Lux is seen standing at the head of a classroom, in a cramped room at a local Community College. Behind her the words “Character Development and Promo'ing 101” are written in black marker on a white board. The camera swings around to reveal that every seat in the room is occupied by a fresh faced young man or woman. Lux steps around the cheap metal desk at the front of the room, considering the sea of eager faces before her.

Hello, and welcome to my contractually obligated class on developing a persona and crafting a promo. Congratulations on making it this far. I understand the XWF boot camp process can be grueling.

One of the young rookies in the front row speaks up. Yeah, last week Doc Deville was a surprise guest trainer. Towards the end the lights went out and when they came back on Bobby and Derrick were gone and Doc just left with this weird shit eating grin on his face.

Nobody's seen them since. A young lady with pink hair finishes.

Lux considers this information. They are dead, in all likelihood. And speaking of abrupt departures... Lux picks up a slip of paper off the desk and brings it up to her face. ….I have a message from management. “To anyone in the room who knows or is otherwise affiliated with Kid Kool, Rain, or Snow, I regret to inform you that your contracts are hereby terminated. Leave immediately.” Yikes, sorry guys.

About 12 people with Guy Fawkes “Anonymous” masks, who for some bizarre reason had gone hitherto unnoticed, all look down dejectedly as they get up and file out of the room.

Well, with that out of the way we can get...

Lux is interrupted by another young man in the front row raising his hand.

...yes?

Are you really from the future?

Yes.

This draws out some chatter from the students. The rookie who proferred up the question continues. So you, like, know what happens in the future?

That's usually what being from the future entails, yes. But I'm not going to discuss it. It's terrible and is likely to completely shatter your minds.

The rookie remains unmoved. Okay, but can I ask just ONE question?

No.

How does Game of Thrones end?

The class descends into excited chatter at that. Lux, mouth agape, pinches the bridge of her nose in frustration as she decides on how to approach this particular brand of stupid. Finally, she reaches a conclusion. Are you remedial?

Is that gonna be on the test? Should we be taking notes? The pink haired girl from before offers up hesitantly.

Lux goes behind the desk and retrieves her sword from it's hiding place. Withdrawing it from it's scabbard with a satisfying sing of it's sharp blade meeting the air, she places the blade down on the desk and looks at the class pointedly. They all stop chatting and go eyes forward. We good?

They all nod in unison.

Well, super. Time is XWF money and quite frankly, there are at least 13 better uses of my time I can think of right now. Clearing her throat, she takes another item from atop the desk in hand. It's a small remote control. Now if someone could get the lights?

The lights are clicked off in short order, and Lux presses a button on the control, causing the overhead projector implanted in the ceiling to spring to life. The projected image hits the white board, revealing a montage of major XWF stars from past and present. Top names such as the aforementioned Doc DeVille, Vincent Lane, current Universal Champion Robert Main, James Raven, The Engineer and more appear on the screen. Familiar faces, no? Can anyone tell me what they all have in common?

Championship wins?

Lux makes an “ehhh” hand waving motion. Technically correct, but the fact is that anyone with a modicum of talent can win a championship. The XWF has PLENTY of forgotten title holders. But what propels someone from merely being talented to being REMEMBERED is something a little less concrete. It's a certain extra “something”. Personality. Charisma. A unique life story or perspective. People like them went above and beyond simply being talented and carved themselves their own niche in the psyche of the XWF viewer. And that's something that's, quite frankly, a little harder than throwing a punch or nailing a solid german suplex.

Now, this is a pretty tough concept to explain. And honestly, not everyone can be a demonic psychologist, a body shifting assassin from the future (like yours truly), a Twitter obsessed sun allergic heiress, or a Nazi werewolf....just to name a few. Capturing the zeitgeist that makes you particularly memorable or revered is a tall order, and is one of those things that remains just this side of inexplicable. So I think it would be a tad easier to tell you all what you should definitely NOT do.

Did you seriously NOT see this coming? Destiny Graves appears on the screen.



