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Seth Feder · (08-09-2017)

Seth is sitting in a recliner in front of a 50" Samsung 4K Television watching some show. He hits the mute button and begins to speak.

"Aw, look -- the 'Panz' dispenser can talk. Yo homey dawg g-funk bruh. Does this bitch have his own language like from Lord of the Rings? I'm not even sure it's slang. I listened to your what-you-had-to-say bullshit for about fifteen seconds before I started laughing. I couldn't watch it again -- it was that bad. So I did what any guy in my position with some capital would do -- I paid someone to listen for me and write down some notes so I could at least translate it to non-clown-pretend-to-be-a-thug language. And even in the translation, you still sound like a bitch.

I swear between you and the Artist formally known as Trax -- Trax, you love bringing up the past and my brother. Hell, why stop at Sid? Let's bring up the whole fuckin' past. I'm not talking about Eli James and the Congregation, or Shane

's Black Circle. Nah, let's go back further -- I'm talking 1776! Hell yeah! Nah, that's too close to the present. Let's get to some ancient time when Egypt was the top beast in this world. Then, I can talk about slavery because it was the norm and it was just a part of living. A time when bitches with bright paint on their face didn't exist, and if they did, they didn't for a very long time.

And now that we're back in time and living in the past, I can relate that somehow to Panzy and Trax. You guys wanted to go back in time, then let's go back in time. Two

fucked. One was a ancestor of Panzy, and the other of Trax. They were both slaves. One got his face painted by the other. Fast forward, the

legacy continues between the two that originally started back in the 1100s B.C. They continued their heritage by being a cocksucker. One even went to the extreme and continued to get his face painted. That right there, Panzy, is dedication to your family roots.

The only difference from the

face-paint receiver from the past and you is your language is a bit different; but it's also similar. While the dialect may be different, the fact that nobody can understand a fucking word you say is the same. Well, except other cock suckers like the man I paid to watch it for me. Hell, I don't even know if he got everything you said with all them balloons shoved down your throat.

I bet that no matter what world you create or dimension you travel, you're still a

with face paint and balloons all up 'in your grill.' And seeing as how I just turned a few thousand into half a million, the betting odds for me is pretty damn good.

Now, since this ass clown wants to bring up history lessons like his lover boy Trax, I guess I should continue on in the educational system and bring them into science. In other words, let's dissect his rambling if we can."

Seth puts on some reading glasses, and opens up a notepad with Panzer's promo notes written down by the man Seth had paid to listen.

He clears his throat and begins reading it like a poetry teacher.

"...'Can I call you Bitch Baby? Doesn't fucking matter if I can or not. I'm going to refer to you as Bitch Baby from now on..... you were given things you didn't earn. You were given opportunities that should've kept you in the record books.'"

He drops the notepad into his lap and covers his face with the palm of his hand.

"Okay okay, I have to stop. I don't know if I can get through this whole thing without some liquor.

You want to call me a baby? And yet, you're the one acting like one?

WAH! You were given things you didn't earn! WAH! You were given opportunities! WAH! Why not me?! What about Panzer? WAH!

I get why the word baby is on your mind since you obviously like to act like one. But is that really all you have? You're damn right I was given opportunities that I didn't earn. And you're damn right I am taking advantage of those opportunities. A baby wouldn't, which is why you're acting like one. It makes sense.

I swear Vinnie owes me a lot more for dealing with this clown. "

His fingers follow several sentences on the paper as he briefly utters a few words here and there like he's skim reading a lot of it.

"I don't even --- of for fuck sake.

'I DON'T SHOW SHIT, UNLESS IT'S FUCKIN' REAL!' -- really? We all know you're a

already but come on man. Kids are listening to this.

Okay, you breathe -- that's good. I mean, you kind of have to to be on this Earth. Two hearts.. three lungs... two dicks.. and seven balls. So one dick has three balls and the other four? They must be damn small since you're in a regular human body and you look 'normal'. That is, unless one of those dicks on your head on top of your shoulders and your two eyes are two balls. You didn't mention a head so maybe that is right. We are talking about science anyway, so I figured why the fuck not mention this weird shit.

