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Robert "The Omega" Main · (12-18-2017)

As Robert sat down at the impressive dining-room table he noticed a few things that had surprised him! Years of carelessness abandonment had taken its toll. The table was outstretched and solid wood. It was made of railway lumber from the 1900’s, this very lumber had been stolen in the dead of night, then sanded down to a more alluring finish then was polished. It stood in place like some medieval banqueting table in the middle of the room. The once crisp wallpaper was frayed in places falling from the walls. On the walls were, dusty and the light that shined off them showed years of dirt and food and grime that was never polished away! The floor at first glance appeared to be mud, but it was made of large terracotta tile covered in years of filth. Above Robert hung an old iron candelabra with several black-wicked candles in it burnt to their very stumps

Boy this place has gone downhill! They still have the best breakfast on the earth! Robbie as I sit back and listen to you babble on talking aimlessly about racism, I begin to ponder to myself if you truly know the definition! You’re quick to throw around wild acquisitions with little or no proof at all. You credit yourself as being this sharp-witted man when you’re nothing more than a foolish ignorant unintelligent excuse for a human being! Your trash talk has been flimsy and petty! This is to be expected from a one-dimensional featherbrained lightweight like yourself! Everything you have claimed is half-baked and frivolous! The world has witnessed lifeless promo after tiresome promo where you ramble on and on about the same mundane and uninteresting topic, me being a racist! It boggles one’s mind trying to figure out how the pot can indeed call the kettle black! If you believe that because I made a few off the cuff comments, makes me a racist you might just be the stupidest person alive today. Seeing as how you think, you are the smartest guy in the room, why don’t you answer a few questions for me! How can a man calling people Nazi’s call anyone else anything? Robbie just because you deem something is real certainly don’t make it so! Furthermore, you want to barrage me on this when you run around with two men who make “gay” jokes, breaking into people’s houses and assaulting their families? Look at BWB for example! Every sentence that leaves his loose lips either has something to do with a dick or his dick! He constantly running around lambasting people with “gay” comments! But hey that’s alright though! They are close to the biggest hypocrite on God’s green Earth so that makes is okay! Again pot meet kettle!

Waitress: Welcome! What can I get you do drink?

Robert glances over the menu for a moment before tossing it aside

I’ll have coffee, black, one cream, please!

Waitress: Do you know what you would like to have for breakfast?

Absolutely! I’ll have eggs and a lot of BACON! Nothing better than BACON from a piggy! I know I’ll be having a lot more BACON come War Games!

Waitress: Alright sweetie, I’ll have that right out!

Robert nods shooting the waitress a smile before looking back into the camera across the table where Floyd is filming from

Now then! Had to order some BACON! We are after all in an enterprise that has seen people call each other every name under the sun! There has been transgender jokes, homosexual jokes, black/white jokes, you name it! Hell this company has a certain deer running around being called a pretty racist name Where is your sword and shield for that Robbie? Where’s the protesting and demanding someone step down? Where are all the calls to the NAACP? Where is that champion Robbie Bourbon is known for? Stuck neck deep in a bag of Doritos! Giving two shits less! Look at the pack of sewer creatures you run around with especially BWB! Here is a man guilty of being a Misogynist! BWB believes women are only good for a select few things, cooking for him bearing children and washing dishes or laundry! Here is a man who uses and abuses women! Where is the mighty warrior wearing his pink pussy hat? Where is their vindicator, the same place we always find him, at the local all you can eat rib join with his XXL championship criticizing people for what they are doing! You don’t need a pink pussy hat though Robbie, I know you’re a pussy! You don’t castigate BWB! You don’t condone what he’s doing pointing your finger at him telling him how wrong he is! Where are you when this all hits home, Robbie? We all know you weren’t out telling people you’re a nasty bitch like Madonna! Because you’re too lazy! So where were you? Stuffing your fat fucking ass full of stuffed crust pizza washing it down with a 2 liter of coke! We work for a company that has had wrestlers get their necks cut on live television! Live Television, pretty sure I didn’t see you picketing in front of headquarters! You just cashed the check and went on your way! You are as guilty as they come when it comes to any of these things! Stop pointing fingers! Tell me how continuously telling me I am a racist is going to win you this match? It’s not going to help you once that bell sounds!

