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The Bratva have been paid off courtesy of Theo Pryce and his deep pockets. As a result John Madison and his dick are safe for at least one more day.
John Samuels agreed to leave the peace and quiet of a Malaysian Monastery to help his friend with an important task. Meanwhile Doctor D'Ville is growing ever more impatient with Theo and his "plans."
Will this tension be squashed in time for their upcoming match or are The Kings™ headed towards a split?
Before any of that though The Kings undertake a mission of grave importance. Sorta |
in
EPISODE III - Need For Speed: The Fast Five
"This isn't exactly what I had in mind Theo." D'Ville says as he looks over at Theo who is currently seated next to him.
As the scene fades in we see a black Cadillac Escalade roaring down what appears to be U.S Route 95 based on the signs sporadically placed on the side of the road. Following the Escalade are two more vehicles, both black, both approaching speeds well in excess of what the law for that road currently allows for.
The scene shifts ito an interior view of the lead car and we see Cadryn Tiberius, Jester™ to The Kings™ behind the wheel. Seated next to him is John Samuels. Seated behind them in the middle row is Theo Pryce and Doctor D'Ville and behind them laying across the back row with blood spilling out of his arm at a dangerous rate is John Madison.
"Mother Fuck this hurts! Do something Doc, you're a fucking Doctor after all." Madison screams while also grabbing at his arm in obvious pain.
"Not that kinda Doctor John."
"Well what fucking good are you then? Fuck!!"
"Just shut up John. We'll handle this." Theo yells.
Instead of responding Madison just moans.
"That's a lot of blood he's lost. I'm not sure how much longer he has before he goes into shock." D'Ville remarks as he exchanges looks between Theo and Madison.
"Yeah that is my concern as well."
"We should get him to a hospital." The Jester™ remarks as his eyes momentarily leave the road and instead focus on his rear view mirror.
"Can't. Hospitals report gun shots." Samuels chimes in while checking out the side mirror to see how close the vehicles behind them are.
"If you can drive a little faster Cad I'd suggest you do so."
"I'm already going 110."
"Peddle to the metal you dancing dickhead. I'm dying back here."
BLACKJACK!!!
A crowd of rando's yell as the scene transitions from solid black to an aerial view of a blackjack table. Seated at the table is John Samuels, standing behind him is Theo Pryce and Doctor D'Ville. Also seated at the table are a few other patrons of the establishment which based on the gaudy sign hanging from the ceiling it appears our heroes are currently at the Golden Nugget casino in Las Vegas.
In front of John Samuels are three playing cards. A King of Diamonds, a 5 of clubs and a 6 of hearts. More importantly than that however is the massive stack of chips that John Samuels has laid claim to. Much to the dismay of the others at the table and to a degree the dealer who once again after losing another hand is forced to relinquish another sizable chunk of chips to John Samuels. Which he does by pushing the small stack towards John's already massive stack.
"Ten hands in a row John. Ever heard of quitting while you're ahead?"
"Ever heard of shutting the fuck up?"
"He has a point John. Get while the gettin's good my friend."
"Is that all you two are going to do? Try and rob me of my fun? Why can't you two go and make like Madison and disafuckingppear?"
"Are you in this hand Mr. Samuels?" asks the dealer who seems to quickly be losing his patience.
"He's not." Theo responds while grabbing two chips off the top of Samuel's stack and tossing them towards the dealer.
"Seriously. You guys are about as much fun as getting a handy from someone wearing a sandpaper glove."
"I'll take your word for it. Go cash in your chips and lets get out of here. The jet is waiting to take us to San Diego."
"You know Theo for someone who claims to be super smart I still don't know why you didn't just set up a meeting place for us right here in Vegas." Samuels remarks as he not so quickly starts placing his chips into a tray with 4 identical rows in it.
"Because there are too many distractions here in Vegas. I'm all for fun but right now we have some work that needs to be done. Once that's complete we'll fly back here and you can gamble until you turn white again."
"Racist."
Samuels picks up his tray of chips and with Theo and Doc in tow he walks over to the cashiers cages and places the tray down in front of the cashier. The cashier, a young blonde woman in her mid 20's smiles at John while she reaches forward, grabs the tray and pulls it towards her.
It takes the cashier only a few moments to convert the chips into a sizable stack of cash, which in this instance turns out to be slightly more than $100,000 based on all of the brown cash bands wrapped around the money that indicates each stack is exactly $5,000 in value.
"Would you like a bag for that sir?" The cashier asks with a smile.
"Absolutely. And if by chance your number happened to find it's way into the bag that wouldn't be a bad thing either." Samuels replies with a smile of his own.
