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~~Dean Moxley McGovern~~ · (07-10-2013)

Scene: At da club
Status: Lightly censored at 1 point

Dean runs his hand along his face and feels the course beard instead of a smooth face. That's right! Dean has grown out his facial hair!

(like it!)

No longer the clean shaven, young looking, sexy boy toy of the XWF; now Mr. McGovern would have to be the scruffy tuffy with a cock named Buffy. Either way, if your name was Peter Gilmour, you already were sitting there with your mouth hanging open and your hands outstretched, ready to clasp some big old balls.

Bizzzz is about to pick up because look who just got back from vacation in (censored)? That's right it's me! It's me! It's that man with the plan that's always grand...the Dean who's nice and lean...the horniest mofo on the roster...DEAN MOXLEY MCGOVERN WITH A MUTHA FUCKIN' BEARD!

Suddenly Dean is in the middle of a night club with a microphone and everyone around is cheering him. The scene is mostly made up of what looks to be gay men and women, kind of how most Sid Feder promos go.

(right, pinky?)

Thank you, thank you! I come here tonight with an announcement for the world to hear! No, no, it's not that Peter Gilmour finally lost 5 pounds...sorry.
(doh! Damn you Peter!)

As this gets said, these words in red scroll across the screen just to further annoy that fat homo, Peter Gilmour. Peter Gilmour is a big, fat, juicy, succulent, robust, enticing meat-a-ball!

My announcement is much greater than anything having to do with Gilmour!

Somebody in the crowd of homosexuals yells "is it about Unknown Soldier?" but Dean simply chuckles.

That pretty boy? He walks around with his long blonde hair and flaunts it like it means he's the sexiest thing on TV. Well he can rape a fetus, a cactus, a Prius, and even his own phallus but it won't make him any hotter than Dean, baby.

Dean smiles really big and his teeth glisten along with an obviously fake spark that flashes from them.

(love it!)

Unknown Soldier has been doing a lot of fun things this week in preparation for his relinquishing of the Trio titles. He knows that if he rapes a fetus or stuffs a cactus up his anal cavity after Leap Of Faith that nobody will really care.

So he's gotta get that shit done now playboy!

Somebody in the crowd of people yells "he sounds like a real lame duck!" and for some unknown reason this gets a pretty loud pop from everyone in the night club. Even Dean gets a kick out of it, slapping his knee and laughing his ass off.

Oh man that's so true but more importantly he is a part timer who is probably two slams away from being permanently crippled and forcefully taken out of wrestling forever. When's the last time this guy even had a real match? Not some random cluster fuck of a bunch of psychopaths so he can just molest children the entire match, BUT A REAL MATCH. When? Where? Who was in it? Who won? Who died? Who got fucked in the ass? I want details and I want them now, mister!

"Who you talking to?" yells one of the gays.

I'm talking to everyone who will listen! Get me that info on the Unknown Soldier so I can properly prepare for the right angle to enter him from. He's the type that's going to come into the match liking the sound of a sexual encounter and he'll have to act super dooper sick and scary to try and 1-up this straight up mack daddy playboy before you...but before you know it it's gonna be your boy Dean with his arm raised high and a brand new championship in his hand. They might as well start printing the new shirts now and let people buy them because your brand new Trio champs are none other than Dean McGovern, Dwayne "The Schlong" Johnson, and Hunter Payne!

Everybody in the club starts losing their shit as soon as they hear The Schlong mentioned. They're big, big, big fans.

Yeah baby that's right let's hear it for the big piece of rock hard Schlong! If you boys and girls behave I'm going to have him come back here, right here to this very spot! Before the end of the week!

They start going crazy, making out with each other and removing clothing. Dean wiggles his eyebrows and whistles, liking what he sees unfolding (literally) all around him.

Alright this type of scene right here can very easily turn into one big group orgy so let's make sure we all have protection!

He begins passing out condoms that have Mister Mystery's face on the front of the wrapper. The name on the condom says "The Mystery Condom" and in small lettering on the bottom it says "You never know if it's gonna work!"

Yeah baby I have it on good authority that these very condoms are the ONLY REASON that Sid Feder exists! His pappy Mister Mystery was poppin' Flo Feder and then...

Suddenly somebody yells out "Flo is Sid's wife; not Mister Mystery's!" and a bunch of people start laughing, including Dean.

(who knew?)

Oh! Whoops! I guess I got people mixed up in the Feder Fuckers but you get the point I'm trying to make! That old ass man with the Santa beard...which by the way is nowhere as sexy as my new beard...that rotten old man was bangin' whoever the fuck Sid Feder fell out of because Mister Mystery ended up with one of the Mystery condoms that has holes punched in it!

"What kinda

would have a condom with holes punched in it already?" shouts a very curious homosexual, which actually is a very logical question.

You'd have to ask one of the three who will be giving up their Trio titles. Ask Mister Mystery! After all, it was he who had the things manufactured and it was he who decided to use his own intentionally unreliable product which is why now all of us have to suffer for it! All of us have to pay the fucking price THREE TIMES over.

Thanks a LOT, Mystery Balls! You could have easily picked up a damn Trojan or even a Magnum if you can keep it from slipping off you...but why'd you have to pick the Mystery condom when you fucked whoeverthefuck? Why? Why? I'm really really asking -- WHY???

All the gays in the club start chanting "why" over and over again as Dean gets a call on his celly. He picks it up and it's his friend Kyle. Kyle is too young to get into the club and he was supposed to hang out with Dean tonight so he's calling to see what's up. Dean tells Kyle to meet a man named Charlie on the corner of 5th and some other street, where Kyle will be given a fake ID that will get him into the club. The entire place is now aware of this plan, seeing as Dean had the microphone up to his mouth while he was talking on the phone. With it on speaker.

(smart move!)

Pay no attention to that phone call you all just heard. I was just practicing for a show later.

Everybody goes "Ooooh" and believes him, obviously. I mean wouldn't you?

Alright so now it's time for my special announcement! The one and only Dean Moxley McGovern has finally struck a deal and has begun work on his very first ALBUM! Yes! You all knew I had a sexy ass voice but you didn't all know I was going to be releasing an album. The best part about it is my very first single has already had the entire music video shot!

The homos in the place go bonkers, yelling and screaming and throwing their clothes at Dean.

That's right baby and I'm going to show the entire world my brand new music video in my very next XWF promo!

The cheers suddenly turn to boos and things like "we want it now!" can be heard getting yelled from the homosexual crowd. Dean starts to back up as they close in on him and start ripping at his shirt and pants!

(ow!)

Looks like it's time to dip!

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