Introducing Shit-zibit A. Destiny Graves. Lux takes a deep breath. This bitch right here. Now for starters, don't let all the air brushing fool you, there's some SERIOUS miles on this truck and the tires have been well kicked. So let that be lesson one. When you get in that ring the make-up runs and Photoshop is not there to save you, so be prepared to leave your dignity at the door. Unfortunately this also-ran Debbie Does Dallas never learned that lesson so all those sags and stretch marks are gonna become obvious real soon.

Lesson Number 2, if you're going to have a gimmick maybe you should put more thought into it than a few minutes of concentrated “effort” while tripping on Xanax bars and watching Real Housewives of New Jersey. Because when I say this bitch is basic I mean this bitch is BAS-IC. Like “treating everyone around her like shit because she thinks that's a solid substitute for having a personality” basic. And if you're going to roll up in here with some hackneyed “mean girl” gimmick you may want to check at the door first to make sure somebody inside isn't already doing it better than you.

An image of Sarah Lacklan appears on the screen. Hi, Sarah.



Lux's phone “dings”. She scoops it up out of her pocket and shakes her head in dismay. Christ, she's already tweeting about it. How is that even POSSIBLE? With a vexed glower she tosses her phone on the desk.

Now you might be asking yourself why I'm zeroing in on Destiny like a Scud missile on an Arab wedding. And that actually leads me to Lesson number 3. Stand for something. I'm fixing to run a train on Destiny because she went to bat for pure strain scum like Michael Graves. She might even be related to him, but I suspect that isn't true and more just her riding a notable name's coattails because she knows she has zilch of interest to offer. But it's important to define what you stand for early and often because it establishes not just a rapport with the fans, but with the locker room at large. The boys and girls in the back will be left with no question of where you stand and what kind of people you stand with.

Okay guys, that does it for this lesson. Be back in 15 for your session with Peter Gilmour called “Trading Down to your Side Piece and Digressing Like a Pro”. I understand it's going to involve a lot of incoherent screaming, racial slurs, and quibbling about promo length. I do not envy you.

Lights please!

Someone helpfully pops the lights back on and Lux has a seat on the desk, looking back carefully to ensure she doesn't slide up on her sword. She picks it up as the students file out, replacing it in it's scabbard. She looks up to see a familiar face, someone who was sitting in the back trying not to draw attention to himself. The Engineer's son, Joachim Bright. He's shrouded in a hoodie, but pulls it back as soon as the coast is clear.



You know, I'm almost a little insulted nobody recognized me.

Lux smirks, placing her sword down beside her. You were around for a cup of coffee, Jo.

Still, I would have thought that time I beat Sebasstian Dyke would have been the stuff of legend by now.

He's Mingermind now, apparently.

Oh word? That sure is....something. Jo chuckles. Anyway, I just wanted to say “thank you” for all the time you've spent with my father lately. It's nice to have a break.

Lux hops down off the desk and goes to the white board, erasing it. Well, sure. But it hasn't exactly been altruistic. I've been pumping him for every bit of information about Madison Dyson that I can get. She turns to face Jo then, a queer expression on her features. But you didn't come all this way just for a “thank you”. Her tone is matter of fact, but not accusatory.

No I...I guess he didn't. He smiles nervously, eyes tipping towards the floor. To be honest, I hadn't completely thought through this part. I....uhhhh.... He scratches the back of his head. Taye and I broke up.

Oh... Lux stops short. Taye was Joachim's boyfriend, a young man who, like her host Corey, had battled his share of addictions over the years. I'm sorry, Jo. I didn't know. Are you ok?

Yeah, yeah. The writing's been on the wall for a bit now....

He wasn't using was he?

Oh no! No, nothing like that. It was my fault actually. I got distant, I guess.... He kind of trails of, still wearing that nervous little smile.

Lux cocks her head, now looking decidedly suspicious. Jo, what is it you want to tell me?

