Have you ever been walking along, minding your own business, and step into a nice, big, hefty pile of shit?

I just did.

If I was asked to pick one single person off of this roster that doesn't equal-up to the pile of shit that I just described them as running into them, it would be Cadryn Tiberius.

Didn't you win another title some time ago and just pawn it off like IT was the piece of shit and you weren't? Nice try, but you'll have to try harder to fool the Inevitable Inertia. I think you win these things and then realize you're just not good enough for it and give it up before you have a chance to lose them. Nice tactic but that veils hanging pretty thin these days, Cowboy. Maybe you should just try NOT trying all together since that's what it seems to amount to anyway. Ever hear of quitting while you're ahead? Of course you haven't.

So since King Lame already knows you're going to flake and is concerned about you running off with his title, how about you do what you do best and throw me a few lines of nonsense so I can finish this like the quality of your career. Sloppy.

Benny stabs Cadryn with the candlestick in the study and pins him on the cold, cold floor.

Cadryn plucks the candlestick from within his chest while simultaneously kicking out and lunging back to his feet.

DUDE.

OW!

WHO THE FUCK STABS SOMEBODY WITH A CANDLE?!

Jesus dude, fuck..

Anyways, look here Vinky Bendeaddy.

...Shit, that's not your name.

Man, I just saw you like a few hours ago?

Oh that's right, you're a fuckin' pebble. A pebble that is about to be lodged in the boot of a GOD. I ain't trying to learn no scrub bitches name.

I bet you got a lot of frequent flyer miles, right?

Seems like you came to my shows. Seems like you got a little information about your man CT.

Respect.

Shoulda paid more attention to my ascension, though, pal.

Because then, you might have had a shred of information that wasn't lackluster and generic.

I lose matches.

I give up titles.

I disappear more often than your cock in the winter.

It's who I am, partner.

But you know what? I've been gone a couple of months, right? CT was forgotten right?

Naw son. Go take a look at them tapes. The whole time I was out sucking dick with my wife, the XWF roster was moaning my name. Caedus, Main, Kuhn, Gilmour, Chaos, just to name a few. Your top talent STILL got rock fuckin’ hard for me.

That's legend status, my friend. I'm so goddamn incredible that everytime I lose your old lady is the first to line up at the all you can suck buffet and get her fill.

Give the belts up because I'm not good enough?

HAHAHAHA!

MOTHERFUCKER I'VE DONE SAID A MILLION TIMES THOSE BELTS AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!

So I drop em so some no talent, second rate, nuthugger like yourself can get his 15 minutes of fame.

You see, kitten, I am the Reflection Of Perfection.

So goddamn gifted it's like midnight in Bethlehem everytime I step in the room.

You came in here looking some type of way.

Which type of way you ask?

Defeated.

I think we all feel a little defeated after sitting through that.

And talk about sticking to what you're good at, right? Losing is your thing. Well, great! Apparently I've come to the right place then. I just didn't think it would be so easy.

But, before I get tooooo carried away, I know I'm "NEEEWW" and all but for fuck's sake what's wrong with taking a new guy a little seriously? You guys forget where you came from, or what? Every single one of us started somewhere and just because I'm the spawn of Satan himself doesn't segregate me from the greatness that is the XWF. I'm an excellent, well-renowned, even though you haven't heard of me, wrestler, and if Cadryn Tiberius wants to admit his failures and continued failures to me and the entire world DOES NOT take the challenge away from here.


Benny pulls a remote from his pocket and presses the "red button". A whistling sound can be heard from above before an anvil smacks Cadryn atop his head and sends him into the ground like a roofing nail smacked by a hammer! Benny looks on bewildered for a moment and decides to stand over where Cadryn is buried for the pin!!!!!!









An OFFICIAL XWF OFFICIAL RAPPELS DOWN FROM A HELICOPTER OVERHEAD AND CALLS OFF THE PIN!!!!!! BENNY IS FURIOUS!!!!!!

