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Hero Xtreme 7.9 · **02-04-2017, 11:46 AM**

The scene opens to a dead monkey hanging from a tree with a noose tied around its monkey neck. If you're into monkey rap you'll recognize this one. It's Snoop Dogg. Hero Xtreme 7.9's manager, NOCMM, is looking at his handiwork with fond admiration. The monkey holocaust is going rather well. For a moment he is kind of glad Trax unnecessarily abuses veterans by using a meme that misogynists like Game Girl made up back in 2014, it gives him an excuse to do what he always wanted. But he stops being glad, because the ends don't justify the means.

NOCMM: All monkeys have a favorite rapper. I can't be assed to figure out who Trax's favorite is though, so I just killed the most famous one. Maybe this means nothing to Trax. He cares very little about the lives of monkeys. He pretty much said it himself when he didn't apologize for something he knew was wrong.

NOCMM sniffs the air. He loves the smell of a dead, rotting monkey corpse.

NOCMM: Earlier Trax cut a promo. He said a lot things like, "I'm not a crook" and to prove that it was doctored. Okay

, there's only one version of the show. No one chanted it in the real show. No one cared about you being too

to close your eyes in time. This is XWF, of course people cheat. Fans want to see Xtreme matches. That's why they are here,

. Why would they chant "Trax Got Screwed" if Gabe Reno was giving them the Xtreme rules they wanted? You're not in the little leagues anymore, rookie.

NOCMM sighs at this

monkey's

promo.

NOCMM: I was there dumbass. You probably couldn't see me because I'm invisible, but my client and I watch every show from the rafters of the arena. Sometimes Sting is there too. Sometimes Shane

dresses up like Sting and shows up there too. We were there. My client had his eyes closed, unlike you, because he doesn't watch rookie matches, but the truth is no one chanted that. Of course my client wasn't on the card, dumbfuck, he can only wrestle in Lethal Lotterys until 2028 when he can return full-time. Jesus fucking Christ. You're a shit Christian if you don't know that.

Quote:You want to talk about being a fraud? Instead of trying to prove the footage I had in my promo was edited, why don't you provide us proof that your client has accumulated the win/loss record they claim to have in their XWF.99 bio, you know the evidence I asked you for in my previous promo but you have conveniently completely ignored? Yeah that.

NOCMM: The burden of proof falls on the accuser. I proved without a shadow of a doubt that no one chanted for you when I linked everyone to the real official footage. It's your job to prove my client didn't really win those matches, and guess what you

monkey you didn't include any links. It's just a baseless claim from a rookie chimp. Provide proof or you're just a liar. Spoiler alert, there is literally no way to prove those matches didn't happen, just that you don't know where to look to find them.

NOCMM shakes his head.

NOCMM: I don't know why you're so obsessed with my clients accolades anyway. I've never acted like they mattered. He's never acted like they mattered. I think you're the first person to even mention them. My client can win any belt he wants just by snapping his finger. All winning these titles meant was that his opponent wasn't ready to be a main eventer and he just held onto them until he was booked against someone who was ready.

NOCMM shrugs.

NOCMM: Then the monkey starts claiming he isn't a rookie, and he makes up a new definition of the word. My biblical promos clearly state that there are two types of wrestlers, rookies and main eventers, if you aren't a main eventer like my client you're a rookie. I know if you're an old skool fan you're groaning, but I'm sorry, unlike Trax, some

need this explained multiple times. So how do you become a main eventer? Either my client lets you win, you hop over to priority prayers and pay 10,000 xbux to become one, or you win a belt that matters like the Universal or Xtreme title and as long as you keep it you're a main eventer. My client has yet to elevate you, you haven't payed, and you don't have a belt so you're not a main eventer. End of story.

Quote:I KNOW you and NOCMM are different people, he is your advocate and the one who speaks in the promos but he's not the one whose stepping into the ring, he's nothing but a messenger, the words he speaks are put into his mouth by you and that is why I address you directly at times and not NOCMM, because his words are yours, despite you not having the testicular fortitude to address me directly to say them yourself , and you can claim its because of other reasons but come on, you're not fooling anybody. My words fall on deaf ears? Only because you have no rebuttal for the truth.

NOCMM: Sorry these quotes are so long. Trax is really long-winded and likes to pad out his promos by stating the obvious. Maybe he knows his fans are

and he's just being fair to them, but it's a real turn off to normal people like the old skool fans and I. Anyway, what he's saying here is just plain denial at this point. No, If my client could talk to you he would. He had no problem talking to an actual main eventer like Chris Chaos just a week or so ago. It has nothing to do with his genitalia, apparently you're a gay monkey now? Why are you interested in that? I guess I have to start calling you a

too. Like I was saying it has nothing to do with God and everything to do with you not earning the right to speak with him.

Quote: talking about "padding out promos" when you comment on literally everything I say or do in mine like some low key fanboy, hop off my dick you deluded contradictive fuck.

NOCMM: Um...no...you must've been reading the transcript where the narrator summarized your promo for people who didn't feel like watching it. I talked about what I talked about and that's it. Regardless, I will be talking about every promo you do, because the old skool fans like to hear their opinions validated by their favorite wrestling personalities. It's my job to watch your shitty promos and then say what everyone is thinking. If you can't handle that you're in the wrong business, monkey.

NOCMM remembers the next part of Trax's promo. I'm not going to quote it. If you watched Trax's promo and don't remember what he said that's his fault.

NOCMM: Dim is one my client's biggest fans,

. Of course he pays homage to my client and I. He's a Christian man. He worships my client. And of course he won gold. He's talented despite being a rookie. I'm sure Hero wishes he could've stuck around to elevate someone like him. Even he'd be smart enough to close his eyes if there was a man with powder, unlike you.

Then NOCMM remembers the more disturbing part of Trax's promo.

NOCMM: The fact that'd you'd even try to compare killing worthless animals and calling you and your partner what you are to what you did to veterans isn't just ludicrous. It's despicable. It's the falsest equivalency there ever was. The only reason I'm killing so many monkeys, like Snoop Dogg here, is in retaliation for your abuse. These monkeys were never going to amount to anything anyway. They should be thanking me for giving their life meaning. Now they have a purpose. Now they're dying for a cause. Now they aren't living on welfare. Now they are dying on welfare. If you apologize to the veterans their death won't be in vain. Like I said, you don't really care about their lives. It's just a talking point to you.

Quote:The so called "Gateway to the main event" has never BEEN in a main event here and is never going to be.

NOCMM: The main event is the last match before all the old skool fans leave. They aren't the matches that happen while they are trying to find their cars in the parking lot. So welcome to your first main event, Trax. Win or lose you can finally truly say you main evented something instead of lying like you always do.

NOCMM pauses for a moment to see if he can think of a time the bookers wanted the old skool fans to stick around for the whole show.

NOCMM: However, you're wrong like always. My client did do you're definition of a main event on the April 29th 2015 Warfare, before you ever did. Maybe you should silence your monkey trap before you talk out of your monkey ass again. Let me guess, you were blinded by powder and couldn't see that the match happened. I'll look forward to you pretending this mistake of yours didn't exist.

NOCMM laughs at the monkey's rookie mistake. That's what happens when monkeys try to be people. What a

. Instead of padding out his promo with an overstated goodbye and a nothing scene like Trax did, NOCMM just settles for killing Snoop Dogg's cousin as the scene fades to an Xtreme shade of black.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Trax is a <img src="https://i.imgur.com/pUgtAVa.gif"> rookie monkey Part 3: Obsession with accolades that don't matter
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