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B.O.B. D · (06-19-2019)

There was a somber feeling in the air, a mood most would expect from a funeral. As the people filed into their seats, ready to pay their respects for the deceased(not XWF cameramen, for the last time!), I patiently stood at the altar dressed in black. It was a sad day for most of the mourners, as they were prepared to say goodbye to their lost loved ones. They weren't prepared for this, but sometimes life throws you curveballs and all you can do is remember what once was.

After a few more minutes of the crowd greeting each other and finding their seats, I approached the podium. I reached into my pocket for a folded up piece of paper and set it on the podium, before reaching back in and pulling out a pair of glasses.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to thank you all for coming," I began with a deep breath. "Death is a difficult inevitability we all must face one day. Though it is difficult dealing with the loss of a loved one, we must take the time to honor them and respect everything they have accomplished......."

A few people were already holding back tears. One woman pulled out a handkerchief to wipe away the moisture that dripped down her cheeks, while another buried her face into her husband's chest. It pained me to see them so worked up, but I knew it was best to go on. Their loved ones would've wanted them to remember them, and so we shall.

"We begin by paying tribute to Donovan Blackwater," I continued, trying not to get choked up myself. "After Warfare, there will be one less Blackwater brother roaming the halls of XWF. And though things will feel different, quite honestly, they will remain the same. Despite being a former TV and Xtreme Champion, Donovan Blackwater really never amounted to much. And while one could argue he's accomplished more than I have to this point, that argument shall be moot once Warfare has concluded and my single accomplishment of becoming Universal Champion outweighs anything Donovan did in his entire life."

Once again, I had to pause to allow the onlookers to mourn. Some of them had gotten out of control, their love for one of XWF's wannabe Supernatural ripoffs was too much to bear saying goodbye.

"I know, I know," I carried on. "The life Donovan led was truly a depressing one. Whether it was delusions of superpowers or claiming to know the future due to a vague prediction come true, Blackwater thought of himself as one in a million, despite only being one OF a million. This is way Blackwater is also joined in death by his push......"

"Hallelujah!" a religious black woman hollered out in honor of the 2 week Main Event stint Blackwater had.

"Hallelujah, indeed," I agreed before reading on. "We remember the push of Donovan Blackwater, and how difficult it was to sustain life. It just didn't have the heart to carry on, being with us for such a short amount of time, we barely had time to cherish it. But just because we couldn't enjoy it's presence, doesn't mean it will EVER be forgotten. No, when people look back on the history of XWF they will see Donovan's push and honor it as one of the quickest. From top of the totem pole to bottom of the barrel in a mere two weeks, we have to wonder if we ever should've experienced it at all......"

I proceeded to wipe a fake tear from my eye, followed up by some phony sniffles.

"Let us not forget him criticizing me for not finishing at War Games......." I choked out like he mattered to me. "......before bragging about how he ALMOST finished HIS match."

A child, not really realizing what was happening, let out a loud laugh that startled some of the others. A few adults from the front row glared back at his mother like she was the worst parent in the world. Even though he may not have known, the boy's laughter was justified.

"Do not scold the child," I exclaimed. "For this IS a time of laughter! It can help heal the pain. When you look at everything: Donovan's lack of accomplishments, his push, how seriously he took said push, and his drop into irrelevancy; it's the ultimate joke! So go on, rejoice, for a man who had no business being in the Main Event of a show, let alone for THE Championship, got a small taste of the big time. It was a miracle. Donovan Blackwater lives on in our hearts and we will never forget the time Icarus flew too close to the sun and fell to his death. Amen."

The crowd joined me in an 'Amen' as we remembered Donovan Blackwater and all he failed to achieve. As they grieved, I walked over to a closed casket next to the podium. It had a picture of the departed Blackwater sitting on it. We had to do closed casket because of the beating Donovan will endure in our match. Once I'm done with him, even his own brothers won't recognize him.

"And now, everyone, we turn our attention from one lost soul to another........."

As I spoke, I walked past Blackwater's casket to a second one resting next to it. Much like Donovan's, this one was also shut but the picture on it was of Universal Champion, Robert Main. I stood next to it and set my hands on top of it.

"Nooooooo! Say it ain't sooooooo!" a distraught woman yelled from the pews.

"It sadly is so........" I began, looking down at the picture with a frown. "The man known as Robert Main and his title reign are no more."

The mourners were crying much louder than they were for Blackwater. It showed how highly they thought of their Universal Champion as opposed to Donovan. This was the general sentiment all around when it came to Main, he was almost an unstoppable God in their eyes. Yet here he was, stopped by the unlikeliest of foes.

"Robert Main takes many things to his grave," I said walking back over to the podium. "His dick jokes. He loved those bad boys so much, his own rival dubbed him 'Dick Main.' It didn't matter to him that he was only repeating the same things I'd been hearing my entire career, they were still hilarious to him."

"He also takes his credibility with him, not that there was ever much to begin with. Sure, he can claim to have been Universal Champion and having the 2nd longest reign of all time, but there will ALWAYS be that shadow of doubt. People are always gonna wonder if Robert Main was ACTUALLY better than The Engineer, that's where the real doubt has been all along. It was never about me questioning if I could win the belt or not, it's always been Robert's own mind playing games with him. He's gonna rest in suffering knowing nobody will cast any doubt on the credibility of Big D's run as Universal Champion......."

I took my glasses off and set them on the podium. As I looked into the crowd, I looked at all the disappointed faces. The whole reason they were here was because they LOVED these two and didn't WANT to see them fail. This procession was a way for them to let out their agony. Their hearts were broken and they needed this outlet to help them.

"There's one more thing that dies with Robert Main," I spoke, once again pretending to be sad. "His title reign........ Much like life itself, every Championship reign must come to an end. Sometimes it's from retirement, other times it's from an injury. In the case of Robert Main, though, his was from a loss at the hands of the next big thing........ ME. You see, Mr. Main had a run that never should've been. It was running on borrowed time and it was time to pull the plug. He didn't want to be an honorable Champion, nor a hardworking one. As he sat on his ass and wrestled sparingly, I WORKED my ass off and competed multiple times a week! Robert never carried himself as a Champion and it was an embarrassment to his employer, an embarrassment to his coworkers, and an embarrassment to the fans who paid to see him. The same fans who sit here and cry over not being put through that shit show anymore......"

I looked out at all those people who truly cared for him, despite all he's deprived them of. The matches he hasn't wrestled, a true title reign, and a REAL Universal Champion. They may not have realized it yet, but the death of Robert Main was going to be the greatest thing to ever happen to them.

"There's one last thing we must pay our respects to........"

I reached into my pant pocket and pulled out a folded up flier. I unfolded the page, revealing it to be a poster for XWF Leap of Faith. Advertised front and center was 'Robert Main vs Chris Page', for the Universal Championship. I held it out for everybody to see.

"Finally, we must say goodbye to the XWF Leap of Faith Main Event," I boasted as they examined it. "Like the fine print says, 'card subject to change' and that is exactly what happened. Management made plans ahead of time, not giving a damn that a Title match was taking place before it. And now those plans will be laid to rest........"

I ripped the flier in half as the crowd began to cheer. What was happening here was a small glimpse into the future. Robert Main and Donovan Blackwater were gonna fall back down the ladder, I was gonna become Universal Champion, and the fans were going to finally respect me for the true Champion I had always been. And that ain't no story, it's the Cold Big D Truth.......

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode The Eulogy of Donovan Blackwater and Robert Main
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