mean mugging Doctor Louis De'Ville, who remains across the ring with almost a calm, welcoming expression on his face.
DING... DING... DING...
The freaks on board cheer as the to combatants for what could easily be considered an XWF dream match keep their eyes locked on one another. The fans are already getting into it and we're only starting off!
Bearded black man shaking a giant, half eaten turkey leg in the air: "Fuck 'im up, Lux!"
Ugly toothless hag dressed in skin tight leather dominatrix outfit: "Kill that dirty bitch, Doc! I love you!!!!"
Lux and Doc circle each other for a few seconds before both move in at the same time and lock up!
HHL: I wouldn't have expected a traditional tie up to start this one off.
Doc instantly pulls Lux's head down just as he raises a hard right knee to her face, followed by several more knees to Lux's face.
PC: Well it didn't last long though, did it?
Lux has her guard up and blocks another knee shot before shoving Doc back and immediately rushing toward him with a leaping knee to the...
HHL: Doc ducks just in time to avoid Lux's answer of a flying knee!
Doc ends up behind Lux and delivers a throwing German suplex and quickly approaches her fallen body to follow up but Lux is back to her feet and already spinning with fierce velocity to sweep Doc right off his feet! Doc rises back up and eats a spinning backfist from Lux but it doesn't phase him! CRACK... CRACK... CRACK! Three more spinning backfists almost faster than the eye can blink sends Doc stumbling back as Lux closes in with a side kick to the gut and then delivers a picture perfect axe kick.
The fans are loving every second of it as Lux leaps back several feet as Doc gets to his feet, and she dashes toward him but drops down to one knee and slides under a clothesline attempt, grabbing Doc from behind with the Rainmaker wrist lock and spins him around to catch him with a devastating knee to the face!
PC: Oh! That was a hard shot!
HHL: Doc goes down hard after that... but wait! He rolls out of the way!
Doc escapes the path of a falling knee drop and is right back to his feet quick enough to catch Lux with a lunging clothesline as she stood to her feet. He grabs her and delivers a quick standing swinging neckbreaker and then goes to town with vicious stomps, punches, elbows and even headbutts to his downed foe.
HHL: Doc is starting to look like a rabid beast at this point!
PC: A much different demeanor than we saw just a few moments ago. I think I even hear him growling!
Doc is raking Lux's face with his forearm now and then starts to slam her head down repeatedly before blatantly choking her. He finally pulls her up to her feet keeping her in a headlock and reigns down across her back with several clubbing forearms before hitting a knee tot he face and setting up for a running bulldog.
PC: He just took her down with that bulldog but isn't releasing his grip around her neck!
Doc pulls her back up and now has a tight sleeper hold locked in, dragging Lux to the middle of the ring and just mercilessly wrenching left and right with what could easily be a full choke hold at this point.
HHL: The reality here folks is Doc could choke Lux out as he sees fit and it would all be legal in this match!
Lux's arms are reaching out for anything but Doc has her right in the center of the ring. She begins to weaken and drop down to one knee as Doc continues to squeeze around her throat but suddenly one last burst of energy allows Lux to push back up and reach her arms up to grab Doc's head and she drops down to her ass catching Doc's jaw with the top of her head!
PC: That jawbreaker of sorts may have been Lux's last resort with how tight Doc had his forearm digging into her throat!
HHL: They're both down!
The fans are roaring at this point, some screaming for Lux and some for Doc. Chicken bones and turkey legs and beer mugs are being thrown everywhere.
PC: Where the hell are we? Medieval Times?
HHL: Why did all the freaks have to come up on deck for THIS match?
Doc is first to start getting to his feet as an empty beer mug is rolled to him by a fat, unwashed fan with a giant beard. Doc lifts of the beer mug and turns to Lux...
HHL: No! NO!
SMAAAAAAASH!!!!!!!!!!
PC: HOW THE HELL DID LUX REACT THAT QUICKLY!?!?
HHL: Doc with shards of glass in his face after that lightning fast roundhouse kick from Lux!!
