We return to Engy and Pinkie Pie as they continue to plumb the lands of the post-apocalyptic Earth, ravaged by the coming of the elder dark God Aiwass. The dusty streets kick up mini-sandstorms in their wake, as the bent limbed mutant humans flit in between the wreckage of dessicated automobiles and broken bus shelters. In all, the world is a lifeless and barren living nightmare, wrenched from the depths of your deepest subconscious and made mind shatteringly real.

Naturally, Engy thinks its peachy keen.

Ya know, I never realized it till now, but man is the world so much better without people. No more dissaproving stares from mothers as I look up porno at the library. No more shrieking waitresses after they find me whacking off in the hallway next to the kitchen at Applebees. This is GREAT!

Oh, there are people left, they're just being horrifically tortured.

As if my boner couldn't get any bigger.

Pinkie Pie gestures for Engy to stop. He looks up at an edifice of warped monstrosity. It looks like it may have once been a grand church, but it is now coated in scabrous strands of fleshy meat. From inside a profuse wailing can be heard, along with the hundreds of voices chattering in unison.





I promised you you'd find out what happened to your enemies, and here we are! Come on!

A massive set of double doors rise above them, seemingly made from the stitched together flesh of hundreds of people. The doors yawn open and they step inside. The interior is dark and cavernous, but bears a passing resemblance to a church except everything is covered in the same scabrous strands as the exterior of the building. Seated in the pews are some of the top names in XWF. But their bodies look saggy and decayed, like rotten fruit left to spoil in a fridge that had it's power cut. Nonetheless they are very much alive, as you can tell by their wailing.

Embedded in the walls are puckered orifices and each one seems to be speaking in unison, but all saying different things. Listening carefully, you can determine that they are reciting promos cut by the people sitting in the pews.

Aiwass likes to call this his Aria of Awfulness. It's where all the most long winded people in XWF are forced to listen to their own and each other's godawful promo's for an eternity. Their bodies have long since died, but their vital organs are kept pumping by dark magic. They are in constant pain, and have been driven mad by the sounds of their own long and drawn out promo's where they talk for hours and prattle on incessantly about their stupid personal lives that have no bearing on their matches.

HEY! There's that little turd-fuck Duke kid! He tried to shoot me!

Yes, his armies put up one hell of a fight against the forces of Aiwass.

They did?

Hahahahaha, no! They were slaughtered in minutes. Come on Engy, the scrubs your looking for are in the basement.

Pinkie Pie leads the way again, down a flight of curving stairs behind the unholy altar. They arrive in a fetid dungeon, the floors sticky with blood. More agonized wails can be heard from behind unforgiving steel doors. They proceed down the hall. Desperate fingers try to reach out from under one of the doors, and Engy doesn't hesitate to stomp on them.

And here are the scrubs. The people who persistently wasted everyone's time by, well, just being THERE. They didn't even have the heart to cut the long winded promo's of the people upstairs, mostly they just half assed everything and squandered all the opportunities that came their way. Incidentally, this is also known as the BX3 room. By the way, those were John Blaq's fingers you just mangled.

John Blaq puts his face up to the small barred window at his door. Through a toothless pus filled mouth he utters this profundity...

John Blaq: F-f-....

Dying as he lived. Pathetic really. Anyway, here's your boys.

One of the doors opens and inside is quite possibly one of the most grotesque things you've ever seen. Chasm and RL Edgar's are both naked down in the muck on all fours, but their bodies have been bent and twisted at an unnatural angle, so that they form a human circle, with each other's mouths sutured to the other's asshole.

Ooooooohhhh, just like that one movie!

Which one?

Philadelphia, I think.

A thunderous fart echoes from Chasm's ass, Edgar lets out a choked sob as Chasm's shit slides into his mouth. Engy dances around them, mocking them and kicking them.

That's right! SUCK each other's shit! SUCK IT DOWN! My whole fuckin' life everybody's told me I'm nothin' but shit and won't accomplish shit! And then, when I get the chance to maybe compete for somethin' that matters you two chucklefucks tried to get in my way!

And you!

He points at Chasm.

It pisses me off how much you look like that guy from Smashing Pumpkins!

Engy slaps the back of Chasm's head, drawing a meek whimper from him.

I've been pissed on in alley ways, made fun of, had garbage thrown at me...but not no more! Not here in XWF! I matter, godamnit! You think you're gonna take that matterin' away from me? HUH?!

He starts screaming in their faces, his voice quivering with insane rage.

I'll fuckin' kill ya! I'll fuckin' kill all the people who love ya, and I'll do it just 'cause nobody loves me!

