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JackCain · (05-02-2017)

**Jack Cain sits on the edge of an apartment block in downtown Philadelphia, watching Thomas Nixon as he makes his way to city hall. The same wind that blows through Nixon's hair buffets Cain's black trenchcoat, beating behind him like a bat's wings. Cain stares down at Nixon walking beneath him, taking notice of the burn on his face. He stands up, walks across the rooftop, and slumps down against an air intake. He thinks back to the letter he knows by heart, and still resides in his inside pocket. He removes it again, placing it down in front of him. He then empties his pockets and puts the contents on the floor. There's the ace card from his threat to The Kings - kept there as a reminder he won't be intimidated. His wallet, a scratched, worn, leather binder that contains a couple of tattered dollar bills and a picture of a woman with the face scratched away. Then a knuckleduster, stained with blood and scratched at the points of impact. He regards it for a second, his face a twisted grin, before setting it down with the other items. Then follows a pocket knife, a battered, old fashioned cell phone, and finally and assortment of coins, shell casings and a photo of him and other soldiers in front of a Humvee. He stares at them all before beginning to speak**

Empty. That's a pretty good word Thomas. Very appropriate - and closer to the truth than you could ever know. There's lots you don't know about me, but I'm not here to preach, and I ain't gonna sing you some song about how all this is for the greater good.

This ain't even about me justifyin' what I do to you. What this is about is pain - and I know you know all about that.

What I will do is tell you a story.

'Bout 20 years ago - I was just 19. Tirana in Albania. Operation Silver Wake. I'm in a team got to evacuate US nationals out of there before it all goes to shit. So we turn up at this office building, and there are protesters outside. And they're throwin' shit at the windows and the doors. To begin with, it's just fruit and shit' y'know? Then some girl thinks it's a good idea to put a rock through the first floor window. And inside I can see these men and women screamin' and shit, and they think they're all gonna get killed.

So we move down the street, and we duck into an alleyway, and get behind this building. Brandon, who's the youngest guy there after me by about three weeks, looks like a ghost - he's white as a fuckin' sheet and he's holdin' that M4 so tight I thought he was gonna warp the barrel. He looks at me and smiles, and for a second I think that's he's just pullin' everyone's chain, and that he's actually the coolest motherfucker in the troop. But when you see his eyes, you can see he's absolutely fuckin' terrified.

We get a safe breach into the back stairs and we go up to get these people out. Course by this time, the locals have bust into the place and they're goin' up the front steps.

We get into the office and there's this guy in a shirt and tie, 50's bawlin' and cryin' about his wife and his kids. Thanks God we're there, and that the two girls with him are just interns and he told them to hide in the closet. So I go over to get them, then there's this almighty crash and the locals have got into the office.

I look over at Brandon and the other three guys in the squad. They're over by shirt and tie guy, and they never see it comin'. First guy up there has a shitty old Browning pistol, and he puts two in 'em each. They go down straight away. Even the protesters are shocked. He starts shoutin' some shit about freein' the people and Brandon's just standin' there, like fuckin' Action Man posin' for the box art.

I shout to him to shoot, and he does nothin, so I put one in the guy's head and he falls back down the stairs. I can hear the others comin so I send a burst over their heads and they start screamin. I'm thinkin' only the first guy is armed and the others will just run, then I start hearing more gunfire outside and I know we're fucked.

I tell Brandon to grab the tie and get back to the stairs. I grabbed the two girls and we start runnin'. We're the last ones outta the building, and there's a Stallion chopper waitin' for us in a field. We're runnin' like our asses are on fire, and one girl is laggin' behind, and trips.

Brandon stops and goes back for her, and there's six guys with AK's barrelin' across the turf firin' at us. Brandon grabs the girl but by now he's way behind. I get the other girl and tie guy into the Stallion, then I run cover for Brandon. I put two down while tie guy and the girl get in. Damned thing is now full to the brim and the pilot wants to take off.

There's more guys runnin over now, and we pull up the ramp to protect the people inside. They're shootin' and shells start pingin' off the hull. I'm securin' the girl and one of the other marines has opened the emergency exit hatch to get Brandon and the girl inside.

Girl makes it in, and I can hear gunfire outside. Brandon's makin' a stand, and mowin' down these fuckers like the Terminator. One of their rounds hits our guy near the hatch and he goes down. Bullets start flyin' into the chopper and tie guy goes over to the door.

Here's where it gets interestin'

See, I think he's gonna help Brandon get inside. Now the chopper's pullin' up because we gotta go, and Brandon is holdin' onto the side of the door, but tie guy, he walks over and slams that fuckin' door closed, and he's stopped the bullets gettin' in, but Brandon, he's lyin' on the ground now, 10ft below us, and he's getting shot to pieces because of this piece of shit.

So I ask him why - and he says "because we need to get outta here", and "he ain't dyin' for no soldier - that's what he's there for."

I look outta that window, and I can see those guys now standin' around Brandon's body, and they're firin' up at us, and one of them is ransackin' his body.

So I hit the release on the ramp. One guy tries to stop me and I slug him out cold. Someone asks what I'm doin', but I'm past hearin' them at that point.

I grab tie guy, don't say a word, and fuckin' hit him so hard I hear his jaw crack. He's got blood comin' out of his nose and he can't talk anymore. I march him over to the back of the ramp, and there's stray rounds just about hitting the back of the chopper and he's scared to death.

It's how I thought Brandon musta felt when that door slammed shut, and then that's when that feelin' came to me: Emptiness.

This guy is barely' standin', and he's screamin' who knows what, but it don't have any effect. I just stare at him, and think he's just murdered the guy who saved him. One of the other soldiers gets up and I draw my sidearm and tell him to get back. Tie guy is pissin' his pants now and I can make out he's beggin' me to stop scarin' him.

He really thinks I'm just scarin' him.

We're now about 100 feet up and we're hittin' 70mph, so the ground is a blur underneath us. And I look at him and try to think of a reason why I, or any of the other guys there, should risk their necks for this piece of shit.

And I couldn't come up with one. Empty, that's all I felt. No passion, no anger, no reason, no fear.

Then everythin' goes black.

I woke up the day after in a brig on an aircraft carrier somewhere. Got told someone had blindsided me before I threw tie guy outta the back of the Stallion. They said I was gonna be court martialed, and my career was over. Didn't really care at that point, just kept thinkin' about Brandon, and that if I could have gone back, I would have pitched that bastard outta the back of that chopper and not cared. I just felt empty, and didn't give a shit.

In the end, I didn't get court martialed, didn't even get disciplined. My "talents" were to be put to better use. That's a story for another time though, it's gettin' late, after all.

I just wanted you to know a little about emptiness Thomas. You say it like it's a bad thing, but it can drive you to places that you couldn't go to normally. It can make you do things you wouldn't do normally.

It can motivate you to places that you can't come back from, and when you want to survive, it's what keeps you alive.

**Cain repacks the objects in his pocket and gets up off the floor**

It also helps you find people who wear ties years later. Helps you make sense of their life for them before somethin' bad happens to them. You wanna take a walk sometime, I recommend plot 864, Ferncliff Cemetery in Westchester. Find the stone that says:

"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."

But that's another story for another time too. Be seein' you Thomas.

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