Some of the broken glass flies out into the fans which only causes them to go even more nuts. Doc and Lux are both back down, breathing heavily as the ref checks on Doc to find him bleeding from the face. The ref appears to be asking Doc something when...
PC: Holy shit!
Doc just spat broken glass into the ref's face! The fans ROAR their approval! The ref falls back clutching his face as blood pours down from it and the Doctor slowly rises, seething, like a demon from the depths of hell. Doc sees more broken glass on the canvas and he scoops some up and into his own mouth!
PC: That sicking sound was the sound of Doc standing over Lux and spitting an ungodly amount of glass right down into her face!
At this point with the ref passed out from blood loss and Doc spewing glass as if it were fire from the throat of a dragon, the fans know it's time for all hell to break loose! They start storming ringside and throw the barriers aside, slamming their hands and random food and belongings down on the canvas as they surround the ring. Doc has a wild look in his eye as he surveys the madness around him and drinks it in.
One of the fans produces a bottle of Spirytus 192 Proof alcohol and tosses it to the Doctor!
Another fan tosses a lighter to Doc!
PC: This is so fucked!
Doc uncaps the bottle and takes a massive swig. His cheeks are about as large as balloons as alcohol dribbles down his chin and he stands over Lux...
HHL: You've got to be kidding me. He's not...
Doc lights the lighter and...
WOOOOOOOOOOOSH!!!!!!!!
The fans explode as Doc sends an absolutely massive fireball right down at Lux's face!
PC: No! No! This is too much!
The canvas catches fire and the flames rise up so high and bright everyone around the ring has to shield their faces. Several crew members rush to the scene with fire extinguishers to put out the blaze in the ring as Doc looks on in delight. Once the clouds of smoke clear, a blackened hole in the ring is all that's left as Doc looks down but the fans are making a large commotion as the air continues to clear!
HHL: END OF AGES!
PC: Lux must have rolled out of the way of the blast just in the nick of time!
Lux was able to surprise the Doctor from behind and brought him down into her patented submission, the End of Ages, but would this variation of a Korean Zombie Twister be enough!? The fans are losing their shit, screaming and breaking out into a frenzy like a mosh pit outside of the ring as Lux applies maximum force to the Doctor's limbs!
PC: The ref is still unconscious from earlier! Even if Doc taps, this match can't end!
Doc is struggling and trying to fight the hold but Lux keeps it locked in, looking like she could pop Doc's head off his body at any moment! She wrenches away and pulls for what feels like an eternity until finally..............
….........
….......
….......
Doc stops moving!
PC: We need an official out here!
After several more seconds another referee shoves his way through the crazed lunatics in attendance, despite them clubbing him in the face with giant turkey drumsticks and pouring beer on him!
Lux has finally released the hold, not having seen the approaching official. She stands to her feet to catch her break as Doc lies motionless on the canvas. The ref rushes over to check on Doc and asks Lux to step back, which she hesitantly does...
The ref is kneeling over Doc's fallen body and trying to check his pulse and even rests his ear to Doc's chest to see if there's a heartbeat.
PC: Is this ref an idiot?
HHL: No kidding! Did Doctor D'Ville even HAVE a heartbeat to begin with?
PC: No, I mean... it might not be a good idea to OH SHIT!
Ref: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"
The fans erupt!!!!!
HHL: He's biting his face off! Doc is eating the referee's fucking face!!!!
Lux springs into action! She gains momentum bouncing off the far ropes to come running in and dropping down to catch Doc in the side of the head with a sliding dropkick that breaks his grip of the referee's gushing face. Lux pulls the ref away and quickly rolls him aside only to turn back to one of the most horrifying sights anyone could imagine...
PC: HO...
HHL: LY...
FANS: FUCK!
Doctor Louis D'Ville is rising to his feet with a goddamn slab of the ref's FACE hanging out of his mouth! It's nearly his entire face! It's like the fucked up cracked out version of the movie "Face Off" as many of the fans start throwing up but others are screaming with delight!
Doc shakes his head back and forth like a dog shaking a rabbit as the flap of face slaps back and forth against both of his cheeks and covers him with even more blood... He takes the slab of face and...