The waitress stops with Roberts coffee!

Waitress: Is your friend here going to be eating today?

Oh yeah, sorry Floyd! Tell her what you want man it’s on me!

I’ll have three eggs over easy and two sausage patties, orange juice and toast!

Waitress: Okay, I’ll have that up as soon as I can! If you gentlemen need anything at all don’t be afraid to ask!

Robert and Floyd both nod in agreement!

Floyd you need to be more careful using the word sausage okay? Robbie Bourbon might get offended! He might think you are a homophobe or slandering gay people in some way! I know what you’re about to say here! He’s an idiot, right?

Robert smiles as Floyd looks confused

Floyd I’m kidding man! Over five promos now you have pushed a narrative that no one is listening to snowflake! Each promo becoming more irritating, jading any point you were trying to get across! I bet you presume I am some right winged psychopath ready to push the nuke button, ready to give people dirty air and dirty water! Not the case by any means! You though, I have you pegged, dead ringer! You are a snowflake! A fragile man offended by anything and everything! You are from a generation of weak pussies hesitant to get their hands dirty and exchange blows for what is truly right! You bitch and cry about everything and do nothing at all to help yourself! You want free insurance and other people hard earned money to pay for Robbie’s problems! You need those rooms in collages, when someone’s feeling are hurt they can go to one of these safe rooms and light in scents and pet a puppy! You have diddly to offer the world but your over-sized mouth! But again I can see why you are doing it! You have nothing else to go on when it comes to the Omega! I mean am I wrong here? It isn’t like you can stand in front of any camera and tell people that you have beaten my ass time and time again! You could! It would be a misstatement, but everything that you say is a fable! You cannot say you have ever taken anything away from me because that too would be a lie! That one word lie! That sums Robbie Bourbon up, that one word sums up everything Robbie Bourbon is! It sums up everything Robbie Bourbon has accomplished! You are falsification of what a wrestler should be! You misrepresent what a champion should be! Not to mention over exaggerate everything that you have done! Robbie may be the greatest con artist of this era, but one thing you cannot lie about is beating Robert Main in the center of the ring!

Two times I have dropped you on your head smashed every word you spoke and pinned you in the center of the ring! Two times, I shattered poor Robbie’s hopes and dreams! I know you like to say that past doesn’t seem to matter all that much to you! But if you let it! The past will repeat its self! In this match of good - vs - evil Robbie good will prevail! The past will duplicate its self and we will beat you three! What can you say to prop Robbie Bourbon up? Oh, Robert Main is a racist! Bait and switch? This fake news is the only thing you have to cling to because there is nothing to say negative about me! Here I am again the Hart Champion here I’ve beaten you Robbie twice once for this very title! The second time you were the number one contender! I’ve taken you Hart and now I’ll take your smile! Robbie, I expected more for our Universal Champion the hero! Deep down I should have known better! You’ve become repetitive and wearisome through this onslaught! Do you know there are other people this match besides me? You know my stable mates? You and BWB seem to be just putting me on blast, which is fine! You’ve given me more than enough grenades, to cut a million promos before War Games, but I am a firm believer in quality over quantity! You Robbie and BWB seem to think that carpet bombing us with annoying humdrum promos will get the job done! You can shoot in the dark all you boys like! The fact of the matter is this, when shooting in the dark you rarely find your target! Over here on the APEX side of things, we believe in putting out excellence work showing our superiority and stature! We also do a variety of fun interesting things! We won’t smother our audiences with wearisome characterless promos! No! The good guys will make you laugh not cry like those Mother Fuckers! You won’t find us cutting a promo banging a woman we’ve paid to act! BWB! Bearded WAR Bitch! We all know that if that woman you were giving it too was with the Omega prior! It would be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway! Nice try kid! We all know that shrimp dick of yours wouldn’t tear up anything! It’s okay to play make believe though!