Okay, time-out. You said, 'The reason why I don't do these things in the ring, as I've stated before in some other promo somewhere, I don't fucking know.' Wait. You want to bring up my brother's name who hasn't been around in a fucking year -- that you can remember but you can't remember your own words? You may have two lungs and thirteen hearts and six legs and three toes on each foot, but you certainly like a fucking brain. You should have asked your maker or use your 'powers' to create you a brain. Hell, I'm sure we can find the Wizard of Oz around here to help you with that. Though you're more like the flying monkey than the Scarecrow in that story, so maybe a brain won't help that much.

You should use your powers to give you a memory. So that when I kick your ass, you'll remember that and learn from your mistakes."

Seth realizes he's not even half way through Panzer's promo on him. He tosses the notebook in the floor, grabs his empty glass with a little bit of beer left in it, and leaves.

A few hours pass, and Seth comes out stumbling while holding a glass full of some alcoholic liquid; he's spilling it everywhere. He falls back into the recliner,
reaches back for the notebook and puts it on his lap. Before opening it again,
he lights a fresh cigarette and inhales once.

"I had to get some alcohol in me to finish this shit. "

To make it through the promo quicker, Seth simply states words and phrases while reading the words in between under his breath.

"'I can reshape your entire existence'....

'Enjoys watching humans attempt at winning'...

Again with the Sid and Pops talk....

'I will say "Yeah, but I still won a belt, though, didn't I?" And you'll cry like the BABY BITCH you are. ' --- haven't you already cried about the opportunity I'm receiving? Oh yeah. Already dealt with that.

Again with Sid...

Trax sucking his dick...

I'm a nobody...

Got it."

Seth throws the notebook into the floor and finishes off the rest of his alcoholic beverage.

"I think I got it. You're some god who loves clowns or is a clown, you like to watch humans go after metals that you also are attempting to win, and though you have powers to destroy or kill us or whatever the words you used, you decide to fight and get your ass kicked instead?

Is this ECW on SyFy again? Are you the step child of Supernova or Satellite?

I hear you talk about this power, but all I hear is a bitch who can't back up his claims to be some great god. Maybe you saw Thor too many times; and read IT over and over again that you ended up wanting so bad to be the mix between the two. Maybe you're so lonely that you had to create this new you so people may take you -- as a threat? I'm not a doctor, and I really don't give a fuck about you or your powers or where you came from or how many body parts you have. To even tell me how many dicks you have seems to indicate to me you want me -- and everyone else -- to know this feature about you. You don't see me go around telling people about my dick. Mostly because I don't want a

, like yourself, trying to grab on it and sneak a peak.

The people that talk about their dicks so much to the point of sharing that kind of information is either jealous of something he saw or is trying to impress a certain someone -- Trax.

And you actually think what you told Trax was trash talk? I'm pretty sure between the two of us, you're the one who doesn't understand trash talk.

Let's give an example. I'm gonna help you out.

'I'm gonna put my dick so far down your throat you won't be able to breathe' is not trash talk. It's trying to trash talk. It may be said like a trash talker, but if you listen to the intention, this person wants the other to simply suck his dick. Hell, watch a porn and you'll hear some shit like that.

'I'm gonna take out my dick and slap you across the face, and knock you out!' is also not trash talk. Again, it may appear to sound like it is but it's not.

'I'm gonna take my first and punch you so hard that it's going to remove all your teeth, and expand your throat so you'll be able to take as many cocks as you fucking like

' is trash talk. The person is telling the other he's going to do a violent act towards him, and after the act is done, the one getting punched can continue to be a

.

Again, you need to use your powers for that brain."

Seth starts to dose off a little bit while singing.

"With the thoughts I'd be thinkin'
I could be another Lincoln
If I only had a brain.
Oh, I could tell you why The ocean's near the shore.
I could think of things I never thunk before.
And then I'd sit, and think some more.
I would not be just a nuffin' my head all full of stuffin'
My heart all full of pain.
I would dance and be merry, life would be a ding-a-derry,
If I only had a brain.

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