Joachim goes quiet, mustering up the fortitude to say something. When he finally speaks, it's a pressured anxious speech like he's trying to force the words out at a breakneck pace. God, this is so stupid. I fucked everything up with Taye and you're just....you're just gonna say “no”

Say “no” to what?

You want to go out to dinner with me sometime? Joachim looks at her, his expression a combination of embarrassment and hopefulness.

Lux's mouth opens, and then slaps shut. She cants her head again, looking confused. I'm sorry....what is going on here?

I'm asking you out.

I'm a woman.

Yeah, in a guy's body. So still pretty gay.

Is it? I....hold the hell on a second. She casts up a hand, gesturing for Jo to give her some time to process all this. Did you break up with Taye because of me?

No. Yes? Sort of? He looks flustered for a bit, before pressing on. Look, it's like this. I could tell that Taye's tolerance for my father and all the weird shit we've been through had been wearing thin. I mean, Engy's tough to deal with on his own, but when you factor in the bat shit insanity of dealing with...well.....our lives, it's rough on a person. And then, when you came to us a couple months back, just as things were finally starting to seem like they were settling down, it tossed everything back up in the air. The fight with Aiwass wasn't over. The world could come crashing to an end. Taye just couldn't handle all that crazy. It was driving us apart. We argued a lot. I started getting distant. And I started thinking about you.

Look, Jo.... Lux starts with a degree of exasperation. This is just some rebound thing.

It's not! Look, when am I ever going to find someone else who “gets” my life? Huh? Should I just post on my OkCupid profile, “Hey guys, my name is Jo. I like dive bars, IPA's, and oh by the way my father used to run with a Pagan Demi-God who wants to destroy all life, and I'm one of a few people who knows the truth.” Yeah, I'll be swimming in dudes. And it's not just that Lux. When we first met....I FELT something....you were strong, and confident and.....

And Corey? Lux looks at Jo plaintively. This isn't even my body, Jo.

I know! I......I know.... He again trails off, wincing and shaking his head. This was so stupid.

No, Joachim. Lux approaches him, putting a hand on his shoulder. It's not stupid. This is really confusing for me too. And I'm flattered. But how could this ever work? Lux reeled a bit internally, this was far from the first time she's asked herself that very question. You're very sweet. But I just don't think it's right.

Okay. Jo replies, simply and solemnly. I made a huge ass out of myself.

We're all allowed to from time to time. Lux smiles at him warmly, removing her hand. We can talk about this more tonight. I'll still take you up on the dinner. Platonically. Okay?

Sure. I'll take it.

Great, just give me a bit to finish up here. I'll meet you outside.

Joachim waves a small goodbye and heads out the door, still looking sheepish but not quite mortified anymore. Lux watches him go. The worst thing is, this isn't even the first time somebody's fallen for me when I've been in someone else's body. Its sucked every time. Lux finishes erasing the board, mind dwelling on how she was going to handle the emotional mine field that Joachim Bright had just laid for her. Unfortunately, navigating that particular issue would have to wait just a bit longer. Because for now....

Destiny Graves. Lux calls out, voice laden with malice. Fancy you catching me at a rough time. Too bad too. I already didn't like you, and now my dislike is going positively nuclear. So for now, I'm going to keep this portion of the evening's festivities short and sweet.

You. Me. Indian Strap.

I figure it would be only fitting to give last week's runner up match stipulation a go. Plus there is the sweet, sweet satisfaction to be gained from the sound of that leather cutting across that unmarred, infant-like pink flesh of yours. I wonder how many licks it'll take to get to the center of THIS tootsie-pop?

Oh boy....I hope it's a LOT.

Lux smiles sadistically. Or at least, she tries to. But it looks a little off. Too much teeth, it just looks goofy is the bottom line. Lux reacts to the camera man. What?

That smile was just the WORST. The camera man replies. Maybe you should sit in on Gilly's class.

Lux picks up the sword, still in it's scabbard, and pretends to plunge it into her stomach and drag it across her abdomen like she's committing seppuku.

Fin.