Benny goes to the nearest shed and retrieves a shovel and starts to dig!!!








Twenty minutes later......






Benny manages to dig out most of Cadryn from the ground and provided a few smacks to the head with the shovel in the mean time. Benny picks up the champ and DDT'S HIM ON THE SHOVEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE PINS CADRYN!!!!

Cadryn kicks out.

As the Looney Tune-esque birds begin to fade from the potentially cracked cranium of Cadryn, he dusts himself off as he stands to his feet once more.

Man..

You wild, son.

This is like that time I gave Wyle E Coyote a handjob while my best friend video taped it and jacked off like a goddamn monster.

I respect the no quit attitude, but you ain't gonna find this cowboy heading toward that eternal sunset.

You wanna talk about being taken seriously?

I take every opponent seriously.

Have I made a mockery of your futile attempts at taking this low level strap?

Well, sure!

Which by the way, stud. When I lose, it's either out of choice or because my opponent was just better. There is no middle ground. Sadly, in your case, neither of those are applicable.

You want my respect? You want the XWF to take you seriously?

Then you earn it. Just like myself and the rest of the XWF superstars have.

I took Jim “Big Dick Daddy” Caedus to his limits last year. We came up together, but Jimmy was something special. I watched for months after our first match as he laid waste to opponents like the XWF has never seen.

Do you think I was respected and taken seriously because I was the guy who put the first mark on his perfect record?

Hell no.

I went on to win match after match and I was still that ignorant little shit that ran around with Micheal Graves.

I wasn't respected or taken seriously.

Until Lethal Lottery 2017.

The first round of LL I found myself with a man who couldn't even be bothered to return my phone calls. Killjoy and I were out matched and embarrassed at every turn by Robbie Bourbon and long time frienemy Jim Caedus.

We took the loss, and were eliminated.

But before that bell rang I left everything I had in the center of that ring.

I figured if there was ever a time to prove myself it was at that moment.

To make a long story short. Vinnie Lane wildcarded me back in because of my performance in that match and I went on to be one of four finalists. I was eliminated, and that's ok.

The moral of the story is that I proved myself that night. So when I run my mouth, it's because I can back it up.

Soon after I took a loss to Chris Chaos but the point remains the same. That desire, the blood, the pain. That's where I grew as a superstar.

Barney Green is a legend. Beat him.

Jack Cain was an incredible freight train of destruction. I derailed him.

Thomas Nixon is a legend and one of the greatest TV champions our company has ever produced. I overcame adversity and pinned him for a victory.

But, I digress.

Like I said man, you want my respect you'll fuckin’ earn it.

I didn't forget where I came from, I never will.

Rags to riches, mofugger.

I embrace the struggle and suck its dick until it's my personal cum dumpster.

Is this your Lethal Lottery?

Will your fairytale unfold here tonight?

Highly unlikely.

But that's ok, Belle.

You aren't the first princess who couldn't handle this beast.

Break down to us how you've made a mockery of my futile attempt to take your low-level strap. Aside from not getting my name right you went on a tirade on yourself. You put yourself down over and over then pick yourself back up claiming to be some Deflection of Predication? Did I get that right?

What makes you think I give a crap about anything you've done already in the XWF? Who's Jim Caedus? What difference does it make you "taking him to the limit" and giving Wyle E Coyote a hand-job? Are those things supposed to make you seem more intimidating or successful, because I would think both would count as a loss.

Then again, you seem proud of your shortcomings and are apparently trying to build a legacy around it. Good for you. I'm sure the XWF needs your type too. I, on the other hand, will be Universal Champion by the end of the month. Things will change. And you'll deal with it.

Bitch

Benny calls Vinnie Lane and casts horrible rumors about Cadryn to the XWF BOWNER. When they hang up, Benny evil laughs to himself and sits back and waits................



Days later Benny runs into Cadryn at the grocery store and hits him in the back of the ankle with a shopping cart!!!!!!!! Cadryn cries out in pain as Benny turns him around and HITS HIM WITH A MICHINOKU DRIVER!!!!! HE COVERS CADRYN!!!!!!!! OMFG!!!!!!!!!