He starts kicking them more savagely now, drawing full fledged cries of pain.

EVERY FUCKIN' TIME....EVERY FUCKIN' TIME....EVERY FUCKIN' TIME!

He's not even making sense anymore, just frothing with blind rage. Before long, both of them are nothing but a broken puddle of goo and turds on the rancid floor. Engy breathes heavy from exertion and Pinkie Pie approaches him tentatively.

Boy that sure seemed cathartic.

I don't know what that means but sure.

He takes in another few deep breaths before quirking an eyebrow.

Hey what about Charon?

Oh! He has his own Hell Church in what used to be the Caymans. He's an Un-Priest of Aiwass, doing real well for himself.

Engy brightens.

Oh good, good! He seems like good people. Always thought we should hang out sometime.

I got one last thing to show you, and I really think you're gonna like it! Close your eyes for me and when you open them, all your dreams will be fulfilled.

Engy excitedly puts his hands over his eyes, and when he pulls down his hands, he marvels at what he sees.

He's in a throne room, a room full of menacing looking red and black banners. Brutal instruments of war hang from the wall, alongside the mounted heads of humans. A red carpet leads up to a massive jewel encrusted iron throne. And along the carpet, a line of beautiful naked women.

Seated upon the throne is Engy himself. Wearing majestic white armor and a brilliant glistening crown, he sits with his pants around his ankles as the women step up to his dias one by one to suck him off with enthusiasm.

Aiwass rewards his loyalists well, Engy.

Engy steps forward, looking so enrapt he may be cry. He points at himself, this regal, powerful version of himself, with one quivering finger. He bites down on his lip, and with a shuddering breath....

.....I matter.

We see now that Jenny Myst is on her hands and knees, blowing Engy like her life depends on it. Well, probably because it does. Amidst the slobbering sounds Engy sits back, points his nose in the air air and issues a decree.

Emperor Engy: Thou shalt use they tongue whore!

Jenny looks up at him submissively, the mascara running out of her doe like eyes.

Jenny Myst: Like this m'lord?

Emperor Engy: Hmmmm, yes that is serviceable. You shall be able to sup of my table scraps this night.

Jenny proceeds sucking with renewed vigor. In fact, the slobbering sounds serve as a backdrop to the rest of the conversation.

Pinkie Pie comes up behind Engy and gives him a hug about his waist.

Do you see now buddy? Do you see now why America First matters? It's your ticket to all of this.

Engy has a far away look in his eyes, but it seems wistful rather than unhappy.

It's my ticket to happiness Pinkie Pie. It's my ticket to respect, and love, and happiness forever and ever.

Exactly! But, we're getting close to the time that we have to leave.

No! I wanna stay!

Remember friendo, this is a vision of the future. This will be real in time if you keep doing what Madison and I say.

Oh, I will! I swear I will!

Okay, good to hear! Now hold on tight, it's back to reality.....

The entire screen fades to black for a few moments. When we return, we see a door, which promptly has some one knocking at it. Madison Dyson opens the door, and comes face to face with a sheriff. Behind him is Engy, looking bedraggled but ecstatic.

Madison! I MATTER!

Oh Jesus, what now....?

Sheriff: We found him wandering in the middle of the interstate, saying something about Pinkie Pie and getting a rimjob from Jenny Myst. He says he knows you...?

Unfortunately. Thank you officer.

The sheriff tips his hat at Madison. Engy shuffles in and she closes the door behind him.

I know, I know, go to your room.

Madison just points up the staircase inside her mansion. Engy heads upstairs, but skips as he does so. Madison watches him go and then looks around the foyer. She beckons someone out once she's sure their in the clear.

Out steps a man in a Pinkie Pie suit. His hair is a greasy mop and he has a huge overbite. The Pinkie Pie suit is covered in mysterious stains that cause the fur to clump and stand on end.

Furry: Is he gone...?

Yes, he's probably whacking off to whatever vision he had. It seems like it went well?

Furry: To be honest, I was pretty creeped out. I mean, I came up to him and mentioned Aiwass like you told me to and he just ran with it, talking about a dead earth, and torture dungeons and two guys sucking shit from each other's assholes. It was pretty awful.

Madison pulls out her purse, puts a ad of cash on the floor and slides it over to him.

Furry: Why did you do that?

Because I'm not getting anywhere near that disgusting jizz stained suit. You better not bitch out on America now.

Furry: I won't...I guess...

Good, now get the fuck outta my house.

He starts heading towards the front door.

The BACK DOOR! Jesus...

The furry sheepishly turns around and starts heading out the back. Madison shakes her head.

The things I do for this country....

END!