PC: OH MY GOD!
SPLAT!!!
HHL: He just threw that man's face in Lux's face!!!
Doc rushes in before Lux can peel the face off her face!
LOBOTOMY!
PC: It's over! He's got her in the air for The Lobotomy!
HHL: No! Wait! Lux escaped!
She drops down behind Doc, spins him around, surprises him with a throat punch that she transitions straight into...
PC: Genocide Overdrive!!!
HHL: Don't blink, folks!
She lands the rushing combo perfectly! A HARD right forearm, snapping left jab, devastating kick to Doc's hip, blood spattering spinning backfist... and a massively charged lariat that sends Doc spinning to the canvas!!!
She covers, hooking the leg!
…..
….......
…...........
…...........
PC: The referee's face is definitely close enough to see the pin, but detached faces can't count!
….........
….......
….......
Eventually, another ref fights his way through the raging psychopath fans and enters the ring.......
…................1
….............2
…...........KICKOUT!!!!!!
The fans blow the sky off the place!
HHL: How?!?!? How did he...?
Lux immediately gets to her feat and measures the Doc, who is very slowly trying to push himself up...
Me manages to get up to his knees and appears to be in a zombie like trance of sorts...
Blood, glass, flesh, and who knows what else... all still dripping and spilling from his mouth...
PC: What the....?
HHL: Is he... is he....??
PC: He's SMILING?
PC: That devastating buzzsaw kick from Lux could be heard for miles across these open waters!!!!
Blood and glass from Doc's mouth sprays the fans before he crumples down in a heap of mangled flesh.
Lux with the cover...
…...1
...2
...THREE!!!
WINNER - LUX!
The fans explode as the ref's hand slaps the mat for the final time and Lux rolls off of the body of the fallen Doctor and lays motionless beside him. Both of them are covered in blood and debris as Lux is announced the winner and the fans are breaking out into another "HOLY SHIT........ HOLY SHIT........." chant.
Lux finally rolls to her stomach and slowly pushes herself up to a vertical base, surveying the madness that has unfolded around her... A black pit with smoke still rising up from it, a referee's face literally ripped from their skull, broken glass and blood everywhere, and these legions of bloodthirsty fans screaming and loving every moment of it. The ref raises her hand in victory as “We Appreciate Power” by Grimes begins to play and the fans transition their holy shit chant into a chant of THAT WAS AWESOME... clap clap clapclapclap... THAT WAS AWESOME.
HHL: I'm at a loss for words here after this one.
PC: Don't worry. The fans are saying it for you.
"Notorious" Ned Kaye
- vs -
Noah Jackson Savage Rules Pussy on a Pole
Ned's cat 'Deepthroat' will be hung in a cage from the HMS Pinafore's flag pole
First one to get the cat wins!
Winner also becomes 'Deepthroats' owner
The entire stadium goes black as Burning Bright by Nine Inch Nails begins to play. Slowly, the X-Tron begins to show scarce, glowing embers, the light of each one illuminating smoke growing at the entrance of the ramp. As the song continues, more embers are seen until a large fire is displayed on the screen. The ramp then glows Ned's famous blue, revealing a silhouette in the smoke. Slowly stepping from the fog is none other then Notorious Ned Kaye. He stops for a moment, taking in the intensity of the situation. He lifts an arm, eyeing the stands to watch the many audience members who follow suit. With a single smile, he drops his arm and rushes towards the ring, slipping in from under the bottom rope, picking himself up immediately.
Noah Jackson runs onto the ramp with a burst of energy, taunting to the crowds. He walks towards the ring going to high five fans before faking out and giving them a dab like a dick. He rolls into the ring and rests in his corner.
The two competitors start in the ring.
HHL: So this next match is over a cat.
The camera pans to said cat "Deepthroat" dangling in a cat cage from the top of the flag pole along with the Union Jack.
PC: ... I love this company.
DING! DING! DING!
Before the bell sounds Noah is in Ned's grill as he adjusts his boots and sucker punches Kaye with a surprise uppercut!