:Waitress It was a happy pig!

Said the waitress pushing a plate of greasy bacon in Robert’s direction! She sneers at her own joke and swivels abruptly to see if Robert approved of her joke! Robert takes a drink of his coffee looking up confused! He wasn’t sure if she wanted applause or a smile as she stared back at him as if he were merely a truculent toddler unaware of his surroundings. All Robert could see was a china dish used one too many times as the fragments of a carcass that once belonged to an animal some say is far more intelligent than a dog. All she could see was food on Robert’s plate, no more contrasting than an apple or a potato. Her assumption is because they are serving organically sourced free-range bacon solves all of Roberts misgivings. Robert cracks a smile smirk so the waitress will leave the table! She smiles walking away as Robert grabs a strip of bacon!

The Mother Fuckers might think they have this stranglehold over us when in reality you haven’t even got your footing! You three have no idea what is in store for you once that steel cage door locks behind you! There will be no more dis-interesting world play, no more stereotyping! Once that door locks behind you three you’re in our hurt locker! The utter misery and anguish will be unlike anything any of you three have ever felt! The sadness and sorrow will follow each of you around for the rest of your careers if you have careers after this match! We are the trials and tribulation that will sink The Mother Fuckers ship to the bottom of the ocean! Now I haven’t had the time to get to you BWB! But seeing how I am enjoying this fine ass bacon, maybe now is the right time! You know I have observed you have had a lot to say about literally nothing at all! You’re quick to jump on the bandwagon and help out your big bigot friend Robbie and jump all over me! Where have you been as of late besides losing The Television Championship? Before that where were you piggy? You disappeared off of the face of the Earth. Maybe that post-traumatic stress disorder got the best of you and you had to bounce! But hen out of the blue you decide to come back and Join up back up with the Mother Fuckers! You dusted those wrestling boots off and came back again! Listening to you guys is like trading paradise for a bed in the cancer ward! Hell, I’d much rather be facing Mr. Tidbits than listen to this shit show! BWB I once thought of you as a man of honor! A man that would protect this country for all! I thought you were a man that would protect our constitution, our freedom of speech! Our rights as Americans!

Now looking at you standing next to Robbie I can see I was wrong! You would sit back and watch as Robbie Bourbon wipes his ass with our flag! I thought you were a man who would stand for old glory! You’re not! Robbie is using our flag as a doormat, you sit there and watch turning a blind eye! You BWB are a coward! Yellow-bellied as they come! I would have thought a man who loves his women and guns and country would have chosen a better partner! Everything looks good now pig! But when Robbie has the chance he will slaughterhouse your ass and not think twice! Before you know it he will be attacking you on your gun rights as a citizen, telling you that we need to get rid of guns because they kill people! Not the crazy sick people carrying them! Are you willing to work with such a man? Because sooner than later he will!

If Robert could have opened his mouth any wider he could have eaten an apple in one single bite. Robert places the bacon in his mouth savoring the salty flavor before he crunched it up with his teeth. The bacon broke over his tongue, perfectly crisp, perfectly salty. The flavor was like a bomb in his mouth, exploding in all the right ways. It was the way Robert always started Monday’s, a sort of edible party to begin the workweek. He opened every time he chewed, treating the camera to a view of the partially masticated meat.

BWB you utter carelessness and disrespect has landed you in a bind! On one hand, you have your leader with his thumb firmly holding you in place! On the other, you have three guys ready to rip you to shreds! You chose the wrong side of the tracks for this one! Your negligence is no one’s fault but your own! You can cut promo after promo after promo it still will not save you from the savage beating that will be handed down to you! Just remember when Robbie starts barking orders you had better listen! He is your mother hen after all! I smell bacon!

Robert looks out the window seeing flakes of snow falling when he smiles holding up a piece of bacon next to the window

Look its Robbie and BWP!

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