"Smooth."
"Just because you went and did some dumb shit like get married doesn't mean the rest of us have to turn ourselves into Greyworm."
"Greyworm?"
"Game of Thrones Theo. Only the greatest show on television."
"Yeah I keep hearing that."
"As much as I hate to break up this strange profession of your friendship, have either of you two seen Madison lately?" D'Ville asks as he looks around the floor of the casino trying to essentially find a needle in a haystack.
"Uhhh no Doc I haven't. I was too busy winning money until you two stopped me. Besides I thought we brought that dancing idiot with us so he could babysit Madison?"
"We did." Theo responds while he too starts looking for the aforementioned John Madison.
"Well there's Cadryn over there at the buffet going to down on Alaskan King Crab Legs like they were foot long cocks so Madison is probably with him." Samuels says as he grabs the bag of money from the cashier.
All three men start walking towards Cadryn who upon seeing the men coming his way starts waving his hand like some kind of
with half eaten crab meat hanging out of the corner of his mouth.
Allahu Akbar!!!
"Was that just...?" Doctor Louis D'Ville asks.
"It sure was." John Samuels responds.
"Fuck!" Theo Pryce shouts.
You can imagine what comes next right?
Screaming.
Panic.
Mass exodus.
And gunshots.
Lots and lots of gunshots.
The Kings™ each get down low as they continue towards where Cadryn is.
"Cadryn I need you to do your poofing thing. Go and get the car and get it out front asap. We need to get the fuck out of here and fast."
"What about Madison?" Samuels asks as he keeps looking around trying to find the crazy fuck who started the mass hysteria.
"Follow the gunshots."
"Exactly. Now go Cadryn. Meet us out front." Theo orders.
"You got it bff." And just like that Cadryn was gone.
"What do we do?" Samuels asks as all three men crouch down trying to avoid any bullets that might be accidentally heading their way.
"Hope that Madison hasn't gotten his head blown off, try and find him and get the fuck out of here before one of us gets taken out by mistake."
"Look Theo, I don't know how to tell you this but men of color such as myself, we usually run away from bullets as an instinct. Especially when they are being fired by people with badges. I know i'm white on the inside but they can't see that. All they see is a man of color with a bag of money and suddenly I have a bullseye on my forehead."
"Fair point. You have any suggestions then?"
"Not really."
"Doc?"
"There!" D'Ville shouts while also pointing to a figure booking it across the casino floor while holding up a buffet tray as some kind of shield.
"Alright, let's get him and get out of here."
The three men all make a beeline for Madison who is weaving his way in and out of various gambling tables and machines, using them all as various forms of cover from the halestorm of bullets.
As the men inch closer they yell out for him but none of them are heard. It isn't until Theo grabs Madison by the collar and continues running towards the exit that Madison even realizes what's going on.
The four men are about 10 feet from the exit when they hear the sound of screeching tires coming to an abrupt halt on the pavement out front. The group makes their way through the glass doors as both the passenger and read passenger doors swing open thanks to the vehicle's driver, a one, Cadryn Tiberius.
Samuels climbs into the front passenger seat while Theo tosses Madison into the backseat and then climbs into the vehicle himself with Doc right behind him. Cadryn slams his foot on the gas pedal and after a quick spinning of the tires accompanied by a loud screech the vehicle lunges forward at an accelerated rate.
"Where we going?"
"Get to the highway."
"Thanks for the save fellas. I thought I was a goner back there." Madison says as he crawls through the space between the two middle seats and lays down across the back row of seats.
"John what the fuck were you thinking yelling Allahu Akbar in the middle of a casino?"
"It was a social experiment. I wanted to see how people reacted."
"You are insane do you realize that?" Theo yells back at Madison.
"My mother didn't love me enough as a child."
"I think we have a problem." D'Ville says as he points to a stream of deep red crimson coming out of John's arm.
"Oh shit. That ain't good." Samuels says as he glances back at Madison.
"No it's not. Cadryn what the fuck happened? You were supposed to be watching him. That's the whole reason we brought you."
"I was watching him but then he said he had to go to the bathroom and I asked if he wanted me to come with and he said only if I wanted to hold his dick. So I figured that meant no."
"Next time if John has to go to the bathroom you will go with him and you will hold his dick, with both hands because his dick is enormous. Understood?"
"And make sure your hands aren't cold either. I don't want some cold hands on my meat missile while I'm trying to piss."
"Try to conserve your energy my friend."
"What a thing to say, why would I need to..." Madison pauses for a second and then looks down at his arm and sees what all the fuss is about.