Ned falls back against the turnbuckle and The Vegemite of Wrestling throws a spinning heel kick in Kaye's direction which he barely ducks and rolls under Jackson's incoming leg. Kaye gets to Noah's back and jumps up throwing both feet into the base of Noah's spine!
Jackson goes into the turnbuckle, his leg caught in between the ropes and his groin bouncing off the middle turnbuckle. Kaye hops onto the second rope and springboards off releasing Jackson from his trap with a Japanese arm drag!
Noah tries to roll up to his feet but stumbles back and clatters against the ropes.
Ned sprints to rush Noah but Jackson has the wherewithal to send Kaye over and onto the apron, Jackson quickly snapping back with a Pele kick!
Kaye drops to the outside and the self-proclaimed sick cunt does his most devastating maneuver!
HHL: Death-defying leap!
PC: IT NEVER BACKFIRES! NEVER!
It backfires as Ned easily catches him and positions him into a Razor's Edge before running and hurling Jackson into the steel steps!
Noah clatters in the steel and Ned looks to the flagpole but knows Noah needs to be put down.
Ned grabs one of the steel stairs and places it over Noah's leg and gives a strong stomp down!
Jackson flails on the mat in pain as the audience wince.
Kaye picks Noah up to his feet but Jackson gives a quick snap of his knee into Kaye 'Notorious One' and he doubles over!
Jackson grabs Kaye and plants his head down onto the steel steps with a DDT!
Noah quickly gets up with a taunt and a limp and hobbles over to the flagpole!
Noah grabs the pole with both hands and shades of high school gym class fill his mind as he begins to scale the pole!
The crowd pop as Noah gets some distance up as Ned shakes the cobwebs and gets to his feet.
Noah seems out of breath as he's barely half way up.
Ned gets to the pole with some confusion and begins to violently shake the flagpole!
Noah begins to lose his grasp but he has a lightbulb moment and releases, throwing out his elbow looking to hit Ned Kaye!
But Ned quickly takes a step back and leaps up planting both his knees into Jackson's spine!!!
Noah explodes away from Ned as he falls to the ground, Ned quickly gets up and begins to use the flag reel to lower the cat carrier, Noah seems ashamed of how stupid he is and grabs Kaye's legs and pulls!
Kaye falls to the ground and Noah tries to go into a full mount but is shoved away.
The two both get back to their feet and square off.
Noah fakes a punch before giving Ned an open hand slap across the chops.
Noah then motions himself to have his back to the flagpole, Kaye returns in a rage and throws a roundhouse but Noah ducks and Kaye catches the steel pole with his shin.
Kaye screams in pain as he hops back.
Jackson takes a few steps back before going into a full sprint and...
PC: CRACK THE SHITS!
Noah flies in the air looking for the one-legged dropkick but Kaye sidesteps and with his good leg...
HHL: SUPERKICK TO JACKSON!!!
Kaye catches Jackson's temple mid-air and the Aussie goes down like a falling plane.
Kaye falls to one knee for a moment before collecting himself.
NED IS AT THE FLAGPOLE!
HE BEGINS TO USE THE REEL TO LOWER HIS BELOVED CAT!
But Noah Jackson is back to his feet and seizes his opportunity!
Noah runs up behind Kaye!
AND...
HHL: KING HIT!!!
The superman punch to the back of Kaye's head also smashes his face against the flag pole and Kaye is out cold!
Jackson laughs to himself and begins to lower the cat cage but a sounds stops him dead in his tracks.
PC: ... What the hell is that?
A pirate ship somehow gets next to the HMS Pinafore blasting a song.
And standing on the crow's nest is a figure. The commentary team gasp.
HHL: It's ... It's ...
HHL: CAPTAIN ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRCHYLE!!!!
Drew Archyle in full pirate garb stands proud atop his ship. Noah Jackson stands there, mouth agape and confused. Drew grabs throw a grappling hook with precision aim and hooks the top of the flag pole.
He grabs the rope with both hands and flies through the air.
He grabs the cat cage and slides down the pole with a spin. He hops down to the deck and looks at Noah with a pointed finger.