With a look of confusion Cadryn kicks out and hops to his feet, holding one ankle.

DUDE.

CAN’T A GUY JUST RESTOCK HIS CEREAL SUPPLY IN PEACE?

Damn..

So you're actually asking me to break it down for you?

Shit, man. Seemed pretty clear to me. You're attempts to continually ruin my day are in and of themselves, futile.

A waste of time, energy, and brain cells that are obviously in short supply in your case.

Did you know that broken bones tend to heal stronger?

There is no contradiction in my “tirade” as you called it.

On the surface someone like you may think it's contradictory, like I'm backpeddling of that you've somehow found a moment of exploitation.

But, again, as you always have been, you're wrong.

So for the amount of times I've been beaten down, broken, and left to die, I've become twice as strong.

When I tell the tales of my shortcomings it is to paint a picture of the man I was and to show you that I never forgot where I came from. You take solace in the losses as much so as the wins. Moreover, it's to educate your dumbass once more that my record doesn't define me.

What makes me think you care about what I've done in the XWF?

I assume it's the same reason you wanted me to care about what you've done.

“I'm an excellent, well-renowned, even though you haven't heard of me, wrestler, and if Cadryn Tiberius wants to admit his failures and continued failures to me and the entire world DOES NOT take the challenge away from here.”

You seem upset that I talked about Jimmy and my Looney Handjibber.

You look like the type of dude to get off on watching me jerk off a cartoon character. I was just trying to give you the same strength of erection your step dad gave you when you were 13.

My bad.

Intimidating?

Not at all. I'm not a very intimidating looking guy, everybody knows that. But like I said before, I've got proof that the shit I say is easily backed up. And not because I win. But because I don't back down from a challenge. Like I said, I either allow you to win, or you're simply better.

And again, in your case, neither are applicable.

I've already explained my stance in shortcoming, which brings up my next point:

You're gonna beat Bourbon in as little as a month and be Uni champ?

Brother, you ain't even gonna walk away from here with a victory.

I'm all about about confidence, but I prefer it to have a little realism behind it.

You're over here daydreaming about impossible victories in the future while I'm here crushing your dream of becoming the Federweight champion.

I dunno man, I feel like you should focus on the present.

It's not like you'll actually have a future after this is over anyways, pumpkin.

I WILL be Universal Champion by the end of February. Whether the champ is Robbie Bourbon (whoever that guy is) or your buddy Jimmy or Phantom Panzer. Whoever the Universal Champ is when I kick open the door is getting laid to rest.

You're all about the confidence. You're all about the optimism. I mean, you have to be with the attitude that losing is being treated similarly to winning. "Well at least I put for the effort." "I was THIS close." "I'll use what I learned this time when I fight next time. Hopefully, I win."

That's what a fucking loser sounds like, Cadryn.

Benny looks up, down, all-around.

Are you a loser?

Now knowing you for a day or two, I have no idea how success found you in the XWF. Hart Titles, TV Titles, a pair of Star of the Month Awards..... Yeah I dunno. Someone had to of been trippin' or something. Have you been reading off of a piece of paper where your jotting down comebacks as I speak?

Uh, oh. Caught you. Put the pen down, or as you'd most-likely prefer, stick it somewhere, and just listen.

We're both here for the same thing, Cadryn. We all know what MY purpose here is, but what's yours? You've been in the XWF for several years now, yet barely left an imprint in the sand. I have been here for several days and have already turned heads, pissed people off, and made someone bleed.

Benny sneaks up behind Cadryn and hits him in the head with a heavy rock. Cadryn falls unconsciously to the ground and, weirdly, ass-up. Benny opened the trunk of his car and pulled out several bedsheets and rope. He rolled Cadryn's body in the bedsheets and tied them with the rope. Benny then lifts Cadryn up and throws him into the trunk of the car.