"When did that happen?" Madison asks, referring to the hole in his arm and the blood leaking out of it.
"What's the plan here?"
"I'm thinking."
"Think faster asshole." Madison shouts.
"Alright I got an idea. I know a guy. He happens to be in town." Theo says calmly as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone.
He presses a few buttons and then places the phone to his ear. It rings a few times and then the person on the other end picks up.
"Hey it's me. We have a bit of a problem...John was shot...No the white one...no the white on the outside one...right....yeah...are you at the place...ok...we'll be right there, just gotta lose a tail first." Theo hangs up the phone and places it back into his pocket.
"Mother Fuck this hurts! Do something Doc, you're a fucking Doctor after all." Madison screams while also grabbing at his arm in obvious pain.
"Not that kinda Doctor John."
"Well what fucking good are you then? Fuck!!"
"Just shut up John. We'll handle this." Theo yells.
Instead of responding Madison just moans.
"That's a lot of blood he's lost. I'm not sure how much longer he has before he goes into shock." D'Ville remarks as he exchanges looks between Theo and Madison.
"Yeah that is my concern as well."
"We should get him to a hospital." The Jester™ remarks as his eyes momentarily leave the road and instead focus on his rear view mirror.
"Can't. Hospitals report gun shots." Samuels chimes in while checking out the side mirror to see how close the vehicles behind them are.
"If you can drive a little faster Cad I'd suggest you do so."
"I'm already going 110."
"Peddle to the metal you dancing dickhead. I'm dying back here."
"Alright Cad I have an idea but it's going to require some precise timing on your part. You up for it?"
"Anything for you bestie."
"Bestie?" Samuels asks with a look of confusion on his face.
"Later. Ok first things first you need to put the car into cruise control."
Cadryn taps a few buttons on the steering wheel and a symbol shows up on the dash indicating that the car is now in cruise control.
"Done."
"Ok now you see how up ahead there is the exit with those water canisters in between the highway and the exit for any runaway cars?'
"Yep."
"Good. When I say Go I need you to poof into the lead vehicle, right in between the driver and the passenger. As soon as you get into the vehicle I want you to grab the steering wheel and turn it so that the vehicle heads directly for those canisters and then you poof the fuck out of there. But not too early so that they can course correct. Know what I mean?"
"I sure do. Want me to do the same thing to the second vehicle?"
"No. This isn't some shitty Fast and Furious movie where the one car crashes and the other keeps chasing after their target. I'm banking on the second vehicle stopping to check on the people in the first car."
"And if not?"
"Then we adjust. Either way after you take out the first car poof right back here. Samuels will take control of the wheel for you so that we don't crash and the cruise control will keep us going. Alright you ready?"
"I'm ready."
"Ok John grab the wheel."
Samuels does as he's asked and grabs the wheel with both hands as Cadryn slowly removes his. Theo looks out of the front of the vehicle and then out the back window at the lead car and then back out the front of the vehicle again one more time.
"Ok Cad go."
Poof.
As Cadryn disappears both Theo and Doc turn their attention to the vehicle behind them which suddenly jerks to the left and then swerves to the right heading directly into the path of the water canisters that The Kings™ vehicle just passed. A few seconds later and the vehicle violently crashes into the water canisters which then explode sending water upwards of 100 feet as well as some onto the highway.
Poof.
Cadryn reappears in the drivers seat and takes back control of the vehicle from Samuels.
"Nice work." Samuels says as he pats Cadryn on the back.
"Best day ever."
As Theo predicted the second vehicle comes to a screeching stop behind the now crashed lead car.
"Perfect. Alright Cad you're going to take the second exit up here, once you get to the end of it, make your first right, then your first left and there will be what looks like an abandoned warehouse but it's not. It's owned by Theo Pryce Inc."
"Got it. Second exit. Right then left."
"How's he doing back there?" Samuels asks, reminding everyone else that they did have a gun shot victim in the back of the vehicle.
Theo and Doc both look back at Madison who is still awake, still losing blood and still miserable.
"You're gonna be alright John. I got a guy whose taken care of things like this before. You'll be back to making fun of Peter Gilmour in no time."
"I have to be honest with you Theo, I had no idea this is what I was signing up for when we agreed to join forces."
"You having regrets now Doc?"
Doctor D'Ville doesn't answer instead he just looks back at Madison who is continuing to bleed out of a dime sized hole in his arm as the color starts to very slowly drain from his face.
"We're here." Cadryn says as he pulls into the pulls into an opened bay door in the front of the warehouse. He drives about 10 more feet into the structure before coming to a stop.