DREW ARCHYLE: TREAT ANIMALS WITH RESPECT!!!
Drew than quickly runs away leaving Noah speechless and the pirate ship begins to sail away.
Noah with a raised eyebrow just stands there.
NOAH JACKSON: WHAT THE-
DRAW!
NOAH JACKSON: -FUCK, CUNT!?
PC: That has to be the best pirate I've ever seen.
HHL: So it would seem. He stole the prized booty in style and Noah is piiiiiiiiisssed.
Ned grabs Noah's shin and tries to pick himself up, but Noah whips his leg away and begins stomping down on Kaye's back along with a flurry of creative curse words. The audience kinda go quiet as this is more brutal than expected.
Noah doesn't let up, he picks Ned's body up and tosses him over the barricade into the crowd. Noah goes to deal more damage but hand plants on his shoulder and he's stopped short.
HHL: IT'S BIG D!!!
PC: Jesus, talk about hogging the spotlight.
Big D begins to smash Noah in the face with right hooks and knocks the Aussie down onto the ground. He checks Ned in the crowd and is surprised when VITA VALENTEEN smashes a beer bottle over Big D's head!!!
HHL: VITA OUTTA NOWHERE!
VV hops over the barricade and gets Noah to his feet and they disappear through the fans. Big D covers his bloody head and throws an arm over the barricade to aide Ned Kaye. The two share a handshake to a pop from the crowd and look to where their attackers went.
”Up next, Sarah Grey-Lacklan defends her Anarchy championship against Vita Valenteen in a most unusual match. Vita and Sarah will begin their fight below deck under X-treme rules, but that’s not all! They will have to fight their way above deck, jump off of the yacht, and swim to to retrieve the championship from the lifeboat. The first person to grab the championship will win the match!”
”Let’s just hope the yacht doesn’t sink while the lifeboat is tied up in this match.”
”I hope the yacht doesn’t sink at all!”
The official handed the Anarchy championship off to another official who will be in the life boat with the title. We watch as the lifeboat was lowered into the water and set sail for its destination, trailing roughly 50 feet from the main yacht.
”The championship is on it’s way, and so are we! I’m getting word that we are just about ready to start this match!”
We cut below deck to a room with all of the boaty stuff that makes this ship move. We see Vita Valenteen and Sarah Lacklan standing across from each other. The only thing stopping them from killing one another is Mika Hunt who stands between them. Mika ask the champion if she’s ready. Sarah gives a confident nod without once taking her eyes off of Vita. Mika then ask Vita the same question, which receives a similar response. Mika motions for the match to begin and quickly dives out of the way as these two women rush right for one another! A right hand from Vita, but Sarah doesn’t even flinch before throwing one of her own. Back and forth they trade blows, neither woman willing to back down!
”This match is starting off hot!”
”Is it any surprise? VV has done everything in her power to make this match personal!”
VV grabs two fist full of Sarah’s hair and slings her against the wall. Sarah in turn, catches Vita in the gut with a knee that breaks her hold and doubles her over as she backs away. Sarah moves forward, looking to line up her shot. As soon as Vita stands up, Sarah throws a sick right hook that lands about a foot past VV’s jaw. Vita crumbles to the floor and Sarah rushes towards the ladder that leads above deck! She climbs the ladder and unlatches the hatch. Sarah starts to climb through when she feels something grab her ankle. It’s VV, and she holds Sarah in place as she climbs up behind her. Sarah tries to throw back elbows to get VV off of her, but they have little impact behind them. VV wraps her arms around Sarah’s waist and jerks back to suplex her off of the ladder, but Sarah maintains her grip. VV tries again, but no luck still! Sarah then pushes off of the ladder, controlling the fall and crashing atop of Vita! This knocks the air out of VV’s lungs, which gives Sarah time to reposition herself into a full mount. Before Sarah can attack, VV reaches up and digs her thumbs into Sarah’s eyes! Sarah yells out and quickly pushes away from VV. Sarah rubs tears from her eyes in an effort to see clearly, but VV is on top of her before she can recover! With two fists full of hair, Vita slams Sarah’s head against the floor repeatedly! Satisfied with her work, VV starts up the ladder and climbs above deck. VV heads towards the stern, fighting her way through a crowd of eager fans, that don’t like her all too much. The crowd pulls and rips at VV’s hair and clothes. XWF security moves in to try and resolve the situation. VV finally makes her way past the crowd, but she doesn;t notice Sarah stalking up behind her! Sarah pulls on VV’s top, assuming it’s another fan, VV turns to shout at them, only to get blindsided by a wicked roundhouse kick! Sarah grabs VV by the hair and drags her up a set of stairs, stopping from time to time to smash her face into the handrail.