Benny jumps in the drivers seat and begins to drive.








Several Hours Later......








After several hours it appears that Benny has finally reached some sort of destination. He parks the car along a bank by a river that leads into a large lake. He pulls Cadryn's still unconscious body out of the trunk and dumps it into the river.


And that's that.

Benny then realizes he never pinned the Federweight Champion. He curses to himself and dives into the lake after the body. He pulls it out onto the beach and goes for the pin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cadryn kicks out.

Dude I've already explained how I made an imprint. Not to mention YOU explained it by listing my achievements.

I can't believe you're this dense.

It's actually saddening.

Am I a loser?

Naw.

Which I claim due to the fact that AS I SAID WIN/LOSS HAS NO BEARING ON OVERALL PERFORMANCE AND CREDIBILITY.

Damn man..

You like a Huffy with no brakes.

You just back pedal.

If you're trying to get fucked, you shoulda just asked.

Cause you've got me feeling more like a rapist at this point.

Is that a fact? Well, in that case here's your award, Cadryn.




A Participation Award just for you.

What the hell do you mean wins and losses take no bearing? Again, something a damn loser would say. But seriously, a pat on the back and a good job for winning feels a lot different than a pat on the back and a good job after losing. I don't know what universe you're living in, DUDE, but at least try to get real here. Gay puns and jerking me around like you're one step ahead of me now just looks stupid.

Benny reaches into his pants and Cadryn gets excited for a quick minute!!! Benny pulls out a brown sack, reaches in, and throws sand in Cadryn's face!!! Cadryn is blinded!! Benny then pulls out a bear trap and sets it up a few feet away from a screaming, blind Cadryn.

Benny waits. And waits. And waits some more but eventually Cadryn starts walking away from the bear trap. Frustrated, Benny chases after Cadryn who turns around and knocks Benny back as he gets close!!

Benny stumbles back and almost lands in the bear trap!!! He lets out a sigh of relief and retrieves a large branch. He throws it at the bear trap setting it off!!! Cadryn stops as he here's the sound and stretches his arms out. Benny picks up the bear trap and hits Cadryn over the head with it and knocking him out!!!!!!!!!! Benny pins Cadryn!!!

Cadryn kicks out.

Is it a fact?

Nope. It's an opinion. My opinion that I've made public for months upon months. You continue to harp on arbitrary and mundane points like you're gaining ground. In reality I've been ahead of you every step of the way. Everytime you equip your +5 False Bravado helm, I laugh and equip my +10 Charismatic Cunt chest and busy ya back down.

Oh wait.

It's been equipped all along!

Silly me.

As I've stated to numerous people including yourself, my record means fuck all. But you keep trying to attack it with some sort of unwavering precision.

I'm as real as they come, my brother.

You say you looked into it, you say you're getting to know me.

Then why are you surprised by those jokes and lame puns and shit?!

Sweetheart, what you see is Cadryn. This is as real as I get. I put it out there for you and the world and I don't look back.

But go ahead and keep calling me the stupid one.

I'm not the one trying to use incorrect and arbitrary information to win.

I'm gonna take my leave now.

Better luck next time.

Cadryn grabs his Federweight title and heads in the opposite direction of his challenger.

Bye. Have fun being worthless and insignificant while exploiting your sexuality to everyone you make contact with until the next time you hiccup wrong and decide its best you step away for a bit.

This was not fun.



















Benny smacks Cadryn over the head using his +300 ATK rollpin and activates its special ability to immediately pin the opponent after each blow!!!!!!!!!

Cadryn kicks out.

Dr. Milton Matthews rolls up to the scene munching on a piece of Domino's pizza when he comes upon this verbal battle.

Guess I should get a referee in here. Money! Do your job!


A little monkey in an XWF referee shirt walks onto the scene, he gets down low to the ground and makes the count.

1



2




3!

Winner and NEW FEDERWEIGHT CHAMPION: Benny Vendetti

Nice work fellas. Do it again sometime. Here you go monkey. Have a banana!