"Perfect."
Theo, Samuels, D'Ville and Cadryn all exit the vehicle simultaneously. Theo points towards the bay door and Cadryn quickly shuffles over to it and taps a small button on the wall which results in the door slowly descending down from the ceiling until the once sizable opening is now gone, replacing with a metal door.
"Doc can you help me get John out of the vehicle?"
"Absolutely. When this is over I'd appreciate a couple minutes of your time."
"You got it."
Theo and Doc walk over to the passenger side of the vehicle and cautiously remove a barely conscious John Madison from the vehicle. They carry him over to a metal table that is conveniently placed in the center of the room. At the head of the table is a bottle of Hydrogen Peroxide, a few tweezers, stitching and cloth bandages, all packed neatly together.
As Samuels, Theo, Doc, and Cadryn all stand around John a figure emerges from the shadows wearing only plastic gloves and a surgical gown. And literally nothing else.
"Shall we begin?" the unmistakable voice of Luca Arzegotti says as he approaches the table.
TBC.
You know, I feel like I owe everyone an apology. I was really excited when I found out that Doc and I's opponents took some time out of their extremely busy schedules to discuss the reason we are all here. The XWF. So you can imagine that it came as a great shock to me when I sat down on my couch with my whisky to watch their work only to see that they didn't discuss us, not really anyway. Guppy straight up blew us off like a high school prom date and Scully...where to even begin with that mangled mess.
If I wanted a history lesson I'd audit one at the local college but I didn't come here for a history lesson. I came here to help Doctor D'Ville defend his tag team titles. Which involves us having wrestling matches every so often and as part of that they like for us to talk about our opponents leading up to the match. They like the build up, they like the insults and the heat. They don't just like it, they love it.
You know what they don't love? Going back to school. And that's exactly what happened when Scully felt that now was a good time to give us all an unneeded history lesson. Does anyone honestly care about what Scully did prior to his match this week? I don't. I know Doc doesn't. And I'm fairly certain the fan's don't. Because anyone who has a pulse on what fans want, they know that fans are all about the phrase "what have you done for me lately."
Sure Scully, by all means talk to us about how Guppy carried you through the entire tag team tournament as if the rest of us didn't see it with our own eyes the last few weeks as it played out. And by all means talk to us about your previous partners from yesteryear as if none of us have ever heard of Google. But please don't act surprised when someone such as myself takes a nice brand new never before used Louisville slugger and smacks that shit out of the ballpark like I were Barry Bonds just after taking a whole handful of roid needles to the ass.
Because that is exactly what is about to happen so perk your ears up my mentally deficient friend because I only want to say this to you once and then never again.
No one. And I mean absolutely no one. Not me, not Doc, not your partner, not the little old lady down the street with her motorized cart, no one, cares about what you did in the XWF prior to this week's match. I've already acknowledged that you are a halfway decent wrestler and honestly after that display of verbal diarrhea I am starting to question if I gave you too much credit. I mean after your history lesson which dragged on for far too long, when you finally decided to talk about your opponents directly the first thing you did was call us "Queens."
Congratulations Scully, you just levied the most basic of insults at us, so basic in fact that after this match is over I think you should challenge that Josh Reno guy for the rights to be called "Basic Bitch." Seriously Scully is that truly and honestly the best you can do? Don't hold back. Please. I want you to bring your A game. I'm sure that in that spongy gray mess that you try and pass off for a brain that was probably the greatest insult in the history of insults but, and I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, it wasn't. It was awful. So awful in fact that I had to pound two five hour energy drinks just to make sure I wasn't half asleep and accidently watching a Peter Gilmour promo. Oh wait, I shouldn't say that. That would imply that Peter Gilmour is worse than you and we both know that isn't true is it?
Is it?
No, it isn't. See Scully, I already did my research and as such I already knew all of your history and that's how I know that despite whatever accomplishments you may have and or add to before you finally hang up your boots for the last time, you will always be known as the guy who lost the Universal Title to Peter Gilmour. The guy that was given title shots just so the champion could have a "week off" managed to take your title from you. Peter Gilmour did the unthinkable because of you. But enough about that. It's pretty inconsequential to this weeks match, I just wanted to let you know, that I know all about your history so you need not bore any of us with a history lesson ever again.
Ok?
Please?
-End Credits-
Cadryn Tiberius
John Madison
John Samuels
Doctor Louis D'Ville
Special Appearances by:
Chris Pratt as The Golden Nugget Dealer
Alexa Bliss as The Golden Nugget Cashier
Luca Arzegotti as Himself
And
Theo Pryce
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