”Did anyone expect this match to be so Xtreme?”
”Are you serious Pip? How could anyone NOT have expected this?”
Now on the promenade deck, Sarah continues to drag VV by her hair as various XWF fans who are lined up around them cheer her on. Sarah whips VV towards the railing, but VV grips Sarah’s hand and reverses the momentum, Sending Sarah in the opposite direction where she crashes into a glass window face first with a THUD! VV shakes the cobwebs and moves in. Sarah throws a palm strike, but VV dodges it and wraps her hands around Sarah’s waist before popping her hips and sending Sarah crashing through the window with a belly to back suplex! The crowd of people surrounding them gasp in shock as VV pulls herself back to her feet and looks to the broken window with a sadistic grin.
”Holy shit! We may need to get our medical staff to check on Sarah Lacklan after that!”
VV turns to the fans and starts mouthing off about “killing” their precious Sarah, but Sarah burst through the broken window and grabs the back of VV’s hair like something out of a horror movie! She drags her into the cabin through the broken window. The glass leaves some nasty looking cuts on her back and legs. With a THUD, VV hits the ground, but she has the wherewithal to throw a kick that connects with Sarah’s head and sends her stumbling back. VV pushes up and rushes in, but Sarah recovered quickly as well, so the two of them once again begin trading blows!
”This is an ALL OUT WAR! Whoever walks away tonight with the Anarchy Champion, no one can say that they didn’t EARN it!”
Sarah gains the upper hand as VV’s legs begin to wobble. Vita stumbles back against a wall, and Sarah moves in with a knee strike, followed by another. VV slides down the wall into a seated position, but Sarah quickly drags her back to her feet and tucks VV’s head under her arm. She pops for a brainbuster, but VV hooks her leg around Sarah’s and prevents her from lifting her. Sarah tries again, but VV once again hooks her leg. VV then pushes forward, shoulder tackling Sarah against the opposite wall. VV then grabs both of Sarah’s wrist and monkey flips her through a table! Vita climbs to her feet, breathing heavily and with blood pooling up around her from the cuts on her legs and back. She heads towards the door to exit, but turns around like she had eyes in the back of her head. Sarah rushes in, but VV leapfrogs over her showing some amazing athleticism. Unfortunately for her, Sarah pulls some matrix shit and runs up the wall behind her, flipping, and landing a Pele kick to the back of VV’s head! Sarah opens the door and starts out it, but VV is already trying to get back to her feet. Sarah stops, turns, and grabs VV, pulling her up to her feet to finish her off. VV breaks away and drives a forearm into Sarah’s nose! Sarah’s eyes tear up again, which VV is quick to take advantage of. She grabs Sarah’s head and smashed it into the wall repeatedly, letting out a frustrated grunt with each hit! Sarah drops to the floor, but Vita keeps hold of her hair and drags her through the doorway. VV lines Sarah’s right knee up with the door frame and then throws all of her weight behind slamming the door! Sarah sreams out bloody murder and reaches for her knee. VV smirks and heads up the steps to the upper deck where the ring is set up.
”Where’s she going? She needs to jump off the boat to swim for the championship!”
”I’m not sure what her plan is, but something tells me that she has something vicious planned.”
VV makes her way to ringside and immediately begins to dig under the ring. Eventually she finds what she is looking for, and stands tall, showing off her pink Louisville slugger baseball bat!
”Oh no! It’s one of those bats that Shane was handing out the other day!”
”He did say that if you took one, you HAD to use it!”
After taunting the fans for a moment, VV heads back down the stairs where she left Sarah. Sarah is still laying in the doorway clutching her knee as Vita slowly stalks down the steps, bat in hand and a wicked smile on her face.
Sarah begins to beg VV off as she creeps ever closer. VV begins to lightly pat the bat in her palm as she reaches the bottom of the steps and looks down at her prey. VV wraps the bat across Sarah’s throat and drags her to her feet. Sarah limps along, hardly able to put pressure on her injured knee as Vita drags her down to the stern and tosses her to the floor. Vita begins to mouth off about how she’s going to win the Anarchy title and there’s nothing that Sarah can do about it.
”What do you think is going on here?”
”I’m not sure Pip, but I’m thinking maybe Vita wants to make sure Sarah can watch as she grabs the Anarchy championship!”
Then VV swings the bat high above her head and slams it down across Sarah’s OTHER knee!
But Sarah rolled out of the way, and the impact of the bat against a solid surface causes VV’s hands to go numb for a second and she drops the bat! This pisses her off, and VV charges in and grabs a handful of Sarah’s hair, but Sarah reaches up and grabs two hands full of VV’s hair and pulls her face down right into a knee! VV pops straight up looking dazed. She takes a few off balanced steps and flops face first to the ground much like classic Ric Flair! Sarah grabs the bat, and uses it as a makeshift cain. She climbs up to her feet and hobbles her way over towards VV, who is still half out of it, but pushed up to all fours. Sarah looks to the crowd of fans surrounding them for approval, which she totally gets, and then she cracks the bat across the lower back of VV! Vita drops to the floor and rolls over to her back. Sarah then smashes the bat across VV’s right knee which causes her to scream out in agony! Not done yet, Sarah swings the bat once more, this time cracking it across Vita’s left knee! With tears streaming down her face from the immense pain, Vita can’t do anything but watch as Sarah begins to hobble away.
”Oh my God! These two women are going to kill one another before either of them can retrieve the belt!”
”Hey, turnabout is fair play!”
Sarah uses the bat to hobble over to the edge of the deck. She slowly climbs over the rail and with one final look back towards VV, she dives into the ocean and began to swim towards the lifeboat. VV desperately tries to get back to her feet to give chase, but she can’t put pressure on either leg. In an act of desperation, she begins to crawl towards the railing.
”This is it, there’s no way Vita can catch up with TWO busted legs!”
SUDDENLY!!!
”Pip, do you hear that?”
A helicopter appears overhead and the Hooded Man is seen peering down from the open side door.
”What’s HE doing here!?!”
The Hooded Man drops a rope ladder down from the helicopter. It lands just a few feet away from VV. She desperately crawls towards it and wraps her arm around the bottom rung as the chopper takes up into the air!
”Are you kidding me!?! The Hooded Man is going to FLY Vita Valenteen to the championship before Sarah can swim there!”
”Well the rules do state that you must be the first to retrieve the tile by ANY MEANS NECESSARY!”
Lacklan is close to the title, swimming for her life.
The helicopter hovers in position.
The water seperates from the force of the rotors, pushing Lacklan back.
Lacklan pushes on!
Vita gets to the open door of the helicopter but it can't be lowered any more!
Lacklan gets a hand on the boat!!!!
AND VITA JUMPS!!!!
JUST TO THE RIGHT OF THE BOAT!!!!
LACKLAN THROWS HER HAND ONTO THE BOAT!
VITA FORCES HERSELF UP!
AND...
LACKLAN GRABS THE CHAMPIONSHIP!
Winner AND STILL ANARCHY CHAMPION - SARAH LACKLAN!!!
Lacklan gets into the boat and holds her title up high!
VV thrashes in the water in pure rage.
PC: WATER WIN! ... Get it?
HHL: What a fight! Without a doubt Sarah's toughest foe but in the end, VV got Sarah'd.
The show slowly fades to black as Sarah raises her title as her theme plays us out.
![[-]](https://xwf99.com/images/portal2/collapse.gif)
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